by Lee Weeks
‘Wait – Ebb? What about ordering a turkey?’
‘Let’s have an M&S Christmas ready-meal.’
‘No feckin’ way. Ebony Willis, you’re the limit. I’ve put you down for making a pudding, and it better be a good one. None of that pre-bought shite.’
‘No problem. I found this recipe on the web. It’s a cake in a mug. It takes five minutes in the microwave. Bye, Teen.’ Ebony could hear Tina choke back the expletives on the other end of the phone. She smiled to herself. Ebony closed her phone and put it to one side. The smile on her face disappeared when she thought about another call she really had to make. Her mother would talk about Christmas again. Could Ebony ask them if her mother could come out for Christmas Day? Could she just ask?’ Ebony rubbed her face with her hands and looked at the phone as if her mother was waiting inside it. She looked at the time – six – it was the time for calls. They ate dinner early. Her mother might be sitting by the phone waiting. Ebony finished making herself tea – strong builder’s tea. She sat on the rolled-out ground mat and sleeping bag that Carter had given her; that would have to do for now. The housing association had done some decorating in the flat – they’d stripped out the carpets and there was hardboard down waiting for the new tenant to afford to lay carpet. She pulled the works laptop next to her, switched it on and then realized she’d delayed long enough; she picked up the phone and dialled the number then held it tightly to her ear. She could visualize her mother sitting by the phone: fretting, tutting, scowling at passers-by. Telling people her daughter always let her down. She got through to the switchboard and was put on hold for ten minutes. Then the operator came back on the line to say:
‘Sorry, it’s not possible to connect you right now. Mrs Willis is not able to take the call.’
‘Is she ill?’
‘Sorry – I don’t have details. Phone back later to speak to someone then.’
Ebony got up and went to the window again. She stared out at the continuing tramlines of orange lights as cars inched their way home. She heard the noise of feet in the flat above her and a television being switched on. Someone was returning to their lonely apartment and needed the noise of television to make it feel like home. Ebony knew what that was like. It had been a massive step for her to move into a shared house with strangers. She’d chosen the room at the top; the furthest away from all of them. Gradually she’d got used to the sounds of them coming and going. Slowly she’d got used to the way she could differentiate between one person’s tread or another’s on the steps outside leading to the house. She knew who was coming home. She’d felt reassurance in the knowledge that she was in a house with people and yet they didn’t require her to socialize; she’d spent her childhood dreading the sound of her mother’s steps outside the door. She felt safer when she was far away. Her mother had never visited her unless the authorities were building up to sending Ebony home. Then her mother was required to look like she wanted Ebony back and could cope. But Ebony always knew there was an ulterior motive for having her home. If it wasn’t money in the form of benefits then it was accommodation. Sometimes it was just that her mother had run out of attention. What Ebony had never reckoned on was that she would feel secure enough in the shared house to let her guard down and care a lot for another human being. She’d made the mistake once when she was in a care home and Micky had become her best friend. She still dreamt of Micky. Still her heart ached when she awoke to find that she wasn’t still friends with him. She had no idea what had happened to him after the scandal at the care home after she left; she thought he must have been one of those abused because he had been unlucky all his life. He once said to Ebony that he counted her friendship as the only piece of good luck he’d ever had. When she dreamt of him she woke up happy just to hear his voice again but then the sadness of losing him kicked in. When she’d heard Tina moving around in the room beneath her she felt comforted. Tina was a great friend. Tina had eaten into Ebony’s heart and Ebony was grateful for it.
She made herself a Pot Noodle and came back to the makeshift bed to sit and eat it. Then she remembered the doll was still in the bag and the buggy by the front door. She wheeled it into the bedroom just in case someone should knock, not that she had any intention of making friends with the neighbours – that wasn’t in the brief. Head down, low profile, was what she needed. She got the doll out of the bag and strapped it into the buggy. She wheeled it into the bedroom and closed the door to keep the cold out and the heat in the lounge. She wouldn’t be sleeping in the bedroom. She preferred just to use one room. She’d stay in the lounge for now. Besides, the sleeping bag was also the sofa. She settled down onto her bed and saw Robbo’s avatar flashing on her screen. It was a Stan Hardy lookalike: a fat guy with glasses.
Ebony typed:
‘You managed to find an avatar that looks like you?’
‘Ha ha. You ok?’
‘I’m good’.
There was a pause. She could see the speech bubble on the screen that meant Robbo was writing but kept stopping. Whatever it was he wanted to say he wanted to choose his words wisely. He settled on:
‘How’s life in the vertical world?’
She smiled to herself. What had he crossed out? She could visualize him at his desk. He would have his leopardprint wrap around his cafetière and he would have his packet of Haribo.
‘So far, so good. Have you managed to get my Facebook account up and running?’
‘Oh yes.’
She smiled again. She could visualize Robbo’s face. She knew he would have enjoyed making a new identity for her. He would have done it well – down to the very last detail. But Robbo wouldn’t be clocking off. He would be sleeping at his desk tonight. He would not let her face this time alone. That thought stuck in Ebony’s throat. Being in MIT 17 meant being in the MIT family. It had only just dawned on her that that’s what it was.
‘Was it tricky?’ she asked.
‘I had to think of my daughter’s account then add all the extras. You don’t have enough photos. You’re going to have to say that you had a controlling boyfriend that didn’t let you have a Facebook account. You’re going to have to say you’re still loading photos and that you haven’t really been doing it that long. It will look like you’ve been doing it for a year. It will look like you’re a loner.’ There was a gap and then Robbo said as a jokey ‘aside’ – ‘Some things I haven’t had to make up.’
Ebony didn’t take offence. She smiled to herself. Robbo was in his element. Ebony looked at the Facebook page he’d created for her.
There was the photo Carter had taken earlier. Ebony hated looking at herself but she had to admit it wasn’t bad. Archie looked cute with his curls and dark eyes. She looked like a doting mum, squashing her face against his and looking gooily at the camera. There were others of Archie from when he was born to the present day.
‘Need some more photos of you, Ebb.’
‘I have a few Tina took when we went away to Ireland in the summer.’
‘Send them to me and I’ll get the boffins to superimpose Archie into them.’
Two hours later the profile was complete. Ebony was ready to try it out. She searched for Christian Goddard and sent a friend request and she contacted two of the women she’d met at lunch: Selena, with the curly hair and earrings and Sammy, the elfin-faced girl. She also did a search for Yan and sent him a friend request.
Yan came back to her first to accept her as a friend. She took a look at his profile. He had photos from all over the world. When he was in them at all, he was alone in them. Most of the pictures were of scenery and wildlife. No girlfriend in sight. Status – single. Ebony didn’t know why but she was pleased to see that.
A message from Yan sprang up on her screen. ‘How’s it all going? Did you enjoy meeting the rest of the bunch?’
‘Yes I did thanks. Looks like it’s going to be fun.’
They chatted for a while then Ebony had a notification that Christian had accepted her friend request and wante
d to chat on Messenger. Ebony cut her conversation with Yan short.
An Instant Message came through from Christian. ‘You got anything planned for this evening?’
Robbo was watching the conversation.
‘Accept the offer if he wants to meet up, Ebb.’
‘Not much. Don’t have Archie tonight as my aunt’s got him, so just chilling.’
‘Fancy meeting up?’
‘Yes. Sure.’ Ebony was thinking how much easier it was to meet men when you were pretending to be someone else. Ordinarily she’d have given up before she began. Making herself available and looking interested was a new thing for her. The few boyfriends she’d had were mostly policemen. She fell into dating because she worked alongside them every day. She’d never had a one-night stand or been picked up in a bar.
She got ready. An hour later Ebony walked into the pub and saw two of the women from lunch: Selena was there with another woman who Ebony recognized from the college but couldn’t remember her name. They waved her over.
Selena made room around the table for her. ‘We thought we’d join you. Hope you don’t mind? We usually end up seeing Christian here on a Thursday night when he doesn’t have Elsie. He said you were on your way.’
Christian was at the bar. He waved at her and picked up a bottle of white wine as a question. She smiled back and nodded her reply as she sat down at the table.
‘This is Julie.’ Selena introduced her to the other woman. Julie was looking a little too glamorous for a pub setting, with false eyelashes and a spangly micro-dress. ‘You remember her from lunchtime?’
‘Yes. I remember seeing you there.’ Ebony smiled at her. She didn’t seem too smiley in return. ‘We didn’t get the chance say hello; it was all a bit hectic. Looks like you’re both still in the party mood?’
‘Just getting going,’ laughed Selena. Julie’s laugh was overly loud but her eyes were elsewhere. Ebony looked up to see what she was watching and she saw Christian approaching with the bottle of wine and two glasses.
‘I thought you two could use your own glasses,’ he said, setting the bottle down in front of Ebony and pulling up a chair near her. Selena flashed a disgruntled look towards Julie, who knocked back her wine and held her glass out for Christian to fill it. He poured out the contents of the bottle between them.
‘You coming with us? We’re off to a club down the road,’ Selena said.
Christian looked across at Ebony. ‘I’m happy here; but if you’d like to go?’ Christian seemed nervous.
Ebony shook her head. ‘To be honest it’s been a busy day for me. I think a couple of glasses of wine is about my limit tonight.’
Julie smirked at Christian. ‘Boring . . . Well, Christian . . . if you change your mind and fancy a late night you know where we are.’ Ebony saw how Julie didn’t take her eyes off Christian. He was the reason she’d dressed up tonight. Now she was satisfied, after taking a good look at Ebony, that she was no threat and hardly worth acknowledging, she could flirt if she felt inclined. Julie knocked back her drink and stood. Selena picked up her coat from the chair next to her.
‘Nice to see you again, Ebony,’ she said. ‘See you tomorrow. Not too early. About eleven? May see you later then, Christian. You know where to find us. Usual place, be strutting our stuff till two and then who knows? The world is our oyster and thank God for babysitters.’ Selena waited for Julie to get her coat on. Julie leaned very close down to Christian to whisper something in his ear and then they left. He looked as if he wanted to squirm but tried to cover it with a friendly smile.
After they’d left Christian turned to Ebony. ‘I’m sorry about that.’
She shrugged. ‘About what?’ She looked like she didn’t really understand what he was getting at.
‘They’re a couple of party animals. I bet they won’t be alone long.’
Ebony frowned. ‘Looked like Julie was hoping you’d be meeting up with her later.’
‘Huh . . .’ he scoffed, embarrassed. ‘She can hope all she likes.’ Ebony smiled into her drink. ‘Okay . . . I admit it. We have a tiny bit of history, me and Julie.
Ebony’s eyes opened wide. ‘Really?’
‘Yeah.’ Christian laughed. ‘No need to take the piss.’
She smiled.
‘You’ve made a habit of dating the women on your course then?’
He shrugged and gave her a sideways glance, grinning. ‘Seriously? What can I say? I’m in the market for a relationship.’
‘You don’t have any trouble finding them – obviously there are lots of willing victims?’ He grinned but his eyes had turned hostile. Ebony tried one more push. She wanted to see what buttons he had and how much they took pushing. ‘You are a grass greener type?’
He took a drink, his eyes fastened on hers as if he was trying to read her and the atmosphere became a little strained.
‘I’ve had a few relationships along the way. Just not found the one I’m looking for yet but I don’t believe in giving up.’
‘What are you looking for?’
He shrugged irritably. ‘Not looks.’ He flashed her a look which said obviously. ‘It’s about personality, compatibility, making each other laugh – great sex.’ His eyes stayed on hers, they had softened again. Ebony blushed and looked away. Even though she was getting the attention by false means it didn’t stop it feeling a bit too real. He smiled at her embarrassment. ‘I have lots of boxes that need ticking – I have a kid, after all.’
‘Is that why you choose single parents?’
‘Whoa . . .’ he scowled – getting irritated. Ebony thought she’d pushed too hard.
‘You make it sound like I prey on them.’ He took a drink. ‘Which, of course, I don’t. I don’t just date single parents. It just so happens that I’m at college with a lot of them.’ He started playing with his beer mat, beginning to look over her shoulder and around the bar.
‘Sorry, not my business.’ She took a drink.
‘Look – bottom line.’ Christian smiled and nodded, relaxed. ‘I date women on my course as well as others – it’s no big deal. I have great respect for anyone who wants to change their life around.’
Ebony was nodding, thinking of what to say. Christian stared at his glass and flashed the odd glance towards Ebony to gauge her reaction.
‘I never intended to split with Elsie’s mum. It wasn’t just up to me. I really tried to make it work. I know what it’s like not to have a mum on the scene full time. My mother didn’t exist for me. She went off to fuck her way around Europe. She left me in boarding school and when I got chucked out of there, I lived with my dad, who couldn’t have cared less either.’ He paused; finished his drink and poured the rest of the bottle into his glass and then looked across at her and smiled.
‘The college, the people on the courses, they are my friends. I get close to some of them and we end up having a bit of fun together – where’s the harm in that? It’s all fun. I don’t usually have to justify myself this much?’ He raised an eyebrow and gave her a cheeky smile.
Ebony turned away, smiling, but wondering whether she should ask him how he felt about breaking hearts that had already been broken in some cases, and preying on the vulnerable. But she resisted. She had to remember who she was supposed to be. She thought about the character traits that Hawk had exposed. Could Christian kill, torture? Could he hate women that much? Hawk was clever and manipulative. He had a warped sense of women and motherhood. Christian fitted the bill.
‘How long have you been on the course?’ she asked, leaving those thoughts for the moment. She felt as if she were floundering a little. She needed to give herself time to recover and get back into seduction mode.
‘Seems like forever,’ he answered, a little deflated, bored. ‘I never seem to get to the end. I change my mind about what I want to do and then start in a new direction.’
Like you do with women, thought Ebony. ‘Sounds expensive,’ she said.
‘It is. But I don’t have many overheads and I’m
lucky enough to be good at poker.’ Ebony raised an eyebrow. ‘I play it online. It fits into my lifestyle and Elsie’s. But it’s a bit of a lonely existence.’ He paused, played with his glass, looked at Ebony. She wondered if I’m lonely was one of his standard pick-up lines.
‘What about Elsie’s mum?’ she asked.
‘We share childcare. I have Elsie for half the week and every other weekend.’
‘And normally you’re out clubbing with Selena and Julie on your “other” weekend?’
‘No . . .’ He laughed. ‘I can see you’ve formed the wrong impression of me. I like to have fun now and again but Elsie is my life and everything I do is for her. I don’t have time for much else. Yeah . . . I went back to Julie’s a couple of times and we had fun but she isn’t my type and I’m not hers if she’s honest. What about you? You’re just starting dating again then?’ She nodded.
‘Yeah – it’s scary but it feels right.’
‘What made you call it a day with Archie’s dad?’
‘He was abusive. He was in trouble in Jamaica. He was controlling. He got nasty with me. I just decided I didn’t want to live my life bullied. Archie needed me to be strong.’
‘You seem like the naturally strong type to me. Can’t imagine you put up with much shit.’ He was staring straight at her. Ebony thought she’d been doing well up till then. She needed to dig deep inside her past to come up with what it felt like to take abuse. She didn’t have to search her memory for long before she was back, cornered by her mum, by the bullies in the care home and the staff who were cruel, taking the pain; blaming herself for not stepping out of the way quick enough. Blaming herself for leaving it just that one second too late to run away. The less she struggled the sooner it would be over. The care home could be very tough. She’d been in three different ones altogether. In between that she was with foster carers or back with her mother. Anywhere Ebony looked there was trouble of one kind or another. The only respite she ever had was when she went to a foster couple called the Bennets; they had grown-up kids. They spent their lives giving temporary homes to kids like Ebony. The one thing Ebony always knew was that she wasn’t unique. There were thousands of kids like her in the UK. The day when she had to leave the Bennets was a sad one but she swallowed the sadness and she didn’t cry. It felt like one more kick in the stomach. Then she turned up in the home and things were bad, worse than they’d ever been, until Micky came along.