The Zombie Rule Book: A Zombie Apocalypse Survival Guide

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by Tony Newton


  Play a game

  Try to have time when you play games, charades, give us a clue or I-spy a zombie is a great way to pass the time.

  Rule # 66

  Read

  Read anything you can, learning from books is a great way to pass the time, you never know what skills you might pick up that could come in handy.

  Rule # 67

  Get Yourself a Map

  Get yourself a map of your area and surrounding areas, cities, etc. The bigger the better as you won’t know until the apocalypse happens just where you will need to be headed. An A-Z is great. This item will increase your chances of survival greatly, so don’t forget to equip yourself with this now.

  Rule # 68

  Quarantine any survivors who may be infected

  It is important to quarantine any fellow survivors who may be a risk to you, even if they have been bitten and you have managed to quickly remove the limb (which hopefully would prevent the virus spreading) it is important to keep them in quarantine for at least twenty-four hours, preferably forty-eight hours.

  Rule # 69

  Grenades

  If you are lucky enough to be able to get your hands on grenades don’t waste them. They will be hard to come by, so if you do have grenades only use them in a life or death situation. Be aware that grenades would not necessarily kill zombies as you have to destroy the brain directly.

  Rule # 70

  Smelling salts

  Try to make smelling salts part of your apocalypse preparations. You will need them for yourself and possibly other people. There will be plenty of blood and gore come the end of the world, also low blood sugar from dietary deficiencies may cause fainting.

  Rule # 71

  Chew gum

  Only chew sugar-free chewing gum. This will help with your dental hygiene, and you do see commanding officers chewing gum so there’s got to be something in it.

  Rule # 72

  Never get emotionally attached

  To a zombie or a fellow new survivor. Your emotions may be your downfall and may make you let your guard down and think differently, putting yourself and others in danger.

  Rule # 73

  Cereal bars

  Cereal bars are an awesome form of nourishment. When you run out steal as many of these as you can, they will keep you going strong for hours.

  Rule # 74

  Learn languages

  Get others to teach you new languages. Learning a new language from a member of your team will be a great asset to you, especially when encountering other survivors.

  Rule # 75

  Goggles or protective eyewear

  Goggles are a great idea. Think like a mad scientist or a steam-punk enthusiast. If you can get your hands on them, they will prevent blood splatter going into your eyes.

  Rule # 76

  Get a gun

  It will be your best and most valid weapon. It will save your life and the lives of others around you. It will allow you to kill those pesky zombies without getting too close. Try to acquire a gun but don’t put your life at risk to get it.

  Rule # 77

  Play dead

  Playing dead can really work in your favour; this can work out great in a zombie or survivor raid. Use playing dead to your advantage.

  Rule # 78

  Acquire a Bicycle

  The mountain bike is a great tool for traveling over all different types of terrain, especially when trying to avoid towns.

  Rule # 79

  Be a silent assassin

  Try to acquire a silencer for your gun, this may save your life as any noise you make will most definitely attract zombies and survivors to you, the quieter you are the less chance you have of being eaten alive or killed by other survivors.

  Rule # 80

  Keep a diary

  Keep a diary account (if you can), this will help other survivors know of your findings and may just keep you sane.

  Rule # 81

  Don’t run into danger

  When you are running you can get yourself into dangerous situations, quickly turning a corner could reveal there are hundreds of zombies in every direction.

  Rule # 82

  Don’t touch zombies

  They’re full of disease and germs. Where possible avoid physical contact with them at all costs.

  Rule # 83

  Boil water before drinking it

  If you haven’t got any water purification tablets be sure to boil water before drinking it. You can then drink it warm or leave it to get cold before drinking.

  Rule # 84

  Don’t get bitten

  Do not let yourself be bitten by a zombie. If you do it is game over or at least a limb missing if you are very lucky.

  Rule # 85

  Be a leader

  If the situation arises, elect yourself as a leader. Don’t be a follower. Be a leader, show your skills and knowledge and self-worth to the group. Don’t follow someone else into death.

  Rule # 86

  Don’t play with Zombies

  Ok, it may be tempting to have fun with them, race them, use their heads as bowling balls, etc. but it will only end in tears. Don’t take chances, just don’t do it.

  Rule # 87

  You can’t hang a zombie

  Remember this, don’t even waste your time trying, they will not die from hanging so don’t break your back trying to find this out.

  Rule # 88

  Decapitate and then destroy the brain

  This may be easier said than done but decapitating a zombie then destroying the brain is ideal.

  Rule # 89

  There may never be a cure

  Don’t kid yourself, be prepared. There will probably never be a cure for this and the chances of you getting a cure are slim to none.

  Rule # 90

  Share your skills and learn

  Share the skills you have with others and vice versa. Learn from each other. If one of you can tie great knots and one is a great huntsman, teach each other your skills. Be sure to learn and share, this may just save your life.

  Rule # 91

  Try not to think about takeaways and fast food

  Try not to think of buckets of chicken or your favourite Chinese take out. A good way of doing this is to think of zombie’s guts whist pretending to eat it. Do this a few times and every time you think of take-away it will repulse you.

  Rule # 92

  Teeth

  No, not zombie teeth but yours, keep them clean where you can along the way. Brush your teeth, there will be no dentists and it is important to look after your teeth.

  Rule # 93

  Shit hits the fan

  When the shit hits the fan have an escape plan and route and be sure to have your bug-out bag at the ready. Don’t trust the government or the army, this may sound strange but they may lead you to your death or force an untested vaccine on you.

  Rule # 94

  Expect cell/mobile phones not to work

  Plan meeting places with friends and family in advance, a designated meeting place that is away from the city. Cell phones will be down. Know this now and plan ahead.

  Rule # 95

  Make an escape plan

  Plan to evacuate the city at the first sign of any danger. Practice and practice again. Plan your route in daylight and at night. Try to go undetected by anyone looking for places of cover along the way.

  Rule # 96

  Weight train

  Make your own weights using tinned goods or other items from around your home. It’s important to keep strong. You will need every ounce of strength you can muster to see this one out.

  Rule # 97

  Learn how to hunt

  Know how to hunt and be prepared to hunt. You can do it, be quiet, be fearless and be ready.

  Rule # 98

  Head away from towns and big cities

  There is always a big risk that towns and big cities may get destroyed by the government first. Also, there will be many survivors looting and k
illing and hordes of the infected.

  Rule # 99

  Acquire a Bandana

  Always have a bandana on you. This will come in handy for putting over your nose and mouth for covering up bad smells/disguising yourself and even to tie hair, sweatband, ideal for blocking the sun from your neck, a sling, washcloth, tourniquet, cleaning toll and dust mask.

  Rule # 100

  Celebrate

  Continue to celebrate your birthday, Thanksgiving and Christmas. Go for it! Why should those evil zombies ruin your day?

  Rule # 101

  Sleep in trees

  You can sleep in trees and/or hide in them. Use trees to your advantage. If you find that you need to sleep in a tree, tie yourself with rope, securing yourself. Otherwise it could go very wrong indeed.

  Rule # 102

  Round up zombies like cattle

  Maybe you are trying to free an area from zombies. Think like a cowboy rounding up cattle, a bigger target is an easier one. Be careful only do this in large groups and if you have to. I suggest having some good fire power with you if you do.

  Rule # 103

  Keep a calendar

  You should always use calendars. Note down the date, it may help you prepare for the elements if you know when the next season is coming.

  Rule # 104

  Get some Running shoes

  Acquire a decent pair of running shoes/trainers. You won’t outrun a zombie or a bloodthirsty survivor with a pair of high heels or cowboy boots. Trainers and running shoes are also great for stealth so enemies won’t hear you coming.

  Rule # 105

  Samurai sword

  Admittedly if you don’t own one of these it might be difficult to acquire, however, these are used for decorative purposes and if you happen to have one, use it to your advantage. These are great when used in close contact. Who will mess with you with one of these to hand?

  Rule # 106

  Know your enemy

  It’s good to know your zombies and know exactly what you’re up against. Watch them from a safe distance and work out exactly how they move, what alerts them, how fast they are, etc., or if they have any weaknesses you can use in your favour.

  Rule # 107

  Protect your glasses

  If you need glasses to see then they are vital to your survival. Wear protective goggles over them to prevent them from breaking. Remember the opticians won’t be open for business so look after your specs.

  Rule # 108

  Blend in

  Whatever situation may arise, try to ensure you blend in as much as possible. When meeting new survivors don’t be too opinionated and cause any friction until you are well-adjusted into the group.

  Rule # 109

  Acquire a crowbar

  Get a crowbar, it’s the perfect defense weapon against zombies.

  Rule # 110

  Acquire a machete

  Get a machete, they are great for close contact and all round zombie killing.

  Rule # 111

  Don’t wear high heels

  It’s obvious really isn’t it?

  Rule # 112

  Pad your self as much as possible

  Foam or polystyrene, either of these can be used to pad your body underneath clothing, making it harder for zombies to get to your flesh, as this will act as a barrier. Most duvets are made of this kind of material which can be broken down, cut to size and wrapped around the body before putting on clothing.

  Rule # 113

  Always keep your distance from the undead

  This may sound obvious but distance is key. Build your base away from zombies, store food and supplies out of sight and with enough distance from the undead. Think of distance when building parameters.

  Rule # 114

  Get a utility belt

  Get yourself a utility belt, if you don’t own one you can improvise with rubber bands, rope and cord.

  Rule # 115

  Build a tree house

  If you find that you have the time or time is on your side build a tree house as a temporary base. Use a rope ladder and don’t forget to pull it up after you. Use bushes and leaves to camouflage it well from other survivors and the infected.

  Rule # 116

  Practice head shots

  Whatever else you do, practice your head shots. Use a watermelon or similar item to practice your headshots as much as possible.

  Rule # 117

  Quit Smoking

  Try to cut down smoking, not only will you need to, but you should try to quit altogether to get you at your peak fitness.

  Rule # 118

  Acquire rubber gloves

  Get yourself a pair of rubber gloves, the stronger the better. They are fantastic for keeping your hands sanitised because you will be touching some weird shit, trust me.

  Rule # 119

  Make a shield

  Try to make a shield. There are lots of things you can use for this but use your initiative and use what’s around you. The police have shields for a good reason, it will help protect you from attacks. An obvious one is to use the lid of a metal dustbin, and you’ll be Captain Survivor!

  Rule # 120

  Hide a knife in your socks/boots

  Try to keep a concealed knife on you, that way if you are captured by other survivors you will be able to get free and protect yourself from them. Make sure the knife has a cover so you don’t injure yourself.

  Rule # 121

  Set up a rationing system for food and drink

  It is important to set up a rationing system, always check what you have left in supply and what you are eating.

  Rule # 122

  Acquire some combat boots

  Try to obtain a pair of combat boots, ensuring that the laces are always tied and tucked away to prevent tripping. Combat boots are one of the best pieces of kit and if they are steel-capped even better.

  Rule # 123

  Go to the toilet in pairs

  Yes, women all over the globe had it right all along. Going to the toilet in pairs could save your life, one person should always be on guard.

  Rule # 124

  Stay off drugs

  Don’t take any drugs, they may impair your reaction time. I don’t mean an inhaler or some aspirin but recreational drugs. Mind-altering drugs are a definite no no. Not only are they unsafe but you may see things that aren’t really there; you might shoot your buddy thinking he’s a zombie.

  Rule # 125

  Acquire a Leather jacket

  Get yourself a leather jacket. Leather is very strong and durable, it can fight the elements and may help pad against a bite.

  Rule # 126

  Two-door car rule

  Try to ride shotgun when you are unable to drive. Never go in the back seat of a two-door car. If there is an accident this will leave you vulnerable to attack while unable to exit the vehicle.

  Rule # 127

  Learn how to hot wire a car

  It is important to learn how to hot wire a car, this is a must. You will be able to get out of many situations with your newfound skill.

  Rule # 128

  Knowledge is power

  Read as much as you can, the more you learn, the more skills you will have. Learn from books, friends and other survivors.

  Rule # 129

  Don’t make silly mistakes

  Don’t make silly mistakes, this is a great rule. Think and rethink everything you do.

  Rule # 130

  Always check that they are dead

  This is very important. Always check that the zombies are dead. Check and check again. Do this every time you kill one and it will become second nature.

  Rule # 131

  Don’t let yourself get depressed

  Don’t let the word depression be part of your vocabulary, stay positive and keep fighting.

  Rule # 132

  Be alert twenty-four seven

  Ok, it will be hard and virtually impossible to be alert twenty-four seven. Do it in a team or if you are
on your own try to stay alert as long as possible, even when you are asleep. Always have someone on the lookout twenty-four seven. Take it in turns with shifts, even if you think you are 100% safe you are not.

 

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