by Anita Lesko
And more on the medical model, Temple added, “On the medical model, with the fully verbal kids, I think that’s holding them back on the job front. However, a diagnosis is helpful for an older child, teenager, or adult to help them understand why they’re having problems with relationships.” As a person who didn’t discover I’m on the autism spectrum until I was fifty, I couldn’t agree more.
This truly is Temple’s big message, her big dream for everyone on the autism spectrum: “The bottom line is, I want to see kids be successful. I want them to be able to get and keep jobs, to not get in trouble with the law, to not get into drugs, to get married and have a family, and to have a good life. I recently talked to two moms at a conference, one with a young daughter, the other a son. The girl had gotten a job for three summers in a row at the front counter of an ice cream shop. She had to wait on customers, scoop ice cream, serve it, and handle money. She became interested in nursing, and now is in college to become a nurse! She developed the necessary skills while working at that ice cream job. The boy, however, got hooked on video games, and the parents can’t get him off them.”
Temple went on about experiences at conferences, “When a parent says they’re ‘thinking’ about getting their kid a job, I tell them, ‘Well you can’t just think about it! You’ve got to just do it!’ While academics are important, parents get too hung up on their kids’ Individualized Education Program (IEP), and totally forget about the need to learn life skills. They get so focused on putting kids in advanced placement classes, that you’ve got kids in Silicon Valley jumping in front of a train due to the pressure they’re under from overload of academics. When I was a kid, I’d make a lot of things and do experiments, but these kids of today, they’re standing behind their mothers as the mother is doing all the talking for them. When I was their age, I was already shopping for snacks on my own in a grocery store! I was also attracted to doing authoritative things, like working the cattle and operating the hydraulic chute. I’d have to push until I got to do it. I loved to bring up the cattle, but I got really excited when I got to operate the hydraulic squeeze chute. Once the crew working with the cattle saw that I could do it, they eased up on me. I always had to prove myself. I can remember the first feed yards I ever went to: I watched, and watched, and watched. Then, I just picked up one of the vaccinating guns and I started vaccinating the cattle! (Temple sounded quite pleased with herself.) I can still remember the day I did that.”
I was curious, trying to envision the reactions those men would have had toward a stranger—even worse, a female stranger—who just came in and started working. “Temple,” I asked, “at these feed lots, what were the worker’s reactions to you?” She gushed proudly, “They usually just let me do it! They were probably shocked. Then, when everyone would take a break, they’d come over and talk to me. They’d accept me for the most part. The ones who gave me the most trouble about being a girl were the foremen. And it wasn’t the big bosses, it was always middle management. Discrimination. Once I had to tell the foreman that the corrals didn’t work, and he responded by slapping me on the butt. Now that’s a very difficult thing to have to deal with.” I was wondering about things like that happening to a lone female at those big cattle ranches with tons of men there.
Temple started, “I’m on my bed here in my hotel room, and I’ve got this big stack of my books piled up next to me. I’ve got to sign all of them for the conference. I’m trying really hard not to get any marker on this white bedspread!”
“Oh, that’s too funny!” I replied. “I’m just picturing you like that! What a great scene for this book, for everyone to envision.”
Let me also share this with you, a new phenomenon Temple is noticing at conferences. She exclaimed, “Let me tell you what else I’m seeing! At these conferences, I’m seeing all kinds of people my age coming up to me to tell me they just found out their grandkid is on the spectrum, and once they learn about it, they’re pretty sure they’re on the autism spectrum, too! I just got a letter from an eighty-one-year-old. He said he saw my movie, and really resonated with it. He then understood why he was the way he was! These are people that had decent jobs their whole life; they were in IT, accounting, or and other professions, and they only found out about their ASD when their grandkid got diagnosed! They never knew why they didn’t fit in, but they all had decent jobs. A man around the age of sixty recently came up to me to say his granddaughter just got diagnosed, and he realized that he has autism. That helped him understand himself. I’m really starting to think that the fully verbal kids, who can read and write at an adult level, are being held back by their autism diagnosis. What I’m learning from these older people who discovered they were on the spectrum later in life is that their diagnosis helped with their relationships.”
Temple had more to say, “Since they changed the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, Fifth Edition (DSM-5) in 2013, it seems to have gotten worse. There are instances of kids who are seventeen, eighteen, even nineteen years old who have never shopped. The difference between these kids and the previous generation is that the older people had jobs when they were kids! I was at an airport the other day and I saw an article in a magazine about the kids of today, how they’re not learning how to work. This had nothing to do with autism! It was about kids in general.”
Let me tell you about what Temple experienced the other day at an autism conference. “I was in McGowan, Texas the other day, and a family came up to me and said the advice I’d given them two years earlier was life changing. I asked, what advice did I give you? They said, ‘You told us to get our ASD kid out and actively doing things! We did that, and it’s been life changing.’ This was an elementary school age kid, fully verbal. Remember when I talked about Mr. Patey at the boarding school, who refused to allow me to become a recluse at the school? That’s the only way to get these kids going!”
This really upsets Temple. “These kids of today make their autism their identity. You’ve got to work really hard with early intervention to get little kids talking. After that, these kids need to be out in the world doing things, like joining the Girls Scouts or Boy Scouts, or doing some kind of job to teach them career skills.”
That was Temple’s big message she wanted to get out there. I think she said it loud and clear. To all who are on the autism spectrum, don’t look at your autism diagnosis! When you take your eyes off the goal and look at your autism, you are the one creating your own obstacles. Instead, look ahead at whatever goal you choose and work diligently towards achieving it. Never take your eyes off that goal!
CHAPTER 27
Being Different—Really Different!
Sometimes I’d call Temple and she would start telling me about a lengthy conversation she had with someone, like perhaps a young adult with autism, who got her phone number and simply called her to ask for advice. Once, she had just finished up a call from a young male on the spectrum who was asking advice on how to deal with anger. Temple told him she learned how to control her anger by learning how to cry. I asked her when that happened, and she told me, “I got in a gigantic fist fight at my boarding school. They took away horseback riding for two weeks. That’s when I switched! I was still miserable, but that was the end of the fighting. The fight ensued because I was being bullied and being called names by a boy at school. He kept at it, and finally I punched him—with both fists. I had to learn that you just don’t do that. He got in some trouble, but I got in a lot more trouble. I told the boy on the phone about a time when I was younger. I was at a job, and I had a plant manager screaming the obscenities at me for four hours straight during an equipment startup. I’d go to the engine room and cry to vent my anger. I’d just go cry! You can’t ever show any signs of anger at any job. Never. I also explained to him that at seventeen, I was cleaning out horse stalls and hand-painting signs! I wasn’t giving autism talks.”
Here’s what I mean about Temple being different from others who are different. Temple is a global phenomenon
, but you’d never know it by how humble she is. She answers the phone for anyone who calls her hoping to talk to her. No one at her level of fame does that. They simply don’t. She’s not arrogant or conceited, she treats everyone with the same respect. She doesn’t live in a million-dollar home. Instead, she uses her money for very philanthropic purposes, and chooses to live a modest lifestyle.
I asked Temple the following question for your sake. As for myself, I wouldn’t have had to ask it, as I knew what her answer would be. “Temple, do you have any regrets in your life? She answered, “Well, I’ve done a lot of exciting things. Yes, there are some things I didn’t do, that others have. But I’ve experienced many great things. I was just out to dinner with someone and I was showing them pictures of my trip to Cape Kennedy, and they said, ‘Boy, you sure have an exciting life, and get to do exciting things!’ Sure, there’s things in life that I don’t have that other people have, but I’ve done a lot of really unique things. I don’t regret anything.” I replied, “Indeed, you have.”
I hope you feel like you have gotten to know Temple Grandin like you never thought possible. I’ve shared every last detail of her life with you, so she’s like your new friend. In fact, I’d bet you know more about Temple now than you do about your best friend! I hope you realized that Temple is, mostly, just like everyone else. What do I mean by that? Well, here’s the deal: on one hand Temple is just like everyone else, but she has massive perseverance, ethics, and that sense of responsibility far beyond the average Joe. Temple truly is “all that and a bag of chips!”
I’ve just got to tell you this one last thing that happened, because I think you will see it to be as profound as I did. After her seventieth birthday celebration, Temple and I were in her vehicle driving over to Cheryl Miller’s home for a private party. I asked Temple, “Don’t you feel proud of yourself for all your accomplishments?” She went on, “Of course I’m proud of myself, but I’ve never let that get to my head. I feel good doing the right thing!” I felt totally overwhelmed at that moment, realizing that I’m sitting there in a vehicle with one of the most famous people in the world, and she just said that. That was one of the most profound moments of my life. I will remember it forever. Temple Grandin truly is one of the most influential people of our time.
AFTERWORD
Wow, this has been quite the journey. On that rainy day when Temple called me at work, I couldn’t have known what would evolve from that conversation. It evolved into one of my most critical missions of my life. Temple’s great sense of responsibility has osmosed into me: I felt it my duty to enable you to get to know her like she’s your new best friend, and I am using this book as a megaphone to blast Temple’s big message to the millions of individuals on the autism spectrum.
This also became a very personal journey for myself. As Temple and I talked, we learned more and more about each other. I discovered how very much I am like Temple. Temple wanted me to tell you everything, in particular about the fact that I came from a very poor family. Do you remember back in Chapter 13, where Temple shared things that make her cry? People have bashed her because she came from a wealthy family; they’ve said that’s the reason why Temple got to where she is. After reading this book, you should know that Temple got to where she is due to her extreme perseverance, thirst for knowledge, and endless hard work. So, why does Temple want me to tell you that I came from a very poor family? She wants people to see that an individual with autism who comes from a poor family can become successful by those same virtues: extreme perseverance, a thirst for knowledge, and endless hard work. Yes, it sure can be done. It isn’t easy, but it can be done.
Temple also knows of all the childhood jobs I did, jobs that built the foundation for my future. I’ve been working since I was twelve years old. There was no such thing as having to ‘transition’ from high school or college to the work world; it evolved over time, a gradual progression, gaining strength and momentum as I went along.
Like Temple, I spent a lot of my youth mucking out horse stalls and being in charge of school horses and the barn. I started that job when I was twelve and worked every summer, as well as weekends and holidays, into my early twenties. Temple did all those same things while she was at the boarding school. There were many other jobs we both did as kids, which got us out there “doing stuff,” as Temple likes to say! Each job was yet another learning experience of learning life skills. There’s no substitute for this path to success. The only way to get there is by starting at a very early age to start doing some kind of job or volunteer work, and experiencing anything that gets you out interacting with others and learning new things. A person can’t sit home on their computer, get a degree, then think you can go out and then learn how to work. Autism or not, it’s up to the parents to get these kids active and engaged. Temple told me about an article she read in some business magazine while she was at an airport just recently. It was about the kids of today not knowing how to work. It wasn’t about kids with autism, just kids in general. Well, it’s a sign of our time. Parents let their kids get addicted to video games and all kinds of electronics, and spend all their time on them. I never see kids outside playing hopscotch, tag, or any other old-fashioned kid games. Nor are they out doing any sort of jobs.
Today, kids with autism are the ones struggling because they didn’t get started young doing what Temple and I did: working. We came from a generation where hard work was just the normal way of life. There were no computers, no video games, no tablets, nothing to sit and interact with in solitude day after day, accomplishing nothing. We all had paper routes, worked around the home, helped out on the farm, and learned to work and accrue life skills.
I hope the pages within this book serve to change the world’s view of autism. I have left no stone unturned in revealing the depth of Temple Grandin. The world got a great look at her life in the HBO movie Temple Grandin, and I have now taken you on a longer journey to know her.
As for my own personal journey on this endeavor, I have gained strength I never knew I had. In my long conversations with Temple, I could see and feel her courage and strength, and it empowered me. It’s just like Dorothy and her red ruby slippers: she discovered that when she clicked them together, they took her home. She had the power all along, but she just didn’t know it. I had the power all along, too, only I didn’t know it until Temple showed me the door to open it. Let this book of her life show you the door, too.
SPECIAL THANKS
My biggest thanks go to Temple Grandin, for taking the time out of her extremely demanding schedule to have our long talks that made this book possible. Also, for patiently answering my endless questions, often about things that brought up significant memories and emotions. Temple is a visual thinker, like myself. This enabled her to simply pull up every single memory of her entire life at the drop of a hat. No matter what I asked, she’d instantly be able to answer my question as if it occurred only an hour earlier.
If it weren’t for Teresa Corey, this book wouldn’t have happened. I give my forever gratitude to her for that.
It isn’t every day that you get to talk to an Emmy Award-winning Hollywood Director. My deepest thanks to Mick Jackson for our long talk, and for writing the foreword for this book.
Cheryl Miller was instrumental in numerous things regarding the production of this book. I give endless thanks for all that.
Thank you to Jennifer Gilpin Yacio, for believing in me to carry out this mission;
Rose Heredia-Bechtel, for her endless patience and encouragement;
Morgan Nonamaker, for her ultra-speedy copy editing and perfectly keeping my writing style;
Jim Uhl, Temple’s great friend and business partner;
Mark, Temple’s great friend;
Rosalie Winard, Temple’s great friend;
Erika Voogd, Temple’s great friend;
Dr. Bernard Rollins, Colorado State University Professor;
Temple’s former students Kurt Vogel, PhD and Ruth Woiwode, PhD; and
I continued to work full-time during this entire book project. I’m up at three o’clock in the morning and in the operating room by five in the morning each weekday. The next nine hours are spent in the fast-paced, high-stress operating room doing general anesthesia for surgery. While there, I have to listen to heavy metal or some kind of angry music, which physically drains me. I’ve recently discovered that the loud music I’m subjected to all day stimulates my sympathetic nervous system. This is the body’s fight or flight defense mechanism. Because it’s constantly bombarded, I’m physically wiped out by three in the afternoon, when I typically get out of work. I also have mitochondrial dysfunction, meaning my mitochondria are only functioning at 60 percent. With the addition of having to interact with surgeons, operating room staff, and patients all day, I’m at rock bottom on energy by the time I get home.
This book had to get done. The only way that could happen was with all the help from my husband, Abraham, who also has autism. He works full time, too, but at his job he’s in peace and quiet at his desk, creating the blueprint drawings all day. Abraham kept the household going: laundry, cooking, cleaning, tending to all our animals, and tending to me. Totaling up all the conversations I had with Temple and everyone else, I had over sixty hours of recordings to transcribe and put it all together. He did a great job of keeping me calm, and reading my work aloud for me so I can hear how it sounds. We did it as a team. I’d be at the kitchen table writing, as he would be assembling our lunches for the next day, and gathering everything to be ready for our breakfast shake the next morning. He’d make me fresh-squeezed limeade to sip as I wrote, and steam me a head of cauliflower to snack on. He did whatever it took to keep me going to get this book done, and without him, I couldn’t have done it. Thank you, my love, as always and forever.