“Heading to the library.”
“Are you okay?” Jasmine was frowning, something she rarely did.
“Yeah, of course. There was just a ton more work that I had to do for this conference than I’d realized. I want to get it done so I can relax for a day or two before Mickelson is back.”
I didn’t wait to see if she believed me or not. Eric’s office door was closed as I passed and he wasn’t inside. Relief filled me. Stupid that I’d been tense at all. I knew he wasn’t there; he never was in the afternoon. But it was a milestone, knowing that I could maintain my normal routine and not turn into a blubbering mess.
My trip to the library was short. Most of what I needed to do for the rest of the presentation could be accomplished online. Once I returned these last few books, it would be a while before I would have to come back. Of course, things like an actual reason wouldn’t stop me from coming here. I loved the library; it always gave me a sense of history and calm.
Plus, they had a kick-ass coffee shop near the front.
Knowing I probably owed Jasmine at the very least a coffee for my behavior this morning, I got us two large double-doubles and headed back. It was strange how my brain went from high alert to stupid in a matter of minutes. It wasn’t until I was almost at Eric’s office that I realized he was there and was talking to someone. What the hell was he doing here and not in class? Unless something important came up and he needed to step out for a few minutes . . .
Even though I didn’t want to draw any attention to myself, I couldn’t help but slow down enough to hear his words.
“Yes, that’s right. A dozen carnations. Delivery today, please. The address is a school. Hang on, I’ll get that.”
My heart pounded as I lowered my head and marched past his door not wanting to hear another word. He was buying me flowers. He was sorry for what happened on Friday and he was buying me flowers to make up for it. No one had ever done that for me before. The only time in my life I’d ever received flowers was from my dad when I turned eighteen. If anyone asked, I said it never bugged me that I didn’t receive them.
It did.
Eric was getting me carnations.
“Well there’s the Glenna that I know and love.” Jasmine smiled when I bounced through the door. “And she comes bearing gifts of caffeine. I do love you so.”
“I’m sorry. I was being a bear earlier. I’d been here most of the weekend, which made me grumpy.”
“That sucks. You’re done though? Can you head home early?”
“Mostly.” Not that I was going to leave now, not with flowers on the way. “I’ll tough it out today and come in late tomorrow.”
If Eric was giving me peace offerings, then maybe he’d come to the conclusion that he really did want to continue on with our experiments. The question was, did I? I continued to ponder that very thing even as I saw him leave to head back down the hallway toward the stairs. I continued to ponder when the clock rolled around to four and there still hadn’t been a flower delivery.
“When are you heading out?” Jasmine turned off her monitor. “I’m flying solo tonight. If you don’t have plans maybe we can get some supper or something.”
Nothing had come.
Eric had returned to his office fifteen minutes ago, hesitating briefly to look down my way before disappearing inside. I knew he was expecting me to have a chat with him. Maybe the flowers were actually in his office?
“Um, I have something I need to do first. Maybe we can do a movie or something tonight?”
Jasmine stared at me, frowning. “Are you sure you’re okay? You’re really not yourself.”
I hadn’t been myself for two weeks now. “I am. I promise. I’ll give you a call and we can go see something. I’ll let you pick.”
“Oh goody. I heard there’s a good horror movie playing. We’ll be able to laugh at the characters dying.”
Thank God she left before she saw my blush.
My nerves acted as fuel and had me up and marching down the hall the second I knew Jasmine was gone. Eric was sitting at his desk like normal, but rather than reading or writing something down, he was simply staring at his bookcase.
There weren’t any flowers in his office.
When the realization hit me, I felt instantly ill. “They weren’t for me.”
Eric jumped and his gaze locked onto me. “Hello. What wasn’t for you?”
“I walked by earlier and overheard you ordering flowers for delivery at the school. I should have realized you were sending them to her. To Grace.”
“Glenna, it’s not what you—”
I held up my hand and took a step out of his office. “Stop. Please don’t say anything that’s even close to a lie. You are working on some closure with her. Or you’re trying to win her back. Either way, this is turning out to be something that I wasn’t expecting. I think I’m going to stop this.”
“Stop what?”
“Everything. The cards. You and me. I guess I’m not as adventurous as I thought I could be.”
“Glenna—”
“No. I’m done.” I raced back to my office, grabbed my things, and went out the closest door.
This was wrong. Everything about what had happened, about how I was feeling. None of the excitement and passion that we’d shared was worth the pain of this heartbreak. From now on, I was going to stay true to myself. Someone else could have the adventures.
16
The pounding on my apartment door was getting to be more than a little annoying. I knew who it was, but I honestly didn’t think I’d be able to deal with Jasmine, not right now. If I opened the door she would be able to see that I’d spent the last several hours crying. Then she’d want to know what had happened and who she needed to go kill in order to make things right. That would lead to a whole conversation about Eric and another round of tears.
Yeah no. I was more than happy to skip all of that and move on to the drinking-of-the-wine part of my cycle of misery.
When the knocking finally stopped, I hoped for a moment that perhaps Jasmine was going to give up for once and leave me in peace. Then my phone started ringing and I knew that, as always, I was going to have to give in to her. Rather than answer the phone I pushed myself off the couch and made my way to the door. When I opened it, she was standing with her cell phone pressed to her ear and a scowl on her face so deep, I had no doubt there would be permanent marks in her skin.
“What the absolute hell is going on with you?” Jasmine pushed her way into my apartment and I simply closed the door. “I’ve been worried sick about you. You didn’t answer my e-mails, or texts or calls. Then this shit with the door when I could clearly hear you crying.”
I didn’t expect her to pull me into a hug, but that’s what she did. Jasmine, my best friend and surrogate sister, the only other person who knew me better than I knew myself, crushed me in a hug and didn’t let go until my sudden onslaught of tears finished.
“Better?” Jasmine wiped my face before she let me pull away. “I brought wine.”
“Oh, that’s the best thing ever.”
“I’ll get glasses. You sit and start talking. What’s been going on with you? You’ve been off for at least the last few weeks.”
I wanted so badly to tell her all of the details. Everything that was going on with Eric, the cards, Grace, but I couldn’t. While I might be upset at how things ended between us, I’d made him a promise that I wouldn’t identify him. He’d been honest with me, and the very least I could do was live up to my end of the bargain. That said, I knew I had to tell Jasmine something.
“You know those sex cards?”
She raced out of the kitchen, a wineglass in each hand. “Oh shit, you were using them? With whom? One of those online dating dudes? Do I need to smash kneecaps?”
Good old Jasmine. I could always count on her to make me laugh with threats of physical violence. “You’re insane. You know that, right?”
“I’d do anything for you. Like get you drunk on
a work night. Here.” She filled my glass to the brim and handed it to me. “This is the cheap-ass shit too. Guaranteed to cure all ills, give you heartburn, and leave you with a nasty hangover.”
“Cheers.”
I swallowed down as much as I could stomach on the first pass, before letting out a sigh. “Yes, I used the cards with a man. No, it wasn’t an online person. No, I’m not going to tell you his name. We’d agreed to keep this between us and I want to honor that.”
“Okay.” The humor of the moment passed as Jasmine tucked her feet up on the couch to sit on them. “Did he hurt you? Physically?”
“No.” Shit, the thought of Eric doing anything to harm me was crazy. “No, he was a perfect gentleman.”
“Good. Because I would have called the cops if that had gone down. So I take it he broke your heart?”
I groaned. “Yes, but that wasn’t his fault either. He was up front with me when we started. He was interested in the cards when I showed them to him. He wanted the sex part of things and told me that’s what it would be about. I was the one who let things go too far emotionally.”
“Of course you did. You’re kind and sensitive and despite having done the occasional hookup, you’re not a sex-for-sex’s-sake kind of woman.”
“I wanted to be. I wanted to do what Great Glenna suggested and find a man to go out and have an adventure with. These cards and her letter to me seemed like fate lining up to say, ‘Here’s your shot, go for it!’ ”
Jasmine cocked her head to the side and hummed as she took a sip. “Did you get along okay?”
“We did. I even managed to make him laugh.”
“So you had sex with him.”
“Yup.”
“More than once?”
“Oh yeah.”
“Good sex?”
“He took me to a fancy spa for a luxury massage and we fucked in their shower.”
Jasmine’s eyes bugged out. “Holy shit. So what the hell happened? You were compatible, were good in the sack, and he was treating you well.”
“I found out that he still had feelings for his ex-girlfriend. I overheard him ordering flowers and I thought they might be for me. They weren’t.”
The thought of it, of knowing Eric still wanted Grace, ripped at my heart. I was many things, but delusional wasn’t one.
“It sounds like there is a lot more to this than I realized.” Jasmine set her glass down. “I’m going to use your bathroom and then we can talk some more.”
When she left, I did the best I could to clear my mind of everything Eric. I knew I was blowing things up, making them bigger than they should have been. Tomorrow, I’d get rid of the sex cards, I’d take them to the Social Club and leave them there for the students to find and have some fun with. Then, I’d get ready for Professor Mickelson’s return and life would go back to normal.
That would be that.
After a solid ten minutes of no Jasmine, I got up and refilled my wineglass. If I had much more of this I really would end up with a sore head tomorrow. “Oh well.”
Finally I heard the toilet flush and Jasmine bounced out, a grin on her face. “Sorry about that.”
“I hope you turned the fan on.” Lord, she was gross. “You want some more?”
“No. I’m going to leave the rest with you.”
“You’re going? You just got here.” There was something on her face, something that probably should have me freaking out if the wine hadn’t already taken hold. “Well fine then.”
“I needed to see you, to make sure that you were okay. But now I think I need to go check out something.”
“Oh. Okay then.” Damn this wine worked fast.
“I’ll stay if you want me to, but I get the feeling after that glass you’re going to crash and fall asleep. And no offense, but your spare bed sucks ass.”
“It does.” I did love her, but now that I had my wine, I knew it would be better if Jasmine left me alone to wallow. “I’m sorry I worried you and you came all this way.”
“Please. It’s fine. Will I see you tomorrow?”
I didn’t want to face Eric, but unless he quit his job or Professor Mickelson suddenly replaced me, there would be no avoiding it. And this is why you don’t date a coworker, asshat. “I’ll be there. I can’t promise I’ll be with it, but I’ll be there.”
As quickly as she swept in, Jasmine gave me a hug and was gone.
Well then.
That was interesting.
At least she left the bottle. Which I took and went to bed to watch television.
I did make it into the office on Tuesday, but it was closer to noon than nine. My head pounded in a way that it hadn’t since my first year of college when I’d made the unfortunate mistake of doing triple shots of tequila followed by margarita-beer chasers.
That had not ended well.
Somehow I’d managed to down a liter of water before leaving. Food was so not happening, which was one less thing I had to worry about, again good because of how late I was. It was so weird coming in this time of day, especially seeing that Jasmine had arrived long before me. She looked my way as I walked in and didn’t bother to hide her smirk.
“You drank the whole thing, didn’t you?”
“Yup.” My stomach flipped and not in the happy, fun way. “I hate you.”
“You loved me last night.”
“Can you talk a bit lower?”
“This is my normal voice.”
“Did you know that you’re loud? Like your voice could break rocks.”
“Sit down and pretend to work.”
I didn’t have the strength to argue more. I fell into my chair and turned on my monitor. There were five messages from Professor Mickelson waiting for me, the subject heading each more frantic than the previous. “Shit.”
“What?”
“Just more work. Mickelson is coming in tomorrow and flying out Thursday night. He wants to meet with me to go over everything.” I let my head fall to the desk and gave myself several long moments to collect myself. At least I’d done most of the work last week.
“He’ll be out West on Friday though?”
“Yeah. I’m not sure yet what that’s going to mean for him and office hours. He’s technically still on sabbatical until the end of December.”
“Mmmhmm.” And like that Jasmine was typing away on her computer, distracted by something else.
The day crept on slowly. As the hours went on, my head began to ease and my brain functioned once again. I will never drink on a work night again. I made it to four o’clock when Jasmine stood up suddenly and marched to my desk.
“Yes?”
“I need you to come with me.”
“Why?” She looked to be on a mission. This wouldn’t end well for me.
“Because I’m taking you somewhere. Come on, get up.”
She pulled me out of my chair and led me down to the kitchen. Oh, a coffee would go down really well right now. Maybe she wasn’t being normal Jasmine, getting all up in my business and dragging me along into hell.
We turned the corner to the kitchen and she swung me into the room. Eric was standing there, dressed immaculately as always, hands in his pockets and looking like someone had kicked his puppy. “Hello, Glenna.”
I turned to glare at Jasmine, but she was already backing out of the kitchen. “I’m going to shut this door and make sure no one bothers the two of you. You can’t leave until you work this out. Understand?”
The second she was gone, I marched over to Eric and poked him hard in the middle of the chest. “How the hell does she know about you? I didn’t say a thing.”
Clearly, he didn’t realize the danger he was in because the bastard was smirking. “She told me you were hung over, but I didn’t believe her.”
“How?” Poke. “Does?” Poke. “She?” Poke. “Know?”
“I was going to ask you the same thing. I arrived at work this morning and she was standing outside my door waiting for me. I had to endure a lecture and
more than a few threats to my person before she let me get a word in. She went to your apartment last night and said she saw something that let her figure it out.”
My memory of what I’d said was a bit hazy in the aftermath of the wine. I know for a fact I hadn’t used his name, nor given any indication that he worked here with us. Had I? “I promised you I wouldn’t tell her your name and I didn’t.” That much I knew for certain.
“It’s fine. I realized halfway through her lecture that you’d been hurt far more than I’d even realized. For that I’m sorry.”
Memory of the flowers that weren’t mine rushed back. “I am too. But it doesn’t change anything. We’re done . . . whatever this thing was.”
“Can I say something first, before we end things?” He waited for me to nod before taking my hand in his. “I haven’t talked to anyone about Grace in a long time. Our relationship, Jesus, to say it ended badly is a horrible understatement. I was angry for a long time afterward, to the point where I had no interest in dating anyone ever again. Then I heard you and Jasmine talking about those cards of yours and something changed. You woke something up in me that I hadn’t realized had been asleep. If nothing else, I wanted to thank you for giving that to me.”
My anger at Eric melted into concern. I turned my hand so our fingers were entwined. “It was the flowers.”
“What flowers?” The look of realization crossed his face. “You heard me placing the order.”
“I thought they were for me. When they didn’t come, I realized you were sending them to Grace, to her school. You’d told me you were using me for sex, and when I heard that I realized I couldn’t be a Grace replacement. I wanted adventure, but not that.”
“Never that.” He reached up and cupped my face. “The flowers weren’t what you think they were.”
“What were they then?” I could tell he still didn’t want to talk about what had happened between them, but I needed something. I needed to know if there was even a chance for us. “Eric?”
“They were a good-bye.” His eyes glistened and I was shocked by his near tears. “I don’t want things to end between us.”
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