Amanda’s pregnancy was progressing at an unbelievable pace. The baby’s kicking had been just the tip of the iceberg. She was huge now, even though she was only a few months along, and of course, that meant the couch was no longer an option. After four days of comfortable sleep in my own bed, Amanda moved into my bedroom. That meant I was sharing a very small double bed with a very pregnant woman and a snoring beast. Not the height of comfort.
Yet that wasn’t the worst part of my new living arrangement. No, the thing that bothered me the most was not being able to see Adam. It was impossible to have him over because Amanda was at home all the time. Since moving in, she’d been anxious about going outside, and she stayed holed up in the trailer most of the day. When I did have time off, she was so happy to see me that I felt guilty for leaving her, and that meant not going to Adam’s, either. It was kinda hard to tell your friend you couldn’t sit with her and chat because you were in the middle of some melodrama with a supernatural being. It seemed Amanda and I both had secrets we couldn’t share.
I was still thinking about Amanda when I ran into Birdie at Paddy’s at lunchtime Monday.
“Did you book Thursday and Friday off with Stevie?” he asked. His expression was unreadable, but the crossed arms were a dead giveaway when I looked at him blankly. “You forgot.”
I didn’t know what to say—I kinda had. With everything going on with Amanda, Birdie’s tour had slipped my mind. And of course, Birdie didn’t know about Amanda. Haylee and I had made a promise to Amanda not to tell him, especially as she had decided in the end not to keep the baby. He might already know, but so far, he hadn’t asked, and I planned to keep it that way.
“Look, I really want you to come with me, Poe.”
“I know, it’s just that life’s gotten a little complicated,” I replied, hedging around the truth.
“It’s only as complicated as you make it, which seems to be every time you’re supposed to be with me,” he said in a hurt voice.
My guilt had a lot to answer for.
“I’m sorry. You’re right. It’d be good to get away,” I said, meaning it.
He beamed at me. “Great! The guys and I will pack the van early tomorrow so we can be ready to go after your shift. We’ll swing by the trailer and pick you and Daisy up.”
“Sure. It’s a plan.”
“We’ll have a good time, I promise,” he said with boyish enthusiasm. My chest tightened and I felt a pang of regret. Why couldn’t I just choose him?
“Okay, well, I’ve got to get back to work.”
“Yeah, sure.” Birdie kissed my forehead and walked out of Paddy’s.
I watched him disappear around the corner, wishing life could be different.
***
The next afternoon came sooner than expected. This was partly due to having to work back-to-back shifts, but having Amanda at home also made time go by quicker. I hated to admit it, but it was lonely living by myself.
“Amanda, you’re killing me.” I walked into the trailer, my nose picking up the scent of lemon chicken.
I tossed my bag on the sofa and kicked my shoes into a corner. Since Amanda had moved in, Daisy had stopped greeting me at the door. She was glued to Amanda’s side at the stove, waiting for something to fall onto the floor
“I had forgotten how much I enjoyed cooking Chinese food. How ironic, right?” Amanda gave me a small smile that stood out in stark contrast to the dark circles under her eyes. Her pregnancy was taking its toll.
I gave her a quick hug and a kiss on the cheek. “Hey, I’m not complaining. I’m a sucker for your Chinese food, as you know.” I pulled a glass out of the cupboard. Nudging Daisy out of the way with my foot, I went to the fridge to pull out the apple juice.
Amanda turned to take the wok off the stove and stopped suddenly. The color drained from her face.
“What’s wrong?” Alarmed, I stopped mid-stride on my way back to the counter. She took a deep breath and set the wok back on the electric eye. “Amanda, talk to me. What is it?” I asked, anxiety creeping into my voice. I rushed to set the glass of juice on the counter, and a small amount sloshed out onto my hand.
“It’s fine,” she said, waving me back. “I get these waves of nausea that come out of nowhere. I don’t know why it’s called morning sickness. They should call it all-the-time sickness.”
I relaxed a little. She was okay. “Is it really bad?” I asked, curious to know what being pregnant was like.
“Not all the time,” she replied, sitting down on the couch, the meal forgotten for the moment. “I feel tired a lot. In some ways, that’s worse than the nausea. But most of the time, it’s livable. Maybe I need to take vitamins or something.”
I didn’t have an answer for that and wondered if she had changed her mind about getting rid of the baby. Haylee and I had already talked about it. She was supposed to take Amanda to the clinic in Atlanta on Friday. I had some misgivings about the whole situation, especially since I’d be out of town and no help at all. Plus, it didn’t make me feel good about leaving Amanda alone until her appointment.
“Do you want me to stay?” I asked suddenly. If she said yes, I would. It would mean explaining everything to Birdie, but Amanda would understand. So would Birdie.
“No, it’s fine.” She shook her head before giving me a tired smile. She sounded far from fine. “You should go off and enjoy yourself. I’m sure it hasn’t been easy having me here.”
Frowning, I shook my head. “Don’t say that. You know that’s not true. Whatever you need, I’m here.”
“I know.” She reached out and patted my arm. “I appreciate you more than you can imagine. But that doesn’t change the fact that you have a life, too.”
“Amanda–”
“Seriously, Poe, don’t worry about it. I’ll be fine. It’s only a couple days, right?” She didn’t mention the appointment at all, which worried me.
“Haylee’s only a phone call away and me, too, for that matter. If you need anything, call me. Day or night. Whenever. I’ll come back right away.”
“I’ll probably sleep and watch TV for the next three days. Don’t worry.”
“Okay,” I said, squeezing her hand.
It was the last time I saw Amanda.
***
It was a long way from Tybee to Washington DC, especially if you had to ride in the back of a van full of band equipment with an over-attentive dog. Yet somehow I survived and managed not to break anything or strangle Daisy. Things were looking up, as far as I was concerned.
“How much farther?” I yelled up front to Birdie. Chris was driving, and Birdie was giving directions. No one had wanted to splurge for a GPS.
“Just a couple more miles,” Birdie shouted back.
We were in the city—that much was obvious. We had left behind the suburban strip malls about forty minutes ago. In their place stood overly ornate buildings and tall towers. I’d never been to our nation’s capital and somehow, no one had warned me about the grandiosity of the place. I felt like I’d been dropped into a mausoleum full of people, with all the granite and marble, columns and capstones. It was impressive. But of course, that wasn’t where we were staying. We drove past all the luxury and the tourists until we reached a part of the city that was seedier, dirtier, and full of homeless people.
After we checked into our motel, we still had a couple of hours before the guys had to be at the club for sound check, so Birdie and I decided to take in some sights. Although we were in a slightly run-down part of town, at least there was a metro stop, and that made it easy for us to get around. Birdie dragged me to the Spy Museum, of course, and the Smithsonian. To be honest, it wasn’t that bad.
Sitting in a small café, I took a sip of my soda and looked across the booth at Birdie. He gave me a questioning look.
“What?” he asked as he took a bite of his burger. “What’s the look for?”
“Nothing,” I replied, giving him a smile.
“It’s just weird being away from home with you on a tour.”
Birdie snorted. “Hardly a tour, but thanks for the support.”
I played with a french fry on my plate, dragging it through ketchup, then using it to make a smiley face on my plate. “No, I mean it.” Dropping the fry, I wiped my hand on a napkin. “I didn’t know what to expect, and it’s been fun being part of the band. Well, you know what I mean. It’s been nice.”
“You haven’t even gotten to see us perform yet. Just wait.” He grinned at me.
“This is a big deal, this show.” I looked at him. “It’s not like playing Spanx. Are you nervous?”
Birdie’s face took on a solemn look. “Yeah, a little, but I’m tired of just playing local. It’s time we stepped it up a bit. I’m hoping tonight’s a big win for us, but even if it isn’t, it’s not the end of the world. I mean, you gotta believe that you can do it, right? That’s half the battle.”
I reached across the table and grabbed his hand. “Sorry. I shouldn’t have said anything.”
“It’s fine,” he replied, rubbing his thumb across my knuckles. “I’m just glad you’re here to share it.” I shrugged nonchalantly. “No, I’m serious, Poe. I like having you around, and the guys are okay with it, too. If we do it again, I’d like you to come, too.”
I pulled my hand out of his and started to play with my napkin. “Yeah, it’d be cool, but I’ve got to work and pay my bills, you know? Stevie isn’t going to put up with us both being gone at the same time. He almost had a fit this time around.”
Birdie placed his hand over my mine, forcing my hand to still. I raised my eyes to gaze at him, my heart beating against my ribcage.
“There’s more to life than Paddy’s…that is, if you want more.” His eyes had that serious look. “I don’t wanna stay in Tybee forever, Poe, and I know you don’t, either. Don’t settle. Come with me.”
I forced a smile, but didn’t let go of his hand. “I feel very lucky to have you in my life, you know that, right? I’d love to be able to make decisions like you do, but I can’t. I don’t know what I want anymore and am in no position to make promises I can’t keep. Either way, you’re going to make it, Birdie, with or without me. I may not know a lot, but I know this.” It was an awkward speech, but the best I could come up with. The irony wasn’t lost on me. I had wanted excitement for so long, and now I had it in spades and didn’t know what to do with it.
“Is it because of that Adam guy?”
“Not exactly,” I replied, trying to find a way to make it easier on him. “I feel like right now I’m where I’m supposed to be. That’s silly, right? I mean, nothing’s changed. I’m still a waitress working in a bar in my hometown. I’ve wanted to get away from there for so long.” I grappled with the words. “But I feel like something is going to happen, something big. I want to find out what it is.”
It was as close to the truth as I was going to get.
Birdie untangled his hand from mine and sighed. I knew he was disappointed, but what else was I supposed to say? “Well, the offer still stands, whatever you choose.”
There was an awkward pause.
“Thanks,” I replied, grasping for an exit, “but enough future talk. What do you want to do now? When do we have to be back to the club?”
We finished our lunch and made a quick pit stop at an underground mall, where Birdie splurged on a new pair of jeans. I opted for something small and simple—a tiny jade dog on a delicate chain for Amanda. Birdie had raised an eyebrow at the price, but I bought it, anyhow. Amanda was sure to love it.
We got to the club in plenty of time to do the Robotic Overlords’ sound check, and it went off without a hitch, much like their set. The club wasn’t as packed as what you’d expect for an Overlords show, but by the end, there was plenty of hooting and clapping, especially when Birdie sang his falsetto rendition of an Iggy Pop song. It was a good gig, and Birdie sang his heart out. There would be new fans, I was sure of it.
The next day, the boys packed up their equipment in the back of the van while I took Daisy for a walk, and then we were off again. This time, we were following the headliner up to New York City—another long drive, but I was getting used to it. The trick was to just go with it—accept that you were stuck in a crappy minivan and have some fun. By the time we got to the Big Apple, my sides were aching from all the laughing. Outside of their band personas, Birdie, Chris, and Andre were just a bunch of juvenile jokesters who helped lighten my mood. I hadn’t realized how stressed out I was until this trip. It helped put some perspective on everything. Maybe Birdie was right—maybe it made sense to take a break from Tybee, go on a tour circuit with him…It gave me something to think about.
After New York City, the band had one more gig up in Boston, and before I knew it, we were done and heading back home. Five days had flashed by in the blink of an eye, and while I was looking forward to sleeping in my own bed, I wasn’t looking forward to going back to the day-to-day grind. The one highlight would be seeing Adam. I had made a decision to make time for him, no matter what, when I got back. Amanda was sure to understand and as she’d said, I needed to gain back a little of my life. Plus, I hadn’t told him I was going out of town—it would be good to check in with him.
What I wasn’t expecting when Birdie pulled up in my driveway was for Adam to be standing in it—or rather, standing on my front porch, glaring, as Birdie brought the van to a stop. Birdie reacted before I could.
“What the fuck is he doing here?”
“I have no idea,” I answered truthfully. “I didn’t even tell him I was gone, so I don’t know how he knew when I was coming back.” It didn’t take a rocket scientist to figure out he’d probably spoken to Stevie, but I didn’t bring that up in front of Birdie in case he accused Adam of stalking me at work. “It’s okay, Birdie.”
I opened the sliding van door and got out, Daisy barking happily as she trotted toward the trailer door. As Daisy reached the porch, Adam bent down and petted her—Daisy was like putty in his hands. If only it was that easy, I thought, sighing. I grabbed my bag and started to follow Daisy toward the trailer when I noticed Birdie had gotten out of the minivan and was storming toward Adam, too.
“Birdie, wait,” I shouted across the yard, trying to catch up with him, but I was bogged down with my bag. He wasn’t listening to me and instead was on a collision course with trouble, his stride angry and purposeful. I watched in horror as he approached Adam and pushed him hard.
“What the fuck is your problem?” shouted Birdie. “Why are you always all up in her business, huh?”
“Stop it,” I shouted as I finally caught up with the two of them, wedging myself between the men, pushing each away in turn. “Adam, no, I mean it, damn it.” I knew what he was capable of, and I didn’t like the look he gave Birdie. This situation was ridiculous. “Birdie, stop it—I’m serious. Stop being a jackass. This isn’t your business!” I dropped my bag in the dirt and yanked hard on his shirt, making him follow me to a neutral place in the yard.
“You have got to stop this. It isn’t fair!” I was so angry that I thought I would hit him.
“Don’t talk to me about fair, all right?” he snapped. “I have to watch the two of you, and all the while my heart is dying in my chest. Do you have any idea what that’s like?” He didn’t give me a chance to answer. “No, that’s right. You don’t, because you don’t have a fucking heart.”
“Don’t do this, Birdie.” It was like he’d slapped me across the face. I felt the tears spring to my eyes.
“It’s already done. I’m done. Jesus. I fucking loved you.” He stormed back to the minivan and got in, banging the door shut. I saw Chris and Andre, wide-eyed, for about ten seconds until Birdie slammed the van in reverse and squealed down and out my driveway.
Adam strode over and came to a standstill in front of me.
“Where on earth have you been?” he demanded.
His tone left me speechless.
“Seriously? Thanks a goddamn lot. See what you just did? And while we’re at it, I don’t have to check in with you, got it? You’re not my dad!”
Adam dragged his hand through his hair before placing his hands on his hips. His gesture exposed a tailored navy blue shirt under his charcoal wool coat and faded jeans. He looked tired and haggard, with day-old stubble.
“How am I supposed to watch over you if I do not know where you are? You cannot just run off without consulting me,” he said, taking a step closer while waving his hands in the air.
“You don’t own me, and I sure as hell don’t owe you anything,” I said, my voice tense. I couldn’t handle any more after Birdie and walked past him, toward the porch stairs.
“You are trying my patience,” he growled. He grabbed my arm and spun me around. The buzzing was fleeting as I slapped him hard across his face.
“Who do you think you are?” I hissed. My emotions tumbled around inside me—anger, embarrassment, humiliation, shame, disappointment.
He rubbed at the red splotch that was blossoming on his jaw before dropping his hand. He paused, narrowing his eyes.
“I am the Watcher,” he replied, emotionless.
“Who cares? I don’t need watching! I had my own life before you came and screwed it up!” I exclaimed, stunned by the resentment I felt at his boldness. It was wrong for him to be here right after my fight with Birdie.
“You are right.” His voice was hard and unyielding. “I have meddled in your human affairs and taken risks that have put us both in jeopardy. It is unforgiveable. I will not cause further harm by continuing an improper relationship with you.”
“Good! ’Cause I’m over it and over you,” I shouted at him. I didn’t really mean it, but he had pushed me too far.
Watcher (The Shining Ones Book 1) Page 15