“Luke Swain! I knew it!” said their waiter, coming back to their table.
By now they had attracted the attention of virtually everyone in the restaurant. Soon everyone was finding a reason to walk by their table while they tried in vain to enjoy their meal and each other’s company. The bolder ones asked for autographs or tried to draw Luke into conversation. Others just stared avidly. Nina’s appetite was spoiled, a rare event in itself.
More and more people started piling through the door. Their quiet, romantic little restaurant began to seem like a football stadium as the noise level rose. Evidently the whole town had been informed that Luke Swain was dining there.
Men and women of all ages crowded into the restaurant to wait for a table.
Nina finally gave up the effort and pushed her plate away from her. She looked at Luke, who didn’t appear to have taken a single bite of his dinner. The evening had gone haywire in a matter of twenty minutes, and all because she was with a rock idol.
The proprietor came over to their table to apologize for all the commotion. “But then, I guess you’re used to it,” he added.
“Yes, I am,” said Luke resignedly.
“The meal’s on the house, I insist.”
“Really, that’s not necessary,” said Luke.
“Please, it’s my pleasure. After all, it’s not often we get a celebrity like you here. And who’s the lady?”
Nina sought Luke’s eyes, willing him to understand her silent message. She most definitely did not want her name associated with all of this tonight.
“The lady,” said Luke slowly, “is a foreign diplomat who wanted ... to see some of our beautiful American countryside. I’m sure you appreciate the need for discretion.”
“Oh, sure. Absolutely. My lips are sealed.”
The proprietor left their table. Though they were the subject of avid stares and much whispering, no one else approached them for a few moments.
“Alone at last,” Luke said faintly.
“Just don’t say, ‘I told you so.’”
“I thought you were hungry,” he chided, looking at her full plate.
“It’s hard to eat like this. How do zoo animals stand it? Or rock stars, for that matter?”
“Hey! It’s Luke Swain! Come onl” someone outside shouted.
Nina groaned. Luke threw some money on the table for a tip. “Let’s get out of here.” He grabbed Nina’s hand, dashed out to his car and drove away so fast no one had time to follow.
“Satisfied?” he growled at Nina.
“How was I to know?”
“How indeed?” He sighed. “Come here.” She moved closer and he put his arm around her.
“I’m still hungry,” she said after a few minutes of peaceful silence.
“I might have known. We’ll get a take-out pizza. You go inside for it.”
“Okay,” she agreed, nuzzling his neck.
“Stop that. Do you want to cause an accident?”
She ran her hand teasingly up his thigh. The car screeched to a halt. Luke kissed Nina thoroughly and then pushed her to the far side of the car.
“Stay there, where I can keep an eye on you.”
The days passed too swiftly for Nina. The valley became a small paradise, a latter-day Eden. Every afternoon she and Luke would go to separate rooms for a while. He would work on his guitar or scribble lyrics while she vocalized and sang using a small electric keyboard for guidance. Staying on top of a highly competitive profession meant there were some things neither of them could take a vacation from. Luke didn’t seem to mind any more than she did. It meant a lot to Nina that he loved what he did and enjoyed the harmonious moments in the little cabin as much as she did.
Nina was happy that they spent all of the rest of their time together, walking, talking, eating, sleeping, making love. They made love in the big four-poster bed, on the bearskin rug before the fireplace, in the bathtub, and once, giggling like children, on the porch swing. She learned to be completely comfortable and at ease with Luke and discovered, much to her surprise, that they actually could live in peace together, that whole days could pass by without fights or arguments, with nothing to mar their rich enjoyment of each other.
Without the daily conflict of their diverse lifestyles, Nina was getting to know the essence of the man: the warm strength that grew out of his belief that life was basically rewarding and worthwhile; his passionate commitment to justice in the largest and smallest issues of life; the humor that let him laugh at himself; the pain and anger he felt over cruelty and neglect; his unconditional commitment to loved ones; the loneliness which had found an outlet only in his music.
Nina lay back on the hammock strung between two old trees behind the cabin and gazed up at the crisp blue sky. Luke was still playing his guitar inside. The wind stirred the trees overhead, and a few leaves fluttered down to fall on Nina. Nights were cold now, but the sun was still burning bright enough to warm the days. She took off her jacket and lay in Luke’s thick flannel shirt, eyes closed, feeling the sun beating down on her.
The hammock rocked a bit, and a smile curved Nina’s lips. They had made love in the hammock the day before, a perilous adventure that had resulted in lumps, bumps, bruises, and Luke’s howling that he needed to be hospitalized. She had entirely disproved that claim, however...
“Daydreaming?”
Her eyes flew open. He was smiling down at her. The warmth in his eyes melted her. Had she once thought to walk away from this man without a backward glance?
She reached out to him. “Join me,” she invited.
“Oh, no.”
“We’ll just lie here,” she promised.
“That’s what you said yesterday.”
“As I recall, I was not solely responsible for what happened yesterday.”
They grinned at each other, remembering. He hauled her out of the hammock.
“All the same, I’m never going near that thing again.”
Nina slipped her hand into his and they walked through the woods for a time in companionable silence.
“Did you know when you started your career that your life would be like this?” Nina asked after a while.
“Like what?”
“Mobbed by fans, hounded by photographers, pursued by groupies.”
“Well, I knew that that’s what happened to the most successful people. I didn’t know I would become one of them, but I intended to try.”
“But how can you stand it?”
“Because of the rewards. Do you have any idea how gratifying it is to write and record an album and then sell a million copies of it? To know that a million strangers like your songs well enough to play them at home? Or to sing something you’ve written in front of thousands of people and to hear them singing with you, to know that it has meaning for them, too? That’s success. That’s affirmation of doing something worthwhile.
“Something like that must have happened to you, Nina. When people walk up to you on the street to tell you how much they enjoy your work, how you’ve moved or inspired them, it must make a difference.”
“Of course it does,” she admitted. “But until I met you, no one attacked me in public, interrupted my meals, or followed me to the grocery store with a camera. To appreciate a performer is one thing; to totally disrupt his personal life —and that of his close friends—is something else.”
“I agree. But I knew it would be like this. It’s part of my job, it goes with the territory. And fighting it would only make me more noticeable. It seems the people who attract the most attention are those who are rude to their fans and uncooperative with the media.”
“You might attract less attention if you weren’t so vocal about your opinions,” Nina pointed out.
“Not significantly less attention. And I wouldn’t be myself if I did that, either. Besides, we’ve already established that I’m not the one who minds attracting attention.”
Nina glumly kicked a pine cone out of her path. “I find all this very diffic
ult,” she said with a sigh.
“Yet you chose a career onstage and in the public eye.”
“I chose to sing,” she corrected. “And except for my divorce, there’s never been anything I couldn’t handle. Interviewers ask me about my work, my training, and my plans. If there are any personal questions, they’re limited and inoffensive. It’s a different world from pop music, Luke. We’re not as popular or as famous, and hardly anyone cares about our personal lives as long as we do our jobs well.”
“Why was there so much interest in your divorce?” he asked curiously.
“Because, in his own way, Philippe was a pop star by virtue of being blue-blooded and rich. He was well known in Paris, Monte Carlo, Milan, Beverly Hills, and San Francisco. He was the essence of glamour and notoriety in certain circles. And our divorce was sordid enough to make good copy,” she added distastefully:
They stopped in a grassy clearing, and Luke pulled her down to sit in a patch of sun. Nina brooded for a while, and Luke realized she was unhappy about the latest turn of events, knowing there would be more to come.
“Does all this mean,” she asked at last, “that we can’t even go out in public like a normal couple?”
“No, it doesn’t,” Luke said firmly. “But in small towns and even small cities that don’t see many celebrities, we’re always likely to have experiences like we had in this town. Honestly, that’s why I love New York so much. Except for the usual photographers and fanatics, people hardly ever bother me there. New Yorkers have seen it all. Famous faces are no big deal to them. I can walk on the street, eat in public, go shopping—it’s great!”
“It must be a cherished freedom,” Nina said pensively as she lay back in the grass and looked at the sky.
Luke searched for the right words to reassure her.
“There are other things I cherish, too, Nina. My friends, my family, my work, and, now, you. I want to be with you. There are some things I can change, but there are others I have no control over.”
Their eyes met, and there was a reluctance in hers that disturbed him. Nina had built her own life and her own career, and she didn’t think she could adjust to the hazards of his, particularly not when she found them so distasteful. But something stronger than their differences, stronger than her doubts, was pulling her into those depthless brown eyes.
Then his eyes trailed over her body, stretched out in the grass. Her skin grew warm and she could feel desire flowing through her gently, subtly gathering force, sweetening with anticipation.
“There’s probably more I should know about your lifestyle, isn’t there?” The breathless sound of her voice gave her away. She saw his eyes darken and his left brow droop lazily.
“There’s more I should know about yours, too,” he said softly. “I want to know everything about you.” His hand brushed her hair away from her face and lightly traced her cheek, her chin, and the smooth column of her throat.
Nina gently took Luke’s hand and drew it up under the loose flannel shirt until it rested on her full, soft breast. It was an exquisitely tender moment between them. They both were still, caressing each other with only their eyes.
Finally Luke began unbuttoning Nina’ s shirt.
“I’ve never made love in the grass,” she murmured, watching him from beneath her lashes.
“There’s a first time for everything,” Luke answered huskily, bending to kiss her soft lips.
Eight
“Thanksgiving is on Thursday,” Luke said.
Nina was washing dishes in her apartment. They had returned to the city from Jesse’s cabin that night, and since she couldn’t cook, Luke made her do the dirty work. He dried the dishes and put them away. He still didn’t know where most of them went, and she had to keep pointing to various cabinets with her bright pink gloves while she worked.
“Yes, I know,” she answered uneasily. There was already a challenge in his voice and he had only just introduced the subject. She had a feeling she knew what he wanted, and she didn’t think she was ready for it yet.
“What are you going to do, Nina?”
“When I’m in New York I always go to my Mom’s house. Are you going to fly out to Kansas?”
“No. You know I’m appearing on live TV Friday.”
“Oh, I’d forgotten. That goes over the fridge, Luke”
Nina washed dishes in silence, aware of Luke waiting for the obvious suggestion.
“Well?” he said at last.
“Well, what?” she said uncomfortably.
“Nina, is the thought of introducing me to your family so awful? You’re going to have to do it sooner or later.”
“Why?”
“What do you mean, why?”
“Well, you’re ... we’re ... I mean...”
Luke’s eyes narrowed. A dangerous tension entered the room. “What? Are you afraid they won’t like me?”
“No.”
“Are you afraid I won’t like them?”
“No...”
“Then what, Nina?”
She shifted nervously, unable to voice an answer.
“Were you planning to keep me locked in the bedroom for your private use, Nina?” Her eyes flashed up to meet his angry scowl. He spoke loudly over her incoherent denial. “Are you planning to have your fill of me and then dump me when you get bored? Am I just a fling you don’t want anybody to know about?”
“No! Stop it!”
He grabbed her roughly by the shoulders. Her gloved hands balled into fists and she pushed against his chest. They glared at each other in angry silence for a moment.
“Look, I’ll have Thanksgiving with you at your—” she began.
“I don’t give a damn where you eat your turkey on Thursday!” he snapped.
“Why are you doing this?”
He let go of her and moved away, running a hand through his hair. He noticed her glance at the door.
“You can’t go home, Nina, you are home. That’s why I wanted to talk here—so you couldn’t walk out.”
“What does it matter if you meet my family?” she pleaded.
“It’s not a question of meeting your family.” He sighed deeply and tried to explain. “Sooner or later you’ve got to jump in with both feet, Nina. This isn’t just a casual affair or a crazy fling, and I won’t go along with pretending it is. We may come from different worlds in every respect, this may be entirely unexpected and unlooked for, but there’s something special between us. It may blow up in our faces but I’m not going to let it fall apart because we just didn’~ try “
“Are you giving me an ultimatum?”
“Yes. I don’t mean I have to meet your family Thursday. I mean you have to acknowledge that I’m part of your life and that you’re part of mine now. I love being in bed with you, Nina, but we’ve each got a whole life outside of the bedroom, a life of friends, family, work, principles. And if you try to play it safe and shut me out of the rest of your life and stay out of mine, what might have been something incredible will wind up being just a casual affair, after all. And I’m not sticking around for that, Nina. That’s not what 1 want with you.”
Nina sank into a chair, staring at the floor. She didn’t want a casual fling, either, but she wasn’t ready to jump in with both feet yet. They had made their own little world in Jesse’s cabin; but neither of them could stay in that paradise for long. They both needed their work too much, loved their careers too much. But their lifestyles, their friends, their habits were so diverse, how long would they last in the real world? Would she be left picking up the pieces alone in a few months’ time?
“I...” She noticed the incongruity of the soapy pink rubber gloves on her hands. She studied them as if she’d never seen them before. Luke came over to where she sat. He crouched before her and gently pulled them off as he spoke.
“All right. You’re confused. You need time to think. Maybe we both need a quiet night. I’m going home now. Think about what I’ve said, Nina. You know where to find me if you want t
o talk.” He kissed her forehead lightly. She was still sitting in the same position when he left.
After a few minutes, Nina leaned back in her chair and sighed heavily. She had the ball now—what was she going to do with it?
She had known from the minute she first stepped into his arms she would come to this, but she had avoided thinking about it. He hadn’t made it easy for her at the beginning, and he wouldn’t make it easy for her now. If she wanted him she’d have to leave the shallows and swim in deep water.
He had said it could blow up in their faces. Could she bear the pain of opening her life to him and then losing him? For the first time she was beginning to understand the real reason she had emerged from a broken marriage with her pride ravaged but her heart intact—her heart had never really been at risk with Philippe. Had she instinctively sought a man who wouldn’t challenge the protective barriers of emotional self-sufficiency she lived behind? A man who was quite content to wallow in the shallows for the duration of their marriage?
Looking back over the years, Nina could see the pattern forming. She loved her family, loved them openly and generously. But she had always held a large part of herself in reserve from them. Since she was the different child, the “artistic” one, they had always accepted that. Her relationships with men after Philippe might have been interesting or amusing, but they were essentially undemanding, Good friends had invited her to share herself, but she had always held back. She had always been offered love, friendship, and companionship, and yet she had been lonely her whole life.
She had thrown the fiery, passionate, needy core of herself into her singing and had nurtured her spirit there. Perhaps that had never really been enough, because now this long-haired, dungaree-wearing rock star was giving her a tantalizing glimpse of what was waiting for her if she dared risk reaching for it.
The first time they made love she had experienced not just a fusion of body and spirit, but a fusion with another human being more powerful, more consuming than she had dreamed possible. The most amazing part was that it kept getting better, growing stronger every time he touched her.
A Wilder Name Page 11