by Linda Ford
His insides crackled like old paper. If they did—well, he didn’t want to think how he’d react.
Lilly answered Teddy. “No one will think anything of it.”
Teddy nodded, pressed close to Caleb’s side and gave Lilly a beseeching glance. “Will you stay with me?”
Lilly looked startled and looked toward her parents.
Caleb’s jaw clenched. Did she object to escorting them? Was it because he worked for the Caldwells? Or did she have a beau who might object? Why hadn’t he considered that? Of course she would. The young men of the community were probably lined up six deep hoping for a chance to court her.
Mrs. Bell smiled at her. “A little reassurance goes a long way.”
Lilly nodded and stayed next to Teddy as the three of them followed the others inside.
Lilly crowded close as they walked down the aisle. Just like a regular family, Caleb thought. But then he hardened his heart. He would never again have a family.
They sat down, Teddy between Caleb and Lilly, and glanced about. There was something familiar and comforting about the place. It might have been the grinding of the pump organ, the greetings between friends and neighbors. Or maybe it was the sense of coming home. He hadn’t attended church much since Amanda’s funeral, but before that he’d missed it only in emergency situations.
He scanned the congregation and didn’t notice any young men looking in Lilly’s direction. Odd. He must have missed it. Or seeing him at her side, they’d guarded their interest.
The preacher stood behind the pulpit.
Teddy leaned forward, as if intent on hearing from God.
Caleb hoped he’d find what he sought.
They sang familiar hymns. Lilly and Caleb held the hymnal in front of Teddy. Although he could not read, he looked from Caleb to Lilly and wriggled with excitement. Oh, to be so eager to hear from God. He and Lilly shared a smile over the boy’s head. Seemed to him they’d often shared pleasure regarding him. Caleb liked the feeling.
Pastor Rawley opened his Bible and Teddy fixed his eyes on the man. “When God speaks, do you listen?”
Teddy nodded vigorously.
Caleb stared. Had someone told the pastor of Teddy’s desire to hear from God? No, that wasn’t possible.
The pastor continued. “I expect most of you are saying you do. But is it true? Do you listen and obey when He says, ‘Forgive others as I have forgiven you’? When He says, ‘Fear not, I am with you’? Or when He says, ‘Seek Me with all your heart and I will be found of you’?”
Teddy’s mouth hung open. He turned to Caleb and indicated he wanted to whisper in his ear. Caleb knew such behavior was inappropriate, but he made an exception. “I knew God would talk to me,” he whispered, his voice filled with awe.
Caleb patted Teddy’s back and smiled. What exactly had God said to him? He listened intently to the sermon, hoping to understand. The words burrowed into his heart. Having faith, seeking God, forgiving others. What about forgiving oneself? The thought burned a path through his brain. He’d never thought of having to forgive himself. But Pastor Rawley pointed out that if God had forgiven a person, shouldn’t the person also forgive his own failings or mistakes or sins or whatever lay like a burden on his shoulders?
He ended with a prayer while Caleb’s thoughts churned with hope and possibility.
Teddy’s face glowed. “I heard God.”
“I’m glad for you.”
They joined the others exiting the church. Lilly introduced him to Pastor Rawley and his daughter and several other young ladies. Caleb shook hands and continued on his way to the wagon. Several young men passed by and nodded a greeting, but he felt slightly smug when Lilly kept her attention on Caleb and Teddy without showing any interest in the possible beaus.
As he helped Teddy and the ladies into the wagon and climbed up to join them, his thoughts returned to the service. He felt as if he might have heard from God, too, but he wasn’t sure he was ready to forgive himself. His failures were a heavy chain about his neck.
* * *
Lilly found the service refreshing despite her awareness of Teddy and Caleb at her side. She watched Teddy as he listened to the sermon. The little boy longed so much to hear from God. Please, God, honor Teddy’s desire.
After the service, the town girls had whispered as they clustered around her, demanding to know who the good-looking cowboy was. She’d introduced them so they could find out for themselves, but they’d wilted at his lack of encouragement.
Cora and her husband, Wyatt, as well as Wyatt’s sixteen-year-old brother, Lonnie, joined them. They had slipped in too late for any of the Bells to speak to them before church started.
Now Lilly introduced them to Caleb and Teddy.
Cora’s eyes went from Caleb to Lilly and back again several times.
Lilly pretended not to notice, but she inwardly groaned. Cora would demand to know every detail. Not that Lilly had any reason to object. He was just a cowboy looking for help for his son and a pup. A Caldwell cowboy.
“Do you girls want to ride with us?” Cora asked.
Lilly hesitated. It seemed rude to leave Caleb on his own, but if Rose went and she didn’t, who knew what kind of picture Rose would paint.
“I’ll ride with Ma and Pa if you don’t mind,” Lonnie said. He’d claimed Lilly’s parents as his own after Cora and Wyatt married.
Taking everyone’s acceptance as a given, Lonnie trotted over to the Bell wagon and climbed up beside Caleb and Teddy. He spoke to Pa, who nodded and waved goodbye.
Lilly waved back, her gaze on Caleb and Teddy.
Rose climbed into Wyatt’s wagon. “Now we can bring you up to date on all the news.”
Oh, great. Lilly could hardly wait to hear Rose’s interpretation of the previous day’s events. She climbed up beside Rose and Cora, leaving Wyatt to drive the horses and listen to everything the girls had to say. Not that she minded. Wyatt had proven to be fair and noble. He might even be led to correct some of Rose’s wild imaginations.
Rose had the good grace to wait until they left the churchyard behind before she started. “I tell you, he is every bit as good-looking as Wyatt.”
Wyatt looked over his shoulder, a grin splitting his face. “I see your taste is as good as Cora’s,” he said.
Annoyed at being left out, Lilly said, “I think you’re good-looking, too. But—”
Rose chortled and cut off Lilly’s words. “Not as good-looking as Caleb? Is that what you were going to say?”
“No. I was going to say a little boyish.”
Wyatt looked startled and then whooped with laughter, while the other girls grinned.
“Boyish?” Wyatt said. “So this Caleb is an old man?”
“A handsome old man?” Cora probed. “Does Pa approve?”
“He’s not old.” She’d asked him. “He’s twenty-five. And why would I need Pa’s permission to help his son? And care for his injured dog?”
“A dog?” Cora’s eyebrows headed for her hairline. “You never said anything about a dog.”
“He brought an injured pup for some doctoring.” She explained about Blossom, causing Cora to chuckle several times at little Teddy’s behavior.
“You know, that’s very interesting.” Cora’s grin grew wider and wider.
Rose wore a look of triumph as she nodded and nodded.
“You’re going to hurt your neck,” Lilly warned. Then she squinted at Cora. “What’s so interesting about an injured pup? More than anything, it’s a pity that people would purposely or carelessly hurt an animal. There ought to be a law against it.” She ran out of protests and glared at her sisters, who continued to smile as if they shared some superior knowledge.
“Let’s see,” Cora began. “Wyatt shows up with a horse that needs to rest and a brother
who is afraid. Caleb shows up with an injured dog and an injured son. Seems to be a pattern here.”
“Lots of people come for Ma’s help,” Lilly protested. “That’s nothing new. Besides, what no one has mentioned is he’s a Caldwell cowboy.”
Cora’s amusement died. She stared at Lilly for three heartbeats and then turned to Rose. “Is that true?”
Rose nodded. “It is.” She spoke as if she’d lost her best friend.
“What’s he doing at the farm? Are Ma and Pa in danger?” She pressed to Wyatt’s back, peering down the trail to where the Bell wagon was rattling homeward.
Lilly let out a long-suffering sigh and explained yet again that Caleb worked for the Caldwells because he needed money to take Teddy to a special doctor. “In the meantime, Ma and I are teaching Caleb to spread a poultice, and to do exercises to stimulate Teddy’s leg and maybe get it to work.”
“You’re teaching him?” Cora sounded incredulous.
“Yes. He’ll have to do it himself when he gets back to the Caldwell ranch tonight.”
Cora sank back. “My goodness. I barely get married and things go awry at the farm.”
Lilly rumbled her lips. “Everything is fine. None of us is in danger. You can continue to be a happily married woman and we’ll manage just fine.”
Wyatt turned around and grinned at her. “I don’t think Cora is about to change her mind about being married, are you, dear?”
Color flooded Cora’s cheeks. “I’m quite happy where I am.”
Wyatt gave Cora such a loving smile that Lilly turned away, feeling she had intruded on a private moment.
She stared at the passing scenery, seeing nothing.
She had closed her heart to the possibility of ever having a love like the one Cora and Wyatt shared. The knowledge brought her pain when she considered it, but she ignored the burning in the depths of her heart and reminded herself that being left behind hurt even more.
A door in some far corner of her heart cracked open slightly, but the fear of pain and rejection was too strong and she slammed it shut.
Love was too great a risk.
Chapter Eight
“I wanted to go with Lilly.” Teddy watched the wagon following them, carrying the three sisters and Wyatt. He made it sound like he was riding by himself in the Bells’ wagon, but Lonnie and Caleb were with him.
“She wanted to be with her sister.” Caleb, too, watched the wagon. No doubt they would tell Cora about him and Teddy. What would they say? How he’d like to be a little mouse in the corner and overhear that conversation.
One thing he knew: Rose would make sure none of them forgot Caleb worked for the Caldwells.
What would Lilly say? Would she talk about the injured dog? Would she explain how Teddy’s leg had gotten injured? Or would she mention how she and Caleb had laughed together at Teddy’s antics?
“Cora misses her sisters,” Lonnie said. “Except she mostly thinks about Wyatt. A body could get tired of it. Wyatt this and Wyatt that.” His mouth drew down to a frown and then he laughed. “It’s not much better when I’m with Wyatt, except it’s Cora this and Cora that.” The young man sobered, grew morose. “Sure hope I never fall in love like that.”
Caleb nodded and smiled. He let Lonnie think he shared the feeling, but to him falling in love seemed the best possible thing that could happen to a man.
His smile flattened. His teeth clenched. That sort of relationship was out of the realm of possibility for him.
Lonnie didn’t seem to care if Caleb contributed to the conversation or not. He spoke of the older man who was Wyatt’s partner—Jack Henry. “He says Cora and Wyatt put him in mind of the way he was when his missus was alive.”
Lonnie spoke about coming to the Bell farm. “One of our mares was ready to foal so we couldn’t keep going. Wyatt and I were looking to start our own place.” He looked past Wyatt to a distant spot. “We were running from our past.” He brightened. “But Cora helped us see we didn’t have to keep running.”
Teddy turned to Lonnie. “What were you running from?”
Caleb touched his son’s shoulder. “It’s not proper to ask personal questions.”
“Oh, that’s okay.” Lonnie said. “We went through kind of a rough spot. I don’t like to talk about it. I’ll tell you this, though. My pa was nothing like Mr. Bell.” His adoring glance rested on the older man driving the wagon. “Mr. Bell is a good, kind man.”
“He is, indeed,” Caleb agreed.
They arrived at the Bell farm and entered the house. A leaf was put in the table to extend it. The girls soon had it set and Mrs. Bell brought from the oven a roast surrounded by vegetables.
Wyatt, Cora and Lonnie sat beside Rose on one side of the table. Lilly sat between Teddy and Mrs. Bell to Caleb’s left. Teddy grinned as if he’d been highly rewarded. Caleb had been busy guarding his heart. Maybe he should have been guarding Teddy’s, as well. The boy looked ready to move in and settle down permanently.
Any hope of such would end this afternoon. They’d head back to the Caldwell ranch. End of story.
The conversation around the table was lively as the Bells told Caleb about the different people they’d spoken to at church. He didn’t know if they were watching how they were talking about their friends and neighbors because Teddy was listening, or if they always spoke kindly, but he figured it to be the latter.
Lilly turned to help Teddy with his food. She poured him several cups of milk.
Caleb chuckled. “I think I’m going to have to find a milk cow.” He meant it jokingly. A man headed down east didn’t take a cow with him. The thought soured his insides. “If I ever put down stakes somewhere again, that is.” He concentrated on his food, not wanting anyone to think he was feeling sorry for himself.
Cora laughed softly. “Wyatt had moving on his mind, too, until I made him see the folly of the notion.”
Wyatt grinned. “Now I can’t imagine why I thought it was a good idea.”
Caleb noted the way Cora’s eyes softened. He liked this couple. Cora had a mother-hen attitude toward her sisters and he guessed she’d felt responsible for them all her life. Wyatt had a brash, bold look that seemed to say he’d face whatever life placed in his path and deal with it. Even though Lonnie had hinted at a spot of trouble, Caleb thought it likely Wyatt’s life hadn’t tossed anything hard his way, or he might not have been quite so cheerful.
After dinner, Mrs. Bell served up generous portions of stewed fruit. She passed fresh cream so thick he spooned a dollop onto the delicious fruit mixture.
Everything about the meal and the company was pleasant. But Caleb couldn’t fully enjoy it. So many things were roiling inside him. Uppermost was worry about Teddy. Would he ever again walk on both legs?
Beyond that, deep inside, so deep it hid in blackness, lay his unacknowledged, impossible longing to share his life with a woman who loved him. A woman to whom he could freely express his love. Someone who would stand at his side in creating a family like the one the Bells had.
Thankfully the meal ended before his thoughts grew more hopelessly hopeful.
Lilly turned to Caleb. “I suggest we wait to take care of Teddy’s leg until the kitchen is clean and the others have gone outside.”
“I agree.” He did not wish to have the others see his bumbling ways, nor did he want Teddy to have to endure curious stares, no matter how kind they were.
Besides, he wanted to be able to enjoy Lilly at his side without so many pairs of watchful eyes. He ignored the irony of wanting something he’d vowed to deny himself.
“Of course, you’ll have to help with dishes.” Lilly tossed him a tea towel and a challenging look and then plunged her hands into the hot, soapy dishwater.
He felt the others watching. “I’ve been known to dry a dish or two.” He stood beside her.
“My papa makes me help with dishes when we’re living in our wagon.”
Caleb grunted. His son was turning into a real chatterbox. “You dirty half of them, so it seems you should wash and dry half of them.”
“See?” Teddy crowed, as if Caleb had confessed to some terrible deed. Then he squinted at Caleb. “But he won’t let me cook over the fire.”
The girls giggled. Wyatt and Lonnie grinned widely.
Lonnie patted Teddy’s shoulder. “I know exactly how you feel, kid. Wyatt here always treated me like I couldn’t take care of myself.”
Wyatt gave his brother a long, measuring look. “I was only trying to protect you.”
Finding someone on his side, Caleb met Wyatt’s look. They considered each other a moment and each gave a little nod. Nothing had been said. No signal had been given. But Caleb knew they somehow shared a common bond of caring for a younger one—in Wyatt’s case, a brother, in Caleb’s, a son.
“I know.” Lonnie grinned. “And I ’spect that’s what your papa is doing, too.”
Teddy nodded.
Lilly planted a wet dish in Caleb’s hands and he brought his attention back to the task at hand.
Amid laughing and good-natured teasing, the dishes got washed and the kitchen got cleaned. Lilly shooed the others outdoors. Her parents said they were going to nap and disappeared into their bedroom.
“Now, let’s see what you can do.” She stood to one side and observed as Caleb prepared a poultice. “I couldn’t do better myself,” she said as he put it on Teddy’s leg.
He concentrated on each step. He had to remember how to do it without supervision so he could continue the treatment back at the Caldwells’.
She pulled two chairs close to the cot and they sat side by side. “Sundays are my favorite day,” she said.
He could see why that might be, but he wanted to hear her reasons, so he asked.
“So many reasons. For now, it means Cora and Wyatt and Lonnie can be with us for the day. I guess it won’t be that way once the cold weather and snow set in.” She brightened again. “Most of all I like the familiar routine of it.” She ducked her head. “I don’t like things to change.”