"Yes, Teacher," I said, holding up my hands and smiling.
"Ugh," she said, rolling her eyes. "I thought I told you not to call me that. Wait, did I tell you not to call me that? Never mind." She shook her head. "Go get some rest, some food, some light exercise, so that you can be ready to make dinner…" She shook her head. "I mean, get ready for tomorrow. Sorry. I'm hungry. Get some rest and bring me food, but not in that order."
CHAPTER ELEVEN
"Are you sure you don't want to bring it up?" I asked Nova, for the second time today. "She's resting. We have time to talk about it."
"No thanks," Nova said as she placed the seed inside the small pit she had dug for it, before scooping the dirt back over it. "Sorry. I was just looking for something to pass the time. I'm not even sure I can remember exactly what it was I wanted to tell you. Pass me another seed, will you?"
We were both in the hydroponics chamber, planting seeds. Vessa had said that she would sleep in a little later today. Recovering her ship-body gave her a great amount of power and health, but she had gone so long without such things that they were a shock to her flesh-body. She wound up needing more rest than she said she would. But if that happened, she had told us yesterday, we were to go ahead and let her sleep in, but only for an hour or two at most.
I had absorbed a number of plants and random fruits during our missions on different planets. Some of those plants and fruits had seeds we could use, and Grandmother Mara had also shared a small bit of her garden from her Sourcepalace.
So here I was, planting seeds like a gardener or farmer, in the middle of a starship, with the occasional monster banging or roaring somewhere off in the distance, with a girl that was both my childhood friend and a part of another woman also on this ship, both of whom would act strangely from time to time, like Nova was doing so right now.
"Okay," Nova suddenly said, as I injected a bit of wood qi into the second seed we had just planted. "You're right. I need to bring this up so that we can both quit thinking about it."
"Can you be more specific?" I asked, looking up at her. "There are a lot of things that I try not to spend too much time thinking about these days."
Like the truth about the star system, and how my world was controlled by lazy tyrants and sinister dragons, and the fact that I slept a few dozen chambers away from creatures that would happily devour my Source energy and my face.
"I mean the thing you have to be really, really worried about," Nova said. "The one you're probably rejecting every time it comes to your mind, but you still have to spend energy denying it, when as a friend I should help you find closure on it, instead of just being afraid of the same thing myself."
"Okay," I said, shifting so that I could kneel in a more comfortable position. "I'd be happy to take whatever help you're offering, Nova. You know that. We've been friends for years."
"I know," she said with a nod. "You've always been there for me, too. Which is why I want to help you deal with this right now." She took a deep breath. "Here it goes: it's about what the flood dragon said to you yesterday."
"Oh, that," I said, nodding. Then I stopped nodding, because I had no idea what Nova was talking about. "What specifically are you referring to?"
"I'm referring to what he said at the end," Nova said, wearing a brave face. "You know. To what he was insinuating."
"Oh," I said, a second time. But this time I thought I understood. "You mean his implying that I didn't have a real soul, and that others on Earth like my parents and Mother Anne didn't have souls at all."
"What?" Nova said, eyes widening. "Good grief, Jasper. Of course you have a soul. And of course everyone else has them, too. I don't accept his logic that rocks and swords and the undead have souls just because they can wield Source energy, and that Earth-humans don't just because no one ever sees them do magic tricks. That's ridiculous. You might as well say that people who Ascend are the only ones that have complete souls, since they master our stages of Source magic, and that everyone else only has half of a soul, or a fourth of a soul, or whatever, depending on how far they Advance. And that same concept dismisses how hard people have to work to Advance, if it all just comes down to 'souls.' Good grief, maybe Source energy strengthens, or helps you perceive your soul, but saying that a soul's necessary to use it just sounds like a discrimination tactic, and a lazy one at that."
I let out a breath I didn't realize I had been holding.
"Thank you, Nova," I said, and meant it. Just now I realized that a quiet voice inside my mind was pointing out that my Soulscape really did appear to have been constructed, and that Grandmother Mara had repeatedly told me stories of how my ancestors had made it their mission to construct some kind of special Soulscape that could help rescue or revive the lost Soulships. Mine had even talked to me once or twice, citing some strange 'protocol' or 'programming' that it refused to explain.
So a tiny part of my brain that I didn't even realize I had been vigorously suppressing really was worried that I didn't have a soul, and that my parents had died without one, and that it meant something horrible had happened to them because of it. But Nova's words really did help me put that fear to rest.
"You're right," I told her honestly. "I had been repressing that worry without even realizing it. But I feel lighter already, now that you've helped me think about it. I really appreciate it, Nova."
"You're welcome," she said uncomfortably, "and I'm sorry I didn't consider the fact that those comments about souls might have bothered you, because it actually wasn't what I wanted to talk to you about."
"Oh, okay," I said, suddenly understanding what she wanted to talk about. "Right. You've been thinking about his revelation that his benefactor was a former Earthling, that was trying to create the foundation for the very empire we grew up under, only on an even broader scale. Meaning the same people that left me broken on Earth, might reach into the stars with ease and break me again—and how out here, it might be even easier for them."
It made much more sense for Nova to be concerned about that, and understand that I might be concerned as well. She once was an officer for that very same empire, and she had seen firsthand the damage they had done to me. And now that I said those words out loud, I realized that the Glorious State, or Glorious Charter, whatever it decided to call itself, really could break me out here even more easily than they had done on Earth. Koram was likely among their weakest of officials among the stars, and he had still been able to break me apart in our first meeting. A single stomp to the back, without asking who I was, without having to arrest me, or fill out any paperwork afterwards. He had even been able to sense my presence while I hid, without the use of electronic surveillance. I had beaten him soundly the second time, but now that he knew my face, he could easily send the rest of his family after me. And some of them had to be far, far stronger than I was currently, miraculous growth notwithstanding.
Nova was right. I had been trying to avoid such thoughts after all. How do you know me so well? I wanted to ask my brave, beautiful friend.
"Jasper," the blonde valkyrie sighed. "You're looking at this from the wrong perspective. The Glorious State never broke you. It never came close. It orphaned you, starved you, and drove you out of every place that tried to take you in, and you still were victorious. You kept safe the knowledge they had tried so desperately to stamp out—knowledge even I hadn't realized you had, and that had enabled you to save my life, and win a battle against a freaking dragon in the process. Koram failed to kill you twice, and the second time you and Nestor took turns breaking him in half. Don't you see? The Glorious State has been failing to conquer you, and that's before you got an augmented body and your very own starship. If they throw another stronger foe your way, you'll just find a way to win anyway, like you did with that flood dragon yesterday."
Just like that, my perspective was fixed again.
"Thank you, Nova," I said sighing in relief. "That lightens a burden I didn't even know I was carrying, and I have you to thank for
both seeing and lifting it. I appreciate your friendship and insight."
"You're, umm, welcome," the blonde woman said awkwardly.
"That wasn't what you wanted to talk about either, was it?" I asked dryly, catching on.
"No," she said slowly. "It… wasn't… and I'm afraid of what will happen if I make you guess a third time."
"By all means," I said, curious and somehow amused. "Go ahead and speak plainly."
"I uh…" She actually paused to swallow. "I was talking about where he said Vessa and I were getting you to help us by, um… seducing you."
I blinked, uncertain I had heard her correctly.
"What?" I asked, checking my ear to see if something had just crawled up inside of it.
"I said," Nova answered as she took a breath. "That I was talking about how that crocodile jerk had suggested Vessa and I were seducing you. By taking advantage of you and leading you on."
"Okay," I said, blinking again.
"I just wanted to say that we weren't trying to do that. We don't want you to feel like you're being used, and that your heart is being toyed with. I'd never do that to you, Jas. And even though I disagree with her a lot, I know for a fact that Vessa wouldn't even think to offer you something like that, either. Not even if she felt better about her appearance."
"Oh," I said again. "Alright. So you just wanted to make sure I understood that you both have always been projecting strictly platonic feelings, and that I should know that your intentions will only be professional from here on out."
"Wait, what?" Nova's eyes widened, and she looked even more uncomfortable. "No, I…" For a moment she seemed as if she was tripping over her own lips. "I just didn't want you to think we were trying to promise you with something cheap. I mean, you and I talked before, how things are complicated right now, and I didn't want you to think that Vessa or I thought 'all men are the same' and that you only wanted one thing, in its blandest form. We both know that would have insulted you, and we just wanted to make sure you knew that. That we weren't dangling something cheap and meaningless in front of your face, that we were never planning to give you anyway."
"I see," I finally said. "You two were worried I thought you were both trying to tempt me with casual intercourse." I continued speaking, to spare Nova the indignity of nodding in affirmation. "I don't. I have never gotten even the hint of that kind of seduction from either of you—even when you admitted you loved me, back on Earth. It never even entered my mind that either of you would try something so risky, in the middle of a damaged starship, where we barely had access to things like food and clean water, and monsters waited around every corner."
"Oh," Nova said, grimacing slightly. "Okay. Um… good. Glad you weren't worried at all. I guess it makes more sense to have been concerned about the other stuff… I should have figured that. Hey, this seed's done." She suddenly looked down, and then held out her hand. "Go ahead and hand me another one to plant."
"Sure thing, Nova," I said, smiling and putting the next seed in her palm. "Glad we talked."
Vessa's voice cut through the air before Nova could reply to my words.
"Testing… testing… okay, tell me if you two can hear me. Wait, I haven't given you both comm devices yet… okay, I'll just turn my cameras on, and you both can speak really loudly. Can you hear me, Jas and Nova?"
"Yes, Vessa," Nova and I said loudly.
"Good. Thanks for letting me sleep in, and for working in the hydroponics room while I rested, but we need to get ready now. Can you both meet me in the sanctuary room in a few minutes?"
"We'll be right there," I said, standing up.
"Good," Vessa replied. "And Jasper… you didn't need to have already made me breakfast."
I shrugged.
"Why are you assuming I was the one who did it?" I asked, wondering what the problem was. I had already made food for everyone else—including Nestor and the other Sourcebeasts in my soul. Keeping a plate warm for Nova was a simple exercise of fire qi and thermodynamics mana.
"Because she knows I hate cooking," Nova said loudly, before she began whispering. "And she still gets embarrassed over all the nice things you do for her."
"I heard that, Nova!" the voice on the intercom snapped. "Fine, whatever, just you both get down here. And Jasper?" She hesitated for a moment. "Don't expect any leftovers."
I chuckled as we walked back.
Vessa had been telling the truth about there not being any leftovers. In fact, she was currently in her bed munching on a few pieces of jerky she had somehow gotten from one of the coolers. She looked up in time to see us come in, and her face froze in a guilty expression, like a child that had been caught with his hand in the cookie jar.
"Um," she said after swallowing, "hi."
"What are you doing?" Nova asked, tilting her head. "We keep the jerky locked in storage."
"I know," Vessa began, "but this is from the bloodbeast I killed, and there's still plenty left for you both. Besides," she added, with just a hint of an edge. "This is my food, and this place is technically my house. Sort of," she added.
"No," Nova said, "I mean 'how were you able to get up from your capsule and get more food without help?"
"Oh," Vessa said, relaxing a bit. "Just like this."
She gestured to another wrapped bag in the food storage, and it flew out of the container toward her.
"Simple mana spell," she said, starting to unwrap the next package, before pausing self-consciously. "Now that I've regained so many rooms, a lot of my old Source energy is coming back. It helps that we've also killed a lot of my boarders and released their Source energy, too. Especially that flood jerk. It's given me an appetite, though. I feel hungry all the time," she admitted.
"Good," I told her. Both women turned their heads toward me.
"I understand, Vessa," I said, walking closer to her. "I've been hungry. I've been cold. I've been thirsty. I've been forced to hide in whatever corner I could find, all while hoping something larger and stronger didn't come over and hurt me just because it felt like it. You know what all of that feels like, too, and for far longer than I have, so why would I treat you differently?"
They grew still, as if I had just said something wrong.
"Oh," Vessa said, blinking for a moment. "Okay, um… thanks, Jasper. I'm actually done eating, so…" She lifted the bag up, and sent it floating back to the storage container. "Let's… let's talk about today." When Nova and I nodded, the gray woman continued speaking. "First off, let's check on how everyone's Advancement is going. Nova? You first."
"I stabilized all my new substages," Nova replied. "Still following the outline we talked about before."
"Good," Vessa said firmly. "Excellent." Her eyes turned to look at me. "What about you, Jas and Nestor?"
"I'm leaving my new qi depths unspecified, for now," I informed her. "Because I want to get at least one more substage before I create a second layer inside my pool. For essence, I've sent my beast's cry through my flesh and breath cracks. Mana was a much harder decision, but like I told you before, I stabilized my thermodynamics wisp by focusing on the branch of heat transfer—though I really, really wanted to choose its branch of combustion, but it felt too limiting for what I really wanted. I also stabilized my biology wisp by linking it with the branch of physiology."
"That should give you a nice mix of combat potential, physical augmentation, and healing," Vessa said with a nod, even though we had already discussed this yesterday. "Good. Essence and qi aren't as urgent for the second stage, but mana is extremely finicky, so you should keep thinking about what you want in advance for your next two substages. You could be suddenly caught in a position to where you need to have all your new wisps stabilized, and bad things will happen if you do not."
"Fair enough," I said with another nod. "Probably engineering and kinesiology. Astronomy, geology, and mana, I still don't quite know what branches I should consider. Can I talk with you about that later?"
"Sure," she said, nodding. "What a
bout Nestor?"
"From what I can tell, Nestor is about halfway through the wailing stage himself. He's still being…" I struggled to find the right word. "Altered, by my qi and mana, to such a degreee that he's gaining some of my elemental traits, but it seems to be beneficial to him… which, come to think of it, is exactly like you said it should be," I added, feeling a little stupid for revisiting information we had gone over so many times.
"It's okay, Jas," Vessa said with a smile that was patient without being patronizing. "You've had to take in a lot in the past few weeks. I don't mind helping you remember some of this stuff. But you're right, Nestor's growth is going to benefit from your own. He's going to continue to get some of your physical strength—which is why he was able to throw Koram by his own face—and he's going to learn more of your Source powers, as well as directly take on some of the elements of your different aspects."
"I… forgot about that, too," I said, blinking rapidly. "I haven't even considered how my focusing on things like war would affect him."
"He'll be better at it," Vessa said bluntly, "but it shouldn't turn him into a homicidal maniac, if that's what you're wondering. Not on its own. A general rule is that if an ideal won't horribly change you, it won't hurt your Sourcebeast either. But yeah. Don't do things like strictly specializing in decay and opium Source energy, or something. No, there's not really opium Source energy," the ship-woman added hurriedly. "That was just a bad example. I think. Nevermind, let's just go ahead and say it doesn't exist. Moving on to more reassuring matters. I can tell that Nestor is already starting to affect you. Your speed and senses both made a difference in that last fight. Eventually you won't have to draw on it at all though, it will be just be a part of you, like it already is with Nestor. And when the two dragon hatchlings inside you start growing, you'll be gaining benefits there as well." Vessa shook her head. "All things considered, your Advancement is off to a fantastic start. Others would think you were a wealthy child from a special family. Which is why we need to continue hiding your power," she said, shaking her head. "Or people like Koram who discover it will either try to take it for themselves, or kill you to prevent you from becoming a larger threat."
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