by Linda Ford
“We’ll all help you look,” Lilly promised. “We’re almost there.”
A trail led through a grove of trees to the body of water. The twins sat up and watched as they drove closer.
Lilly sighed. “This is one of my favorite spots.”
“Me, too,” Rose echoed.
“October is my favorite month, when every leaf is a flower,” Lilly said. And now she’d have even more reason to like the month.
With a start, she realized there were only a few more days in the month. She shivered. Would Caleb leave in November, making that month her least favorite?
She quickly dismissed the notion. She would not let such thoughts ruin this day.
Caleb jumped from the wagon as soon as it stopped and held out a hand to help her to the ground.
She placed her fingers in his strong palm. Warmth raced up her arms and pooled in her cheeks. She kept her head lowered as she stepped down. Only after she’d swallowed hard and adjusted her skirt did she glance up and thank him.
He nodded, a smile clinging to his eyes, and then he turned to lift Teddy to the ground.
“Where did you find the arrowhead?” he asked Lonnie. The pair headed to the shoreline.
They all followed, splitting off in various directions.
Cora and Wyatt disappeared into the trees.
Lilly stared after them. Was that where they had kissed? When had they known they loved each other? How had Cora been sure her heart would be safe with him?
She didn’t have the answers, nor would she ask the questions. Whatever happened between Cora and Wyatt was particular to them. Neither she nor Rose could hope to copy it.
Caleb walked by her side. “It would be nice to find an arrowhead for Teddy.”
“There’s bound to be something around here.” They traipsed about the pond for half an hour and saw nothing of interest, so they turned back.
When Lilly caught her shoe on a rock and stumbled, Caleb caught her before she fell. “Are you okay?”
She clung to him as she found her balance. And if she held his hand longer than was necessary, he didn’t seem to object. Rose watched them from a few yards away and Lilly slowly withdrew, but her gaze remained locked with his.
Their look went on and on as if time had no end. Her heart unfolded like a flower before the morning sun. Thoughts that she’d kept hidden all her life took flight and flew upward. She longed to share each of them with Caleb, but now was not the time or the place.
She lowered her gaze. “I’m fine. Thank you for saving me from that fall.” There would never be a time or place. Not with him leaving.
She pushed the secret thoughts back to the dark recesses of her mind. She’d never felt safe enough with anyone to open her heart fully. Although she found she had to remind herself of that fact on a frequent basis when in Caleb’s presence.
The rock that had almost tripped her lay overturned at her feet. “Look.” When she had kicked it, she had by chance uncovered an arrowhead. “Let’s call Teddy and let him find it.”
Caleb’s warm smile thanked her more than words could.
She slid her eyes away from him. “Teddy,” she called. “Come and see what we found.”
“An arrowhead?” he called, hopping so fast over the rocks that her breath caught partway up her throat. If he fell...
“Teddy, slow down.” Caleb’s firm words did not completely disguise the fear in his voice.
Teddy slowed marginally. Lonnie stayed close to him, one arm outstretched, prepared to catch him if he stumbled.
Teddy’s crutch caught on a rock.
Lilly gasped, expecting to see him hit the ground.
Caleb sprang forward, but Teddy righted himself and got the crutch safely back in place.
Lilly’s breath whooshed out. Her heart continued to beat double time. She’d envisioned him crashing to the ground, further injuring himself.
How had he prevented the fall? She replayed the scenario in her head. Had he used his injured leg to catch himself? She stared at him, his leg now hanging limply. Was she mistaken? But she didn’t see how else he could have stopped the fall. Was his leg able to do more than he thought?
She’d add a few things to his exercises and see if his leg could bear any weight.
He and Lonnie reached them.
“I think I saw something special on the ground here.” Caleb pointed at the ground.
“What? What?” Teddy got on his hands and knees. “I don’t see it.”
“Maybe it’s on this side of the rock,” Caleb said.
Teddy saw the perfectly formed black arrowhead. He scooped it up. “Look, Papa. Look, Lonnie. Lilly, see what I found.”
She squatted beside him. “It’s very nice.”
Lonnie looked over Teddy’s shoulder. “It’s a better one than mine.”
Teddy fairly glowed with pleasure.
Lilly turned to Caleb. At the tightness in his expression she straightened. He looked about ready to break in two. She touched his arm gently. “Caleb?”
He shook his head and moved toward the water’s edge.
She followed. “What’s wrong?”
“Everything.” He scrubbed at his neck.
“I thought you’d be happy that Teddy found an arrowhead.”
“I am.” He turned to face her, his eyes full of dark torment. “But don’t you see? This is everything I ever wanted for him—people who care about him, enjoyment in life, a home, a family—” He broke off and shook his head. “And he has none of it. No family. No home. And how can he enjoy life to the fullest when he can’t walk without crutches?”
His grief twisted her insides into a cruel knot. She reached for him, wanting to offer comfort and encouragement, but he shook his head.
“You’ve made me want to have and be what I can’t.”
She dropped her hand to her side. “And what is that?”
Rather than answer, he turned to stare at the water. “Life here is so simple. So...so...” He shrugged. “For want of a better word, sweet.”
“And you object to that? Seems to me it’s something a person would want.”
“Wanting and having are two different things.”
“I don’t understand.”
Slowly he brought his gaze back to her. She guessed he was trying to hide his feelings, but she saw the dark sorrow that filled his eyes.
“I can’t have those things. I tried once and failed. Now it’s just me and Teddy.”
She thought of how she suspected Teddy had caught himself using his injured leg—the one that had forgotten to work. “What if Teddy’s leg gets better without the help of a doctor? Then would you allow yourself those things? A home, a family, a sense of belonging?” Love?
The darkness in his eyes deepened. “I don’t know. What if I fail again?”
He wasn’t making sense. “How did you fail?”
His jaw muscles clenched, and the skin about his eyes pinched into harsh wrinkles. “My wife is dead. My son is injured. And you can ask how I failed?”
She backed away a step. He must have loved Amanda a great deal to mourn her so deeply, feel her loss so keenly. She could never hope for that depth of love. Especially from Caleb. But her heart went out to him, lost as he was in all that pain. “Caleb, you must not give up hope. I believe Teddy will walk normally again. Just as your heart will someday heal.” She wanted so much more for him. “Someday you will find joy in your present life, hope in your future and forgiveness for your past. I pray the day will be soon.”
He looked right at her, an unhurried, gentle melting coming through his eyes until they flashed what she could only interpret as the hope she had asked for. A slow, powerful smile caught his lips and her heart.
“Lilly Bell, if I could borrow just
a fraction of your attitude I might see life as the joyful gift you believe it to be.”
“You can have the same attitude I have. It’s free to everyone. It’s a matter of choice.”
“Choice, huh? Sounds too easy.”
“It is and it isn’t.”
His eyes crinkled with amusement. “How do you explain that?”
She tried to focus on what she meant to say, but she was distracted by the smile in his eyes. “Our doubts and failures get in the way of believing.”
He nodded, his expression serious, as if he understood what she meant.
But did he only understand the difficulties? She pressed the point. “Do we believe the possibilities or the failures?” Perhaps she meant herself as well as him. Could she believe in a future that held the things she wanted while guarding her heart against them?
“Lilly, Caleb,” Cora called. “Come have tea.”
“Coming,” she responded, but she wished she’d had a few more minutes with Caleb to see him choose to start life over again.
On second thought, perhaps she should be grateful. Cora’s call had pulled her back from the dangerous territory she had been venturing into—a place that beckoned with all the things she yearned for but feared to believe were possible.
Wait. She reminded herself she longed for nothing more than what she already had—her parents and sisters and animals. Only it got harder and harder to believe it.
* * *
Caleb stole glances at Lilly as they sat around on logs, ate cookies and drank warm, sweet tea brought in jars. Teddy talked incessantly about the arrowhead he’d found.
Caleb was content to listen to the hum of conversation around him as he mulled over his discussion with Lilly. She wanted him to believe in life—and love? She hadn’t said so, but her words had seemed to indicate it.
Did he dare believe he could have family and love again? Or was he looking for things beyond his grasp? Was he asking for another dose of pain and failure?
He knew he should listen to the warning words inside his head, but he couldn’t keep himself from wishing he could have the very things he’d wanted for as long as he could remember.
Was it possible, if only temporarily? Was temporary enough? And why not? Why not enjoy the present, with Lilly filling it as she was with joy? He could relish the moment and let the future take care of itself.
Satisfied with his decision, he settled back to listen to the others talk.
Rose spoke. “I still think we should try to find out who our birth parents were.”
Cora sighed. “I really don’t see what we could do. Our mother is dead, and our father didn’t want us when we were little. We don’t need him now. We have our Ma and Pa, and each other. And now I have Wyatt.”
Rose swirled the contents of her cup around. “I understand our mother died. But there must be some good reason for our father to have left us in the middle of nowhere for two days and a night.”
Caleb jerked forward. “You were left alone? Overnight? You must have been terrified.” He glanced at Teddy, who had gone back with Lonnie to search through the rocks along the edge of the water. He couldn’t imagine leaving his son alone for any length of time.
“Exactly,” Cora said. “I don’t think we want to know what kind of man would do that to his children.”
Caleb looked at Lilly, who had so far not joined this conversation about her birth parents. “That’s dreadful. I can see why Rose would like to find out what had happened. There must be an explanation for such callous behavior. It’s just not normal.”
Lilly gave him a look fit to stall every thought he had. “I don’t want to know. We have a perfectly good life here and now. Why complicate it with things we might not want to know?”
He opened his mouth to protest and then closed it again without speaking. How could he say anything about her running from her past when he had done the same thing? It was no wonder she clung to the security of her family, but somehow it seemed wrong when she did it.
Likely she would say the same about him. Just when he’d thought there was a bridge across the gulf between them, the gulf had widened.
But did he have to let that happen? Maybe it was time both of them stopped running. And what better place than here? And what better time than now?
Cora turned the conversation to other things—plans for the fall, things the girls wanted to make during the winter.
He sat back and watched them. Lilly came alive when she talked about her sheep and all the wool she would card that winter. She really did have the power to forget the past and enjoy the present.
What else had she said? Hope for the future.
For the first time in many months he allowed himself to think of doing the same, thanks to her.
The afternoon cooled and they headed back.
A soft breeze blew from the southwest as they returned. Grub and Blossom waited in front of the house. Blossom got stiffly to her feet and trotted over to greet Teddy, while Grub twirled about in excited circles, making them all chuckle.
In the garden, the dry cornstalks swayed and rustled. Cora looked in that direction and sighed. Rose and Lilly exchanged knowing looks.
He wondered what they were thinking.
Teddy hurried as fast as he could to the house, calling, “Grandma, Grandpa, look what I found.” He stepped inside to show off his arrowhead.
Caleb went with Wyatt to put away the horse and wagon and the rest of them followed Teddy indoors.
“How’s the boy doing?” Wyatt asked.
“He’s the happiest he’s been in ages, but he still doesn’t use his leg.”
Wyatt clapped him on the back. “Don’t be in a hurry to give up on what Ma and Lilly can accomplish. This place sure helped Lonnie and me.”
“How’s that?”
“You haven’t heard my story?”
“Just that you and Cora married and moved to a little ranch with Jack Henry.” A simple life.
“We were running from our past. You see, I spent a year in jail before I came here.”
“What? How can that be?” So much for assuming the man had led a simple life.
“Our pa was mean as a rattler. Sometimes a person can only take so much before they snap. I got charged with assaulting him.”
The two men studied each other and something in Wyatt’s face let Caleb know Wyatt wasn’t telling him everything.
“When I got out, my pa was dead. My ma lived only long enough to see me set free and then we buried her, too.”
“I’m sorry.” This man had seen more than his share of trouble.
“We were on our way out of the country, trying to get away from all the people talking about my time in jail, when we landed here with a mare too heavy in foal to continue. I’d say God brought us here to help us. I’d say He brought you here for the same reason.”
“Huh? What reason would that be?” He’d never been in jail or beat a man. Though he’d shot the two intruders in self-defense.
“Why, to find a reason to start over.”
Lilly had said much the same thing. Was it possible to forget the past and start over? “I need to take Teddy to the special doctor.”
“Like I said, don’t be in a rush to leave. Now, shall we join the others?”
Caleb didn’t move. “Did you really beat your father so badly you were sent to jail?”
Wyatt’s eyes hardened. “He was fortunate he didn’t die. Like I said, you can only push a man so far before he strikes back.”
He thought of all he knew of Wyatt and Lonnie and all he’d observed of their relationship. “I’m guessing the man you said was being pushed around wasn’t you.”
Wyatt shrugged. “It’s water under the bridge. Now I have Cora and a beautiful future.”
“That’s nice.” Caleb would not say anything about their past. They deserved the chance at happiness.
Maybe he did, too.
He accompanied Wyatt to the house, where Teddy was still talking a mile a minute to Mr. and Mrs. Bell, with Lonnie adding details to the story.
The three sisters were preparing supper, glancing often to the four at the table, exchanging smiles of approval at how Teddy and Lonnie were entertaining their parents.
Caleb allowed himself to enjoy the scene. Home. Family. Belonging. Was it possible to put his failures and disappointments behind him?
Or was he foolishly begging for more trouble?
Chapter Fourteen
Lilly watched the play of emotions on Caleb’s face. Her heart leapt within her. Did his contented expression mean he was thinking about staying? She stilled her eager thoughts.
If she had a lick of sense, she’d not be pinning her hopes on such.
She turned to stir the pot of soup Ma had started.
Cora was staring out the window toward the garden. Wyatt went to her side and wrapped his arm around her. “What is it, dear?”
She smiled up at him. “It’s nothing, really. I’m just remembering how we used to enjoy running through the dry cornstalks trying to scare each other.” She shrugged. “But I suppose I’m too old for that now.”
He chuckled. “Yes, you are such an old lady.”
Cora gave him a playful shove.
Lilly watched them together, her heart almost bursting with a long-buried longing. Oh, how she ached to be loved like that. She stole a glance at Caleb and saw he was watching the pair, too.
Did they want the same thing? A family, a home, a forever love? But he’d had already it and lost it. That’s probably what he was thinking.
Wyatt turned to the others. “Who’d like to run through the cornstalks?”
Lonnie and Teddy answered in unison. “Me.”
Lilly and Rose waited.
Cora sighed. “Thank you for offering, but it’s only fun if we do it at dusk, and we need to be on our way home as soon as we have supper.” She grinned at the twins. “Remember how I used to scare you.”
Lilly laughed. “She was so sneaky. She’d hide and not make a rustle and then jump out to frighten us.”