* * *
‘I am not going any further, sir.’
At last I find the courage to stand up to him. I believe he is crazy. He mutters to himself as he walks ahead of me. I believe too that he is as afraid as I am but will never admit it. He does not want to be taken prisoner, he says. A good German would rather die.
Ha! I am a good German, and I would rather live.
He turns on me. His eyes are wild with anger. ‘You dare to disobey an order!’
I will not even answer that. Down here, in this strange, black underworld, I am no longer under his command. ‘I am going back.’
His mouth curls into an ugly grin. ‘You are lost. You will never find your way.’
But I will, though he does not know it. I have made sure I will find the way out. I turn my back on him.
His voice booms behind me. ‘Take one more step and I will kill you.’
I hear the click of his gun, turn my head slowly. He stands in the shadow, I cannot see his face. All I see is the gun, pointing at me.
But he would not shoot me, surely?
For us, the war is over, for now at least. Down here there is another enemy. I am afraid to think what it is.
‘I do not believe you will hurt me, sir,’ I say, trying to convince him as much as myself. ‘You have a son my age, you once told me. You would not shoot your own son.’
And I turn from him again.
The bullet whistles by my ear. I feel a stinging pain and throw myself on the ground. The explosion roars through the caves and I can imagine the sound going from chamber to chamber, waking bats and rats and, maybe, somewhere deep in its lair, a Great Worm.
I am shaking with fear as the Captain comes and stands above me, the gun still pointing at my head.
‘I would not think twice about killing my son if he disobeyed an order.’
He says it and I believe him. This time, he would kill me.
I am about to die.
* * *
Axel shook Fiona awake and she pulled herself free of him. ‘Leave me be!’ She sniffed back a tear.
‘Come on, Fiona, have something to eat before we move.’ He was trying to hand her a packet of crisps.
Zesh rasped to him. ‘Give me the inhaler, Axel.’ Every word seemed to struggle out of him.
‘No way!’ Axel said at once. ‘Eat something and then we’re going on … without him!’
Him, of course, was Mr Marks, lying still and cold.
Zesh looked at the motionless body, then back to Axel. ‘We can’t.’
Axel sneered. ‘Leave him here, and the next time we stop, I’ll give you your inhaler. How about that?’
Zesh would have sold his soul at that moment for his inhaler. He thought about it constantly, imagined it in his hand. He imagined that one magic puff of air blowing into his mouth, travelling down into his lungs, chamber by chamber. When he thought about it like that he could almost feel its magic working, his lungs opening up, until finally, he could breathe again.
But just leave Mr Marks here. Could he do that?
It was as if Axel was reading his mind. ‘You’ve got a choice here, pal. Leave the teacher and breathe or stay here without your inhaler.’
‘You’re a pig!’ Zesh stammered.
How could he be so cruel? How could he give him such a choice? What was he going to do?
It was time to move. Axel pulled Liam to his feet, felt him tremble under his hand.
‘I’m scared, Axel.’
Axel was just as afraid, but he wouldn’t show it. He was in charge. They were going to do what he wanted and he wanted to move on quickly. This was a bad place. This was where they had lost Angie. It was wet here, and getting wetter. He panned his light around the cavern, catching shadows, watching for what? For anything. Any nightmare to leap out at them.
Yes, he wanted out of here, now.
‘Come on, Zesh. On your feet.’ His look dared Zesh to argue, but Zesh didn’t. He had no breath left. Axel held out the inhaler to him, tantalisingly. ‘Thought about it, Zesh, eh? No contest. Next time we stop, you get this. For being a good boy, doing what you’re told.’ Zesh wasn’t so bold now, with no breath in him. He could see the defeat in his face. He wanted this inhaler so badly he would sell his mother to get it.
Zesh hauled himself to his feet, clawing at the wall of rock around him. Axel would have no more trouble from him.
‘Funny how all your principles go when you want something bad enough, eh, Zesh? Everybody’s got their price.’ He laughed, enjoying the moment.
Zesh began to move after him.
‘We’ll send somebody back for the teacher,’ Axel said. And, he thought, if it was too late … too bad.
Zesh didn’t look at him. As if his shame was stopping him from looking at him.
Axel turned to Fiona, still curled up on the ground. ‘Come on, Fiona. Let’s get out of here.’ He started moving out of the cavern. She’d soon come after them when she found she was alone in the dark.
It was her yell that stopped him in his tracks, hitting the walls like a torrent. ‘NO!’
Axel swung round. Fiona was on her feet. Her face, caught in the beam of his lamp, was the colour of dough.
‘I’m not moving,’ she said. She looked like a wild child. Her purple hair was standing on end, her eyes rimmed with red. This was a different Fiona from anything he’d seen before.
‘What?’ He couldn’t understand what she meant.
‘I said, I’m not zonking coming. Are you deaf? I’m staying here. Angie might find her way back. And if we’re not here she’ll not know which way to go. She’ll be lost. So I’m waiting for her.’
With every sentence she took a step closer, her voice becoming louder till it was almost a scream. She was on the verge of hysteria. That’s what it was. Too much had happened. That stupid lassie disappearing the way she had (Axel could hardly think of it himself without breaking out in a sweat – her arms flailing, her mouth opening and closing like a fish). And Fiona had gone down after her. Why had she done that? Hysteria. It was the only answer. To add to his problems there was Zesh without a breath, and Liam shaking so much Axel thought his bones would crack and crumble. And now Fiona.
He was not having it. She was coming and that was all about it.
‘You’ve got to come. We’re all moving on. We’re getting out of here.’
She swung at him. ‘Don’t try and give me orders. You’ve not got my inhaler. I’m not a wimp.’ She glared at Liam when she said that. ‘I’m staying here. She’ll come back. I know she will.’
Axel felt like punching her. ‘No she won’t. She’s dead. She must be. Do you understand? DEAD!’
Fiona slapped her hands over her ears to shut out his words. ‘I don’t believe it! I don’t believe it!’
Liam grabbed his arm. ‘Axel, make her come!’
Axel didn’t know how to do that. All he knew was they had to get out of here. Why couldn’t he make her understand that waiting for Angie was useless?
Zesh stumbled against the wall. He wanted to crawl, anything to ease the pain in his back from trying to breathe. Fiona had surprised him. Amazed him. What did she care about Angie? She’d treated her like dirt. And now, this same Fiona was making him feel ashamed. He’d always looked down his nose at her, and now here she was, doing the right thing. Maybe not the wise thing, but the honourable thing. Refusing to move on without Angie, and him, Zesh, who always thought of himself as superior, had been ready to leave Mr Marks behind because of the promise of a breath of life later.
And could he trust Axel to keep his word? Of course he couldn’t. Axel would be more likely to hold the inhaler out to him, and just as he was about to grab for it, throw it into the depths, send it hurtling down a hole so that it tumbled down and down and down. Just like Angie. The thought made his skin tighten, made him catch his pained breath again. He was exhausted trying to breathe, wanted to stop, just for a minute. He slid to the ground again.
He kept his eyes on A
xel. The idiot didn’t know how to handle Fiona. It was almost funny watching him, listening to him blaming everyone for what was happening, too stupid to realise it was all his fault. Angie had fallen because she had tried to force him to give back the inhaler. She wouldn’t have done that if he hadn’t taken the inhaler in the first place. And Fiona wouldn’t be losing the place if Angie was still here. She’d probably be screaming at Angie instead. Axel couldn’t see any of this. Zesh could tell by Axel’s puzzled, annoyed expression that he thought everyone was losing it, except him.
Painfully, Zesh tried to speak. His words were only a rasp but he had to say them. ‘I’m staying here too.’
Chapter 23
‘Are you daft!’ Axel screamed out at Zesh. ‘I’m not giving you the inhaler at all if you stay here! What do you want to stay for?’ He didn’t wait for an answer. ‘The two of you are daft. I’m trying to help you here.’
He actually believes that, Liam was thinking, though at that moment coherent thought wasn’t something Liam could do. He couldn’t stop himself shaking. Hadn’t stopped since Angie had – NO! He couldn’t bear to think about that, he kept pushing the picture of her terrified face away from him.
Liam watched Axel, who looked as if he was ready to stamp his foot like a toddler who wasn’t getting his way. Axel wanted to be in charge. He had been, until Angie fell. Now Fiona was going against him, and Zesh too. Why Zesh? Liam couldn’t understand that. He could come on and get his inhaler or stay here, and Liam knew, and Zesh must know too that Axel wouldn’t give it to him now. He’d just have to suffer on, trying to breathe. It sounded sore. He would have felt sorry for anyone else, but not Zesh. So sure of himself. Didn’t look so sure of himself now.
Axel ran at Zesh and tried to kick him. Zesh moved his legs away just in time. But he hardly glanced at Axel. He was too exhausted.
Liam tried to listen to the sounds in the caves, but all he could hear was Zesh’s laboured breathing.
‘Right! Fine! Stay here then. But Liam and me, we’re moving. Right, Liam.’ He turned and scowled at him, daring him to refuse.
Liam nodded. ‘Right, big guy.’
Axel swung back at Fiona. ‘Are you coming or what?’
It was as if Fiona had forgotten he was there. Liam had never seen her like this. It frightened him. Too many things about all of them were changing.
Zesh wouldn’t change his mind now, either. He would stay.
And him? Liam? If he stayed here with them what chance would he have? None. But with Axel – Axel would find a way out. His sense of direction was brilliant. He’d find the way out. And when we get out, he thought, I’ll make sure we send someone back for the rest. He even moved towards them and assured them he would. Zesh didn’t answer. Fiona ignored him. Only Mr Marks, his face like wax, seemed to hear him. He murmured uneasily, as if he was having a bad dream.
You’re lucky, pal, thought Liam. You’re having the bad dream, we’re living the nightmare.
‘Come on, Liam!’ Axel called to him. Liam took one last look at Zesh. ‘I will send somebody back, I promise.’
Zesh didn’t say anything. He saved his breath for Axel with one word, and one pleading look. ‘Please …’
Didn’t he know that was the worst thing you could do with Axel? Plead with him. What better way of letting him know he has you in his power?
‘Get on with it, Zesh,’ Axel snapped. ‘It’s only asthma. It’s not as if you’re going to die or anything.’
Zesh watched as Axel and Liam were swallowed up by the darkness. He heard Axel stumble and swear, saw Liam look back and hover uncertainly before he moved after Axel.
Uncertainly. Still didn’t know what to do. Still wasn’t sure if the decision he was making was the one that would be the best for him. Zesh thought at that moment he hated Liam more than he hated Axel.
But right then he had no energy to hate anyone. He was so scared. Axel at least didn’t seem to be aware that you could die from asthma. People did. That was what was frightening Zesh so much. With every passing minute, closer to death. Shut up! He yelled it to himself. Don’t think like that. He thought instead of his mother, the way she’d held tight on to his hand during his last attack, whispering softly to him, words of encouragement, soothing words. He closed his eyes and heard her voice again.
‘You will be fine, my son.’ He could almost hear her breathing for him, and wished more than anything that she was with him now. Holding his hand, talking to him. Allah, help me, he prayed. But why should Allah listen to him? He’d never usually asked for his help.
Fiona stirred beside him. He heard her draw in a long sob. ‘Are we going to die, Zesh?’ she asked. Then she tutted. ‘What am I asking you for? You know as much as I know. What did you stay for, stupid?’
Her insults made him feel better. That was more like the old Fiona – the one he couldn’t stand. Goodness, he’d practically been feeling sorry for her for a while. Weeping for Angie, and he hated to admit this bit, but he’d also admired her. Admired the way she’d gone down into that black hole after Angie – admired the way she’d refused to move on without her. Now, with her angry tone, he felt the old familiar rush of annoyance at her and he liked it.
She twisted herself round and stared at him. In this strange, uncanny light, her eyes were bright as buttons. Black buttons, piercing into him.
‘What are you playin’ at, Zesh? You could have went on – I’d have stayed here wi’ him.’ She nodded at Mr Marks’s limp body. ‘You’re not doing anybody any good staying here.’
Zesh drew in as much breath as he could. ‘Don’t … trust … Axel.’
Fiona got to her feet. ‘Tell me about it. I don’t trust him either. But I’ll get him back, you see if I don’t.’
All this talk of getting back at people depressed Zesh. ‘You wouldn’t have been …’ he took another long breath, ‘scared here on your own?’
He was sure her eyes welled up with tears. ‘Do you think Angie’s scared wherever she is? She’s not got any company. She might be unconscious. She’ll wake up and shout or use her whistle, and if I’m not here there won’t be anybody to hear her.’
Zesh took a long time to answer that. ‘I thought … you didn’t like her.’
Fiona drew her hand across her nose and didn’t answer him. Instead, she bent down by Mr Marks. ‘Has anybody given him any water? Thought not.’ Didn’t wait for any response. Typical Fiona. ‘See you Mr Marks, as if you weren’t in a bad enough state, they want to dehydrate you as well.’
Zesh smiled. ‘Ooh, big words,’ he said weakly.
She spun round on him. ‘Aye, I do know big words. Know a lot of things. I might not read books, but I watch a lot of telly.’ She turned back to Mr Marks, twisted open her bottle of water and held it against his lips. He choked a little, his eyelids flickered, then he was still again.
‘I think he’s got concussion,’ Fiona said wisely. She sat back on her heels. ‘It was Angie always made sure he had water,’ she said. And though she didn’t turn her head to look at Zesh, didn’t make a sound, Zesh knew she was crying again.
‘See, this has got to be the right way. There’s practically a path.’ Axel was reassuring himself as much as Liam. Liam aimed his beam at the ground. A path? More like broken rocks and boulders, sent hurtling down over eons, breaking up and coming to rest in this horrible place. It was black all around and sometimes in the darkness Liam could hear sounds, scuttling sounds, like tiny things running in and out of rocks. Ants. Spiders. Rats.
He shouted to Axel to stop himself thinking about it. ‘Do you really think you can’t die of asthma?’
Axel still forged ahead, called back to him. ‘Don’t be wet. You die of cancer. Or a heart attack. Zesh is a wimp. Can’t get his breath, puts on a big act to get sympathy. Well, he’s not getting any from me.’
‘An act? Do you think it was an act?’
‘Too right. How much do you bet that five minutes after he got that inhaler he’d be right as rain. Magic
, eh?’
Liam wasn’t so sure. Zesh really hadn’t looked well. He wondered how they were doing back there.
He almost bumped into Axel, who’d come to a sudden halt. ‘What’s wrong?’
‘Can’t go any further,’ Axel shrugged. ‘We’ll have to go back. Find another way.’ He sounded surprised, as if he’d been sure this had been the right way.
Liam swung his beam around the broken black rock of the tunnel.
‘Wait a minute, Axel.’ He swung the beam again. ‘There. Look. There is an opening.’ He stepped forwards. There was a gap on the ground, narrow, but definitely another narrow tunnel. Liam bent down so his light shone through. He gasped. It led to another chamber. A vast chamber.
‘No, you were right, Axel. This is the way. It’s like a U-bend, but it goes up into another big cave.’
‘It’s too wee. We would never get through there. Well, you would. You’re anorexic. But not me.’
Liam remembered something Mr Marks had said about getting through small spaces. How it was usually possible. Put your arms above your head, as if you were going to dive through. He’d said that narrowed you right away. Liam pulled off his rucksack. He was going to try it. He wriggled himself inside. It would be tight for Axel, no doubt about that. But he would make it. In a flat-out crawl, like a worm himself, Liam slid through into the other chamber. It was vast, breathtaking, and best of all, dry. He stood up and called out. His voice echoed high up into the rocks and came rushing back at him again and again. ‘Come on, Axel!’
He waited but there was no sign of Axel coming through. He bent down and looked through. All he could see was Axel’s feet.
‘Axel,’ he called, but Axel didn’t answer him. He crouched down and laid himself flat and once again crawled back through the tunnel.
Axel’s face was like paste. He was swallowing nervously. And a thought came to Liam. ‘You’re not scared, are you, Axel?’
Axel took a deep breath. For a second Liam thought he was going to hit him. But he only yanked off his rucksack, and threw himself on the ground. He looked into the narrow opening. He said nothing for a moment, then finally, ‘Me? Scared of nothing!’
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