by A. J. Banner
“Afternoon, Annabelle, how are we feeling these days?”
“Sleepy, tired, and cranky.”
“That’s to be expected. Your baby is growing, and that takes a lot out of us.
“Now, let me check here. Today we’re going to do a quick ultrasound just to take some measurements. I want to make sure everything looks good. If we figured correctly, we should hear a strong heartbeat. You ready?”
“Yes, can I record it?”
“You sure can. Is it okay if nurse Pat does this?”
“Sure, okay,” I say, handing her the phone.
I lie back, trying to get as comfortable as I can.
The doctor clicks about on the keyboard, explaining that everything looks on track.
“Ready to hear the heartbeat?”
“More than ready,” I squeal. It’s the truth. It’s what I need to hear to make this real. Not that the way I feel should change my mind, but it’s official when you hear the beats of your baby inside you. Just as I finish my sentence, the volume is turned up, and the fast thump thumps floats throughout the room.
I look over to the nurse, making sure she’s getting this. With a confirmation, I relax and just listen. After the doctor wipes the cold gel from my midsection, I’m instructed to sit up.
“So, by my calculation from your last cycle and the size of the baby, I’m guessing we’re a day away from being ten weeks. This puts your due date around January twenty-first. Remember, this is an estimate, and an average pregnancy is forty weeks. Keep in mind, that if you start to go into labor after your thirty-seven weeks, we’ll allow it. I won’t let you go past forty-two weeks.”
“Forty-two weeks?”
“Yes, that’s the longest I’ll go if everything is safe for both you and the baby.”
“Wow, that seems forever, but okay,” I say, trying to relax a little.
“Any questions for me?”
I shake my head now forgetting that I have a list of questions in my purse and on my phone. All I can think is that this is officially happening. There’s a person growing inside me and will join the world one week after my birthday to the date. I make my next appointment and leave. A part of me is beyond excited to hear the baby’s heartbeat, while the other part of me is sad that Paxton wasn’t here to rejoice in the moment. Then I stop and wonder if he would be happy? Never before have I been so back and forth on anything. Except for my feelings with Paxton, if we think about it. That’s a book that no one would want to write. I’d have better luck picking up a flower to pop the petals off one by one as I recite, “He loves me.” Next petal. “He loves me not.” That’s a hell of a way to find out if you’re madly in love with a person. I know the truth to that answer, but I can’t allow myself to get ahead of things. We have a child that he doesn’t know about yet.
Chapter Nineteen
Paxton
SUBJECT: Arrived Safe and Sound
Dear Belle,
I’ve made it to my hotel finally and ready to crash. Just wanted to check in to let you know that I was here safe and sound. Hope you’re getting some rest. It seems you need it these days. Still not sure what’s got you down, but just know, I’ll be home as soon as I can.
Sleep tight.
X
* * *
RE: SUBJECT: Arrived Safe and Sound
Paxton,
Glad you arrived safe and sound. Thank you for keeping me posted as you know I worry about you and all the traveling you do. Please stop worrying about me… I know this is hard for you to do, but I’m okay. You know I work too much, and I think the lack of sleep has finally caught up with me. Can’t wait to see you soon. Take plenty of pictures so you can share with me when you get home.
Sleep tight,
O
* * *
Being out on location has caused my days to stretch; with each passing day it gets longer and longer. The ache in my chest from missing Belle grows more and more each day. Howard has only confirmed that I now have a desk in the New York office. But still, he refuses to give me a date to when I can come home. A day that I can take the last flight that’s work-related. Or, as I like to think about it, the day I can finally say—I’m coming home, Belle. The more and more I think about that day, the harder it is to focus on the task in between. All I know for sure is that each day that I wake up, it’s one day closer to my return.
I glance over to my crew, thinking back to what it was like to be in my early twenties, so full of energy and life that your adrenaline pumped enough through your veins to keep you going from one place to the other. They will all be in my shoes eventually. A place where the bags under your eyes seem to never go away, no matter how much sleep you get. The way your body aches with each step up or down a mountain. Howard was right about one thing all those years ago, this job isn’t for those of age. Some can endure it more than others. Hell, we have a few old timers still traveling. The only difference is that they go on shorter trips than what I’m used to. Soon this will be nothing but a memory as I focus on the future. One where I hope Belle will be a part of.
* * *
SUBJECT: Almost Done
Dear Belle,
I figured it was best to email versus calling you since you’ve been sleeping so much. I have to admit that this worries me, even though you say you’re okay. Are you depressed? If you are, just know that I’m always here for you. I can’t wait to get back to the States and share my news. Is this why you’ve been avoiding me? Are you pouting since I won’t tell you? Trust me, you want this in person—I promise!
Other news, the Yucatan Peninsula is gorgeous. In all the years I’ve been traveling, I think this location might be one of my top ten places to see again. Maybe one day I can bring you here. You’d love the caves. The color of the water as the sunlight drifts down into the darkness. I’m expected to wrap up here in a few days and have one more trip. Howard’s being an ass and not telling me the location as he’s still a little pissed off with me. You’ll understand why soon enough. Tell Brooke and Miranda I said hello. They’ve been quiet. Do you have everyone avoiding me?
I’ll try to call soon. If not, I look forward to your email.
Love always,
X
Chapter Twenty
Annabelle
I re-read Paxton’s last email instead of focusing on my work. My next client is due to arrive within minutes. Somehow, I’m not mentally prepared to deal with him. His application is all over the place. Example: most people can list out a few traits that they are looking for from a person. They want someone outgoing, who loves the outdoors, reading, etc. Not this guy. He’s listed about a million different things which narrows nobody out of the running. I called this meeting today with him to see if I can narrow the process down for him. Oh and he likes blondes, brunettes, redheads—you name it, he wants it. Mentally, I just want to tell this guy to call an escort service and not a matchmaker. There’s no way with this crap that I can find his true love. I’m pretty sure it’s the new hormones that have me all over the place. I can’t bring myself to tell anyone other than the three people who already know. Other than my breasts, I’m able to conceal it from everyone in my life. The need to tell Paxton before anyone else surges through my body daily. I’ve written and deleted a million emails to him over the last few weeks. Each time I chicken out and eliminate the draft. This isn’t something that I need to tell him over an email. Just like him, I have something that needs to be said. Pretty sure his is nothing like mine. Staring at the computer screen, I decide to respond back and just let him know I have news myself. With a quick glance at the time, I have only enough time to get this out before the client arrives.
* * *
RE: SUBJECT: Almost Done
Paxton,
Vacation sounds good to me. It’s been years since we’ve gone somewhere together. Take plenty of pictures to show me when you return. I’m sure Howard isn’t being an ass. You know how he is. Sales or something is probably off and has him on the edge of his
seat as usual. I’m not pouting, things have just been hectic here, and work has me a little stressed. Not to mention, I have news myself that, like you, will be shared when you return.
I’ve got a client coming in soon, so I’ll have to keep this short.
Stay safe and keep me posted as always.
Brooke and Miranda say hi.
Love always,
O
* * *
Knock… knock…
“Annabelle, your ten o’clock is here,” Mia, my assistant, says to me while standing in the middle of the doorway.
“Thanks, Mia, send him in,” I respond as I hit send and stand. My eyes land on the man who wants me to find him love. I run my eyes down the length of his body, taking in the way his jeans hug his hips, the way his long-sleeve Henley stretches across his chest. Not to mention, his vibrant green eyes glow back at mine. Clearing my throat, I pull my shit together and thrust out my hand to introduce myself while offering him a seat across from me.
“It’s a pleasure to meet you, Ethan. I asked for today’s meeting to get a bit more information from you.” I pause, looking down at the application then back up to him. Something feels off, but I can’t put my finger on it. Continuing, “Seems you have a wide range of interests and to help place you with your mate, I need to narrow a few things down.”
Ethan interrupts me, “I like them all, I’m not picky.”
Cocking my head to the side, I stare at him and focus on the last part of his sentence. “I’m not picky.” How could he not be? I try to control the fact that my face just scrunched up, but I can’t fight it. My mouth opens and closes just as quick as my brain tries to come up with something smart to say. “Ethan, you do understand that we try to match you with someone who fits your personality, and hopefully, in the end, you’ll marry and have a beautiful family, right?”
“Sure, but can we delete the marriage and family thing from this?”
“Umm… Well, usually that’s what people come to us for. Tell me why you’re here?”
“I just need to find new girls to date. Tinder, Plenty of Fish, and the others I’ve gone through.”
Leaning back in my chair, I stare up at this guy as if he grew horns. This is a first for me… Ethan just wants a hookup. Nothing more than just to bang and leave.
Clearing my throat, I respond, “You do realize that people come here to find love and not just sex. If that’s the only thing you’re looking for, I’m going to have to ask you to leave.”
“Why? Seems like you’re in the mood, and I could help with that itch you have.”
“Excuse me?”
“You heard me, doll. Why don’t we break this desk in the right way, and loosen that ponytail up a little—let that hair down.”
I blink a few times at him, trying to figure out if I heard him correctly. The wires in my head start to connect, replaying his words over again alerting me that he really did just tell me that he wanted to have sex in my office. I abruptly stand from my chair, square my shoulders, and point to the door before speaking. “I’m going to have to ask you to leave now. This is not that kind of place, and I don’t appreciate you coming into my office and speaking to me this way. We do not sell sex.”
“I already paid my fee, so I guess you do.”
“That fee is for our service to find you love, not someone to sleep with and walk away. I’m not sure what you thought you were getting by coming here, but you need to leave now. I’ll have my assistant refund you a hundred percent.”
“This is some bullshit here. I changed my whole morning thinking I was going to come here and get at least a blowjob. Just wait until I tell my friends this is a joke.”
“Please let them know we’re all out of blowjobs at the moment, but when they finally grow up and want more out of life—call the office and make an appointment.”
I don’t move a muscle as I hold my stance with him. Usually, I can smell them coming a mile away, but Ethan slipped past my senses. In the past I was like a bloodhound, sniffing his kind out. Ethan storms out of my office mumbling something under his breath that I can’t make out.
“Mia!” I scream and watch as she comes running through my door.
“Oh my God, Annabelle. I could hear the whole thing. What the hell was that?”
“I don’t know, but who made this appointment?”
“David,” she says. Before she can say anymore, I grab the file and storm past her. My eyes are set on the closed door at the end of the hallway. I don’t bother knocking before I storm in like a tornado. Plopping the file down on his desk, he leans back and looks up at me.
“What the hell, David?”
“Calm down, Annabelle. I’m sure it wasn’t that bad,” he sneers as he opens the file. I know the moment he realizes that something was off.
“Have you already met with him?”
“Yes, and he wanted a blowjob or a good fucking on the corner of my desk. How did you let him slip through the cracks like that?”
“I’m sorry, I just thought he was young and not sure what he was looking for.”
“Oh, he knew exactly what he was looking for.”
“He didn’t hurt you, did he?”
“No, and you’re lucky he didn’t because if anything would’ve happened to the baby, you’d be dead.”
“Baby? What baby?”
My eyes grow wider than the sockets they rest in as my lips pucker up in an “oh shit, I said it.”
“Annabelle, do you have something you need to tell me?”
“Yes and no…”
“It’s either a yes, I have something or a no; it’s not both, dear.”
I plop down in the chair in front of his desk and let out a low sigh as I blow out the air that’s built up in my lungs.
“Fine, but you can’t tell anyone else. I’m expecting and around ten weeks.”
“That’s wonderful news, Annabelle. I didn’t know you were in a serious relationship. Seems I need to start paying better attention to the people I employ.”
“It’s fine, and it’s complicated. I promise it won’t interfere with my work and stuff.”
“I have faith that it won’t, but until the baby comes, I’d feel better if you switched your male clients to someone else and only helped out the women who are searching for love.”
I shake my head as I agree with him.
“Congratulations. I have to ask why are you hiding it from us?”
“Paxton doesn’t know yet,” I say, and that’s the moment David nods. He’s known Paxton since I started here and also knows that we’re friends and not lovers.
Clearing his throat, he assures, “I’m confident that once you tell him, he’ll change and accept this.”
“We’ll see,” I say, shrugging my shoulders up and down.
“When’s he come home?” Just like that, I realize David gets it. He knows that it’s best to tell Paxton this face-to-face.
“Not sure. Few weeks I guess.”
“Take my advice, don’t let time pass too long before you tell him. If he’s not back in a few weeks, you need to break the news to him. Paxton’s a good guy, Annabelle, and I know he loves you. You two will figure it out.” And just like that, his words register in my brain. We will figure this out. In the end, we made a tiny life together, and the two of us will make sure it’s taken care of. Somehow it’ll all work out. My heart might not survive the outcome, but Paxton will be a father to his child. With FaceTime, Skype, and all other communication, he or she will grow up knowing its father.
“Thanks, David, and sorry for barging in like that.”
“Not a problem, dear. Now, take a break and rearrange your schedule, okay?”
“Okay,” I say as I stand and accept his sideways hug before I leave. It’s time to let Mia in on this secret.
Chapter Twenty-One
Paxton
I’ve been gone longer than I’d expected. Communication with Belle has been less than usual. After leaving the Yucatan, Howard sent me to
Belize to do a piece on the Mayan ruins. It’s another place I want to add to the list of places to take Belle. Typically, when I head home, I phone, text, or email to let her know that my trip has come to an end. But this time, I’m going back for good and plan on surprising her. Walking out of the airport, I take a deep breath in of the air around me. It’s stale and nothing like the quality that I just left from. But this is different. It’s also the smell of home. Of Belle. Of what’s to come for our life and my new adventure. If she only knew how perfect she was for me in every way possible. I’ve been counting down the days since Howard told me that I could wrap up after this trip and be in the office on Monday morning. This’ll give me two full days with Belle. Two days to make up for the last… Shit, how long have I been gone? Sixteen weeks… A little over three and a half months. How have I been gone this long again?
Hailing a cab, I stuff all my luggage in the trunk before giving the driver our address. I take a moment to scroll through Facebook. As soon as I log in, I notice Belle’s online. Shit… She’s going to see that I’m online and this could blow my cover. My finger halts on the screen when her latest update pops up. It’s a selfie of her and that Jace guy in her kitchen with a massive burger in her hands. Time slows to a standstill. When I examine the smile that’s plastered on her face, my heart slows. Three months was a long time to be away. This is what she has to tell me. She’s fallen in love with Jace, and all these years that I’ve been pining for her are gone. I blew it. With my phone put away, I lean my head back against the headrest. My eyes slide shut as I try to calm myself from the new realization of what I’m about to walk in on. It’s my own fault. I should’ve done this a long time ago. Except, I ran away from her like I always do. Over the years when I’d come home, I’d tell myself that this trip was going to be the one that I pour my heart out to her. It was going to be the one that I told her how much she meant to me. Now, I can’t stand in her way of what makes her happy.