Pieces of Me

by Laura Farr

  After showering, I don’t have time to dry my hair, so I braid it wet, letting it dry naturally. It’s so hot, it’ll be dry in no time. Opening my dresser drawers, I look for something to wear, settling on a pale-blue sundress. Slipping on my flip-flops, I grab my purse, sunglasses, and phone, then head outside.

  As I make my way around the back of the house, the double doors into the kitchen are open and the smell of bacon hits me. My stomach growls as I walk inside, announcing my arrival. Cooper, who is standing at the stove with his back to me, laughs.

  “Lexi’s here,” he shouts without turning around. I laugh and watch as Bella comes flying into the room wearing a sundress that’s not dissimilar to mine.

  “We’re matching!” she cries. “Can you do my hair like yours?”

  I smile and crouch down in front of her. “Of course. You look beautiful.” I stand up and take her hand, leading her to the breakfast bar, quickly braiding her hair.

  “You both look beautiful,” Cooper says, as he turns from the stove and brings over a plate full of bacon and a pile of scrambled eggs.

  He winks, and I feel my cheeks flush with heat. Willing myself not to read anything into it, I concentrate on Bella. “This looks great, doesn’t it, pumpkin?” I tickle Bella’s side and she squeals, pulling away from me. Opening the refrigerator, I pull out the orange juice carton and reach for three glasses out of the cupboard. After I pour the juice, we all sit at the breakfast bar and dig into the bacon and eggs. It’s just what I need after a night of drinking. I haven’t been out for a couple of months, but I’m definitely feeling the aftereffects of too much alcohol this morning.

  A few hours later, we’re coming to the end of the tour of the aquarium. Bella has been so excited to show me all of her favorite things. I love seeing her face light up as she tells me all about the penguins and the clownfish.

  Our last exhibit is the turtles, and Bella is so excited, she can’t stand still. Maddie is there when we get to them. She has arranged for her to hold them. Bella and Mads go with a member of staff into the enclosure, and Cooper and I stand behind the glass, snapping photos of her. Her face beams as she holds some of the smaller ones. Leaning in close to Cooper, I show him the photos I’ve just taken of her.

  “You two look cozy,” Maddie shouts as she rounds the corner and walks toward us.

  “Just ignore her,” Cooper says, rolling his eyes.

  “Oh, I do. I ignored her most of last night. If she had her way, we’d be married by now.”

  His face pales and he looks uncomfortable. I want to say something, but Maddie is getting closer. I don’t want it to become an issue, so I stay quiet. She talked non- stop last night about how she thought Cooper and I would make a great couple. That I’d already formed a connection with Bella, so it wasn’t like I’d have to wait to get to know his daughter. I’d just let her talk and made noises in all the right places. I didn’t want to tell her that I liked him. Not yet anyway. I didn’t want her trying to push us together. Sometimes I think he likes me; other times, I wonder if I’m confusing friendship for something else.

  “Hey,” Maddie says as she comes to stand next to us. “How are you feeling? You were wasted last night. I nearly had to wake Coop to get you up the stairs!”

  Although we’d seen Maddie briefly when we arrived this morning, she was busy. We’d only managed a quick “hello”. This was the longest we’d seen her.

  “I’m okay. Felt a bit rough this morning, but Cooper’s bacon and eggs perked me up.” I look across to Cooper, but he’s studying his phone and doesn’t look up.

  She nods before turning to him. “You’re not saying much. You okay?” She bumps her shoulder into his, and he nods.

  “Yeah, I’m good. Just taking some pictures of Bella.” We all turn to watch her, and she waves as she sees us, the smile on her face contagious.

  “So, Lex, when are we having another night out?”

  “Urghhh, we’re not! I drank enough alcohol yesterday to last me all year.” I screw up my face, and she laughs.

  “It doesn’t have to be a crazy one. In fact, maybe a little less drinking might be a good idea. You don’t want to be too drunk when we find you a hot guy. It’s about time you forgot that asshole, Greg. I could have hooked you up last night numerous times if you hadn’t been so drunk.” She winks at me, and I see Cooper’s head flick around to look at us.

  “What?” I hiss, pulling her out of earshot of Cooper. “There were no guys. Well, none I remember anyway.” I bite down on my lip, feeling uncomfortable.

  “Relax. There were no guys, Lex.” I breathe a sigh of relief before frowning at her, wondering exactly what she’s up to. “Cooper doesn’t need to know that, though. It’ll be good for him to know that other guys are interested.”

  “But, Maddie, they aren’t. I’m not playing games with him. You need to stop.” I’m pissed at her, and I can tell by the look on her face she knows that. “I need some air. I’m going outside.”

  “Lexi, wait!” she calls out as I walk past her toward the exit. I hear Cooper asking what’s going on, but I don’t hear her reply as I push the door open and walk outside. My eyes take a minute or two to adjust to the bright sunshine, and I sit on the small wall outside the aquarium entrance. I love Maddie, and I know she wants to see Cooper happy and settled, but this isn’t the way to do it. I refuse to play games with him. He’s been through enough.

  Ten minutes later, Bella and Cooper emerge. Bella is holding a large stuffed turtle. I’m guessing they’ve visited the gift store. “Look, Lexi. Daddy bought me a turtle.” She holds the stuffed animal out to me, and I push myself up off the wall.

  “He’s great, Bells,” I tell her. “You’re a lucky girl.”

  “You’re lucky, too,” she tells me, a smile on her face. “Give it to her, Daddy.” Cooper holds out the same stuffed turtle that Bella has, but in a much smaller size. I look at him in surprise.

  “Thank you.”

  “A housewarming present.”

  “I love him.”

  “Can we get ice cream now, Daddy?” Bella asks.

  “Yeah, sweetheart. Come on.”

  Cooper drives into the center of Oceanside and we park. He buys us all an ice cream, then we take Bella to the park near the beach. Sitting on a bench, we watch as she runs around the play equipment, her ice cream melting down her hand.

  “There’s going to be more ice cream on the ground than in her mouth,” I say with a chuckle.

  “She always gets in such a mess. I just leave her to it and clean her up when she’s done.”

  “Sounds like the best way.”

  A silence descends on us, and I shift uncomfortably on the bench. After a few minutes, he turns his body to face me.

  “What happened in the aquarium, Lex?”

  I glance at him and sigh, knowing I can’t lie, no matter how awkward it is to have the conversation.

  “I love your sister, Cooper. But it doesn’t mean I agree with all of her madcap ideas.” I look out over the park and see Bella coming down the slide. “I know you heard what she said about all the guys last night.” I look across at him, and he shrugs his shoulders. “There were no guys. She thinks telling you there were will make you jealous. I told her she was being ridiculous and I didn’t want to play games. I was pissed, so I walked out.” He doesn’t say anything, and I’m surprised when I hear him start laughing.

  “She’s so desperate for me to date. I’m not surprised she’s making stuff up.” He pauses, and I watch him search out Bella in the park. “I’m sorry you’re caught up in it. Don’t stop being friends because of it, though. It’s not worth it.”

  “We’ll be fine,” I assure him, and I know we will be. “I’ll call her later.”

  He nods as he finishes his ice cream.

  “I’m sorry about what I said earlier.” He turns his head to me and frowns in confusion. “About Mads marrying us off. I didn’t engage my brain before I spoke. I didn’t mean to upset you.”


  “You didn’t upset me. Surprised maybe, although I shouldn’t be. I’m used to her trying to set me up.”

  I nod. “Well, I’m sorry anyhow. I shouldn’t have said it.”

  An awkward silence falls over us again and I hate it. One of the best things about our friendship is how comfortable I feel around him. I hope I haven’t ruined that. Occasions like this prove to me that we should just stay friends. Anything else complicates things. If we became more and it didn’t work out, I’d lose everything. Everything I was beginning to care about.

  “How about that movie tonight? We can order pizza and choose something to watch when Bella’s in bed,” he says, finally breaking the silence that looms over us.

  “Okay. That sounds great.” Relief courses through me as the awkwardness disappears. “I can cook, though?”

  “Nah. You’ve cooked all week, Lex.”

  “I don’t mind.”

  “I know, but I do. I feel bad you cook in the week. You aren’t cooking on the weekends, too.”

  “Okay. Pizza it is then, but don’t feel bad. I love to cook.”

  Just then, Bella runs over, and I can’t help but laugh. I’ve never seen anyone get in such a mess with an ice cream. It’s all over her face. She has spots in her eyebrows, and she even has some running down her leg.

  “Was that fun?” I ask her with a chuckle, and she nods.

  “Come on. I left the wipes in the truck. Let’s head back and get you cleaned up,” Cooper says, guiding her out of the park. As I follow them, a young woman hands me a flyer. I glance down to see that it’s advertising movies in the park. One of the movies scheduled is Frozen, and it’s due to be shown in a couple of weeks.

  I smile as I slip it into my purse. I wonder if Bella will want to go? We could take a picnic. I can’t wait to speak to Cooper about it once she is in bed. I’m sure she would love it.

  Cooper

  I’m sitting in the den, waiting for Lexi to come downstairs after putting Bella to bed. She begged Lexi to bathe her and read her a story, although she needn’t have begged. I could see that Lex was more than happy to do it. My phone chimes on the coffee table and I reach over and pick it up, seeing I have a message from Maddie.

  Mads: Hey, Coop. I’m sorry if I upset everyone earlier. I’ve tried to call Lex, but she isn’t picking up.

  Me: She isn’t ignoring you. She’s putting Bella to bed. You need to stop pushing us together, Mads. If it’s going to happen, it’ll be because we want it to. Not because you forced it.

  Mads: Ok. I’m sorry. I love you.

  Me: I love you, too.

  I toss my phone onto the coffee table and sigh. I know she means well, but her interfering isn’t helping. In fact, it’s making things worse. Everyone just ended up feeling uncomfortable after her remarks at the aquarium, and it made things awkward between Lexi and me. Even if I were able to let go of Emerson and try a relationship with Lexi, what would happen if it all went wrong? Where would that leave Bella? Despite all of this, I can’t help the nagging thought that races around my head, the thought of how good it would be if it did work out.

  I’m pulled from my thoughts when I hear Lexi coming down the stairs. “She’s fast asleep,” she says as she sits down next to me on the couch. Since we got home, she’s changed out of her dress and she’s wearing quarter-length yoga pants and a tank. The pants look like they’ve been painted on, making her ass look incredible. I swear, she’d look good in a trash bag.

  “Great,” I reply as I shake the image of her ass out of my head. “I’ve ordered the pizza. It should be here soon. What movie shall we watch?”

  “I don’t care. You choose. I’m going to grab some sodas from the refrigerator at my place. Do you want me to get you a beer on the way back?” She stands up and makes her way to the door. My eyes latch onto her ass again and I just manage to avert my eyes before she turns around.

  “There are plenty of sodas in the kitchen. Have one of those, and yes, please. I’ll have a beer.”

  “Thanks. I’ll replace them tomorrow,” she calls over her shoulder as she heads into the kitchen.

  “No need,” I holler back. Flicking through the movie channels, I stop on the remake of Stephen King’s IT. “How do you feel about horror movies?” I call out. I’d read the book and seen the original movie. I was interested to see how the remake was. She walks back in with a beer and a soda in her hand.

  “Erm… Yeah. That’s fine.” She puts the drinks down on the coffee table and sits next to me.

  “Great. Have you seen the original?” She shakes her head. “What about the book?”

  “Nope. Haven’t read that, either.”

  “You’ll never look at clowns or balloons in quite the same way.” Standing up, I close the drapes before turning the lights off. It’s still light outside, but the closed drapes plunge the room into darkness.

  “What are you doing?”

  “You can’t watch this movie with the lights on!”

  “Surely watching a horror movie means you do have the lights on?”

  “It makes it scarier.” I sit down and press play, the screen on the TV illuminating the room a little.

  “Great,” she mumbles next to me. “The scarier the better, right?” I chuckle and pass over her soda. Opening my beer, I take a pull before settling back on the couch.

  We’re half an hour into the movie and I’ve been glancing across at Lexi since it began. She looks terrified. I think the opening scene was enough to put her off. Her knees are pulled up to her chest, her arms wrapped around them. When something happens in the movie she doesn’t want to see, she drops her head on her knees and closes her eyes. I smile to myself, wondering why she agreed to watch a horror movie if she’s that scared.

  A few minutes later, the doorbell rings. Lexi screams and almost throws herself across the couch, pressing her side into mine. I can’t help but laugh, automatically putting my arm around her.

  “It’s just the pizza, Lex.”

  She takes a deep breath, her hand resting over her heart. “I’ll get it.” She jumps up off the couch and pretty much runs out of the room. I smile and pause the TV before following her out. I can hear her talking to the delivery guy at the door and frown as he starts chatting to her. Whenever I answer the door for a delivery guy, he can’t get away quickly enough, although I guess I don’t look like Lexi. When I hear him ask her if she’s single, I make for the door before I know what I’m doing.

  “Everything okay?” I ask, eyeing the spotty teenage delivery boy. He must be crazy if he thinks he stands a chance. She’s way out of his league. I pause at the thought, wondering if she’s out of my league, too. Shaking my thoughts away, I stand close to Lexi, close enough that he knows his eyes shouldn’t be on her. “I think those might be ours.” I gesture to the boxes in his hands. Lexi has already paid, and he hands the pizza over, taking one last glance at her before hurrying away.

  “I think you scared him off,” Lexi laughs, swatting me on the chest as she walks past and into the kitchen.

  “I figured you might need rescuing,” I tell her sheepishly, following her into the kitchen.

  “Ahhh, my hero.” She fake swoons, and I can’t help but laugh. “Shall I get plates, or are we eating out of the box?”

  “Out of the box. Less tidying up then.”

  “Sounds good to me.” Swinging the refrigerator open, she looks over her shoulder at me. “Another beer?”

  “Please.” I nod, before turning and making my way into the den with the pizza boxes. She follows a few seconds later, flicking the light on as she comes in.

  “Can we eat with the light on? I might miss my mouth otherwise.”

  I nod and put the boxes down on the coffee table.

  “So, have you watched many horror movies, Lex?” I ask, grabbing a slice of pepperoni pizza and sitting back on the couch.

  She looks over at me and shakes her head. “No, not many.”

  “Thought not.”

  She wrinkles h
er nose, somehow making herself look even more beautiful. “Is it that obvious?”

  “Just a little. You looked terrified, and we’re only thirty minutes in. Do you want to watch something else?”

  “No! I’m a grown woman. I can handle a horror movie. Press play,” she insists, biting into her slice of pizza.

  “Okay, if you’re sure…”

  She nods, swallowing her pizza. “I’m sure… Can we leave the lights on, though?” she asks, her face flushing.

  Hiding a smile, I nod and press the play button on the remote. Within minutes, I notice she’s back to closing her eyes and hugging her knees to her chest. She opens her eyes again, but not for long.

  “Oh, my god!” she cries, covering her face with her hands as Pennywise jumps out on one of the kids. “Why would anyone watch this for fun?!” She moves across the sofa toward me and buries her face in my shoulder.

  “I’ll turn it off.”

  “No! I’ll be okay. Leave it on.” Her voice is muffled as she talks into my arm.

  I leave the movie playing, secretly enjoying being so close. I lift my arm and wrap it around her shoulders. Her head rests on my chest. I swear she can hear my heart racing. I haven’t been this close to someone in years and it feels good. I see her occasionally lift her head in the direction of the TV before quickly looking away again.

  Sitting with her pressed up against me, I feel torn. As much as I like having here, I can feel the guilt creeping in. It should be Emerson in my arms. I promised to love her, and only her, till death do us part. Only she wasn’t old and gray when she died. How can I move on and leave her behind?

  Despite these feelings, I keep Lexi pressed against me. I’ve spent four years going through the motions, forcing myself to get out of bed each morning, looking after Bella and letting work fill my days. But I’ve only been existing, not living. Things seemed to change when Lexi came along. I can’t remember laughing as much as I have since she came into our lives. I want to be happy again. I just need to figure out how to let go of a past that’s still very much part of my present.