by Hilary Wynne
“You chose me tonight. I saw it, and that helps a lot. I was a total dick to you and you took it and tried everything to fix the situation. I’m sorry I made such a big deal out of it, and I’m really sorry I was so ugly to you. You didn’t deserve that.”
I want to accept his apology and I believe he’s sorry, but it hurts that he’s just now seeing he has always been the one. “I chose you all along. I’m sorry you ever doubted that.”
The look in Julian’s eyes says he doesn’t want to talk about this anymore and I don’t either. The whole Luke thing has been eating at me for a long time now, and I don’t have anything else to say about it. We are in bed having this conversation and we lie in the darkness just holding each other. The tension is gone and I’m grateful for that. Just as I’m about to drift off to sleep, Julian whispers in my ear.
“Lexie?”
“Yes.”
“We are going to make it. You know how I know that?”
I shake my head. “Tell me.”
“We haven’t made it to ‘epic’ yet. It’s been amazing, but we have a little more way to go to epic. You said it was going to be epic.”
“And it will, Julian. We’ll make it to epic. I promise.”
Julian pulls me in so tight I have a hard time taking a breath at first. He relaxes his hold after a few moments and exhales into the silence of the room. “Te quiero.”
“I love you too. Very much.”
I’d be lying if things didn’t seem a little off the next morning. Julian is being super sweet and even made me breakfast, but there is an underlying current of tension. I don’t want to analyze it and neither does he because we don’t discuss anything except what we’re going to do this weekend. I get a sweet kiss goodbye when he drops me off at work and because I so desperately want things to be okay, I just pretend they are.
Once I’m settled at my desk, have gone through a couple of messages and done a morning recap of the night with Marissa, I reach out to Luke. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about what happened yesterday and I want to make sure he’s okay. It’s early and I’m not even sure he’ll respond to me, but I have to try anyway.
Alexa: Are you okay?
Luke: Yes
Alexa: I’m sorry
Luke: I know
Alexa: Thank you. I’m not sure I deserved that from you.
Luke: You deserve to be happy. Does he make you happy? Truly happy?
Alexa: Yes
Luke: Good. Take care of yourself hooka.
Alexa: You too. Be happy, Luke. You deserve it too.
Alexa: Can I ask you an honest question?
Luke: Yes
Alexa: Did you know the baby wasn’t Julian’s?
Luke: No. You may not believe that, but I’d never hurt you like that. I love you.
Tears well up in my eyes. I prayed he didn’t know and I do believe him. I want to tell him that I love him too, but it doesn’t feel right.
Alexa: I believe you
Luke: It doesn’t get easier. The goodbyes.
Alexa: No, it doesn’t.
Our conversation stops there and after I read it a few more times, I delete the messages. God this hurts. I can’t imagine there ever being a time when I don’t think about Luke or care for him. We’ve been so much to each other and my biggest regret in all of this is we’ll never be able to be friends. I just find it incredibly sad. I’m brought out of my reverie by an energetic Lauren, who has plopped herself down in my office. “What the hell happened last night? I heard Julian got into a fight with Luke?”
“Well good morning to you too. I guess good news travels fast. Who told you?”
“Jenna. I called her last night to ask her something about the apartments where she lives and she told me.”
“What do you want to know about the apartments? Are you moving?”
She gets a sheepish look on her face. “I know you’re going to think this is crazy because we just met, but Sean and I have talked about moving in together. Those apartments are nice and halfway between my work and his.”
I’m shocked by this news and to be honest, a little jealous. All of my friends are moving forward in their relationships and in their lives, and Julian and I are stuck in what seems to be a never-ending cycle of drama. We can’t move forward and we can’t go back. I’m not even sure where I’d go back to anyway. Our happiness has been so short-lived. I start to get a bad feeling in my stomach as I process my thoughts. It has never really been good between us. Maybe it never will be either. Maybe we’re just toxic together.
“Um. Hello. Earth to Lexie. You have nothing to say about any of that?”
I try and refocus on her. “I think it’s too soon, but what the hell do I know about anything? I’m the very last person you should ever come to for any type of relationship advice.”
It doesn’t seem like Lauren disagrees, so she changes back to the original topic. “What the hell happened at the party?”
I just finished telling Marissa not even a half hour ago and don’t feel like getting into it again, so I tell her a modified version. Thankfully she’s satisfied. “I guess it’s a good thing Luke didn’t fight back. That could’ve been ugly for both of them.”
I think back to how angry they both looked and I nod my head. “Yep. Very ugly.”
“Plus it would have sucked if either one of their gorgeous faces would have gotten messed up.”
I can’t help but laugh a little. It’s true. “Can we talk about something else now?”
Lauren agrees and launches into a story about Sean. She looks so happy that I can’t help but be happy for her. I really hope this works out for her.
We’re interrupted by some customers and don’t get a chance to talk much the rest of the day. I love when work keeps me from thinking about all of the other drama in my life. It has been my one good constant. I hear from Julian a few times throughout the day, via text, and although he’s being sweet, I can sense he’s once again holding back. It just sucks. I already know he’s planning on staying at the hotel for a while tonight, and he asked me to meet him there for dinner after work. On the way over, I think about our next steps. I have no idea what they are, but hope they are toward our future.
As I head up to Julian’s office, I come face to face with Kelsey. She looks beautiful, as usual, and I have to force myself to be understanding of the fact my boyfriend works so closely with her. It’s all about trust.
“Hi Alexa. Good to see you. Julian isn’t back there. Last time I saw him he was walking out with a guy toward the pool bar.”
Her smile is genuine and I don’t hear a hint of sarcasm or nastiness. I wonder where this new attitude is coming from. Hopefully she realizes Julian is mine and wants to make our interactions pleasant.
“Thanks. He wanted to meet for dinner. I’ll try and track him down.”
She nods and smiles again, and then looks down at my shoes. I’m wearing a pair of wine-yellow and black, snakeskin-looking, embossed leather Jeffery Campbell stiletto sandals. They are super sexy and bold, and go perfectly with the simple black fit and flare tank dress I have on.
“Those shoes are hot. Jeffery Campbell, right?”
I can’t help but laugh. It’s not often I find another woman who knows her shoes like I do. “Yep. Just got them off Shopbop. The jury is still out on whether they are comfortable, but they look good.”
Kelsey laughs back. “They look amazing.” She smiles again as she turns to walk away. “Have a nice dinner.”
That was interesting. Maybe there’s hope we can all get along. I’m feeling more relaxed as I push the heavy glass doors open that lead to the pool. The pool area isn’t very crowded and I find Julian easily. His back is to me so he has no idea I’m here. He’s talking to a man and as I approach them, I’m shocked to see it’s Mateo. Oh wow! I walk up slowly, not sure what I’m about to interrupt. Julian hears my footsteps behind him and turns around. A smile slowly crosses his face as he reaches out to hug me. I hug him back and turn to face Mateo.
He’s also smiling at me in a very friendly way. It’s almost surreal. He extends his hand.
“Hi, Alexa. It’s nice to see you again. Julian and I were just talking about you.”
I look back and forth between the two of them. “Is that so? It’s pretty interesting to find you two here discussing me over a beer.”
Julian laughs and I swear he looks lighter, as if a weight has been lifted off his shoulders. “Sí. It’s a little weird. In light of some recent events, I thought it was time for Mateo and me to talk. We have. Now we’re drinking a beer.” He looks down at his watch. “It’s happy hour.”
“Well, you both look happy so I guess it’s all working out.” I try to be friendly and normal but this is so freaking odd.
“It is…It is.” Mateo smiles again. “Well, I don’t want to keep you and Alexa from your dinner plans so I’m going to take off.” He reaches his hand out to shake Julian’s and tears pop into my eyes when Julian embraces him instead. I’m witnessing my boyfriend let go of the past, and for those seconds, I feel buoyed by hope we’ll be able to do the same.
“Gracias por venir y conversar conmigo.”
“Thank you for calling and asking me to talk. I’ve been wanting to for about ten years.”
Julian nods. “It was good to see you, hermano.” Oh wow. He just called him brother. I’m dying to hear the rest of this story!
Mateo smiles at me one more time and says goodbye. The second he’s out of earshot I turn to Julian. “What?”
He smiles and kisses me softly on the lips. “I called him this morning and asked him if he could stop by to talk. I couldn’t get him out of my head all night last night. I dreamt of the fight we had for the first time in years. I woke up feeling like shit. What happened with Luke stirred up a lot of memories for me, more than I let you see. You were brave and admitted to me you missed Luke. I hate it but I get it. I’ve missed Mateo every day for ten years. We were inseparable, Lexie. You see how I am with Danny and Rafi? That’s how I was with Mateo. We were brothers. I’ve been so full of pride that I never wanted to admit how much of a loss it has been to me to not have him in my life. When I saw him at the wedding talking to you I got so angry. Part of it was defensive because of what happened in the past, but part of it was because I really wanted you to meet him, and I wanted him to meet you. I’ve been thinking about reaching out ever since.”
I listen closely as Julian opens up. This is a subject he’s rarely talked to me about and one I’d love to know. It’s so closely tied to who he is today. “You look happy…relieved.”
“I feel relieved. He showed up and we just started talking about the hotel and about his job. He’s an attorney. About twenty minutes in, both of us kind of stopped mid-sentence and apologized.”
“You apologized?” I have to admit that surprises me.
“Lexie, when I say I beat the shit out of him, I’m not lying. It was bad. I wanted to kill him. I took out all my anger and frustration on him, physically. I owed him an apology for that because I’ve regretted that moment since it happened.”
“And what did he say?”
“He didn’t try and justify anything. He said it was the biggest mistake he’s ever made and he regrets it every day. He accepted my apology and I did the same for him. Then we talked a little about a woman he’s dating. Then we talked about you. He told me what happened the night of the wedding, or confirmed what you told me. I’m so sorry about that, Corazón. He said it was worse than you told me.”
“It’s over and I’m fine. I don’t want to waste any breath talking about those two.”
“I agree. He asked me about you, about our relationship.”
I laugh snidely. “Well unless he was here all day, he didn’t get a full picture of our story.”
Julian takes my hand. “He watched us together. He saw you are the one. He’s happy for me. We were even able to laugh about him doing me a favor by getting Alejandra out of my life.”
“Really? You can laugh about that now?”
“It’s really not funny, but it’s true. If that didn’t happen, we probably wouldn’t be here right now. I have to think that was the way it was meant to be because I can’t imagine my life without you in it.”
I take his hand in mine. “I’m very proud of you. I don’t want to sound condescending, but that was a big thing you did here today.”
Julian takes a deep breath and takes the last sip of his beer. “Yes, I know. And I have you to thank for it. I’ve been emotional since you fell on me in the staircase.”
“That’s love for you. It makes you do crazy things.”
“Well, I wouldn’t change anything. And on that note, let’s go eat. I have some stuff to take care of at the club in a few hours and I’d like to eat without being interrupted.”
He takes my hand and leads me to Ursa’s. We sit in the back and have a private, quiet dinner. Dario stops by to say hello but other than that, we’re alone. I’m feeling tired from a long week and really don’t feel like drinking or being around a lot of people, so after dinner Julian catches me a cab and I head back to the condo. I take a bath, read a magazine, and fall asleep before he gets home. I feel him against me in the middle of the night, but when I wake up in the morning, he’s gone. I’m off today and refuse to get out of bed. I figure he’ll come back and find me; he knows where I am.
The next time I open my eyes it’s completely bright in the room. I roll over to look at the clock on my phone. Holy shit, it’s almost eleven. I never sleep this late! I stretch for a few minutes and am about to get up when Julian walks back into the room. He’s still in his shorts from working out, but it must’ve been a while ago because he isn’t sweaty. He sits down on the edge of the bed next to me. He pulls me in for a hug and a kiss and then totally, and I mean totally, shocks me. He reaches in his shorts pocket and pulls out my ring box. Oh. My. God. There is no build up to this moment, no grand gesture. He opens the box and holds it out to me. I start to shake and take the box in my hands.
“I don’t want to do this anymore. I want to marry you. I want you to live here with me. I want to start our life together already. I love you and I’m tired of waiting for you to be mine.”
Hmm. I guess that was a proposal. Another one. I’m in shock. I wasn’t expecting this. I’m actually speechless. After a minute he asks me again. “Lexie, will you marry me?”
I feel panicked. I wasn’t prepared for this right now, so soon after a week where he wouldn’t even speak to me. Maybe he’s just feeling pressure because of the whole Luke thing happening the other night. Or maybe he’s nostalgic and emotional because of what just happened with Mateo. My head is spinning.
“How do I know you’re serious? That you’re sure?”
Julian shakes his head at me in disbelief. “I’m serious, Lexie and I’m sure. I can’t believe you’d even ask me that after what we’ve been through. You’re the one who needs to be sure because once I put this ring back on your finger, it’s never coming off.”
I take a deep breath. I’m so scared to believe. “Are you really, really sure, because I don’t plan on giving the ring back again. I need to know you aren’t going to change your mind because I can’t take that again.” I look at the ring and then back up at Julian. I’m dying for him to slip it on my finger.
“I’m sure, and I can prove it.” Julian gets up and walks to his closet. He comes back with a bag and I start to feel giddy when I see the words on the box inside. He’s smiling at me, the tension of the moment broken. “Lexie, is there anything more serious to you than a pair of shoes?”
I swear I don’t mean to act crazy, but I can’t help myself, and I grab the box out of the bag. I open the top slowly though, wanting to savor the surprise of what’s inside. My fingers are shaking as I pull the pretty tissue paper back. Holy Mother of God. I look up at Julian who is flashing me the Bauer smile.
“Te gusta, mi amor?”
“Do I like them? Julian, I love them! These are the most beautiful shoes I
have ever seen. And I have seen a lot.”
Nestled in the box is a pair of Sergio Rossi pumps from his bridal collection. The shoes are champagne-colored satin with a high stiletto heel. There are multiple crystal straps that make concentric shapes that crisscross up the length of the foot and end with two delicate straps around the ankle. I’ve never seen anything prettier. My eyes fill with tears because they are so me and Julian knows it. He knows me. I look up at him and don’t even try to hide how I’m feeling.
“You’re one of a kind, Alexa Reed, and I knew I couldn’t just pick out any shoe. I shopped at Louboutin, Jimmy Choo, and Manaolo Blanik. Nothing seemed like what you’d want to wear at your wedding. These did. I hope I was right.”
“They are perfect!.” I get on my knees and hug him tightly. “It makes me feel so good you truly know me. All of me.”
He pulls back and gives me a soft kiss. “So I guess you’re saying yes then?”
I can’t help but laugh. The shoes distracted me for a moment. I throw my weight forward so I end up lying on top of him. I place my lips on his ear. “Yes.”
Chapter 27
We’ve been in bed, making love, talking, and planning our future since I said yes. The one thing we completely agree on is that neither of us wants to wait for this to happen and by the time Julian gets out of bed to take a shower, we’ve decided to plan a wedding in the next few months. I suggest New Years’ Eve, which is only about three months away. We agree to talk about it a little more over dinner tonight.
The minute he leaves I get on the phone and call everyone. There isn’t a single person who isn’t thrilled for us. My parents are super excited and make me promise to come by with Julian this week for dinner. My girlfriends’ kick into planning mode due to the timeframe I’m giving them, and Jill worries about being able to fit into a bridesmaid dress because she’s getting bigger by the minute.
After I get off the phone, I throw on a bathing suit, get my stuff together, and head down to the beach. It’s beautiful outside, in the low eighties, and a perfect day to lie in the sun and relax. I’m still feeling tired, so I take a little nap while I’m down there. I have my headphones on and am half asleep when the song I’m listening to is interrupted by a phone call.