by Hilary Wynne
“You look better, Dad. Did you sleep well?”
“I did and it’s great seeing your face at the breakfast table.”
I can’t remember the last time I spent the night at home; it’s been years. I feel good being here too. After I finish stuffing my face, I get my phone out of my purse. I want to call Diego and let him know about taking Monday and Tuesday off. One look at my phone totally upends my “happy for the moment” applecart. There are ten missed calls. There’s also a big six next to the text message bubble. Shit. I’m scared to even look, but I know I have to.
I slide the phone open and see I have a few missed calls from Marissa and Shannon. The others are from Julian, and there’s a voicemail from him as well. They started coming last night and some are also from this morning. All of a sudden he wants to communicate. Whatever. I look through the texts first.
Marissa: Are you coming home? I thought you were.
Marissa: WTF Lex? Where are you?
Marissa: I’m starting to freak out. Nobody knows where you are. Please call me.
Shannon: Please call Marissa or me. Or Julian. Nobody can find you.
I’m feeling worse with each text. I didn’t mean to make anyone worry. The next two texts really fire me up.
Julian: Your friends are looking for you. Be a good friend and call them.
Julian: I’m assuming you don’t want to be found. Wonder where you could be.
What the hell is that supposed to mean! Does he think I’m out with Luke? Oh snap, I bet he does. Fucker. How dare he get all upset about my whereabouts now when he couldn’t care less about where I was or what I was doing for the past week. What a hypocrite.
I carry my angry attitude into the living room so I can listen to the voicemails in private. Marissa’s voicemail sounds like her text, except more worried, and the other one is from Julian. There is no doubt in my mind he had been drinking when he left it. He doesn’t even sound like himself.
“I don’t understand how hard it is to answer your damn phone or let people know you’re okay. No comprendo. You’re so fucking inconsiderate. Carajo.” The phone goes silent for a minute and I’m about to hang up when I hear more voices in the background. I don’t think Julian knows he’s still recording, but I hear every word loud and clear.
“Are you okay, Julian? You look upset.” I recognize the voice. It’s Alejandra.
“No, I’m fucking pissed. Lexie’s pulling another disappearing act and no one can find her. Her friends are bothering me with it. I don’t know why I should worry about it.”
“I don’t know why you do. She seems like so much drama and work. It isn’t like you to put up with all that. It’s not the Julian I know.”
“I’m not sure either. Fuck it. I’m done. Let’s go.”
I can hardly breathe as the message ends; I replay it several more times to make sure I heard it all accurately. Yep. I did. I feel like I’m going to throw up, but I don’t want to freak out in front of my parents. I take a few deep breaths and call Marissa. She doesn’t let me even say hi before she lays into me. “I guess this means you aren’t in a gutter somewhere. What the hell! Do you know how worried we’ve all been? Where are you?”
“My dad had a heart attack. I’m at their house. I spent the night here and didn’t think to call. I’m sorry you were worried.”
“Oh my God, Lex! I’m so sorry. I’m such a bitch for yelling at you. Is he okay? What happened?”
I tell her the whole story and ask her to let Shannon know I’m okay. “Have you talked to Julian? He was worried too.”
“Yeah, about that. I really wish you wouldn’t have called him. He’s busy with his family and not at all concerned about where I am or what I’m doing. You guys pissed him off.”
“That’s so not true. He was worried. I could tell.”
“He was worried I was with Luke, not that I was in a gutter.” I tell her about the text messages. I also tell her about the voicemail he didn’t mean to leave. At least I don’t think he meant to leave it.
For once Marissa isn’t positive about the situation. “That’s kind of fucked up. I’m sorry you had to hear it. What’s going to happen today? Are you still going to go?”
“No. I’m going to come home so I can change. I’m going to go for a run and then I’m going to sit in front of the TV with a gallon of chocolate chip ice-cream and feel sorry for myself.”
Marissa laughs. “Sounds like the perfect poor me plan, but what are you going to do about Julian?”
“I told you what the message said. He said he was done and left somewhere with Alejandra. I’m assuming at this point there isn’t much to do about Julian.”
“You sound so calm.”
“My parents are in the next room and I don’t want to upset them.
“Give your parents a hug from me and tell your dad I’ll say a prayer for him. If you get home soon, I’ll run with you.”
When I walk back into the kitchen, my mom takes one look at my face and knows something is wrong. I cut her off at the pass.
“Mari is mad at me because I didn’t tell her where I was last night. She feels better now that she yelled at me.”
“You really do need to keep in better touch, Alexa. We all worry about you.”
“I know, Mom. I know.”
After some very long and teary hugs goodbye, and a promise to be back tomorrow, I get in my car and leave. By the time I get home, it’s already after twelve. I couldn’t stop myself from crying on the ride home and by the time I pull in the driveway, my eyes are a swollen mess. I’m so worried about my dad, and now that he isn’t in front of me I can acknowledge how scared I truly am. I know he said it’s not a big deal, but it is a big deal. I’m glad, in a messed up way that I’m worrying about my dad because the full effect of the Julian situation hasn’t completely registered. I don’t want to think about him and his crappy insinuations. I don’t want to think about the fact there’s a very good chance he was with Alejandra last night. It was clear he’d been drinking, and what better way to pay me back for Luke than by sleeping with his ex. I still don’t know he didn’t already do it with Kelsey either. I feel sick to my stomach and just want to go crawl into a dark room.
I carry my dress and shoes into the house and hang them on the back of my door. I plan on returning them next week. There’s no reason to keep them. I noticed Marissa’s car wasn’t in the driveway, and figure she got tired of waiting for me. I change into running shorts and a tank and head out. The run is so therapeutic. I get lost in the rhythmic pounding of my feet on the pavement along with a playlist of upbeat music. I end up running way longer than I’d planned to and by the time I get back home, it’s close to two. I grab a water bottle and lie on my bed under the fan and try to cool down for a bit. I look at my phone to make sure my parents haven’t called and when I do, I see Julian hasn’t either, which could mean just about anything. He could be blowing me off altogether, or he could show up and act like nothing is wrong. Nothing surprises me these days. To be honest, I’m hoping he does just blow me off. I can’t deal with his drama today. But, deep down I know he’ll show up. It’s Julian I’m dealing with and when he wants something, he makes it happen. He doesn’t know I heard the voicemail, so he has no idea I’m feeling the way I am. As I lie there, I play some potential scenes out in my head of what will happen when he shows up and I tell him I’m not going to the wedding. None of them end well. I contemplate leaving my house to avoid dealing with this at all, but decide that would be worse. I don’t want to ruin the wedding for him even though I want no part of it. It is risky to talk to him right now though because I’m so emotional. I’m pissed at him, I’m sad, I’m worried about my dad, and I’m tired. There is such potential for disaster right now. I try to relax by taking a long shower and do feel better when I get out. I’m blowing my hair dry when I see Julian’s face appear on my phone and my fragile calm state dissipates immediately. I hit decline and finish what I’m doing. He calls right back, so I turn the dryer
off and answer.
“Hello.”
“Are you planning on answering the door?” His voice is laced with irritation.
“Are you here?”
“What kind of question is that? Sí! Estoy aqui. It’s three. I’m picking you up for a wedding, remember.”
“Hang on.”
I hang up the phone and lean against the vanity. This isn’t going to go down well. I summon all of the strength my mom thinks I have and walk to the door in my robe. I have no makeup on and my hair is just barely dry. I open the door and find a tuxedo-clad Julian standing on my stoop. Even with his surly expression, he takes my breath away. He sees how I’m dressed and shakes his head.
“Why the hell aren’t you ready, Alexa?” He walks past me and shuts the door behind him. He’s looking down at me and glaring.
“Because I’m not going, Julian. I guess I should’ve let you know that, but I’m inconsiderate, remember?” I turn and walk into the living room and sit on the couch. He follows me and stays standing, his hands deep in his pockets.
“What do you mean you aren’t going? We talked about this yesterday.”
“Well yesterday was yesterday and today is today and today I don’t feel like being bullied into doing something that’s a bad idea. Sorry for the drama and the work you had to put into getting here.” I’m playing word games; I want to see if he realizes I heard him talking to Alejandra. He doesn’t take the bait.
“You don’t feel like being bullied? By me? Where is all this coming from anyway? Did someone tell you I was bullying you?”
I have to laugh. “Did someone tell me? No, I’m not an idiot. I was there when you threatened that if I didn’t go to this wedding we were over. I didn’t call your bluff then, but I guess I am now. I don’t want to go and if that means you need to walk away for good, then I guess you’ve got to do what you’ve got to do.”
Julian runs his hands through his hair in gesture of frustration. His voice comes out more authoritative. “Get dressed. You’re going with me and I’d like to be there before the wedding starts.”
“Then I’d suggest you leave now.”
“Carajo, Alexa. What the hell is wrong with you? I told you I’d be here at three and you said you’d go. You ‘go dark’ last night and have your friends freaked out because they can’t find you and now you’re going to stand me up? You couldn’t bother to call and let me know before I drove all the way out here to get you?”
“My friends understand so don’t bring them into this, and I’m sorry they called you and involved you in my drama. I talked to them about it and I promise you it won’t happen again.”
Julian laughs humorlessly. “Involve me? I’m totally fucking involved.”
I shake my head disbelievingly. “You couldn’t be less involved with me right now if you tried, so stop acting like it matters. You were inconvenienced last night and I’m truly sorry. I didn’t intend for that to happen.”
“That’s the problem. You never intend for things to happen, yet they do. And people get hurt or worried and you act like it’s no big deal. What were you doing last night that was so important that you couldn’t return a damn phone call?”
“It’s none of your business.”
“I’m serious, Alexa. What the hell were you doing that made you change your mind about going today?” The look on his face is just mean, and so not the Julian I know and love. I can’t do this anymore. I just want him to go and leave me alone with my ice-cream.
“My dad had a heart attack and I thought I’d be considerate and spend some time with him before he has surgery on Monday. Is that okay with you, Julian? Is that a good enough reason to not have returned your texts? You’ve become an expert about not returning texts too so feel free to share your opinion, but I think it’s a pretty good reason.”
My words and my tone catch him off guard, and the expression on his face changes. I’d been relatively calm up until that moment. He walks toward me and stretches out his arms as if he’s going to take me in them and hug me. It would be the first contact we’ve had since I told him about Luke, but I stand up and move away. He looks shocked when I do, but doesn’t come closer.
“Oh, Lexie, I’m so sorry to hear that. Is he okay? What are they doing for him? Is he at home?”
I hear the real concern in his voice, and it’s definitely nice to hear something other than bitterness and anger coming toward me, but I can’t stop thinking about the voicemail message. I tell him what’s going on with my dad and allow him to ask a few questions.
“I’m sorry this is happening and I understand why you didn’t call me back. I wish you would’ve said something though.”
“There was no reason to.” I’m not buying his nice-guy act. This is a momentary détente, and I’m not letting my guard down.
Julian looks down at his watch, signaling to me we’re running out of time for this discussion. “Can you please get dressed and come with me? I want you there.”
I hear a little of the old Julian in his words, but not enough to convince me to change my mind. There’s no way I can go. I can’t deal with him and Alejandra and Serena. No way.
“I can’t, Julian. I don’t have it in me to smile and pretend everything is okay when it really couldn’t be worse. You don’t want me there any more than I want to be there under these circumstances. You have a great out now though. Tell your family about my dad and I’m sure they’ll all understand why I didn’t come.”
“You were really going to come?”
I shake my head in disbelief. I’m not a liar. “Yes. I told you I would.”
“Then the thing with your dad shouldn’t change that. I’ll take you home early if you’re having a horrible time. Just come with me for a little bit.”
“Thank you for the offer, but we both already know we won’t be able to have a good time. You haven’t talked to me for over a week except to blackmail me into going tonight for your own twisted reasons, and there’s just too much tension between us. I’m ready to really talk when you are, but not tonight. Tonight you need to be with your family.”
Julian opens his mouth to say something, but shuts it again without saying a word. His disappointment is obvious. He turns on his heel and walks toward the door. I follow him silently to the foyer. Julian turns to look at me when he’s out the door and I can’t help but feel bad. Now he looks hurt. We have gone through pissed, concerned, disappointed, frustrated, and now hurt all in thirty minutes. It’s a lot to take in.
“Lexie?”
Oh crap, here comes the goodbye, for good.
“Yes.”
“You are family to me. I just didn’t know you didn’t know that.”
I have no response to his statement, and it doesn’t matter anyway because he doesn’t wait for one. He’s in his Jag and down the street before I can pick my mouth up off the floor. How was that for a guilt trip? I’m barely back indoors when Marissa pulls up. She walks in the door and gives me a questioning look.
“Why aren’t you at the wedding?”
“Um…not happening. I take it you didn’t pass Julian on your way home?”
“No. Shit. He was here? And you didn’t go? That’s not good.”
“What’s not good is me spending the evening surrounded by his family and his friends and his ex-fiancée, who he probably fucked last night. I did the smart thing, the mature thing. Not sure why I can’t get any credit for my good decision-making skills.”
Marissa ignores my sarcasm. “Did Julian agree with you on that?”
“What do you think?”
“Is he pissed?”
I tell her the whole story from the top to bottom, starting with his blackmail conversation yesterday.
“Where’s the dress?”
“In my room, why?”
“Get your ass in there and put it on. I’ll help with your hair and I’ll even drive you there. You’re going to this wedding, Lexie, and you need to hurry.”
“You’re nuts. Didn’t you hear
anything I just said?”
“I heard everything you moron. You’re the one who didn’t hear anything. I have no idea what the hell happened last night between him and Alejandra, but that man wants you by his side. He was saving face. He doesn’t know how to forgive you without feeling like a wimp, so instead he’s being a total ass. C’mon, Lex. That’s not him. Go get dressed and show up for him.”
I stand there and stare at her for a few minutes. Maybe she’s right. Maybe he just doesn’t know how to talk to me about how he’s feeling. I don’t know how, but she’s talked me into it.
“When did you become so wise?”
“You’ve never been able to see what we all see. He loves you with everything he is. Trust me and believe that. Go to him. Be there for him. Show up for him. It’ll matter, Lex. I know it.”
I nod and she hugs me. Then she follows me into my bathroom and we start to work on my hair. She’s always been good with hair, and before long, she’s managed to create a somewhat messy, yet sophisticated, French twist up-do. It looks amazing, and when I ask where she learned how to do that, she tells me she saw it on Pinterest. She also tells me she’s worried about me doing my own makeup after our night out, so I let her do it for me. When I look in the mirror after she’s done, I’m speechless. I look so soft and so beautiful. Somehow she’s managed to hide the black bags under my eyes. I stand up and hug her.
“Thank you so much. I love it. All of it. And I love you, Mari.”
“Good. Now let’s get you dressed. The wedding was at four so you won’t make that, but we can get you to the reception if you get moving. I look at the clock. It’s four forty-five and if I get a move on, we can be at the Fontainebleau by five-thirty. I walk into my room, grab a pair of panties and bra to wear, and slide my dress on over my head being extra careful not to ruin what Marissa has done.