by A. J. Banner
“Do you have a place to stay?”
“I do, thanks to Paxton.”
“Seems like he’s our hero these days,” I say, letting my voice trail off.
“Why the long face, Annabelle?”
“I don’t know. I’m excited and so happy for you, sis.”
“Thanks, I’m beyond tickled.”
“I can tell. So tell me about your new job and this apartment.”
“Well, Paxton is going to work with me here around the city, and he’s already planned out a few articles that we can work on. There’s a festival coming up that we’ll cover, and I heard him say something about going on location out of town.” I hold my hand up to stop her.
“Wait, he’s leaving again?”
“No, I don’t think he’s going with me. Some guy named Joshua was mentioned,” she says, and I half remember that name as being the guy who replaced him.
“Want to know where I’ll be moving next month?”
“Sure,” I say as I look around for the waitress who hasn’t shown up yet.
“The floor above you! Isn’t that awesome? I’ll be able to see you and the baby whenever I want.”
“Wait, did you say the floor above me?”
“Yes.”
“That’s strange, Paxton said he put his name on that place. That when it comes open he’s moving upstairs and out of Jace’s spare room. I’m so confused,” I say, leaning forward and rubbing the back of my neck.
“He did, it’s a two bedroom, Annabelle.”
Before I can respond, our waitress finally shows up, and we order. I zone out as Julie goes on and on about life, decorating, dating, and all things Julie. I nod like a good sister and respond with the occasional “that sounds great.”
I’m pushing around the lettuce left on my plate from my salad as Julie tosses over a sugar packet at me.
“Annabelle, you haven’t been listening.”
“Yes, I have,” I rebut.
“No, because I just told you I was running away to marry a clown. You said that sounds great.”
“I did, didn’t I. I’m sorry, Julie. I’m just all over the place.”
“No shit, and it’s time for some sisterly love.”
“Honestly, I’m fine—just tired.”
“Tired of lying and hiding.”
“I’m not hiding; I couldn’t hide if I wanted to. Have you not seen this,” I say, pointing to my stomach.
“Yes, I have and as cute as you look. You’re hiding. I’m giving you forty-eight hours to tell Paxton or I will.”
“I was going to tell him tonight, but he has plans with you and Howard.”
“Then come join us. I’m staying at Howard’s until the apartment opens up.”
“Why aren’t you staying with me?”
“Pretty sure you have a room full of baby furniture, and your sofa isn’t ideal for me to live on.”
“True,” I say and look back up at her before asking, “How’d you know about the furniture?”
“Paxton told me yesterday.” She shrugs, and I have a feeling something else is going on.
“What are you up to, Julie?”
“Nothing. So you joining us tonight?”
“I guess; I’ll text you later to confirm.”
We go our separate ways after lunch. Me back to work, and her off to go shopping. Julie is four years younger than I am and outgoing. Some days I wish I could be more like her, but then we’d end up killing each other. Growing up, we found our happy medium. While I was studying, she was trying to figure out how to get all the boys wrapped around her slim fingers. She mastered that pretty well over the years. I’m not surprised she’s staying with Howard, not that anything would transpire between them. Howard will end up being another father figure for her, just as he is for Paxton.
Back at the office I fiddle with paperwork, check emails, and glare at my appointment calendar. With an hour open before my next meeting, I open my email and focus on the words that I want to write to Paxton.
* * *
SUBJECT: Tonight
Pax,
I had lunch with Julie this afternoon, and she invited me to dinner. I hope this is okay, if not let me know. Thank you again for what you did yesterday. Not just driving me to my parents’, but for the room. You didn’t have to do that, but that’s the way you are. You never do for yourself, always helping others around you first. Paxton West, you are one of a kind, and I’m lucky to have you in my life. Tonight after dinner, we need to talk. I have something important to tell you. We can put this down in the history books for how important it is. Also, don’t let me blow it off as nothing and change my mind. Because you and I both know that’s what I do. It’ll be my turn to run away from what needs to be said.
Okay, guess this is enough blabbering for now.
Love always,
O
* * *
For just those few words, it took me fifty minutes to get them out. I’d write, delete, write, delete, and finally, I got it all out before hitting send. I close the program and prepare for my client to arrive. Somehow I’ll try to focus on finding her love when all I want to do is race uptown and claim the one that my heart belongs to.
My life has turned into one of those Hallmark shows or a Lifetime Movie. One person longing for the other. Pregnant but keeping it a secret as it could ruin everything. It’s crazy when you hide behind closed doors, not letting the outside world view your life. Keeping people at arm’s length when you really need to have them close to your heart. Protecting the ones that you love because the fear of losing them outweighs everything else around you. I can’t help but wonder what life would be like right now if we’d not have slept together all those months ago. Would Paxton still be off chasing the next shot around the world? Would I be sitting here scared to death that I’ll lose him for good when the truth reveals itself? Life seems to be filled with a million what-ifs, scary moments, and masks being worn to hide the truth. I no longer want to hide. I want the full package that life should be filled with. The one thing that I have to own is that things will change after tonight. They might be for the good or the bad. Either way, I’ll face it with everything that I have in me.
Right as my four o’clock enters, I finish the text message to Brooke and Miranda.
Me: I’m telling Paxton tonight. No chickening out.
Chapter Twenty-Nine
Paxton
The moment Belle’s email dings on my computer, I brace myself for what she has to say. This cat and mouse game is killing me. I want to confront her, make her tell me what I already know. But I can’t. She has to tell me when she’s ready, I just hope it’s before the baby’s born. That’s the uncertainty that I can’t predict. Everything that I’ve done since coming back has been for her and our child. When she looks me in the eyes, I brace myself for her words. I have expected her to have already just blurted it out, but she’s good at locking that mouth of hers. Always has been. Jace has turned out to be a better person than I’d expected. It doesn’t hurt that I now know he’s not chasing after Belle. Even though by thinking that, I opened my eyes to what I truly wanted in life.
I read over her email one more time, and send a simple response.
* * *
RE: SUBJECT: Tonight
See you tonight, and I look forward to our conversation.
Love always,
X
* * *
I hit submit on the article I just wrapped up on the annual West Indian Day Parade that was held in Crown Heights Brooklyn before searching for Howard. The article is far from what I’ve done in the past, but it felt good to actually be able to take shots here and not across the globe. Not to mention, this time I was able to type the words that matched my pictures. No longer am I just the person behind the artwork, I’m both. According to Howard, I’ve learned a few things about our travel magazine over the years and should show that experience off to the world. Being the new director of our local events has taken some time to get use
d to. One—I have to fill my calendar up with the events. Not living here has added to my learning curve. I never knew there was such a parade. It makes me wonder if Belle knew about it, or if she’s ever attended. Walking down the long corridor I make a note to ask her, knowing that I’ll forget.
I knock on the frame of Howard’s office before entering.
“Paxton, what brings you down this afternoon?” he asks, leaning back in his chair and watching as I enter.
“Just wanted to let you know the article’s been submitted and that Belle is joining us tonight. Julie invited her.”
“I look forward to seeing the article as I know it’ll be great. Glad she did, it’ll be good to see her again.”
“Yeah, just wanted to let you know that before I head out.”
“What’s on your mind, Paxton?”
“How do you do that? How do you always know something’s bothering me?”
“Son, I’ve known you since you had pimples on that pretty-boy face of yours. Hell, I’ve helped shape you into the man you are today. So sit and tell me.”
I take the leather chair that rests before his desk. Leaning back, I stretch my legs out in the space that’s open between us. Folding my hands into one another, I stare up at the ceiling, letting out a rush of air before facing him.
“You know she’s pregnant and I’ve told you that I’m almost a hundred percent certain it’s mine.”
“Yes, you’ve shared this.”
“I think she’s going to finally tell me tonight after dinner.”
“That’s a good thing, isn’t it?”
“Yes, but what if everyone is wrong and it’s not?”
“Then you find a way to deal with it, Paxton. I know you and even if it’s not, you’ll be there for her.”
“Maybe…” I trail off, wondering if this turns out differently if Howard would place me back with my old team. I could jump on the next plane and be halfway around the world before anyone blinks.
“Before you ask, that answer is no,” he says with a deep laugh, causing me to sit up a little.
“How do you do that?”
“I read your facial expressions. Plus, I know the only reason you gave that up is for her. So the answer is no.”
“Fair enough. Dinner at six?”
“See you at six.”
Just like that, the conversation’s over. I don’t stick around the office this afternoon. Instead, I make my way back to the apartment. Walking past Belle’s I stall, wanting to open it and run to her for answers. Instead, I continue down to Jace’s. I can’t help but laugh at how this has done a complete circle. Here I am crashing with the one person I was ready to make disappear.
“Dude, you scared the shit out of me,” Jace says, entering the living room with a towel wrapped around his waist.
“Dude, put some clothes on.”
“What, you scared I might change you?”
“You wish,” I say with a laugh. Okay, it’s been a little weird, but I’m coming around.
“Where’d you sleep last night, I heard you come in early.”
“At Belle’s.”
“Figured,” he says as he hits the button to the blender that houses his ingredients for one of his famous protein shakes. He finally got me to try it and I’ll give him credit—it’s good. Not something that I’d want to live off like he is these days.
“Do you enjoy walking around naked?” I ask over the swirl of the blades.
“Not naked,” he winks, causing me to shake my head at him. The more I get to know Jace, the better it gets. As an underwear model, he’s very comfortable in his skin. More than I’ve ever seen another man be. Which in a way might make it strange that I notice this. I can’t help it. Twenty-eight is fast approaching and even though I take care of my body, the young Jace is better than this older version.
“I’m going to go get ready for dinner. You staying in or going out?”
“Going to see Belle in just a few, and then out.”
“Don’t make her late,” I say with no hint of jealousy running through my voice.
“Oh, but I could.” I hear his voice trail off as I shut the bathroom door.
* * *
Arriving at Marea in Central Park South, I’m quickly escorted to the table where Howard and Julie are waiting.
“Where’s my sister?”
“She told me she’d meet me here,” I say as I place my napkin in my lap.
“You two are the weirdest people in the world.”
“No, she was busy, and I didn’t want to be late.”
“Normally my sister isn’t late either,” she snarls in my direction as Howard clears his throat. At first I thought it was to stop our banter, but I was wrong. It was to alert me that our other date has arrived. Turning in my seat, my arms hold me up on the back of the leather chair. Belle’s hair cascades down in curls. She’s covered in what I assume is a new dress. It’s a gray floral that barely touches the top of her knees, and she’s wearing those brown ankle boots that show off her calves. It’s the first time that I’ve seen her not covering up her growing midsection. No, tonight she’s showcasing it with pride, letting the world know that she’s going to be a mother. It’s not the clothes or the way her beauty shines as she walks toward me. It’s the glow and smile that she’s only giving to me as she approaches with confidence I’ve never witnessed before. This causes my words to stick in the middle of my throat, searching for the words that I should spill from my mouth. Standing, I pull out her chair, helping her sit before I lean down and move the strands of hair from her neck. Leaning closer, I whisper. “You look radiant tonight.”
Belle turns into me, masking her voice as she thanks me. I can’t keep my eyes off her the whole time. It’s as if I’ve been blinded by her beauty. The shift in her demeanor has captured me.
Dinner flows as we chat about Julie’s new position and mine. Belle talks about her job, explaining to Howard what she does as he’s never truly understood it. If I had to admit, neither do I. But Belle loves it, and if we leave it up to her she’d match every single person in the world. I remember days sitting on the lawn at college where she’d point out different people.
“She’d be a good match for Jefferson, don’t you think?”
“Oh, Pax, we need to fix him up with Amy.”
It happened every single day. Most of our friends were scared to tell her when they were newly single. That would send her radar off for love. Belle’s beliefs were that everyone should experience love and have the connection that her parents have.
Dinner ends without any hiccups. Julie’s still on cloud nine as she excuses herself to go meet some friends to celebrate with. Howard, being the fatherly type, reminds her that she needs to report to work at eight sharp. With a salute, she’s off.
“I think it’s time for this old man to turn in himself. Annabelle, it was a pleasure to see you again. Take care of this one,” he says, motioning toward me which only causes Belle to laugh.
I stand and hold my hand out to Belle.
“Thank you,” she says, taking mine into hers. Once she’s ready, I place my hand on the dip of her back, leading her out to the busy sidewalk.
“Want to walk a little through the park or get a car?” I ask.
“Park,” she says.
We cross over toward the USS Maine Monument, my hand never leaving her body. Her body tenses under my touch as we near the benches. It’s late and I don’t want us getting too far lost in the park before we need to head back to the apartment.
“Let’s sit for a little while, we can people watch,” I say, gesturing to the old wooden bench.
I follow her lead, sitting next to her, but making sure my body is aligned enough to watch her. We sit in silence for longer than I expected.
“Dinner was nice. It was good to see Howard again,” Belle says.
“It was and he adores you, you know.”
“He’s been good to you, and I couldn’t ask for a better boss for Julie. Thank you
for doing that for her. She’s so excited, and I know she’ll find her way now.”
“She’s very talented, or I wouldn’t have stuck my neck out for her like that.”
“I know, and so does she.”
“She’ll do great, Belle. Don’t worry about her.”
“She told me you’re going to be sharing an apartment together.”
“This is true.”
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
“Haven’t had enough time, honestly. It just happened this morning.”
“Fair enough,” she says as she looks away. I place my fingers under her chin to move her face back toward mine.
“What’s going on, Belle?”
“A lot, that’s what.”
“This I do know. You ready to talk about this?”
“Yes and no. Does that make sense?”
“With you, yes it does. Want to go home first or sit here for a little while longer?”
“No, let’s go home. We need to talk in private.”
“I think this is pretty private since we’re the only ones, but come on; let’s get you home and out of those shoes.”
“Thank God, because my feet are killing me.”
The air in the back of the taxi is stale and thick. It smells of old smoke and dingy towels. I’m pretty sure the driver is counting down the minutes until he can get rid of us. Putting my hand out for her to take, I drag her closer to me when she stands. Our mouths hover over each other. My hand smooths against her cheek before I press my head down to meet hers. I take this moment to just be with her before we head upstairs. Right now we’re Belle and Pax… In less than a minute all this could change.
Chapter Thirty
Annabelle
Standing on the sidewalk embraced with Paxton is a moment that I’m searing into my brain. This moment is perfect and I can’t help what falls from my lips before we move. With my eyes closed, the feel of his skin against mine, all of my connectors in my body are alive.