If I Can't Let Go (Mills & Boon Spice)

by BETH KERY

  He gave a restrained groan at the sensation of her full breasts against his palms. The rough sound seemed to startle her.

  “It’s okay,” he murmured. He lifted his head and watched her exquisite face cast in moonlight as he pressed the center of her breasts into his palm. “I know I said I wanted to make love to you, but I’m not going to tonight. I just want to touch you a little. You’re beautiful.”

  “I am not,” she replied in a choked voice.

  “You are. I’m going to show you some day just how beautiful you are. If you’ll let me.”

  She blinked. Perhaps she’d been surprised at his intensity, but he’d stated a simple truth. He didn’t know precisely when it had happened, but it had become an imperative for him to show Natalie Reyes how bright she shone in his eyes.

  Her lips parted and he nuzzled them with his own, a bee drawn to honey.

  “Does that feel good?” he murmured huskily as he cradled the weight of her breasts in his palms and whisked his thumbs over two taut peaks. It aroused him immensely, how responsive she was to his touch. He could feel the stiffness of her nipples directly through her bra.

  “Yes.”

  He caught that small whisper with his brushing lips, treasuring it. He went very still when she began to move her hands, touching his upper arms lightly at first, then squeezing his biceps in her palms.

  He lowered his head, the need to plunge back into the warm, wet cavern of her mouth too overwhelming at that moment to restrain himself. She jumped when something thumped against the passenger door.

  Hard.

  Liam reacted instinctively when he saw a hulking shadow outside the window. He unlocked his car door—leaving Natalie’s locked—and got out of the car rapidly. If whoever was standing outside the passenger door was a threat, he’d be a sitting duck trapped in the car, unable to do anything to protect Natalie. He cursed himself for not carrying his weapon, but it was Harbor Town, for Christ’s sake, and he wasn’t even technically the chief of police yet.

  “Get away from that door,” he barked at the man who stood on the other side of the car. The figure was as tall as Liam, which was alarming. He experienced a mixed feeling of annoyance and relief when the man’s features were revealed by moonlight.

  “You get away from my sister and get the hell out of here, and I’ll think about it, Kavanaugh,” was Eric Reyes’ harsh reply.

  “Great,” Liam muttered under his breath when he heard Natalie unlock her door. Liam and Eric had never gotten along. The last time he’d seen the great doctor was at the opening ceremony for the Family Center over a year ago, where they’d kept a wary distance from each other out of respect for the occasion and Mari Kavanaugh.

  The last time he’d seen Reyes before that, the two of them had almost had a fistfight in the parking lot of Jake’s Place.

  “Eric! What are you doing here?” Natalie said when she opened the car door.

  Eric unglued his glare on Liam and transferred his gaze to his sister. “I came to see you. Maybe you haven’t noticed, but I do tend to do that, now and then. What are you doing?”

  A tense silence ensued. Eric’s voice had been thick with sarcasm and fury. Liam didn’t have to see Natalie’s face to sense how uncomfortable she must be feeling at that moment. Surely Eric had seen enough through the steamy windows to know precisely what they’d been doing.

  “Don’t use that sanctimonious tone of voice with her,” Liam growled. “She wasn’t doing anything wrong. You’re the one who sneaked up on us and scared her half to death.”

  “Be quiet, Kavanaugh,” Eric commanded, pointing across the hood of the car. “This is none of your damn business.”

  “Wrong,” Liam said quietly through a clenched jaw. “This is none of your damn business.

  “Stop it. Both of you.”

  Liam paused and looked at Natalie as she rose from the car. Her face looked pale and tense in the moonlight.

  “I’ll talk to you tomorrow, Liam.” He could tell by her pointed expression that she was warning him to drop it.

  “What? Why are you going to be talking to him?” Eric demanded, glancing from her to Liam with a look of confusion and alarm on his face.

  “Liam and I are working on something together,” Natalie said.

  “Yeah. I could see that,” Eric replied sarcastically.

  “Liam,” Natalie said sharply when Liam started around the car. He came to a halt, scattering gravel beneath his feet, glaring at Eric all the while.

  “It’ll be okay. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.” The small tremor in her voice quieted Liam’s fury more than anything.

  Liam nodded. He remained standing by the car as he watched Natalie and her brother walk toward her town house.

  Eric slammed the door behind him.

  “Jesus, Nat.”

  Natalie shut her eyes when she heard the three, pointed syllables. She didn’t bother to turn around but merely walked into her living room and tossed her purse on the couch.

  “Do you want me to make some coffee?” she asked calmly.

  “No, I don’t want any coffee,” Eric stormed. She finally turned to look at him. Her brother was a very handsome man—tall, dark and intense. Three quarters of the female staff at Harbor Town Memorial, where he practiced as an orthopedic surgeon, would have sacrificed a great deal to have Eric drop in on them unexpectedly on a balmy Harbor Town summer night.

  Natalie wished fervently he’d go grace one of their door-steps and leave his little sister alone…the same little sister he’d just caught making out with a Kavanaugh.

  Her cheeks burned at the memory and she started toward the kitchen determinedly. “I’m going to make myself some coffee, then.”

  “Why the hell are you dressed like that?” Eric demanded as he followed her into the kitchen.

  Natalie opened a cupboard and paused, feeling regretful. Eric had sounded positively flummoxed. Seeing her with Liam must have been like taking an unexpected blow to the head, though he’d have been confused and protective enough finding her steaming up the windows in a car with any man. Natalie didn’t date that much, after all, and her brother had been the only witness to a few of her unsuccessful attempts during her early and mid-twenties. Eric had been the only witness to her hurt and tears when things had gone bad on those occasions.

  He may be annoying at times, but he was her only family. Ever since their mother had died when she was eleven, he’d been both brother and father to her, taking on the full responsibility of an adult and caregiver at age eighteen.

  If anyone deserved to scowl at her odd association with Liam Kavanaugh, it was Eric. Knowing that didn’t particularly decrease her annoyance with his presence at the moment, though.

  “What do you mean why am I dressed like that?” she asked, her irritation leaking into her voice, despite her former thoughts.

  “Your hair, it’s…” He paused and made a comical gesture around his head. “And that top you’re wearing…” He couldn’t seem to come up with the right word to describe it, but he persisted, unfortunately. “It’s not really your style, is it?”

  “You can’t expect me to wear a business suit out on a date.”

  It took her a few seconds to register the ringing silence.

  “You went on a date with Liam Kavanaugh?”

  “Sort of,” Natalie replied, already wishing she could take the words back. It was too late now. “Like I said, we’re working on something together.”

  “What?”

  Natalie exhaled and tossed the bag of coffee onto the counter. She started to tell him about her idea to hire Liam to investigate Derry Kavanaugh’s state of mind on the night of the crash. By the time she’d finished, her brother had gone tight-jawed and pale behind his tan.

  “Why didn’t you tell me you planned on doing this?” he asked when she’d finally finished.

  “I knew you’d worry about me if I did. I knew you’d tell me not to dwell on the past. But I’m not like you, Eric. I…I can’t seem to let
it go.”

  “There’s nothing to be gained by this. Nothing,” he said bleakly.

  “You’re wrong. I’ve already learned so much more about Derry Kavanaugh. He already seems more real to me, more human.”

  “He killed our mother and nearly killed you. You spent a good portion of time in a hospital, thanks to him. You endured constant pain, and countless surgeries and grueling rehabilitation. How much more real can the man be to you?” he asked.

  “That was my reality,” Natalie said shakily. “That was ours. I want to know what drove him to do what he did. I have to know.”

  “Why can’t you let it rest?” Eric roared.

  “Because I’m not resting,” Natalie shot back. “If you’ve found peace by envisioning Derry Kavanaugh as the devil incarnate, then more power to you. I’m not trying to change your mind. Don’t try to change mine.”

  Her brother just stood there, looking shocked by her heated outburst. Natalie felt bad for that—how well she knew that Eric wanted her to be happy—but she didn’t feel bad enough to apologize for telling the truth.

  She turned and switched on the coffeepot. “What did happen that night our lives changed forever? The question haunts me. Maybe it’s an unhealthy obsession, but I’m not going to stop trying to get all the answers I can find,” she said in a quieter voice.

  Eric sighed heavily. “And is it absolutely necessary for you to go on this quest with Liam Kavanaugh?”

  Natalie met her brother’s stare slowly. She sensed the double meaning to his question.

  “It’s my business, Eric. The only thing I can tell you is that I’m trying to be reasonable. I’ll do my best not to get hurt.”

  The hard tilt to Eric’s mouth told her loud and clear he didn’t find her promise very reassuring.

  “I haven’t even fully gotten used to Mari being with a Kavanaugh, and she’s just a friend. How do you expect me to react to my only sister seeing one?”

  She gave her brother a wry glance before she reached for some coffee mugs.

  “Don’t jump to any conclusions about what you saw in the car,” Natalie stated more firmly than she felt. “I’d hardly compare Liam and me to Marc and Mari Kavanaugh. I’m just getting to know him.”

  “Right.”

  She threw him a quelling glance before she poured him a cup of coffee. “I told you I can take care of myself. Give it a rest, Eric.”

  “That’ll be about as easy as you putting this crash-quest thing to rest.”

  “I didn’t say it’d be easy,” Natalie told him as she handed him his cup. She sighed in relief when he accepted it.

  No sooner had Liam parked his bike in the Harbor County Library parking lot the next morning than he saw Natalie walking toward him. He paused, appreciating the sight. It felt good, seeing her so unexpectedly. He’d wanted to check up on her since last night, but he didn’t want to seem as territorial and rude as her brother, so he’d refrained.

  Barely.

  She was dressed casually despite the fact that it was a weekday. She wore a pair of jean shorts that showed off her long legs and a tangerine T-shirt that enhanced her tan—not to mention the shape of her breasts. He was glad to see she wore her hair down. Most of it anyway. She’d pulled the front out of her delicate face, but the back hung around her shoulders.

  He’d never seen such a sexy tumble of curls in his life. Most women would be flaunting that hair as a prime asset. Not Natalie, though. She never flaunted much of anything.

  Natalie gave him a quizzical look as she approached. He blinked when he realized he was just sitting on his bike and staring at her like a drooling idiot.

  He dismounted. Before she could say something that would stop him, he tangled his fingers in her hair and palmed her jaw. His mouth lowered. He’d meant it to be a casual kiss of greeting, but even more significantly, a reminder of last night. He wasn’t going backward, despite Eric’s irritating interference. He’d told her his intentions, and they hadn’t changed.

  That’s what he’d meant the kiss to be. But when he felt her slight gasp of surprise tickle his mouth, when her lips softened against his and he registered her sweet taste, he lingered longer than he’d intended.

  “Are you playing hooky, Natalie Reyes?” he asked her against her lips a moment later.

  “What?”

  She looked up at him. She looked gorgeous, lips parted, cheeks flushed, a dazed expression on her face.

  He glanced down at her casual clothing teasingly. “It’s Friday—isn’t that an official CPA workday?”

  “I’m not playing hooky,” she said, her forehead crinkling. She stepped back, looking two parts bewildered and one part irritated at herself for participating so enthusiastically in his kiss. He hid a smile. “It’s a holiday weekend coming up, and I’m just not that busy today. I thought I’d help you look up information on DuBois Enterprises and Alerveret.”

  “Great. I could use the help,” Liam said, warmed by the fact that she’d come to join him. Suddenly the day seemed bright with endless possibilities. “I’ll take you out to lunch afterward.”

  He grabbed her hand and kissed the back of it, smiling when he saw her mouth open in surprise at his brimming enthusiasm.

  “Come on, detective,” he urged, tugging on her hand.

  Operation kiss and distract, Liam thought amusedly as he led her through the parking lot. He would sneak beneath her defenses when she least expected it, then distract her before she had a chance to protest.

  Before Natalie knew it, she wouldn’t be the least bit surprised that he planned on kissing her every opportunity he got.

  A little over an hour and a half later, they walked down on Ontario Avenue, deep in discussion.

  “It doesn’t make any sense,” Natalie said. “Neither your father or Langford, Inc., seemed to have any connection to DuBois Enterprises or Alerveret Corporation. Maybe it was just a red herring, your father’s interest in that news program.”

  “It might have been,” Liam said thoughtfully as they turned down Main Street.

  “You don’t really think so, though, do you?” Natalie asked, examining his profile. This morning there was a slight scruff of whiskers on his jaw. His hair was a windblown chaos of burnished waves. He looked a little intimidating—disreputable, even—so his occasional bouts of unselfconscious warmth toward her struck Natalie as all the more potent. One second she’d been admiring the image of him with his long legs straddling the sleek machine. Next he’d dismounted and kissed her.

  She suspected her heart had just finally resumed its normal pace about five minutes ago, thanks to that kiss. She still hadn’t decided how she was supposed to respond to this new, playful, yet strangely determined Liam.

  “I don’t know,” Liam replied, drawing Natalie out of her thoughts. “Nothing else seemed to be penetrating his misery on that night.”

  “Liam, what are you doing?”

  He glanced back at her, obviously caught off guard by her sharp question, his hand still outstretched to open the door of the Captain and Crew restaurant.

  “I said I’d take you out to lunch,” he reminded her.

  “It’s not really necessary,” Natalie said quickly. She checked her watch. “I probably should go home and change and get into work, after taking the morning off.”

  Liam turned and faced her. She couldn’t see his eyes behind his sunglasses, but she sensed him studying her.

  “Why do you let them do it?” he asked softly.

  “What do you mean?”

  He gave a subtle sideways nod in the direction of two men who were walking toward the restaurant entrance. The men’s conversation broke off and they observed Liam and Natalie with interest before they disappeared into the Captain and Crew.

  “People. Strangers. You let their curiosity, or their rudeness, or whatever the hell the case may be, dictate your actions,” Liam said.

  For a few seconds, she just stared up at him. He’d said it so evenly that it took a moment for his meaning�
��and her embarrassment—to soak into her consciousness. Her cheeks flamed.

  “You don’t know what you’re talking about,” she whispered.

  “I think I do. You avoid crowded places. You don’t like to have people look at you, so you steer clear of places like Jake’s or the Captain and Crew. I wish you wouldn’t let it get to you, Natalie.”

  “You have no right to judge me,” she bit out. “You’re the last person on earth who has the right to judge me.”

  She spun around, intent on departure. She gasped when Liam reached out, quick as a snake at the strike, and grasped her hand, halting her.

  “I’m sorry,” he said rapidly when she opened her mouth to tell him off. She paused when she saw the look of genuine regret on his face. “I really am. You’re right. It has to be something you’re comfortable with—not something I wish for.”

  Tears burned her eyelids. Something I wish for. She was so confused, she couldn’t manage to get out the question scalding the back of her tongue.

  Why should he care one way or another how I feel in a public place?

  He stepped closer. Her emotional turmoil only mounted when he cradled her jaw, his fingers caressing her cheek softly. She hadn’t known him that long, but already she’d grown accustomed to this particular tender, prizing gesture. He used his other hand to remove her glasses and then he leaned in, pressing his forehead against hers.

  “I just wish you could see yourself like I see you. You’re beautiful, and not despite this.” Her lungs ached in her chest, but she still couldn’t draw breath as he gently traced her scar. He pressed a kiss at the corner of her eyelid, like a period at the end of a poignant sentence. “Because of it, Natalie. In part, at least. It’s one of the many things that make you unique…and yes, beautiful.”

  A depthless font of uncertainty welled up in her chest at that moment. Several teardrops spilled from her eyes, spattering on Liam’s skin.