by A. J. Banner
I don’t respond because I know Brooke is right. Even Miranda’s shaking her head as she agrees.
We finish our food, but before separating I send a text to Jace.
Me: Are you still leaving this morning?
Jace: Yes, headed there now. You okay?
Me: Have fun, and I’m fine. See you when you get back if I don’t starve before then.
Jace: Look in your freezer when you get home. I left you a surprise.
Me: Thanks! Be safe and have fun.
I know without looking in the freezer that it’s his hamburger patties. This is all I’ve been craving. I blame him and him only for this. It’s the ingredients that he mixes in them and the fact that he WILL NOT TELL ME. I’ve tried but he won’t. Each one I try to guess and I fail, or he makes me think I’ve failed at the mission. Jace is expected to be gone for a week on some modeling gig, and I couldn’t be happier for him. This is what he calls “The Big Break” and I pray that it is. I couldn’t care less about his sexual orientation; he’s drop-dead gorgeous and has the biggest heart in the world.
My feet slow as I pass Pax’s table. Instead of stopping, I nod a goodbye and follow behind my friends. Brooke and Miranda try to talk me into going to the bookstore with them, but I decline as I need to get home. Why, I have no idea other than to sulk. On the walk home, it gives me time to think. To really think about what I want in my life. Every time I do this, it’s always Paxton. He’s always my answer to this question. Before going up to my empty apartment, I stop in the lobby and text him.
Me: Come home, please.
That’s all I ask and the last time I look at my phone. He’ll either show up or not.
Chapter Twenty-Three
Paxton
I knew leaving this morning before Belle woke was wrong. If I didn’t know this before, I do now. The way she’s looking at me, it makes me want to drop to my knees and beg her in front of everyone in this place to forgive me. To love me and only me. But my pride won’t let me. Or is it my heart that’s telling me to walk away? I’m so confused that I don’t know what to do. Howard was nice enough to open his guest room to me with no questions asked. I might’ve needed to tell him the reason for my early call before arriving. I wasn’t expecting to find them here nor Howard blasting the fact the I’m back for good. When those words slipped from his mouth, I watched for Belle to smile, to give me a sign that she was excited about the news. What I got was the opposite. No smile. No hint of excitement. Walking away from her table was just as bad as walking out this morning.
Plopping down in my chair, I look over at Howard who currently sports a grin from hell back at me.
“I’d say you have a little problem on your hands.”
“That’s an understatement,” I grumble before ordering.
“I take it they didn’t know about you coming to work here?”
“Nope, I’ve been keeping it to myself since someone wouldn’t give me dates.”
“I see. Not that she had to say anything, but how far along is she and is that the reason you’re coming home?”
“I’m not even sure, I found out last night when I surprised her.”
“You know being a father of three boys, I’d have to say she’s around three or four months.”
“How can you tell that?”
“Catherine had that same glow. I always knew when we were in the clear and entering the second trimester. Didn’t need a calendar for that. Once you’ve seen it before you just know. Not to mention, I’ve known Annabelle just as long as I’ve known you.”
We sit here in silence as I allow his words to sink it. My thoughts flood back to the last night here in New York. The night when Belle and I got carried away and I was foolish to not use protection. If Howard’s correct on how far along she is, that would mean she’d either have had to have sex with Jace right after I left or the baby’s mine. Knowing Belle, she didn’t jump from my bed to his. I also know that if they were dating or doing anything else prior to when I came back, she wouldn’t have slept with me. Tequila or no tequila.
“Howard, I need to excuse myself. Thanks for breakfast, and I’ll call you later.”
He nods with understanding. Out on the sidewalk, I battle on which direction I want to go. Do I run to her? Or head toward the park to clear my head. I go toward the park as I need a moment to wrap my head around this. If I rush back to her, things could go differently than I want. I need to come up with a plan and make it a good one.
With my hands stuffed in the front pockets of my jeans, I wander around thinking. I come to a stop when I hear my name being called out from behind me. It’s one I’m familiar with. When I turn, I’m face-to-face with a very pissed-off Brooke.
“Paxton West, you and I need to have a little chat, don’t you think?”
“I think we do. Coffee?” I ask and follow her down to the end of the block where we find a little shop that serves cookies, coffee, and any other sweet treat you might crave.
With two black coffees in hand, I sit across from Brooke and prepare for the lashing that I know she’s going to give. I feel the vibration in my pocket and slide my phone out first. When I see Belle’s name flash across the screen, I slide it open. Reading her words asking me to come home only confirms Howard’s speculation to me. It’s not Jace that she wants, it’s me.
“What did she say?”
“How do you know it’s her?”
“Don’t play me, Paxton. Your face just lit up so bright I thought I was out in the sun.”
“She asked me to come home.”
“Figured, she can’t stay mad at you for long.”
“Brooke, be honest with me. Is the baby mine or his?”
“First, tell me why you ran away this morning and stressed her out?”
“I just couldn’t take the fact that I was convinced she was going to tell me it was his. Do you know how crushed I was or would be?”
“I do, but do you know how crushed she was with your letter this morning?”
“Yes,” is all I can come up with.
“I’ve known you both for a long time, and you both have driven me mad over the years. It’s time that the two of you get your shit together.”
“I know, that’s why I asked Howard to move me back here to work.”
“That’s not going to be good enough, and you know it. She might be asking you to come home, but it’s not to tell you. She needs you to breathe.”
“I need her in the same capacity.”
“We all know this, we’ve just been waiting on the sidelines for you two to wake up and figure this out.”
“So, am I right or am I wrong?” I ask and watch as Brooke takes a sip from her paper cup. She leans back and examines me for a little while longer.
“Are you going to go home or back to Howard’s?”
“I’ll always end up there with her, but I don’t know if I can go tonight.”
“I promised her that I wouldn’t say a thing to you. Do you know how hard it’s been for me to not call, text, or send a smoke signal up to the sky?” I nod as I do understand this. Between her and Miranda, I’ve always been closer to Brooke. She’s not Belle, but her friendship means just the same to me. Miranda is our party girl and came along as a package deal with Brooke. She’s the one who drives me crazy with her high-strung antics. I love her as a sister, but most of the time I still want to strangle her. Brooke, on the other hand, is the level-headed one. She dishes my shit back at me more than anyone else I know. In the early years back in school, she’d call me out faster than my family would ever do. That’s when I knew that she would be perfect for Belle. She’d guard her, bring her out of her shell some, and keep me posted on life back home.
“I just need some time, Brooke.”
“Time is not on your side with this one, Paxton. I’m sorry but it’s not.”
“I know; can I have a day or so?”
“I guess, I mean, I can’t make you go running back and beg for forgiveness. But you better have
a plan. Oh and don’t stress if she doesn’t tell you right away. You and I both know that she’ll close herself down.”
“I know, and I’ll be prepared.”
“I sure hope you know what you’re doing.”
“Me too,” I say as I run my hand through my hair.
“Oh, for the record, you’re more Jace’s type than Annabelle,” she says with a wink before standing to excuse herself.
I let that sink in for a moment. If I wouldn’t look like a fool, I’d totally fist-pump the air in a winning defeat.
Chapter Twenty-Four
Annabelle
Silence…
Silence from everyone…
Not a bird on the sill of the window…
Not a chirp from my phone…
Hell, not even a notification from email nor social media…
* * *
Did everyone fall off the face of the earth this afternoon? Jace hasn’t even texted, which shouldn’t be surprising as he’s busy getting settled. I worry that I’ve become a little dependent on him over the last few months. I can’t blame anyone else for this other than myself and the need to have a male presence in my life. He’s not taken Paxton’s spot, but he’s done a great job filling in while he’s been gone. Jace has dropped hints to me over the past few weeks that he’d be my birthing partner and help when he could. Even though I just smiled and locked his words away, it caused my heart to swell. At the time I thought Paxton wouldn’t be here. Wouldn’t be able to tend to the things that the baby and I would need. With Howard’s words on replay, this changes things. All I have to do is tell Paxton and wait for him to run or stay this time. Curling up in the nook of the sofa, I slide my blanket up over me. For the first time, I’m lost. That’s the last thing I remember thinking before I’m startled awake by a loud thud.
Chapter Twenty-Five
Paxton
I thought I could stay away from Belle for a few days. When I got back to Howard’s I found a note explaining that he’d gone out on a date. I couldn’t help but laugh as I didn’t even know he was dating. See, his wife passed a few years ago, leaving him in pieces for a long time. I guess it proves that you can always find love when you’re not looking. Which is why I once again packed my bags and flagged a taxi. The difference is, this time I’m not running away. I don’t care if Belle tries to push me away, she’ll have to find a bulldozer to do it with. I’m bad at relationships, but I’m willing to fight for what I want, and that’s her and our child. I had time to think this afternoon. My words mean a lot to her, but I also know that actions are better than anything I could say.
When I open the door, the TV’s on low and with no Belle in sight, I assume she’s sleeping. I should tiptoe to the bedroom, allowing her to sleep, but I drop my luggage on the tile instead. The echo filters through the room. I count to five before she pops up, startled from the sofa. Okay, maybe it was a dick move, but I’m home like she asked.
“Paxton, you scared the shit out of me, and I almost peed myself,” she says with her hand over her heart.
“Sorry, it slipped,” I drag my bags past her and to my room.
“Sorry, it slipped? You say that like you just stuck me in the ass or something, not that you dropped your suitcase to wake me on purpose. I know you, Paxton West, and that was done on purpose,” she yells this from the other room which I’m thankful for because I couldn’t hold back the smile at her words.
Stepping back out, I walk around her and open the fridge.
“Have you eaten this morning?”
“No, I’ve been asleep.”
“You need to eat, craving anything?”
“Yes, they’re in the freezer,” she says, pointing to the bottom like I don’t know where the freezer is. I slide it open and notice the freezer packs that have a Post-it note on them that says “only one a day! This will last until I return!”
I pick them up showing them to her and earn a shake of approval. Examining them closer the picture of her and Jace on her Facebook feed pops in my head.
“I’ll cook these up while you rest. Want anything else with them?”
“Tater tots,” she says. This time she goes to the freezer and pulls out a fresh bag.
“I take it you’ve been eating nothing but burgers and tots, huh?”
“Yes, just wait until you try them. They’re so good.”
“As good as the ones I make?”
“No, but I’m sorry to say they’re in close running. Jace puts some special spice or something in them. I can’t figure it out, and he won’t tell me.”
I listen as she talks about him and watch her face light up like sunshine. A few hours ago, I might’ve run back out of here with the sound of his name coming from her lips. Now, now I’m taking it in strides. I half expected her to go back to the sofa while I made us dinner. To my surprise, she chooses the stool in the middle of the island. After I place the patties in the skillet, I turn and take in the way her body is leaning back in the stool, her hands resting comfortably on her swollen belly. She’s not looking at me; no, she’s focused on herself. Without knowing, she lets out a soft giggle. “What’s so funny?” I ask.
“I just felt something like a gas bubble, and it tickled.”
“Can others feel it or just you?”
“So far only me, but the books say it should be anytime now.” She shrugs, and I want to tell her that I can’t wait to feel our child’s movement for the first time.
“How far along are you?”
“A little over sixteen weeks.”
“Have you found out what you’re having?”
“No, I don’t want to know. The doctor said I need to be around twenty to twenty-one weeks before they will do the scan,” she says as sadness appears on her face. I can’t help but wonder if it’s the fact that I’ve not been here. I push it down and turn back to flip over dinner before I ruin it.
“I recorded the heartbeat if you want to hear it?”
“I’d like that.” My words are low as I didn’t think about the stuff that I’ve missed. I watch as she goes to the living room in search of her phone. Standing next to me, she opens the video hitting play. I stand here next to her, listening to the sounds that echo through the apartment. I’ve never heard anything as beautiful as this. As the video ends, I change the subject.
“Have you looked at furniture or anything yet? Do your parents know?”
“Yes, I have some picked out. Just need to bite the bullet and purchase it. No, but my sister knows. I’m supposed to go up next weekend for family dinner.”
“Pretty sure when they see you, they’ll know right away.”
“I was thinking of wearing a big sweater,” she says with a laugh, and I realize how much in this moment that I missed hearing that sound from her. There’s nothing more sweet in this world than the laughter that comes from Belle’s mouth. It’s a sound that could bring someone back to life. It’s pure. It’s sweetness covered in your favorite dessert.
“Why haven’t you told them?”
“Pax, can we talk about something else?”
“Sure, how about the weather?”
“It’s perfect, but not that. Is what Howard said today true? Are you staying here?”
“Yes, I’m here for good.”
“When did you ask him?”
“The day I left. That morning at the airport I emailed him.”
“Oh, I see. Why?”
I remove the now cooked patties from the stove, placing them on the buns that I got ready as I find the words to answer her.
“Paxton, why did you ask him to relocate you? Why are you giving up something that you love?”
“Because, Belle. I love something else more than that job. Something that I can’t pack into a suitcase and jump from plane to plane with.”
“Pax, we need to talk,” she says as I place her plate in front of her.
“Eat, then I want to see that furniture you picked out. We can talk later, okay?”
“Okay.”<
br />
I have to admit; this burger is pretty dang good. The soft moans coming from Belle’s mouth confirm that she’s enjoying her dinner. It also confirms that I’m going to need a cold shower as I shift in my seat.
“Thanks for cooking,” she says around a mouthful of food.
“Welcome, I’ll cook for you any night you want.”
“I’d like that.”
We don’t say anything else. The both of us finish our food without uttering another word. There’s so much I want to say. It’s just that I’m not sure if I should yet. Do I wait this out to see if she’ll speak first or even tell me?
“Go get your laptop and meet me on the sofa,” I instruct as I take our plates. I busy myself cleaning up the kitchen as I keep a close eye on her. Just as I finish up, Belle reappears at the edge of the kitchen with a smile on her face. All I can do is smile back. Before, she was gorgeous, but now, with what I’ve learned is called “the glow,” she’s beyond perfect.
“Ready,” she drawls.
“Ready,” I respond and toss down the dish towel and follow her over to the sofa. Belle adjusts herself, getting comfortable before placing the lap desk on her lap along with her computer. Once I know she’s set, I sit next to her. Not too close, but close enough that I can get a whiff of her lavender and honey body wash. I watch as she opens her browser, making sure I pay attention to where she’s going. I should have already known she’d go to the Babies “R” Us site. Before I can criticize myself more, I ask why should I have known this already? This is the first child that I’ve been a part of. I don’t have brothers, sisters, nieces or any nephews. Our child will be the first. Everything about this is a first-time experience. Not to mention the fact that I’ve already missed the first sixteen weeks of it. I’ve got time to make up for. I’ve got questions. Ones that will come soon enough. Tonight, it’s about ignoring the past and focusing on the moment.