“Me, too,” Elaine said. “I heard that after the airing of this particular segment, Grady Grey’s ratings went up, and his show is now the hottest underground TV program in the Triangle.”
“But have you seen the commercials before and after the show?” Rochelle asked, laughing.
“Girl,” Elaine said as she slipped the DVD in and turned on the television, “sometimes I watch the broadcast just for the commercials. I have learned about some of the most ghetto-fabulous establishments in all of Durham County watching Grady Grey. But folks tell me those ads have paid off. And right now, I’m wrestling with taking out one myself.”
Rochelle cracked up.
“Girl, I can just see you now, with a three-foot lacquered burgundy-and-blue-dyed do to emphasize that you have skills.”
“I don’t even think I have any blue hair color in the shop,” Elaine said.
“So, what you’re telling me is that you do have burgundy. ’Cause you know sisters love that burgundy hair color.”
“I am ignoring you, Rochelle Fountain,” Elaine said as Yvonne rushed into the shop, all ready to get her hair done.
Elaine, Rochelle, and Miss Hattie Lee all waved and pointed to an empty chair.
Yvonne plopped down in the chair and looked at the three of them with a big question all over her face. She touched her head. “But my hair. You are still doing my hair, aren’t you, Elaine?”
“Ummm, hmmm. Right after we watch this DVD.”
SIXTEEN
Yvonne moved to a more comfortable chair and got settled just as a pulsating high praise song came on while still photos of Grady Grey, along with his wife, First Lady Prophetess Linda Grey, and their four children flashed across the screen. The choir, which had roughly eighteen members on the set, sounded like a powerful seventy-five-voice mass choir.
Their attire was simple, neat, and on the conservative end of ghetto-fabulous. The women were dressed in black oxford cotton shirts, white knee-length A-line skirts, black stockings, and white flats with black patent-leather bows on the toe. The men wore the same style of shirt, baggy khaki pants worn low on the hips, and black Timberlands.
Yvonne, who had never paid any attention to the Half an Hour of Holy Ghost Power when her kids were watching it, said, “Do they have on white skirts and black stockings?”
“Shhh!” was the only answer she got.
Those black stockings under those white skirts definitely got Yvonne’s attention. She scooted her chair up closer to the TV screen to get a better look at the pastor and first lady, who were dressed in a vivid display of urban fashion wear that could only be purchased at the stores you didn’t even know existed until you passed them on the way to your cousin Naye Naye, Boo Boo, June Bug, and ’nem’s house.
First off, they only adorned themselves in matching his-and-her “Saint Suits” in turquoise, red, powder blue, hot pink, lemon yellow, peach, and purple. On this particular show Linda Grey was wearing a lime-green brocade satin suit with matching lime-green hat, shoes, and stockings. The hat had a very flat crown with a wide brim that had been fashioned from yards of pleated lime-green satin that was further accentuated with the rhinestones that were sprinkled across the entire hat. And her husband, Apostle Grady Grey, had on a lime-green clerical robe with a silver collar that had been made from the same bolt of fabric used to make his wife’s suit. His shoulder-length Jheri curl was freshly done and styled so that the silver in his hair picked up on the silver on his robe.
“Elaine, people still give curls?”
Elaine sighed and nodded in resignation—seemed as if the Jheri curl would never, ever go away. No matter how hard she prayed for black men who used to be slick 1980s players to be delivered of this affliction, the good Lord just had not answered her prayer and taken this thorn away.
The song faded and Grady Grey stood before the cameras with such a warm and sincere smile spreading across his face, it almost made you want to forget that he was standing on TV dressed like the Starsky and Hutch character Huggy Bear’s second cousin on his mama’s side.
“Durham, North Carolina, I greet you in the matchless name of our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ. I don’t know what the weather is like for those of you watching this show. But all I can say is that God is so good because He has blessed me with a beautiful day. I mean it, viewers. Today is gorgeous.
“And let me tell you a lil’ somethin’-somethin’—if you’ve ever been in a place where you can’t see the sky, you’ll never ever fall short of praising God for a beautiful day again. We have the sick and shut in, and people in jails and prisons around this great state who would give anything to walk outside and feel the warm rays of the sun bathing their face.”
“He is so flamboyant,” Rochelle said. “But it is the strangest thing. The man is for real when it comes to the Lord, and just as humble and sweet when you run up on him in Durham.”
“Yeah,” Elaine agreed. “Everybody who meets Grady in person says that he is the sweetest and kindest man they have ever met.”
“Well, that is nothing but the truth,” Miss Hattie Lee chimed in. “I remember Grady being sweet when he was working out of that shed. He always gave his older customers an extra senior discount, he personally delivered their stuff to their houses, set up any equipment that required assembly, and would come back and make sure everything was okay from time to time.”
Grady moved to a new part of his set where the chairs were set up talk-show style. He sat down opposite a short, stocky man, whose arms were so thick and muscular they looked as if they were about to rip the arms of the suit he was wearing in two.
“What does that man have on?” Yvonne asked.
Rochelle, the girls, and her parents kept telling her to watch this show. But she had been too busy, or absorbed in something important, to come and watch it with them. Now she wished that she’d listened because this thing was getting good.
“A silver lamé three-piece suit with a black satin shirt and tie,” Rochelle answered, mesmerized by the shiny suit and how the set lights kept bouncing prisms of color off of it.
“Dang, if that sucker don’t look hot,” Elaine said, fanning herself.
“That’s Huge Hotsy, right?” Miss Hattie Lee said.
“Big Dotsy. Dotsy Hamilton,” Rochelle and Elaine said in unison.
“Well how come my baby Grady Grey knows somebody dressed like they ’bout to go to the club in outer space?”
“He was Grady’s cellmate back in prison,” Elaine said. “Dotsy ended up going back to jail and then doing some prison time. But Grady always kept up with him and didn’t let up on ministering to him until he got saved.”
“Shhh,” Rochelle said. “Big Dotsy is getting ready to give his testimony.”
Elaine turned up the TV.
Big Dotsy, now Elder Dotsy Hamilton, grinned at the camera, pulled out a silver lamé handkerchief, and wiped the glistening sweat off his bald head before saying, “Now, any of you out there in the viewing audience who has ever been to Jubilee Temple Holiness Church II has already heard this testimony. So bear with me because the Lord told me this morning that I had to say this one more time. And I don’t go against what the Lord tells me to do, no matter how small or simple that request might seem to me. See, I spent a lifetime of cutting the fool and ignoring the Lord, and I am not trying to go back to that craziness.
“People, God has been good to me. I have been delivered and set free of the hold the Devil had on me. I know you can tell just by looking at me that I used to like reefers, cheap wine, and women who’d let me hit that after giving them some Cold Duck and a few good drags off of a joint.
“But worse than that was my need to beat up people and shoot at them. Whew, that thang was some fun. I never took drugs stronger than reefers ’cause nothing gave me a thrill like starting up my car and running a nig—oops—a man down the street while I shot at him out of my car window.”
Big Dotsy stopped talking and sat back in the chair and closed his eyes in reme
mbrance of those times. When it appeared as if he wasn’t going to come back from that memory, Apostle Grady Grey shouted, “GONE ARE THE THINGS OF THE PAST.”
Big Dotsy snapped his eyes opened and continued.
“Now, I want you good people to know that I never ever had a desire to kill anybody. I’ve shot more than my fair share of folks. But I can stand here today and tell you that not a one of them died or was seriously injured. And by that, I mean none of my people are in wheelchairs or experiencing a loss of their most important faculties.”
At that point, Linda Grey eased over to Dotsy and slipped him a crumpled piece of paper. He grinned into the camera and said, “Hol’ up,” and read the note.
“Durham, it looks as if God wants to keep me honest. And I have to confess an oversight. I never killed anybody or put somebody in a wheelchair. But I did interfere with one brother’s faculties. I was trying to pistol-whip him and he wouldn’t stop hollering or keep still, and I had to shoot him right near the corner of his mouth.”
Dotsy pointed to the area on his own mouth where the top and bottom lips were connected to the jaw.
“His mouth ain’t never set quite right since that unfortunate incident. And he drools just a tiny bit when he drinks too much, sees a fine sister with a big booty, or gets excited about something, like winning fifty dollars on a scratch-off lottery ticket. But he don’t have to worry about money again. ’Cause I went to prison on account of that, when I pleaded guilty so he could win his insurance case ’cause the hospital didn’t treat him in a timely manner because he was a known thug.”
He started crying, trying to wipe his face dry with that ineffective piece of shiny silver cloth. Finally one of the choir members ran over and gave him a black facecloth. Dotsy wiped his face and head and fell to his knees.
“Durham, I am a sinner saved by grace. I’ve been the henchman for people who didn’t want to get their hands dirty but needed some help with folks who were being irreverent towards them. Now, I know you saints out there are wondering why criminals would be insulted by irreverence. But that ain’t the point. The people they sent me after got hooked up with those people on their own. And we all know that when you make deals with the Devil, you will have to pay your debt one way or another.”
All of sudden Dotsy got still and quiet like a very important fact had just occurred to him. He stood back up and got right up on the camera.
“Durham, I just want you to know that even though I am telling you the stuff I used to do in a testimony, there is a whole lot I don’t recollect anymore. I asked God to cleanse my memory of all details of my former life and my former business associates, and He answered my prayer. And if you don’t believe me, you can come over to Jubilee Temple II any day and give me a lie-detector test.”
Apostle Grady Grey ran up to the camera and said, “That ain’t nothing but the truth. We have given Elder Dotsy five of these tests by three different top-rate companies, and he don’t remember a thing. God has completely healed his mind of the past.”
Dotsy looked relieved at Grady’s revelation, and he said, “I know that I don’t look or act like a regular saved man. But I want to tell you people that God brought me here to be a testimony to all of the brothers in jail, and brothers out there acting like they are trying to go to jail. So for you saints who’ve always been blessed with the good sense to act right, what I’m about to say and do next ain’t for you. Y’all will have to wait until the next broadcast when somebody who fit the bill for you is on the show.”
Elder Dotsy looked back at the musicians, who started playing a real hot and funky hip-hop beat.
“Girl,” Elaine said, “I’ve heard that tune on the hip-hop station. Or am I just imagining that?”
“Nahh, Elaine,” Rochelle said, while bobbing her head to the beat. “That tune is to one of the rapper Yung Joc’s old songs.”
“You mean the one where he telling the people to meet him at the mall?”
“How do you know about that song, Miss Hattie Lee?” Elaine asked.
“My grandbabies. Shawanda likes to practice her dance routine on that song, and Lil’ Too Too plays and sings it when he comes by after school to help me with some housework.”
“Lil’ Too Too back in school?” Elaine asked.
“Yeah, he went back when he got off of house arrest for trying to steal those cases of microwave pancakes from Harris Teeter. You know that baby always did love himself some pancakes. But he is still at Hillside. I know he is not the best student. But it seems to me like the baby would have been able to get out of high school by now.”
“Well, Miss Hattie Lee,” Rochelle said, “if he doesn’t hurry up, they are going to make him leave anyway. And he’s been in trouble with the law. Hillside will try and work with you—but not if you too old and acting a fool on top of that. Lil’ Too Too is what? Nineteen?”
“Twenty,” Miss Hattie Lee answered, a bit embarrassed. She didn’t know what was wrong with Lil’ Too Too. All of his cousins were doing fine—good grades, working, and a few were in college.
“He better get it together soon,” Elaine said, “because they will make him leave at twenty-one. And Lil’ Too Too doesn’t want to leave without that diploma. You better talk to him, Miss Hattie Lee.”
By now Elder Dotsy was getting down, doing a smooth combination of a shout and the “lean with it, pop with it” hip-hop dance. And when it got real good to him, he said, “I wrote this rap for those of you out there who are always getting in some kind of trouble, and haven’t figured out why you need the Lord and need to get saved. Jesus is coming back, sisters and brothers, and I want all of y’all out there to be ready to go and meet Him in the sky. So this is for y’all.” He launched into his own gospel rap version of Yung Joc’s song.
“When you hear the trumpet sound, it’s goin’ down … When Jesus cracks the sky, it’s goin’ down … When you rise up off the ground, it’s goin’ down … When you meet Him in the air, it’s goin’ down …”
The song was getting good to Elder Dotsy, and he really started getting down. The choir, who up until now had been sitting quietly on the set, hopped up and started dancing and singing, adding some harmony to the song. It looked as if they were having the time of their lives. Anybody watching the show who didn’t think that Jesus was somebody they could relate to would be forced to rethink this assumption.
Apostle Grady Grey and the First Lady came on the camera.
“We are rapidly running out of time,” Grady Grey said. “If any of you want to get saved, you need to invite the Lord Jesus into your life right now. Today’s broadcast was for our viewers who have trouble with legal matters. And we want you to know that we have an anointed post-prison ministry, with many success stories. ’Cause I’m here to tell you future saints that you cannot come out of prison, start over, and make it without Jesus. It won’t happen. God wants you to have life more abundantly. Give your life over to Jesus right now.”
Three sets of numbers flashed across the screen.
“Our phone counselors are standing by to minister to those of you who want to get saved right now. They are available to pray with you. And they will work with you to get you to our church, or make a reference to a church that is best suited for your needs.
“See, we want you saved and Heaven-bound. So, while we’d love to have you at Jubilee Temple Holiness Church II, our greatest desire is for you to have a church home. Don’t worry about hurting our feelings if our church is not the church for you. God has blessed us with tremendous increase and we are growing by leaps and bounds. So we don’t care where you go, as long as it’s somewhere.”
“That’s right,” Linda Grey said. “Hallelujah! God led us to let Elder Hamilton do the broadcast this morning to reach people a lot of us saints can’t reach. And the Lord has laid it on my heart that there are viewers out there who have just been released from jail and prison, you don’t know where to turn, or what to do, and how to do it the right way.
“Well,
you can let all of that go because God cares for you. And He has placed us here this morning to share His Word and let Him use us to get you on your way, which is His way, the Way. Call. Call. Call us in the name of Jesus and watch your life transform right before your eyes.”
“That’s right, call,” Big Dotsy said. “If God had a miracle for me, I know He has one for you. Call us, please.”
The choir came and stood behind the Greys and Elder Hamilton, as the music came on to signal that the show was about to end. The Greys started waving to the camera. Big Dotsy waved and then said, “I want to send a few shout-outs to my three baby mamas, the child support enforcement social worker at Durham County Department of Social Services who taught me about being responsible for my kids, my parole officer, Reverend Jerome King, and my seven kids—Dotsy Jr., Dayeesha, Sheldon, the twins (Tawantaye and Tawanaye), Kylone, and the baby girl, Dotsheema.”
SEVENTEEN
Yvonne was laughing so hard tears were streaming down her cheeks. That had to be the funniest, most real church show she’d seen in a long time. No wonder Grady Grey’s Half an Hour of Holy Ghost Power was becoming a big underground hit in Durham County. And unlike the other reality shows, this one was anointed with the Holy Ghost, and it made a difference in people’s lives—even if it did make you laugh until your sides hurt.
“I told you it was a good show,” Rochelle said to her sister.
“Yep. You won’t have to worry about me missing another one after seeing that. And that was Dayeesha’s daddy, huh?”
“Yeah,” Elaine said, “that girl looks just like her daddy.”
“She acts like him, too,” Miss Hattie Lee said to them. “Got a temper like him, and will fight in a heartbeat if you ain’t acting right with her. But she sweet as can be—just like her daddy.”
Elaine wrapped a pink-and-white-striped cape around Miss Hattie Lee’s neck. “Come on. It’s way past time for you to get up under that dryer. Yvonne, you take this chair right here.”
Up at the College Page 20