I listen quietly as he instructs me how he wants me to stand facing the cross before he straps me up in the restraints. His eyes are hooded as he works silently, and I desperately try to read his body language, wondering if I am in for more punishment or if he is going to make me come. He steps away and disappears from my sightline, the opening and shutting of drawers the only clues to his whereabouts. The next thing I know is that he is standing directly behind me, his breath tickling my neck.
“Just so you know, Olivia,” Alex says darkly, “I am going to take you…over and over. You are mine to do with as I wish. And today I am going to own you…here,” he says, pushing a finger into my mouth. “And here,” he continues, removing the finger from my mouth before thrusting it into my pussy. “And finally, here.” He trails the finger coated in my juices around my clit, before pushing it deep into my arse. I let out a gasp, tensing slightly, when it filters through exactly what Alex has planned for me. “Relax, Olivia. I’ll make sure you are ready. If it is too much, though, you can always use your safeword.” My mind is in overdrive, desire coursing through my veins, and all I can do is nod my acknowledgement.
I feel Alex’s erection digging into my back as cool hands snake around and cup my breasts. He merely holds them for a few moments, as if weighing them in the palms of his hands, before his fingers start caressing my nipples. The buds harden into stiff peaks, and when he pulls on one hard, I cry out, electricity shooting through my core. Suddenly Alex’s hands leave my breast and I groan at the lack of stimulation. And then Alex’s hands are back. I glance down to see him holding out a couple of ornate butterflies in his hand and my mind swirls at the purpose. Before I can say anything, Alex is tugging at one nipple and then affixing a butterfly to it. Seconds later he has repeated the process on my other nipple and instantly I understand. The pain is sweet and, at once, my pussy feels like it has a direct line to my nipples. Even the lightest of brushes stokes the arousal building inside of me.
Alex’s hands run across my back and across my hips until one sneaks around to cup my mound, the palm of his hand pressing down on my aching sex. Without a thought, I find myself grinding against Alex’s palm, trying to get some friction to alleviate that pulsing sensation that seems to match my frenetic heartbeat. “Stay still,” Alex growls, landing a stinging slap on my backside. The pain immediately morphs into a dull pleasure that seeps into me. A moment later, Alex is pushing two fingers into me with one hand and playing with my clit with the other. The sensations, combined with the continual throb of my nipples, are too much and, suddenly, I am coming hard and fast.
They say there is no more erotic instrument than the mind, and at that moment I immediately understand where that came from. Alex begins to whisper dirty thoughts into my ear and the images that they conjure make me writhe against his hard body. At some point, Alex had dispensed of his shirt and now I can feel the sweat beading on the bare skin of his abdomen. The swirling of my clit never ceases, and then Alex is entering me from behind, my greedy pussy welcoming the hard steel of Alex’s cock. He rocks into me slowly and I groan as I feel his lips sucking on my neck. I am helpless, constrained by my bindings and completely open to Alex as he starts to fuck me harder.
I have completely lost my ability to think coherently and instead I am a mass of sensations and swirling colours as Alex pushes me closer and closer to the brink. I welcome the orgasm that shatters me, taking me higher than I have ever flown. Lights dance behind my closed eyelids as I feel Alex slip out of me. Suddenly I feel Alex nudging my arse, his cock slick with my juices. The pressure builds as, very slowly, he pushes himself in, inch by inch. I gasp as pain floods through me, but Alex’s voice in my ear soothes my nerves. Suddenly he is pulling off the nipple clamps and my body fills with endorphins, distracting me from the unwelcome intrusion in my backside. Using the opportunity, Alex thrusts himself deeper until I feel his pelvis against my bum cheeks. He stills for a moment to allow my body to stretch and get used to him but never lets up in his incessant swirling of my clit.
The burn in my backside slowing fades and, instead, the fullness that I feel starts to overwhelm me. Slowly Alex begins to move, the catalyst that sparks a different kind of orgasm in me. I groan as he picks up speed, the pressure building until I explode, pulsing around Alex and setting off his own climax. I am still flying high when I feel Alex bite down on my neck as he thrusts his fingers deep into my wet pussy, as he remains buried in my arse. I vaguely hear Alex call out my name as the final waves of my own climax move through me.
I am panting hard when I finally become vaguely aware of my body. I am utterly spent, yet when Alex gently removes himself out of me, I cry out at the loss. Within moments, Alex has untied me and is carrying me across to the platform where he lays me down. I am still struggling to drag myself out of my orgasm-induced fog as I lie there limp and sated, when Alex returns with a warm washcloth. He cleans me up with tender strokes whilst the tingles and shivers finally fade from my body. A moment later, he is pulling me into his arms and wrapping us both in a warm blanket.
We lie there in silence, bodies thrumming as Alex softly runs his fingers across my sensitive skin. After a while, our heartbeats return to their normal pace and I start to wonder if Alex has actually fallen asleep, when I suddenly feel him nuzzling my ear.
“I am so sorry, Liv,” Alex says and I know in an instant that he is not apologising for what he has just done to me—not that I would want him to because it was amazing. No, he is apologising for getting angry at me and wanting to punish me for something I had no control over. I realise that it has probably cost him a lot to make this admission, so I snuggle into his chest.
“Alex, it’s okay,” I murmur sleepily, gently stroking his bare skin. Moments later I hear Alex’s breathing even out and I let myself slide into the darkness.
Chapter Twenty
At some point during the night Alex must have carried me upstairs because I wake to find myself snuggled under the duvet of our bed. The dim light shining from behind the curtains and the sound of rain beating against the window herald another dull and gloomy February morning. My muscles ache from the night’s activities and my head is pounding from the lack of food and hydration. I swing my legs out of bed and go to stand, but stumble when the head rush I experience makes me feel dizzy. I am just sinking back down onto the mattress when Alex walks in with a tray and a look of concern on his face.
“Argh, I think I overdid it last night,” I say, dropping my head into my hands. Alex quickly puts the tray down and comes to my side, smoothing back the hair off my face.
“You okay, Liv?” he asks.
“Just a headache,” I respond, trying to reassure him. “I just need to eat.”
“Then it’s a good thing I made you breakfast,” Alex says with a grin. I climb back so that my back is resting on the headboard, pulling up the duvet to keep me warm while Alex settles a tray piled high with toast, Vegemite for him and strawberry jam for me, along with giant mugs of tea and coffee between us. We eat for a while in silence, both lost in our thoughts. Part of me wants to bring up the whole Becca thing, but honestly, I have no idea how to start that conversation.
My toast has been eaten and my tea drunk and I am slowly feeling the life come back into my body. My head is still pounding, though, and I know it is down to the tension in my neck. I roll my shoulders and move my head from side to side, trying to loosen my muscles, but nothing seems to work. A moment later, Alex is placing the tray on the floor and sliding in behind me. He slowly begins to work at the muscles in my shoulders in long, even strokes, teasing out the knots with sure fingers. Eventually, the vice-like sensation on my neck starts to ease and, along with it, my headache. Slowly his fingers work their way upwards in firm, soothing strokes that start a tingling sensation in the base of my spine. Finally, Alex tangles his fingers in my hair, tugging my head back gently so that my neck is exposed.
Slowly Alex starts to kiss my neck, his lips caressing my skin as they move.
At one point, he stops and plants the gentlest of kisses on a particular area. It smarts a bit, which confuses me until Alex says, “Sorry, baby. I bit you rather hard last night.” Ah, that explains it. The memories of last night flood through my mind and all at once I am completely turned on, my arousal making me wet between my thighs. I subconsciously rub my legs together trying to ease the ache that has suddenly begun.
One of Alex’s hands comes around to stroke my breast while the other dips between my wet folds. A finger finds my clit, teasing it with a languid swirling motion while occasionally pinching it, and I find myself leaning back into Alex’s chest, allowing the sensations to take over. It takes only a couple of minutes for the pressure to build up, the tingles and sparks to develop into a raging inferno, until I come, gasping in Alex’s arms.
A moment later, Alex is sliding out from behind me and coming around to settle between my legs. With one thrust he is entering me, my back arching as my pelvis tilts to take him even deeper. I look into Alex’s eyes as he stares down on me. I see lust, arousal, but most of all, love shining down on me. He takes his time, moving his hips slowly, stoking the burn deep inside. He brings his mouth down to mine, covering my body with his own while entwining his fingers in mine, and I lose myself as his tongue mirrors the movements of his cock. The burn intensifies and it takes only a couple more thrusts for me to come apart under Alex. Seconds later he follows me, spilling his seed deep inside.
Slowly we both come down from our climaxes, legs and arms entangled, making me unsure where my body ends and his begins. We are breathing deeply, and when he lifts his head up I can’t help but smile at the look of pleasure on Alex’s face. I do that to him, I think to myself. Just little old me.
A short time later we are relaxing in the bath and I have finally steeled myself to open the proverbial can of worms. I am lying back against Alex’s chest and I take a deep breath. “What’s up, Liv?” Alex asks, sensing my unease.
“Can I ask you a question, Alex?” I say nervously.
“You can always ask me anything, Liv,” Alex responds.
“You…you know when you and Becca had sex for the first time?” I feel Alex stiffen at the mention of her name. “And you said it kind of left you cold?” I stumble slightly as a deathly quiet falls across the bathroom. I can hear Alex’s heart thumping in his chest, a loud drumming that echoes my own nervousness.
“Okay, where are you going with this, Liv?” Alex asks, his voice low with mixed emotions.
“Sorry, I am not explaining myself properly. Just hear me out, okay?” I feel him nod. “Do you think you didn’t feel the spark, the connection, because it wasn’t there? Or maybe because you were both just young and inexperienced and had overblown expectations of what it should have been like?”
I can feel Alex absorbing my words behind me, his frame tense. But he says nothing, so I continue. “I mean, we all have these expectations of what sex should be like. We watch movies, read the magazines and stuff, and I guess we are doing it in our heads a long time before we actually get down to it.” I pause for a moment, to gather my thoughts, before continuing, “So I guess what I am asking is, do you think that you felt the way you did because you thought you should feel a certain way and then didn’t, or because you felt nothing at all?”
“I don’t get why you are asking me this stuff, Liv,” Alex says, and I can hear the pain in his voice.
I push off Alex and turn around so that I am facing him. “Just hear me out, okay? Let me tell you what I think went on…” I trail off, looking Alex squarely in the eye and wait until he gives me the briefest of nods to let me know it is okay to continue.
“You were a horny teenager, probably got hold of some pornos and magazines somehow. Saw things in there that turned you on, bondage and stuff…” I feel my cheeks heating up. After everything that has gone on between us I can’t believe I can still feel embarrassed around Alex. “Probably jerked off a lot to those fantasies. But then when it came down to your first time, if it was anything like mine, it was probably a lot of fumbling around, doing your best to be careful and not hurt the girl who was also your best friend. And ultimately, it was probably over before it even really began…” I raise my eyebrow at Alex and I see a grimace cross his face, confirming my thoughts.
“So you had sex a few more times, and while it was probably nice enough, it didn’t elicit the kind of feelings you had when you watched the pornos. Then came the final straw. You tried to get Becca involved in one of your fantasies, but given how inexperienced she was, she probably didn’t understand where you were coming from and so—justifiably, I might add—freaked out on you. She called you names, broke it off with you, making you feel ashamed but also breaking your heart in the process.” I look at Alex, who has actually paled whilst I have been talking, and I feel terrible that I am exposing such a raw wound. But to be honest, this has been festering for a long time, and if he doesn’t deal with it now, it will haunt him forever.
“You are not a sadist, Alex. Somewhere along the line you convinced yourself that you couldn’t do intimacy because you liked spanking women and you got yourself all messed up because, basically, you never healed from your broken heart.” I lean forward and place my palm on Alex’s cheek. “You have shown me over and over that you can do intimacy, you even seem to like a bit of ‘vanilla’, and you seem to be doing okay—hopefully more than just okay—with the kind of kink we have been indulging in.”
Alex is watching me, frozen still as if one movement could set off an explosion. “If you really were the sadist you think you are, then you wouldn’t have stopped caning me when I started crying. You would have enjoyed it, revelled in it even. But you didn’t. It was almost as if it hurt you worse than me.” I drop my hand and sit back.
“You need to let go of these preconceived notions about yourself, Alex. Yeah, you might enjoy doling out a little bit of pain and dominance, but you don’t have to put yourself in a box and label it. Life is a journey that we need to travel down to find out who we really are. You don’t come out of the womb fully actualised any more than you stay the same person you are your whole life. We evolve, we change, and it is time you accepted that you are not the monster you think you are.” I stop, wondering if I have stepped over the line.
Alex is completely silent and I sit there, watching him and hoping that I haven’t somehow pushed him away. I go to touch him, but he flinches away from me and I feel the sting of rejection. Without a word, Alex hauls himself out of the tub, grabbing a towel and stalking out of the room.
I stay in the bath long after the water cools and it is only when my teeth start chattering that I climb out of the tub. I dress slowly, determined to give Alex some time to think. Eventually, though, I head downstairs, going from room to room and coming up empty. I am certain that I didn’t hear the front door, which means Alex is down in the playroom. Part of me wants to go down there and make sure that he is okay, but the other half is telling me to wait until he is ready to face me on his own terms.
The hours pass slowly and I do my best to keep myself occupied. It’s a Saturday, so I can’t even distract myself with work. Eventually, though, the sky starts to darken and I decide enough is enough. I approach the door to the basement with caution, my ears straining to hear any discernible sounds. But there are none, so I make my way down the stairs. I am not trying to be quiet, yet the carpet seems to swallow up my footsteps.
The majority of the room is in shadow when I step into it, the only illumination provided by a couple of side lamps. My heart breaks when I see Alex lying on his back on the platform, an arm casually flung across his eyes. I pad over to the platform and sink down onto my knees beside it. “Hey,” I murmur, wondering whether Alex has fallen asleep.
“Hey you,” Alex responds quietly, moving his arm but not opening his eyes.
“Are you okay, Alex?” I ask, worried about him. He seems calm enough, but I wonder whether this is a prelude to a storm.
“How is it that you
managed to see through me?” Alex asks. “How were you able to look into my soul and see the things that I have never even acknowledged for myself?” His voice cracks, and my heart aches for him.
“I think—and I know this sounds trite—that we have a connection. I have felt it since the day we met. Despite the situation, your dominance and all my other worries, the moment I was with you I felt calm. I trusted you. If I believed in that kind of thing, I would almost say that we were old souls that found our way back to each other.” I honestly don’t know where this has all come from, but the words have just kind of spewed out.
Alex finally opens his eyes but doesn’t look across at me. I reach over and slide my hand into his. “It has been bugging me for a while, this whole sadist thing, because it was totally at odds with what I knew about you. And the more and more I thought about it and the things you told me, well, I guess I started drawing my own conclusions. I didn’t want to upset you, Alex. Far from it, in fact. I only brought it up because last night we got into a position where your perceptions of who you are could have hurt me—not physically but emotionally. And I figured if you didn’t start to face this, well, who knows what that would mean down the line?”
“You were right, you know,” Alex says softly. “About all of it. I had never thought about it in that way. Actually, I never let myself think about it full stop. But I think you hit the nail on the head. I have been down here for hours just trying to sort through everything in my mind, going round and round in circles, and I just keep coming back to what you said about me defining who I am, sticking a label on myself so that I could use it as a shield. An excuse for not letting anyone in.” Alex lets out a sigh and I can see that he is okay.
“You know,” he continues, “you are the first person that I have let in. What you said about soulmates, I think you are on to something there.” I look at him in surprise, not sure how he is going to respond to that little outburst. “The first time I saw you, there was this pull, like a magnet. I knew I wanted—no, needed—you in my life. It wasn’t sexual because you seemed so innocent and there was no way I was going to allow myself to bring you into that part of my life. It was just that I wanted to be part of your life, anyway that you would let me. I was prepared to be any person you needed me to be, do anything you required.”
Tied to You Page 17