She answered by nuzzling in close, and kissing a spot just under his ear.
Her heart thumped loudly in her ears and she knew it wasn’t a warning triggered by fear. Oh, the defenses tingled throughout her, but she was getting used to letting them go silent under the sweetness of Casey’s tenderness.
He returned her favor by brushing a hot kiss to the similar spot under her ear, then her cheek. Delicious sensations fluttered through her, lighting a flame deep inside her.
“Damn it!” Casey pulled away to answer his vibrating phone in his pocket. He checked the screen, then frowned. “I have to take this, Michelle. I’m sorry.”
Still breathless, Michelle nodded her head. She pointed to her bedroom and mouthed, “You can have some privacy.”
Chapter Eight
“What’s up, Lara?” Casey shoved down the effects of kissing Michelle, clenching his teeth and letting out a strained sigh.
“I need to talk. Do you have a minute?” Her voice carried concern laced with tension.
Casey scratched his head. “No, not really. But go ahead, what’s on your mind?”
Lara cleared her throat. “You assigned Quinn to watch Michelle’s house this afternoon.” She paused, a heavy pause.
“Yes. Is there a problem?” He kept his voice low, so that Michelle wouldn’t hear. He knew there was a problem but he wanted to hear from Lara first.
“Well, he did his job. He didn’t see any problems.” Again she cleared her throat.
“Spit it out, Lara.” He tapped his foot on the carpeted bedroom floor, waiting. “Is he here now?”
“No, he left. Right after he saw you pull in. And give Michelle a hug.”
“Ah, I see. Did he also tell you that Michelle saw him in her field?”
Her voice dropped low. “No, he didn’t mention that.”
Casey knew how the colony felt about interspecies relationships, but he was the leader. He was charged with leading his life in such a way that he would keep the colony safe, doing things that were right. And the colony cats were to respect his decisions. “No, all he thought of reporting was that everything is okay … except the leader. The moggy leader, who hugged Michelle. He didn’t feel the need to report that Michelle saw him.” He rubbed his eyes, trying to sort out the implications of, well, hell, the entire day here at Michelle’s house.
“You knew this wouldn’t be easy. You and Michelle. It’s not automatically a moggy versus pure situation.” Her voice was still low, but the tension was gone and Lara’s tone sounded kind, but businesslike.
His thoughts whirred in his brain, taking him to a variety of places, and none of them involved sitting here in Michelle’s bedroom, taking in Lara’s words. “Thank you for giving me a heads-up. I’ll have to give it all some thought.”
“I know you will. Meanwhile, I’ll let Quinn know he messed up.”
“No, I’ll talk to him. If he brings up the topic, just tell him I’ll be in touch.”
He hung up, dropping his head into his hands. How could I have been so stupid? He’d been so careless about allowing himself as a lynx to be seen. By Michelle. All he’d thought—no, felt—at the encounters was the longing spearing his heart over and over. He’d worn the loneliness for so long. Desert dryness filled his soul. He ached for true connection, engagement at the soul level. And it was Michelle who’d intensified his need. He’d lost his mind and ventured to connect without any thought of consequences. Just a bit ago the moment had presented itself for him to tell the truth and he’d let it pass by. He had a choice to make and then an afterwards to live with the consequences.
He drew in a deep breath and went in search of Michelle. All he had to do was follow the small cat parade down the hall. He laughed out loud. “Michelle? I think it’s dinner time.”
She met him at the doorway to her bedroom. It lit up his heart to hear her laughter, bubbly and delighted. “Hey guys.” She gave Jojo, Izabelle, and Munchie a rub to their heads. “Tiger is sitting on my bed, but he won’t be far behind the parade when I get out the cat food.”
“Just let me get out of the way!” He followed last in line to the kitchen, where Michelle made quick work of feeding her cats.
Casey peered out the kitchen window, his keen vision taking in much more than Michelle would see. It was still early, about five o’clock, but dusk had already settled into darkness. Still, he could see through the night that nothing looked amiss around her yard and field right now.
“Are you on duty, Casey?” She came up behind him and wrapped her arms around his waist. It ignited the intense longing for intimacy. More than lovemaking, though that would certainly be nice. It was a longing for connecting at a level of holding nothing back. Nothing.
“Um … yes, I’m on duty.” His thoughts remained stuck on the possibilities before him. His belief that everything is evolving.
“See anything out there? Maybe a stray cat or a lynx?” Michelle let go and stood beside him, peering outside.
“Nothing noteworthy. No ferals and no lynxes.” He touched her nose and gazed at her sweet face. “You’re so beautiful.”
A twinkling chuckle escaped her throat. “You’re full of shit.” She turned toward her fridge and started pulling out fruits and vegetables. “You don’t have to compliment me to get me to make dinner. I’m happy to feed you.” The smile she shot him registered somewhere in the area of his heart.
He had to be truthful with her. Honest and totally himself. He had to lay it all out there, take the risk that could lead him to perfect joy or utter rejection.
Michelle paused, holding the knife she was using to chop vegetables. “You’re quiet. Why are you staring at me like that?”
Casey angled his head and kept his eyes on her. She put the knife down and knitted her brow. He rubbed his hand across his mouth, nerves jangling mercilessly. “I … ”
“What is it, Casey? You can tell me anything.” The soft flow of her words poured throughout him, lulling him.
“Can we sit down in the living room?”
“Of course.” She took his hand and led him to the living room. She sat on the couch and gestured for him to sit beside her.
“There are things I want you to know. Things about me and my life.” He dropped his gaze to the floor, suddenly questioning his decision. Something very much like paralyzing fear rolled around in his gut. This awful sensation was new to him. Fear was usually something to manage and move past. This was different. “But what I want to tell you could change everything. I’m afraid of scaring you.”
“Scaring me? How? With the truth? Even when it’s hard, the truth is always better than a façade or a lie, Casey. I know you well enough to understand that you believe that, too.”
She pulled his face up to meet her eyes. The clarity of her sapphire blue eyes urged him to continue. “I’ve made a decision to show you my reality. In doing so, I could put myself and others at risk, but I trust you. I just don’t know if I should do that to you.”
“Stop talking in code and tell me or don’t tell me.” She drew in a tense breath, as if preparing for something difficult.
He took her hand and pulled her to her feet. “Come with me outside and I’ll show you.”
Solemnly, he led her to the backyard. “Don’t be afraid. I’m not going to hurt you.”
The wind lifted strands of her blond hair, tousling it into pretty disarray. Her eyes glimmered in the low light, but he didn’t see fear or sense fear. Not yet.
He stripped off his clothes. “Stay with me, please. There’s more.” The night air prickled his skin. He breathed fully of its crispness, closed his eyes, and shimmered. His thoughts calmed, accepting the decision of his lifetime.
On four feet, he jogged in circles around her, then stopped in front of her a few feet away and sat on his haunches. Watching Michelle.
Immediately her hands flew to cover her mouth. He didn’t know if she would scream or faint.
But she didn’t run. And she didn’t scream. She dropped he
r hands to her side and stood in front of him, staring.
He chuffed. Once. Twice.
His insides screaming for her to accept him, he strolled close, shaking his head.
“Casey?”
He nodded his head.
She blinked, over and over, fast. “It’s you? How could this be?”
He slanted his head to the left, then the right, then nodded. Did he dare rub across her legs? How does one not explode into a million pieces upon standing face to face with a strange new reality? How could Michelle?
She reached out tentatively to touch his fur. “You’re beautiful. It was you. It was you I saw in the field and outside my kitchen window. It was you who made me feel safe and amazed. I can sense it now. It feels the same as it did those nights and as it has just being around you, non-lynx you.”
Casey’s limbs quaked. His heart beat out joy and gratitude. His heart and soul expanded to contain it all. A gleeful yowl escaped his throat.
Michelle bent on one knee and looked him directly in his eyes. “Your eyes. These are your eyes.” Excitement burbled up unrestrained. He could see it in her eyes. “You’re a lynx. And a man.” She gave him a quizzical look that drove what could only be called a combination purr and chuckle up from deep in his chest.
He didn’t know he could do that. Purr, yes, of course. But laugh? Maybe I’ve never had a reason to laugh like this.
She slowly walked all the way around him, surveying his body. “I’m speechless. No I’m not. I want you to talk to me. Can you switch back to human form? Can I watch?”
So he shimmered.
Again her hands went to her mouth. Her eyes were wide and blinking as though her mind was finding it difficult to take it all in. Not him. The truth.
“What do you say to all that, huh?” Exhilaration filled him once again as the brisk temperature hit his skin and Michelle’s reaction came a far cry less than screaming in terror. He picked up his clothes from the ground and dressed.
He took in her awestruck expression and sober eyes and tried to deduce her thoughts. His entire body screamed silently, desperately, to take it all back. After all, secrecy and distance were important tenets of his kind. They’d been strictly enforced, drilled into his head from an early age.
And now he’d broken those rules. The training he’d undergone flooded his mind and body with cascading dire results of his actions. He gritted his teeth, trying to allow the old thoughts but not get swept away.
He’d broken the rules, but it didn’t mean it was wrong. Everything evolves, he thought to himself.
What had seemed like nanoseconds had probably become a drawn-out, awkward silence. Casey eyed Michelle, still wondering about her.
“You okay?”
Michelle held his gaze.
“You’re shivering. All right with you if we go inside?” He tentatively reached around her shoulders, hoping she wouldn’t flinch. He breathed out slowly when she leaned into him.
• • •
The world as she’d always known it had just disintegrated all around her, leaving her to stand on new ground. Very unfamiliar and unexplored ground. She chuckled to herself and peered up at Casey from beneath his warm arm. “Boy, when you share a secret, you really go wide. Or would it be go long? I’m looking for a football metaphor here and I should just stop.”
Unease mixed with relief swirled from Casey. She wanted to reassure him she wasn’t going to go crazy and call animal control.
They sat together on the couch, an awkward silence stretching between them. She dove in.
“I have so many questions.” She stared up into his hazel eyes and tried to get a glimpse of his wild side. What she saw was the same Casey, who’d always carried a bit of wildness.
“I’m sure you do. I’ll explain everything.” His voice was soft, vulnerable. He caught her gaze and peered close. “First, I have one. Did I just lose any hope of being with you?”
“No. I’m not afraid of you.”
He dropped his head against the back of the couch and stared up at the ceiling. “How can that be? I’ve just revealed to you a part of myself that only my kind know about. I’m a were-cat. I turn into a lynx. How can that possibly fit into your world view?” He turned an angst-filled expression on her and her heart dipped.
“You forget I’m psychic, sensitive. I see and feel things most people don’t and most people scoff at my abilities. If you’re looking for a girl who is most likely to fall for a half-human, half-lynx species, you found the right one.” She took his hand in hers and brushed a gentle kiss to it. “I want to know everything. Maybe something in your explanation will tell me you and I don’t make a good fit. But right now, I see you, Casey, furry and beautiful and wild-natured. While everything has changed, nothing has.”
Casey laughed heartily, melting the awkward between them. “You talk Yogi-speak. I like it.”
“Most people would call that flaky talk.” Michelle flipped her hair. “You know, blond and flaky.”
He grabbed her close and pulled her up to stand with him—her feet inches off the ground. “I like flaky talk, too.”
His lips, inches from hers, beckoned for closeness. He loosened his grip around her and she slid down his body, sparking imaginatively delicious thoughts. He placed a soft kiss on her lush lips, and stayed, not lifting, but pressing harder.
She wrapped her hands around his head and demanded a long exploration of his tongue, his mouth. Compelling urges swept up and down her body as she languished on his lips and licked at the tip of his tongue. Through hazy eyes and slitted lids, she saw a reflection on his face to match her desires. Her breathing came in long pulls, and her beating heart pounded wildly against his chest.
He stroked her soft cheek and she allowed the desire and tension to bloom.
“Casey, don’t leave,” Michelle pleaded. She felt his knowing. He knew full well what she meant. She was asking him to stay present in this moment, not raise his reserves and pull away.
She’d laid her vulnerability out there for him to match, or not. His tender heart and tremendous strength only drove her to want to be closer to him. The risks be damned.
He picked her up, a low growl rumbling in his chest, and carried her to her bedroom.
He stood her on the carpeted floor, his gaze never drifting from her eyes, and removed her clothing, one piece at a time, until she stood naked and pale in the darkness.
She reached to pull off his shirt, but he ripped it off first, then his pants, and lastly his boxers, all landing in a pool at his feet.
“Casey, your skin is so exquisite.” Michelle ran a hand across his muscled chest.
Her touch raised goose bumps on his skin, but the pure admiration in his eyes fed her soul like nothing else had before.
He took her hand and led her to the bathroom across the room. Quickly, he turned on the water. She was grateful it didn’t take more than seconds for warm water to spill from the rain showerhead.
He stepped into the shower, leading her close behind, and gently shoved her under the spray. He stepped up, naked skin to naked skin, as the water spilled over them. “I thought you had questions,” he teased.
Michelle glared at him through strands of damp hair that fell across her face. “Not now.”
He chuckled, a carefree laughter that delighted her senses.
He kissed her right shoulder, then her left, then brushed soft kisses one by one, getting closer to her full breasts. “My god, Michelle, you’re gorgeous.”
A moan rolled out from her throat, and she arched her head, taking in every atom of his kisses.
He dropped kiss after kiss on her breasts, then licked each taut tip, catching droplets as they gathered on her nipples.
She opened her eyes and ran both hands over his shoulders and down his body, grabbing his behind and rubbing it. “You have an amazing ass.”
She knelt on her knees, taking his hardness in her hands and caressing. She never wanted to stop. She dipped her head to catch water drop
lets that drizzled down his body from the shower. He dropped his head back and slammed his hands against the stall wall behind her. He gasped as she took him into her mouth. She allowed herself the intimacy of licking and sucking on him, as he stroked her head and moaned.
Suddenly he pulled on her shoulders and she stood, gliding up his body to meet his lips, fierceness to fierceness.
As Casey reached around her to turn off the water, he grabbed a large towel from the rack on the wall and wrapped it around her. He grabbed a matching one for himself, then took her hand, pulling her to the bed and opening the blankets for her. While she climbed in, he toweled off quickly, then slid in beside her.
The feel of his skin against her incited a powerful inclination to bring him inside of her.
But patience, excruciating patience, directed her. He looked down at her, his eyes glistening, and dipped his head to kiss her, hard.
Screw patience.
When they each pulled back to breathe, Casey’s eyes gleamed with passion. Her heart beat fast and spirited at the unabashed desire he shared. Sure, she’d had sex before, before she’d turned inside herself and away from passion. But this absolute senseless and driving thing with Casey was not merely sex. It was waves crashing on cliffs, drenching rain on pavement, brilliant sunlight sparkling on Lake Michigan.
She felt his restraint and tried to match it.
“I want to savor every nanosecond of this closeness with you,” he said, his voice dusky.
Slowly he moved down to worship each part of her with his kisses. Her shoulders, the swell of her breasts, her nipples, her abs.
She squirmed, frantic. “Casey, I, I—”
He silenced her with a deep kiss.
On a sudden urge, she shoved him on his back and lay on top of him, nuzzling his neck and running her fingers through his hair. Her eyes slitted, she traced the muscles of his body, winding down his chest, his abdomen, to his groin.
He flipped her on her back, his muscles flexing exquisitely. “Casey!” Her voice came out raw, eager. How much longer could she wait?
Secrets Page 11