by Liz Harris
‘It must be her,’ she said, her voice a whisper. ‘She must really hate me.’
He stood up. ‘If you feel strong enough for me to leave you, I’ll go and get her. Aaron saw her go to the river.’
Connor sat at one end of the living room table and Ellen at the other. Bridget sat between them, a sullen expression on her face.
Connor sat back in his chair and stared at her. ‘We’re not going anywhere. I’m not going outside. You’re not going to your room. We’re not leaving this table until we know why you acted in such a way. You’re not a mean girl, Bridget, but that was a real mean thing you did, and I wanna know why you’d do a thing like that.’
Bridget stared at the table in silence.
‘You’ve not been yourself all week,’ he went on. ‘Something happened last weekend that turned you against Ellen. And not just Ellen – I’ve felt you hostile to me. I wanna know what it was.’
‘Nothing happened.’
‘Yes, it did. Whatever it was, it upset you deeply. So deeply that several days later you’re still hurting so badly that you destroyed the only dress that Ellen had for the wedding. Now what was it?’
She threw a bitter glance at Ellen, tightened her lips and turned away. Folding her arms, she stared straight ahead of her.
Ellen stood up. ‘I’ll leave you to talk while I have a stroll around the corrals. I might as well do that as anything else – the dress is beyond repair.’ She walked across the room to the kitchen door.
‘The light’s going,’ he called after her. ‘Remember there’s been rustling in the area and stay close to the house, won’t you?’ He heard the door click shut behind her, and he turned to Bridget. ‘Now, young lady, what’s this all about?’
She stared down at the table.
‘Come on, Bridget. There’s nothing you can’t tell me. I think this is about more than your uncle leaving. Am I right?’ She kicked her foot against the leg of the table, her eyes still on the table. ‘Have you done something you shouldn’t, and you’re feeling guilty? Apart from Ellen’s dress, I mean. If you have, I can help you sort it out.’ He paused, but she said nothing. ‘Are you upset because someone’s hurt you? Has Ellen done something to upset you, and has that made you act unkindly towards her? Does your hostility to me mean that I’m being blamed all over again for bringing her here?’
Silence.
‘Say something, Bridget.’
‘I haven’t done anything wrong, and no one’s been nasty to me. There, I’ve said something.’
He stared at her thoughtfully.
‘Is this about Ellen’s appearance?’ he asked at last. ‘Are you worried about the folks coming to the wedding who haven’t seen Ellen before, fearing that they might stare at us? Was destroying her dress a way of trying to stop her from going?’
She glared at him. ‘Of course not. I don’t care what people say about her. It’d be her they’d be staring at, not me. It’s nothing to me.’
‘I’m not so sure that it’s nothing to you, but I’ll accept that it’s not what’s upset you this week. So what is it, Bridget? We’re gonna stay here till I know, however long it takes. This is not just about your Uncle Niall, is it?’
‘I’m sorry he’s gone,’ she muttered. ‘I like him.’
‘That’ll have made you unhappy at the weekend. It doesn’t explain you destroying Ellen’s dress a week later. And anyway, I was the one who told Niall to go, not Ellen.’
‘It’s what Miss Quinn said today,’ she blurted out.
‘Oonagh!’ he exclaimed. He stared at her in amazement. ‘What did she say?’
‘Nothin’.’
‘I’ll forget you said that. Now tell me what she said that’s got you mad?’
‘It’s about what Ellen told her at the sewing bee.’ She stopped, and bit her lip.
‘And?’ he prompted.
She looked up at him, her eyes accusing. ‘Ellen told her that you and her … that you didn’t love Ma any more.’
He stared at her in surprise. ‘But you know that’s not true, don’t you? I’ll always love your ma. I’ve loved her since the moment I first saw her, and I’ll never stop loving her just because I can’t see her.’ He paused. ‘You know that, don’t you?’
Her eyes on his face, she nodded slowly.
He leaned forward. ‘And I think we’ve both known Ellen long enough to know that she’d never tell anyone that I’d stopped loving your ma. She knows I haven’t, like I know she still has feelings for her dead husband. You don’t truly think she’d have said a thing like that, do you?’
‘Miss Quinn wouldn’t have made it up.’
‘I’m not saying that she would, but she might have misunderstood what she was being told.’ He stared at her for a moment or two, his brow furrowed. ‘I’m curious,’ he said finally. ‘Why did Oonagh bring up the subject of Ellen and me?’
‘She kept me back at the end of school today and said she was worried about me. She said I seemed sad and she asked if I was unhappy. I said I was.’
‘That’ll be about Uncle Niall moving out, won’t it?’
She glanced up at him, then quickly looked away. ‘A little.’
‘Only a little? What else were you unhappy about?’
She sat still. He could see that she was nibbling the inside of her mouth.
He leaned closer to her. ‘Come on, honey. Tell me,’ he said gently.
‘It wasn’t just what Miss Quinn said – it was what Uncle Niall said, too. Down by the creek, he said you wanted a son. He said you’d always wanted a son, and so had Ma, and that’s why she died. And he said that Ellen wants a child who’s hers. I’m yours, not hers. And he said he had to move out because he’d be in the way once you’ve got a new baby.’
He drummed his fingers on the table, then stopped. ‘You’re only eight, Bridget, and I don’t know real well what to say to you. Part of what they’ve told you is true, and I won’t tell you that it isn’t. But only a part of it, and the way they’ve put it together has made it come out all wrong. I’m sure they didn’t mean to tell you something that wasn’t right, but that’s what’s happened.’
‘I thought Miss Quinn was wrong about you and Ellen,’ she said triumphantly. ‘And Uncle Niall was wrong, too, about you wantin’ a son?’
‘That part’s true.’
She slumped in her chair. ‘So he did have to leave ’cos you want to be alone with the baby and he’d be in the way.’
‘It’s not exactly that, it’s more …’
‘And what about me? Will I be in the way, too?’ she said sharply, sitting upright. ‘It’ll be you, that woman and the baby. I won’t be wanted any longer.’ She stared at him, hurt in her eyes.
He got up, went around the table to her and hugged her. ‘There’ll never be a moment in my life when you’re not wanted. I’ll always love your mother and I’ll always love you. Nothing will ever alter that.’ He kissed the top of her head, pulled his chair around to the side of the table and sat down next to her.
‘But when you get a son …’
‘You will still be every bit as important to me as you are today, as you’ve been since the moment you were born. Nothing’s gonna change that. But most farmers want a son. There’s men’s work on a ranch and a woman’s work. You know that. Every homesteader needs a son to take over the man’s work so that the farm can pass from generation to generation. I’m no different.’
‘I can farm. You said how good I was.’
‘And that was true, and it still is. But take a look at yourself, honey.’ He smiled at her. ‘You’re already beautiful, and you’re going to be even more beautiful when you grow up, just like your ma was. Someone is going to come along, marry you and take you away. That someone will live close by, I hope,’ he added with a grin. ‘I’d like to think you’ll never be far from me. But with you gone …’ He gestured helplessness with his hands.
‘Then he could do the man’s work for you and be your son.’
‘But we don�
�t know that, do we? He might have his own farm to run.’
‘Suppose you don’t get a boy? Martha’s not got a brother.’
‘Then I hope one of you will live here with your husband. Or all of you. We’d build another house.’
‘Why didn’t you build a house for Uncle Niall?’
‘The truth is, he’d hate living on the homestead. He’s always known that, and that’s why he walked out all those years ago. He came back because he hit hard times, and that’s the only reason. And he was only ever going to be here till he got himself sorted out. Whatever he let you think, that’s the truth. I may have given him a little push, but he was always gonna go. He found lodgings in town a while ago, and was staying there when he wasn’t here. He’s like Oonagh. They both belong in a town – it’s where they’re happiest.’
‘Is that why you didn’t wed Miss Quinn?’
He hesitated. ‘Nothing’s that straightforward,’ he said. ‘And that brings me back to the subject of Ellen’s dress. Why did you do such a nasty thing, Bridget? You can’t truly blame Ellen for me wanting a son or for Niall leaving. So why?’
‘I know Ellen’s ugly, but I’ve got used to her face and you will have, too. And when Miss Quinn said that about you and her … and then I got back from school and I saw the dress hanging there … She thinks it makes her look as good as she can look … I didn’t want her to look good.’
‘Your ma was beautiful inside, and I think Ellen’s a good woman, too. People like that always look good, whatever they’re wearing. I’m disappointed in you, Bridget. If you’d come and talked to me as soon as you got back from school, this might have been avoided.’ He paused a moment. ‘You like Ellen, don’t you? You say you’ve got used to her face. I thought you seemed to be getting used to her as a person, too.’
She shrugged her shoulders. ‘She’s all right, but not as all right as Miss Quinn would have been. I would’ve preferred Miss Quinn to be your wife.’
‘As you made very clear at the time,’ he said dryly.
She gave him a wan smile.
‘You’ve got a lot to make up for, young lady. Ellen has the right to be real angry with you, and so have I. After all, she’ll be walking in at my side tomorrow.’
She looked up at him in alarm. ‘I forgot that.’
‘I figured you did. Everyone will be in their best clothes, but not her. The day was going to be hard enough for her as it was, meeting so many people who hadn’t seen her before. You’ve made it that much harder. You go and apologise to her. When we’ve had time to think about it, we can decide on a fitting punishment. You’ll find her outside. She won’t have gone far from the house.’
She turned and hugged him tightly. ‘I’m sorry, Pa,’ she said, her voice muffled by his shirt, then she slipped down from her chair and ran off to the kitchen. He heard her open the door and run outside.
‘She’s in bed,’ Ellen said, coming from Bridget’s bedroom into the living room. ‘And she’s apologised again. I think I’ve now had three apologies. She hasn’t told me why she did it, though.’ She went into the kitchen, picked up the water jug from beside the sink and filled the deep pan on the top of the stove with water. ‘I’ll do the dishes when the water’s boiled. Then I’ll go to bed, too.’
She went across to the window table and sat down. Connor got up from the dinner table and took the seat opposite her.
‘Did she tell you why she did it?’ she asked.
‘I reckon we got it sorted out. Little bits of truth had been put together in such a way that they came out all wrong. Between them, Niall and Oonagh managed to give Bridget the wrong impression about why Niall left.’ He shifted to a different position. ‘And about what I feel for you.’
‘What do you mean, what you feel for me?’
‘It’s something you said to Oonagh. She repeated it to Bridget, but in a way that made it sound different from what I’m guessing you said.’
‘I told her I thought we were closer than we used to be.’
‘She made more of it to Bridget than it was. I’m sure she didn’t mean to do that, but it’s easy for things to be taken wrongly.’
‘I won’t speak to Oonagh in such a way again,’ she said quietly.
He nodded. ‘There’s something else, too, and it got me thinking. I told Bridget that you were a good woman and that she could trust you to be honest in what you said, and she accepted that.’
Her eyes met his across the table. ‘Is this about last weekend?’
He nodded. ‘I reckon I may have got things wrong. When I said that to Bridget, I knew at that moment how much I believed it myself. I tried to talk myself into going along with what Niall said, but I don’t think I ever truly thought that you would have gone into the bedroom with him if I hadn’t come back when I did.’
‘Thank you. It means a lot to me to hear you say that.’
‘Are we friends again?’ he asked with a wry smile.
‘Cautious friends,’ she said, and she got up. ‘The water’s ready. I must wash the dishes.’
She went across to the kitchen. Connor got up and followed her. Leaning against the wall, she felt his eyes on her as she organised the dirty dishes.
‘Have you something in mind to wear tomorrow?’ he asked after a few minutes.
She glanced at him over her shoulder. ‘I’ll find something, but I’ve got a limited choice.’
‘I’m real sorry about what Bridget did.’
She stopped what she was doing and looked at him. ‘I know you are, Conn. And I believe Bridget is, too. Maybe it’s for the best, though. The other dress was very bright. It would have drawn attention to me and I wouldn’t have liked that. No, I truly think it might be for the best.’ She turned back to the sink.
‘It’s mighty kind of you to take it like that. A lot of women wouldn’t have. And now I’d better go and check on the animals,’ he said.
She nodded to him, and he went across to the kitchen door, started to open it, stopped and turned back to her. ‘I’ve been wondering all week,’ he said.
Hearing the awkwardness in his voice, she looked at him questioningly.
‘When you stood close to Niall on Saturday night, real close, did you feel anything for him? You know what I mean. He’s a good-lookin’ man, easy with women, easier than I am. Please tell me truthfully.’
His blue eyes were clouded with anxiety.
She shook her head. ‘No, Connor. Nothing like you mean. I felt nothing for Niall. You wed me despite the way I looked, and I’ll not forget that. You can trust me to be true to you in every way – in what I think and what I do. You’re a good man, and I’m lucky to be your wife.’
‘This sounds like dutiful Ellen speaking,’ he said, with a sudden grin. ‘Not the spirited Ellen I started to see before Niall came into our lives.’
‘Dutiful or not, it’s the truth.’ She smiled slowly. ‘The other Ellen’s still there. She’s just been a little overwhelmed by what’s happened in the last week or two.’
‘She’ll come back, won’t she? I was starting to like her.’
‘Of course she will. After all, wasn’t spirited Irishness a part of the bargain?’
He shook his head. ‘Back to that bargain again, are we?’ He stared at her long and hard. ‘I think I mean something else, Ellen, but I don’t rightly know what I mean.’ He took his hat from the peg by the door and put it on. ‘I won’t be long.’ He opened the door wider, took a step outside and turned back to her.
‘You’re wrong, you know,’ he said. ‘It’s not for the best that Bridget damaged your dress. You would have looked well in it.’
And he pulled the door shut behind him.
Chapter Twenty-Four
‘Are you ready?’ Connor shouted towards the bedrooms as he pulled the front door open. ‘If we’re gonna see the Reverend do his part, it’s time we left.’
He picked up two of the baskets that had been placed by the door, went through the open doorway and turned towards the side of the
house. Seeing Aaron coming towards him, pulling the horses and a ribbon-garlanded wagon, he stopped and waited for him.
‘Feels mighty strange to be wearing my Sunday suit on a Saturday,’ Aaron said, grinning at Connor. ‘But I expect it’s nothin’ to the fuss that Bridget and Miss Ellen will be makin’.’ He ran his fingers between his neck and shirt collar.
‘I reckon Ellen hasn’t got a lot to make a fuss with,’ Connor said, lifting the baskets into the back of the wagon. ‘But I’m sure she’ll look well enough. Bridget’s planning to wear the blue dress her ma made for her. It was too big for her when Alice made it, but it should look real good on her now.’
‘Ah, here’s Bridget!’ Aaron exclaimed.’ Oh …’ He broke off and looked at Connor in surprise.
Connor took a step forward and stared at Bridget in amazement.
She stopped walking and stared back at him.
‘Why are you wearing your school dress?’ he asked. ‘You were gonna wear the dress your ma made.’
‘I think I’ll wear this. I can wear Ma’s dress another time.’
‘But why? This is a wedding. Women always get dressed up for a wedding. Girls, too. Everyone else will be wearing pretty dresses.’
‘Ellen won’t,’ she said bluntly.
‘Who wants me?’ Ellen asked, coming out of the house. ‘I heard my name.’ She stopped short. ‘Bridget, what are you wearing?’
Bridget glanced at her over her shoulder, then looked back at the ground in front of her. ‘My school dress.’
‘I can see that. But why?’
Bridget kicked a clump of grass with the toe of her boot. Connor looked over Bridget’s head at Ellen. He shrugged his shoulders and gestured helplessly.
Ellen came forward and placed herself in front of Bridget. She put her finger under Bridget’s chin and raised her face. ‘Is this about my dress?’ she asked gently. ‘I can’t wear my pretty dress because of what you did, so you won’t wear yours either?’
Bridget nodded slowly.
Ellen put her arms around her and hugged her tightly. ‘You’ve said sorry several times since yesterday, and I’ve accepted your apology each time. I already believed that you regretted what you did. But by putting your school dress on today, it tells me that you truly did mean everything you said. I’m so grateful for that, Bridget. So very grateful.’