by Laura Farr
“Yeah, Madison’s watching her,” I reply slowly, my eyes narrowing as his face breaks out into a smile.
“Great. I’ll swing by your place and we can walk to the bar together.”
“Alex, you have to walk past the bar we’re meeting at to get to my house.” I try to hide a smile. “I’ll just meet you there.” I know exactly why he wants to come to mine. My younger sister, Madison. He’s been interested in her for a while, but the timing has never been right. They’ve never both been single at the same time—until now. We had the conversation about him asking her out when he split up with his ex, and I made it clear I’d be fine with it. He’s a great guy. The smile slips from his face and I decide to throw him a bone. “Actually, I’m sure Bella would like to see her Uncle Alex.”
“I’ll get to your place at 6:30. I can spend some time with her before bed then,” he says excitedly.
“You do that,” I tell him with a grin. He ignores me, a smile still plastered on his face.
We finish up with the paperwork and head over in my truck to the Walker’s place. They are having a complete remodel of the upstairs with an extension over the garage. Liam, the foreman for the site, greets us as we pull up. He shows us around and it seems the job is ahead of schedule. This is great for the owners who have moved out for a couple of weeks while the extension is being added. The last visit from them was only a few days ago, and according to Liam, they’re happy with the way things are going. Seeing that everything is going to plan, we head into Oceanside, grabbing a sandwich before heading over to quote for the commercial job.
The meeting seems to go well. It’s a big job, one that could bring us in a lot of money. Promising to get the quote to them early next week, I drop Alex back at the office and head to Bella’s preschool to pick her up.
Cooper
I’m in the kitchen fixing Bella some food when I hear her come flying down the stairs, Bailey following closely behind her.
“Daddy! Daddy! Can I go in the pool?” she yells as she crashes through the kitchen door. Turning from the mac and cheese on the stove, my eyes widen as I look at her choice of outfit. She’s wearing the swimsuit that she had on earlier, a string of pink beads around her neck, a floppy yellow sunhat, and plastic heeled dress-up shoes on her feet.
“Isabella, how many times have I told you not to wear those shoes to come down the stairs? You’re going to fall.” I shake my head, silently cursing Madison for buying her them. She kicks the shoes off and jumps up and down.
“Can I go in the pool, Daddy?” she asks again, unfazed by me telling her off. I sigh and pick the pan up off the stove.
“Maybe after dinner. Aunt Maddie is coming to look after you tonight and I need to get you fed before she comes. Go and wash up.” I gesture with my head to the downstairs bathroom before turning back to the counter.
“Yay! Aunt Maddie is coming!” she squeals clapping her hands. “Can she come into the pool with me? Please, please, please.” I laugh at her excitement as I plate up the mac and cheese. Putting the pan back on the stove, I dig my phone from my pocket and turn to face her.
“I’ll text her and ask if you promise to go and wash up?”
She nods and runs out of the kitchen, thankfully without the ridiculous shoes on. Bailey follows her, and I can’t help but smile. That dog adores her and follows her everywhere. Emme and I got Bailey as soon as we moved here. He was someone to keep Emerson company while I was deployed. She’d told me the minute she’d brought Bella home from the hospital, Bailey hadn’t left her side and it was still the same now. They were the best of friends. Glancing down at my phone, I quickly fire a message off to Maddie.
Me: Hey you. Can you bring your swimsuit? Bella wants to go in the pool.
Pushing my phone back into my pocket, I pick up the plates and carry them to the breakfast bar. Bella comes running back into the room, minus her floppy hat, and climbs up onto the stool. I swear, I have no idea where she gets her energy from. She literally runs everywhere. It makes me exhausted just watching her. Pushing the plate in front of her, she picks up her fork and starts eating. Mac and cheese is her favorite, and it’s a good thing because cooking isn’t my strong point. We eat okay, but I could do better.
“Bed, Bailey,” I instruct as he sits at the side of Bella, hoping that she’ll drop some of her food. He cocks his head at me before moving slowly across the other side of the kitchen, flopping down onto his bed.
“How was your day at preschool?” I ask between mouthfuls of dinner.
“Good, Daddy. We did painting, and I dressed up as a princess. Ryan was mean to me, though. Boys are stupid.” Her face crumples into a frown, and I hide a smile as I tickle her side.
“And what exactly did Ryan do that was mean?”
“He wouldn’t play princes and princesses. Isn’t that mean, Daddy?”
“Well, not many boys like to play that game, sweetheart. Stick to playing with the girls. You want to stay away from boys until you’re at least thirty anyway,” I tell her, a smile tugging on my lips.
“But you’re a boy, and Uncle Alex. Do I have to stay away from you?” Her head tips to the side in question.
“No, baby girl. Me and Uncle Alex are good.”
“What about Pops?” she asks, referring to my dad. I groan, thinking this is probably a conversation I shouldn’t have started.
“Pops is fine, too.” I let out a sigh, relieved when my phone chimes in my pocket. “I bet that’s Aunt Maddie.” I slide my phone out of my pocket and see a message from Madison.
Mads: Sure. I’m just leaving. Be there in 10.
Me: Great. There is some leftover mac and cheese if you’re hungry?
Mads: I’ve eaten, but thanks.
“What did she say?” Bella asks, bouncing in her seat.
“She’s bringing her swimsuit and is on her way, so eat up.” I gesture my head to her plate and watch as she shovels forkfuls of mac and cheese into her mouth. “Slow down. You’ll make yourself sick.” I chastise. Within minutes, her plate is empty and she’s climbing down from the breakfast bar.
“Can I go in now?”
“Bella, take a breath! If you go straight to the pool, you’ll get a tummy ache. Just wait until Aunt Maddie gets here.” She pouts at me. I smile. She’s the sassiest four-year-old I know, and I’m sure she’s going to test my patience as a teenager.
“I’m going to get my floaties.” She flies out of the kitchen and I can hear her feet padding on the stairs as she runs up them.
After finishing off my dinner, I tidy up the plates, throwing away what’s left of the mac and cheese. As I’m loading everything into the dishwasher, I hear the front door open.
“Hello?” Maddie shouts as I hear the door close.
“In here,” I call out, watching Bailey fly out of the kitchen to greet Maddy.
“Mac and cheese again?” she teases as she comes into the kitchen, fussing over Bailey. Crossing the room, she kisses me on the cheek.
“There’s nothing wrong with mac and cheese.”
She winks at me and looks around the room. “Where’s my princess?”
“Upstairs getting her floaties.”
“Aunt Maddie!” Bella squeals as she runs into the room, throwing herself at Madison. I watch as my sister scoops her up and showers her face with kisses.
“Hello, beautiful. I missed you.” Maddie sits Bella on her hip, her eyes sweeping over her body. “Did you get bigger?” Bella rolls her eyes and the tiny hand that isn’t around Maddie’s neck goes to her hip.
“You saw me last weekend. I haven’t grown since then.” She looks at Madison like she’s crazy.
“I bet you have!” Madison tickles her side and she laughs. “It’s all that mac and cheese your dad keeps giving you.” It’s my turn to roll my eyes as I walk out of the kitchen, leaving them to it.
“I’m going to shower. Have fun in the pool,” I shout over my shoulder as I jog upstairs.
Stripping off my work clothes, I throw t
hem into the laundry basket and head into the bathroom. Looking around at the spotless room, I sigh, thinking back to the conversation I’d had earlier today with Rose, the housekeeper. I’d employed her to do the laundry and keep on top of the housework, and it developed into her looking after Bella two-and-a-half days a week when she wasn’t in preschool. She had come highly recommended from a friend of my parents and has been working for me since Bella was six months old. It hadn’t taken me long after Emme had died to realize that I couldn’t manage running a house and looking after a baby. Rose was a godsend, but now her daughter was having a baby and she’d told me she wanted to spend more time with them. I couldn’t blame her. It did, however, leave me without a housekeeper and, more importantly, someone to look after Bella.
Stepping under the hot spray, I tilt my head back and groan. Rose had given me two weeks’ notice, although she’d assured me she would stay longer if I was struggling to find a replacement. I’d thought about advertising, but I didn’t want just anyone looking after Bella. I’d enquired at the preschool to see if they had places for the days she didn’t already go there, but they were full and had a waiting list in place. I needed to ask around, see if anyone could recommend somebody reliable.
Finishing up in the shower, I throw on some jeans and a shirt. The bar we’re going to isn’t fancy, but it’s Friday night so I make the effort. As I head downstairs, I can hear laughter and squealing coming from outside. Leaning up against the open double doors that lead from the kitchen into the back yard, I smile as I watch Maddie throwing Bella across the pool. Her body disappears below the water, a huge smile erupting on her face as she surfaces. Kicking her legs, she paddles back over to Maddie, throwing her tiny arms around Maddie’s neck.
The pool had been one of the main reasons Emerson and I had brought the house six years ago. We’d just gotten married and wanted to start a family straightaway. The one-bedroom apartment we’d been living in was only ever a stopgap until we found our “forever home”. The minute Emme had seen the pool, she’d wanted the house. She loved the water, and I knew her passion for it would be passed on to any children we had. She’d taken Bella into the pool a few weeks after she was born. Someone had filmed it and she’d emailed the footage to me. After she died, I continued taking Bella into the water, using it as time to tell her all about her mommy. She hadn’t a clue what I was saying, but it didn’t matter. I kept telling her until she understood.
Watching her in the pool with Maddie was bittersweet. Emerson would have loved to have been the one teaching her to swim and splashing along with her. I was so grateful to Maddie for being there for her. She needed a female role model in her life, and if Emerson couldn’t be here, then I’m glad that Maddie was.
“You girls having fun?” I call out as I push off the door and walk outside.
“Daddy! Watch Aunt Maddie throw me,” she cries excitedly, throwing herself at Maddie.
“Go on. I’m watching.”
“Ready? One, two, three,” Maddie shouts before she throws a giggling Bella across the pool. She turns to me and grins. “Your daughter is crazy. You know that, right?”
I burst out laughing. “Yeah, I know!” As Bella surfaces, I clap my hands. “That was amazing, baby girl.”
“Hey,” I hear Alex shout from inside the house.
“Out here, man!” I shout back.
“Who’s that?” Maddie asks as she climbs out of the pool, reaching for a towel that’s thrown on the lounger.
“Alex. He wanted to come and see Bella before we went out.”
“Oh.” She stills with the towel in her hand, and I notice that her cheeks have flushed pink. I’m just about to tease her about Alex when I hear him step out into the yard. Turning around, I can’t help but smirk as I see his eyes go wide when he catches sight of Maddie in her tiny bathing suit. Bailey’s jumping up at him, but he’s oblivious as both he and Maddie stare at each other for a few seconds before Bella notices that he’s arrived.
“Uncle Alex! Are you coming into the pool, too?”
I watch Alex drag his eyes off Maddie before walking to the edge of the pool, squatting in front of an excited Bella.
“Not today, sweetheart. Why don’t you show me some swimming?” She pushes off the side and kicks her legs, covering Alex in water.
I burst out laughing. “You kind of asked for that.”
He stands up and turns toward me, the water dripping off his shirt.
“I think I’m going to need to change.” He laughs and shouts over to Bella. “Hey, monkey! You got me all wet. Get over here and give me a hug.” Bella climbs out of the pool, laughing as she runs over. Throwing herself at him, he lifts her up and swings her around.
“Sorry I got you wet, Uncle Alex.”
“That’s okay. Your daddy is going to lend me a shirt. Isn’t that right?” He turns to me and raises his eyebrows.
“On it.”
Jogging into the house, I run upstairs, grabbing a shirt from my closet before heading back outside. Bella is back in the pool, and Alex and Maddie are sitting on a sun lounger, chatting. I hang back, trying to listen to their conversation, but Bella is making too much noise in the pool. Walking out into the yard, I see Maddie blush and nod.
“Here you go.” Interrupting them, I hold the shirt out to Alex. Standing up, he takes it from me.
“Thanks, man.” He pulls his wet shirt over his head, and I see Maddie watching him. Shaking her head, she stands and walks toward the pool.
“Have fun you two.” She sits on the edge of the pool before sliding into the water.
“I’ll call you,” Alex says, and she turns to smile at him. He won’t meet my eye, and I chuckle as I wonder what’s going on with him.
“Bye, baby girl,” I call out to Bella, who is still splashing in the water. “Behave for Aunt Maddie and go to bed when she says.”
“Bye, Daddy,” she shouts, ignoring my instruction to go to bed when Maddie tells her to. I don’t know why I bother. I know I’ll come home and she’ll be asleep on the sofa. Maddie can never say no to her. Bella adores her, though, and one late night every now and then won’t do her any harm. Even so, I still give Maddie her bedtime instructions.
“Bed no later than eight, Mads.” I catch her eyes and smile.
She laughs. “I’ll do my best.”
Waving goodbye, we walk around the side of the house, heading toward the bar in town. It’s only a short walk and within ten minutes, we’re there. It’s busy, and after waiting at the bar to be served, we’re forced to stand with our bottles of beer.
“So, Maddie?” I ask Alex, raising my eyebrows in question. “You finally asked her out?” He takes a pull on his beer and looks at me.
“I might have,” he says with a smile.
“About time!” I clap him on the back. “Do I need to give you the big brother talk?”
He rolls his eyes. “I’m good, thanks. I know you’ll cut my balls off if I hurt her.”
“Damn right!”
He laughs, and we leave the conversation there spending the rest of the night drinking and playing pool. After about an hour, a couple of women come over and want to play pool with us. They’re drunk and handsy. We’re polite, but neither of us are interested. We haven’t come out to pick up women. Alex isn’t averse to taking home a woman he’s met in a bar. Now that he’s finally asked Maddie out, though, he’s not even looking twice at anyone. They eventually take the hint and leave us to our game.
Three games of pool later, we’re ready to call it a night. Walking out of the bar, we stop on the sidewalk.
“Have a good weekend,” Alex says, pulling me in for a one-armed hug.
“You, too. You’ve remembered I’m off Monday?” I look down, kicking my foot across the asphalt.
“Yeah, man. I’ve remembered. Anything you need, call me.” He puts his arm on my shoulder as I raise my eyes and give him a sad smile.
“Thanks. See you Tuesday.” I turn and walk away from the bar, my mind on
Emerson.
Monday marks the fourth anniversary of her death. Four years. I can’t believe it’s been that long since I held her in my arms, since I kissed her and told her I loved her. Some days it feels like five minutes; other days it feels far longer than the four years it’s been. I miss her so much. Sometimes I don’t even want to get out of bed. I do it for Bella. She keeps me going. Everyone said things would get better with time, and in the weeks immediately after her death, I called bullshit, but they were right. I’ll never forget and will never stop thinking of her, but somehow over the years, I’ve learned to live with the gaping hole in my chest. A hole that might not be as big as it was when she first died. Bella has gone a long way to healing me. I don’t think I’ll ever be whole again, but without her, I don’t think I’d even be here.
Cooper
Stretching my arms above my head, I yawn before sitting up and swinging my legs to the side of the bed. Dropping my head in my hands, I groan. I had a shitty night’s sleep. After arriving home last night and putting a sleeping Bella to bed, I’d tossed and turned, my thoughts full of Emme. The anniversary of her death is always tough. I talk to Bella about Emerson all the time, but she doesn’t remember her. Normal for her is just the two of us. She’s a happy little girl, too young to understand the implications of growing up without her mother. All Emerson is to Bella is a picture in a frame, and that breaks my heart.
My mind drifts to Emme’s funeral. I thought the day I lost her was the worst day of my life. I was wrong. Her funeral was so much harder.
Sitting in the back of the funeral car, I rest my head on the window, staring out at the passing ocean as it rushes by. People are sunbathing and riding bikes. Couples walk hand in hand along the sidewalk. Life is carrying on all around me. How is it that their world keeps turning when my world has ended? A hand on my knee pulls me from my thoughts. I slowly turn my head away from the window, my mom’s worried gaze finding mine. She gives me a sad smile and squeezes my knee. She doesn’t say anything. There’s nothing anyone can say to make this situation better. Mom and Madison are traveling in the car with me, while Dad follows behind so that Bella can be in her car seat.