by Linda Ford
The twins were waiting for him, Teddy at their side.
“That’s all for today,” Lilly said.
Rose’s eyes widened and she pointed to Lilly. “There’s something in your hair.”
Lilly shook her head. “I’m not falling for that trick just because you did.”
“No, really.” Rose backed away and shuddered. “Caleb, look. There’s something there.”
Lilly scowled. “You’re not funny, you know?”
“Caleb, please,” Rose begged.
He moved closer and leaned over. She smelled outdoorsy, like freshly turned soil and spicy fall leaves. He shoved his thoughts into proper order and squinted at her. A fat spider clung to her hair, a black intruder against the strands of blond.
“Don’t move.” He kept his voice calm.
She stiffened. “Do you see a spider?”
He caught the insect between his thumb and forefinger and pulled it off her. Stilling his own revulsion against spiders, he squeezed it and wiped his finger on his pants. “It’s gone now.”
She shuddered enough to shake her whole body. “Agh. I hate spiders.” She rubbed her hands over her hair, wiped her skirt down and stomped a few times just in case.
Teddy had watched the entire proceedings with interest, his expression serious, but now he started to giggle.
Lilly stopped her anxious flitting about, planted her hands on her hips and stared at him. “So you think it’s funny, do you?”
He nodded. “You’re a grown-up,” he managed around his giggling. “You aren’t supposed to be afraid of things.”
“Who says?”
He sobered and looked a little confused. “Everybody knows that.”
She snorted. “Well, everybody is wrong. Everyone is scared of something, even grown-ups.”
“Not my Papa,” chirped Teddy.
Caleb almost crowed. Having his son’s high regard was just fine by him.
Lilly turned slowly to face Caleb. “Is that so?”
Uncertain how to interpret the challenging look in her face, he instinctively backed up a step.
“See that? I think he’s afraid of me. Why, I think if Rose were to join me, we could make him very afraid.”
Rose seemed to know what Lilly had in mind and came to her side.
Caleb looked from one to the other. Both wore challenging looks, but he riveted his attention on Lilly. He had no idea what they had in mind. Retreat seemed the wisest plan, so he backed up. For every step he took away, they took a step toward him.
“Papa, you’re not afraid, are you?”
His son has interpreted his caution as fear. “Teddy, I assure you I’m not afraid. But I don’t like the looks on their faces.” He took another step backward. “Son, it’s like this. You can never be too careful about how you act around women.”
“Is that a fact?” Lilly drew her brows together. “Rose, what do you think?”
In tandem they stepped closer, forcing him to back up still more. That’s when he discovered a wheelbarrow behind him. He landed backward in the bucket, his feet pointed skyward.
Laughing, Rose and Lilly grabbed the handles and pushed him on a mad ride.
He clung to the sides, afraid they would dump him out.
Teddy hobbled after them. “Don’t hurt my papa.”
Lilly called over her shoulder. “We’ll let him go as soon as he admits he’s afraid.”
“I admit it,” Caleb said, willing to do almost anything to get his feet back on the ground and restore his dignity.
The girls let the contraption come to a rest.
Lilly held out her hand to help him up. He scrambled to his feet.
“You two are a menace.”
“Only to prideful men,” Rose said.
“I’m not prideful.”
“Nope,” Lilly agreed. “I think we cured you of that.”
The two of them laughed at him.
Caleb shook his head in mock disbelief, but their enjoyment of life and each other, and Lilly’s sparkling gaze catching and holding his, caused a flower to blossom in his heart. He choked back a snort. What kind of cowboy thought frilly things like that?
The answer rose within him. A cowboy surrounded by beautiful, cheerful women. He’d defy any man—cowboy or clerk—to resist the joy the pair provided with their good-natured teasing and mutual love.
What would it be like to be included in that love the way Wyatt was?
Wyatt seemed to like it well enough.
But then Wyatt had no reason not to eagerly join that happy family circle. Caleb could think of at least two reasons it wouldn’t be possible for him. Teddy and the need to get his leg fixed. And Caleb’s own fear of failing at love.
It was a good thing Lilly didn’t know of his deepest fear, though what difference would it make?
He’d given her no reason to expect anything from him and he certainly wasn’t about to give himself one.
But still the question lingered.
What would it be like to be part of a loving family circle? To enjoy the love of a strong woman?
* * *
Lilly sensed Caleb’s withdrawal and instantly regretted the way she and Rose had mercilessly teased him. “I’m sorry. We sometimes get carried away.”
“We do not,” Rose defended them both. “It was all in good fun.”
Caleb waved his hand dismissively. “No harm done.” He turned to his son. “Teddy, how are you doing?”
Teddy swung to his father’s side so fast, Lilly reached out to catch him. But he didn’t need her help. Caleb caught him up in his arms.
“I knew you weren’t afraid.” Teddy patted Caleb’s cheeks. “You only said it to make them happy.”
Caleb chuckled, a deep and pleasing sound.
“Sure, that was it,” Caleb said.
Lilly and Rose looked at each other. Rose rolled her eyes and Lilly delivered their decision. “For Teddy’s sake, we’ll let him believe he’s right.”
“You are too generous.”
“I know.” Shaking her head, Rose headed toward the house.
“Tell me about your day.” Lilly assumed he meant the question for Teddy, even though he looked at her as he spoke.
Teddy rattled off the many things he’d done. Help Rose get the eggs. Feed the milk cows. “Just like Mama let me do.” Sort bolts for Mr. Bell. Help Mrs. Bell make cookies.
“You didn’t help Lilly do anything?”
“No, but she took me to the river and showed me where there are fishes. She said you should take me fishing. Will you, Papa?”
Caleb’s warm gaze held Lilly’s. Did he mean to thank her for helping his little boy enjoy the day? His gaze went on and on, as if looking for things hidden deep in her heart—truths she only sensed in some vague way. As he searched her thoughts, the truth grew stronger, almost clear enough for her to understand.
“I’ll take you if Lilly agrees to come.”
Teddy grabbed her arm. “Say you will, please.”
“Of course.” She knew her heart would pay a price when this connection came to an end, but she hoped the pleasure would be worth the pain.
“Now I have to warn you both,” Caleb said. “You’ll have to wait until I can get away from my job.”
“That’s okay,” Teddy said. “Isn’t it?” He directed his question to Lilly.
“Of course.” Though she would be counting the days until it happened. A blaze of doubt flashed through her mind. Unless he was giving the promise carelessly.
But surely he wouldn’t promise Teddy something and not follow through on it.
Because the cows were already milked, Caleb helped put away the baskets and tools used to gather the garden produce. By then supper was ready and t
hey went inside.
After the meal, Caleb grabbed a tea towel and dried the dishes without being asked. He handed Teddy a towel as well and insisted he help. Not that Teddy minded.
Later, she helped do the poultice and exercises for Teddy. She could see no change in Teddy’s leg and understood that Caleb was disappointed. It would take time. Something they had very little of. If Teddy didn’t start to use his leg, Caleb meant to go down east with him. God, help Teddy’s leg get better. If that meant they must leave, so be it. She’d never expected anything else. But if the poultices and exercises worked, wouldn’t they be able to stay?
Why was she letting her hopes be raised? They would only be dashed.
She thought of what Rose had said about Lilly only letting herself care about people she knew would leave.
She shook her head. It wasn’t so. Rose was getting far too fanciful.
She helped get Teddy ready for bed, marveling over his little boy smell and his father’s strong arms as he tenderly washed Teddy’s face and hands.
Blossom whined to be in bed with Teddy and she lifted the dog to Teddy’s side. She glanced at Ma to see if she might disapprove, but the gentle smile on Ma’s face said it all. Whatever this little boy needed to make him happy, Ma would gladly do it.
Teddy said, “I’m not sleepy. Can Lilly read to me?”
“Why, of course,” she replied. “I’d love to if it’s okay with your papa.”
Caleb nodded and pulled a chair close. “Mind if I listen?”
“Not a bit.” She felt her cheeks grow warm and hoped they hadn’t turned pink. But the thought of sitting together caring for this little boy triggered longings that she didn’t want to admit.
“Do you have storybooks?” Teddy asked, bringing her back to reality.
“I do somewhere, but I have an idea. Instead of reading a book, why don’t we make up a story?”
“You and me?” He sounded excited and cautious at the same time.
“Do you think it would be fun? Shall we write it down?”
He nodded. “Then I can always have it.”
She found paper and pencil and sat beside Teddy. “Do you have any ideas?”
“No. Do you?”
“Let’s do a story about a dog.”
“Like Blossom?”
“That’s a very good idea.”
Teddy snuggled close as she drew a dog somewhat like Blossom.
“What’s the dog’s name?”
“How about...Tiny?”
“Tiny, it is.” She wrote the name across the top. “Let’s get to know Tiny. Where does she live?”
She continued on with questions and drawings to match his answers. Who was in Tiny’s family? What was her favorite food? What games did she like to play? Then she asked, “What’s Tiny afraid of?”
Teddy sat back and stared at the page. “Tiny,” he whispered, “is scared of bad men.”
Lilly glanced at Caleb, noting his sudden alertness. She had no doubt the boy was referring to the bad men who had hurt his mama. But she continued. “What do bad men do to Tiny?”
Teddy wrapped his arms around Blossom’s neck. “They do bad things. They hurt Tiny’s family.”
Lilly stared at the page. “I’m not sure what to draw.”
He asked for the paper and pencil and scribbled dark, harsh lines. Then he gave it back. “I can’t draw it.”
She turned to a new page, wanting to shift the story to something happier. “Let’s play a game with Tiny.” She drew a ball with stripes. The ball was almost as big as Tiny. “What’s she going to do?”
Teddy giggled. “Try to catch it.”
Lilly did her best to draw the puppy tumbling over the too-big ball while Teddy continued to giggle. “She’s happy now.”
She drew Tiny on a bed. “Who is going to sleep with Tiny?”
“A little boy.”
She wasn’t good at drawing people, but she did her best to make a little boy who looked like Teddy.
Teddy nodded. “He’s not scared anymore.”
“That’s good. I think Teddy and Blossom should go to sleep now, safe and sound in the Bells’ house.” She tucked the covers about him and kissed his forehead. She patted Blossom’s head.
Teddy’s eyes closed, a smile on his lips.
Caleb rose to stand next to Lilly. “Thank you,” he whispered.
They moved away from the cot. Lilly wanted to talk about the experience, but only with Caleb. “Ma, Pa, I’m going to check on the sheep.” Would Caleb want to accompany her? She toyed with the idea of asking him, but hoped he would offer on his own.
“I’ll keep her company,” Caleb said to her parents.
She turned to pull a warm sweater from the row of coats and such, hiding her pleased smile from her family.
Caleb planted his hat on his head and took his own jacket. They stepped out into the cool evening air.
They walked toward the pasture, both of them silent. Lilly’s heart was full of things she wanted to say, but the words didn’t come.
Caleb sighed deeply. “That was a good idea to use a dog and child to help Teddy tell us how he feels.”
“It seems clear that he’s talking about his life, don’t you think?” They reached the fence and stopped. She ran a quick glance at the sheep, who were resting peacefully in the shelter of the trees.
“Sure seems that way to me.” He shuddered. “Except it’s Teddy who is afraid, not the dog.”
“It’s easier to talk about it through the eyes of someone safe.”
“Like a pretend pet?”
“Exactly.” She turned to study his face in the dusky light, looking for clues as to how Teddy’s confession of fear had affected him. His jaw muscles were clenched. His brow was furrowed, which didn’t tell her if he was worried or determined, or fighting pain and fear of his own. She figured it was a combination of all those things.
He must have felt so helpless at his wife’s murder and his child’s injury. She understood helplessness at another’s actions. Having no control yet bearing the consequence.
“I know how horrible tragedies can leave a person feeling like there is no safe bottom to the life they live, no security for the future. For if these things happened once, what’s to stop them from happening again?”
He brought his gaze to her, his eyes slowly focusing on her face as if he was bringing his thoughts back from a far distance.
“My abandonment was a small thing compared to what you and Teddy experienced.” She took his hand, wanting him to see the truth that had freed her from her fears and uncertainties. Mostly freed her, she amended, for there remained certain fears about change. “I used to be so afraid any time someone in the family was gone. When Cora started school, it was very hard for me to understand. I was afraid she was leaving us.”
He nodded. “You feared abandonment. With just cause in your case.”
“But that’s it. I’d been abandoned once for whatever reason. That didn’t mean I should expect it again. Ma taught me a verse in Psalm 23. ‘Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for Thy rod and staff they comfort me.’ God’s comfort and His promise to always be with us—surely that means something.” Her conscience condemned her. Here she was telling Caleb how to find peace and comfort, letting him think she’d been successful in finding it for herself. Up until a few days ago, she believed she had.
Yet meeting Caleb and Teddy had brought all her fears and concerns back to life.
But if she could help Caleb and Teddy, she would do so. Her own fears she would also put to rest. She would be wiser when it came to choosing who to care about in the future, and she would not pick people who were leaving.
She ignored the fact she was doing exactly that at this momen
t.
Caleb shifted his gaze to a point somewhere in the distance. “If you can help Teddy find this same assurance, I’d be grateful.”
“I pray you find it, too.”
His gaze came back to her and a smile slowly creased his face. “You are such an encourager. You almost make me believe I can go back to the simple faith of my youth.” He shook his head. “But life is so much more complicated than I once believed.”
She chuckled. “You make it sound like you are a weary old man.” She sobered. “I don’t think you can go back to a simple faith so much as a stronger faith. One that has been tested and tried and comes forth like pure gold.”
His eyes widened as if he’d never before considered the idea. “Huh? A golden cowboy. That’d be something to see.”
She smiled gently, amused but aware of the depth of their words. “Fortunately for you, the gold would be in your heart, unseen to gold hunters who would otherwise hammer away bits and pieces of you.”
He chuckled. He lifted his hand to her cheek and cupped his warm palm to her skin. “I think I might end up coal, not gold.”
She pressed her hand to his, holding it against her face. Her heart beat like a drum. “Coal has its purposes, too.”
His eyes darkened. He studied her intently, but she did not lower her eyes as his look went on and on. Slowly, his expression changed from one of discouragement to one of hope. His thumb brushed her lips. Would he kiss her?
She swallowed hard. She hoped so.
Then he withdrew his hand. She liked to think he did so reluctantly.
“You’ve given me much to think about.” He stuck his hands in his back pockets. “But it’s getting late. We need to get back before your pa comes looking for you.”
She tucked this information into her heart. Caleb was only being noble and concerned about her. Both admirable qualities. But a kiss would have been nicer, even though it would only have made it more painful when he left.
She’d allowed herself to go this far in caring about him and his son. There was no retreating now. Whatever was to happen to her in the future would be dealt with then.