“When your brother died—”
Seth flinched.
Jason’s tone softened. “When all this responsibility became yours to bear, I saw you change, and not only in good ways. I hope you don’t give up all that you are for a title that was never meant for you.”
Seth stared at Jason. They had been friends for almost as long as he could remember, but this was a new development.
“I’ve never heard you speak like this,” he said.
Jason shrugged, but the more serious expression was gone from his face. “I have surprising depth, you know. Now, let us join the ladies for luncheon on the veranda. Perhaps you are right that Lady Avenbury and her sister are not the ones for me, but there must be some woman in this group who will entertain me.”
Seth followed his friend from the room with a laugh, but it hid his concern. Jason had hit closer to the mark than perhaps he knew with his words about Lady Avenbury. And after last night’s kiss, Seth realized his life had just become infinitely more complicated.
Grace smiled at Isabel. “You needn’t look so pensive, my dear. Your sister is making a very good impression.”
Isabel started as she actually focused on what her empty eyes had been staring at. She was looking at Serena, who was standing across the sunny veranda chatting with some of the party attendees. She was smiling and laughing and being utterly charming. Grace was correct—her sister was making the best of impressions.
And yet, as much as Isabel should have been celebrating that fact, it had not been the thing on her mind. No, her treacherous brain had instead been focused on other thoughts. Sinful memories of a searing hot kiss that had tempted and taunted her and kept her up to toss and turn in her bed before she finally gave in and pleasured herself.
Her cheeks heated at the mere thought of such a thing, warm enough that even the cool breeze coming through the trees couldn’t ease her.
“Isabel, are you well?” Grace asked as her slender, elegant fingers tightened around Isabel’s arm for support.
Isabel jerked out a nod. “Of course I am. And you are—you are correct. Serena is doing very well. I’m not worried about her future in the least.”
Unless her own actions ruined Serena…
Grace squeezed her arm gently. “You may not be worried about your sister, but you are worried about something. Your eyes are quite wild. Won’t you tell me what it is?”
Isabel hesitated. She had always been open with her friends, but now she wasn’t certain she could confess what she had allowed to happen in the library.
“Please tell me you aren’t still worried about that book,” Grace whispered when Isabel hadn’t filled the silence after her question.
Isabel swallowed. The book. Oh, the book was the least of her worries now, though she did find herself thinking of it from time to time, wishing she could have explored it more closely.
“No,” she forced past suddenly dry lips. “I returned it last night.”
“Oh.” Grace’s face fell unexpectedly, almost as if that news brought her some kind of disappointment. “I see. Then I suppose you’ll now return to your normal ‘duties’?”
“Hmmm,” Isabel murmured, noncommittal as she thought of the question.
After a night like last night, could one go back to some kind of normalcy? In time, could she force herself to forget that kiss?
Suddenly Grace’s hand tightened on her arm and her friend gave her a little shake. When Isabel looked at her, she found Grace was staring at her in obvious concern and undeniable curiosity.
“What is wrong with you, Isabel?” her friend hissed below her breath. “You are acting so strangely, I’m becoming alarmed. Shall I call for a doctor?”
Isabel drew in a breath to reassure Grace of her health, but before she could say the words, the veranda doors opened wide and Lord Lyndham stepped onto the stony terrace with his friend Lord Northfield right behind him.
All words died on Isabel’s lips at the sight of him, and the world slowed to half time as she stared. He said something to the crowd at large, but Isabel didn’t hear it. She was too focused on the fascinating way his lips moved. Now that she had felt them against her own, they were all she could see or think about.
“Isabel,” Grace growled.
She turned to look at her friend. Her best friend. The one person who had never judged her, not even when she’d confessed her darkest feelings or her deepest urges.
Grace knew more about the world than she did, and it was clear Isabel was wildly over her head in this situation. Her only hope was to tell Grace what had happened and obtain her help in forgetting that kiss.
But Serena was coming toward her now, flanked by the Marchioness of Crestwood and her charge, a maiden niece named Jessica or Jesabel or Jocelyn or some such thing. Once they arrived, there would be no whispering the truth, and Isabel feared her head might explode.
She turned back to Grace. “I must tell you something in the strictest of confidence.”
Grace drew back from the wildness Isabel was certain was all over her face. Then she nodded. “Very well.”
“Last night—” Isabel shot a look over her shoulder.
Serena and the others had been briefly waylaid by a conversation, but they were still almost too close for her to finish her tale. She quickened her words.
“Last night when I returned the book, Seth…” She bit back a curse. She must stop thinking of him and referring to him by his given name. “Lord Lyndham discovered me.”
“Again? You are unlucky,” Grace laughed.
Isabel ignored her friend’s chuckle. “We kissed.”
Her friend’s laughter trailed off and now Grace stared at her. Isabel shifted. Her friend’s expression was impossible to read. Grace just looked at her, even and emotionless, as if she was taking in what Isabel had said.
Serena and her party were steps away now, but that didn’t stop Grace from finally speaking. “And how was it?”
Isabel’s mouth dropped open in shock. “That is what you are asking me? That is your response?”
“Hello!” Serena said with a warm smile as she reached the two women.
Isabel shrugged off her reaction to Grace and turned to her sister with a warm smile. “Hello, dearest.”
“I’m surprised you aren’t already seated,” her sister said with a laugh. “Lord Lyndham said they would serve in moments.”
Isabel blinked. Was that what he had said?
Grace smiled. “We were waiting for you,” she explained as she motioned to the table near them. “I believe this is where our small party is to be seated. After you, Lady Crestwood. And you are Miss Jocelyn, are you not?”
Serena answered for the other young woman. “She is indeed, and don’t you think that is the most fetching dress?”
Isabel smiled as the group took their seats. Grace was seated next to Isabel, and on the opposite side of her was the marchioness. The two younger girls were seated across from them.
“It is lovely,” Isabel replied with a warm smile for the young woman at her sister’s side. The girl blushed and she moved her fingers across the fabric of her gown reflexively.
Serena had always been quick to recognize a shunned or shy outsider and, to her credit, always did her best to make them welcome. It was one of the aspects Isabel loved most about her sister.
“Th-thank you, my lady,” the younger woman stammered. “The m-marchioness was very kind to assist me this Season.”
The marchioness smiled as the two younger girls began to chat about gowns and balls.
Grace leaned forward. “You didn’t answer my question.”
Isabel shot her friend a look. “Is this the appropriate time?” she whispered with a pointed look toward the girls and the marchioness.
Grace arched a brow and Isabel sighed. She was not going to have peace until Grace heard the answer she required.
“Very well,” Isabel whispered. “It was the best thing I’ve ever felt in my life. I’ve never experie
nced anything like it.”
“Oh, what is that, my dear?” the marchioness asked, turning toward the women.
Isabel flushed. Somehow she had believed the marchioness did not have particularly good hearing, but apparently that was nothing but rumor and innuendo.
“I—” she began, her eyes wide.
“The sun, my lady,” Grace filled in smoothly. “Isabel and I were just commenting on its marvelous warmth today. I don’t think I’ve ever felt anything like it, especially so early in the Season.”
Isabel smiled in relief. Grace might have put her in this awkward situation by forcing her to speak about the kiss she shared with Seth, but at least she was also willing to save her with a lie that actually sounded somewhat reasonable.
And clearly Lady Crestwood believed that had been their topic, for she nodded with great gusto.
“Oh, my yes. It is the loveliest early summer we have had in ages. But I believe the weather is made even more appealing by our surroundings.” She waved one plump hand around them. “This is a beautiful estate. Whomever Lord Lyndham chooses as his bride will be a lucky lady indeed.”
The marchioness sent a pointed look first to her own charge, who shifted uncomfortably, and then toward a beaming Serena. Isabel clenched her fists under the table before she forced herself to relax. Of course the marchioness would encourage the younger women when it came to Seth. They were exactly what a man like him required in a bride.
Serena laughed, and the light sound relaxed Isabel, if only momentarily. “My, yes, his bride will certainly want for nothing.” Serena dropped her voice conspiratorially. “And is he not a most well-favored gentleman, as well?”
Isabel’s calmed emotions immediately elevated back to their earlier heights as she glanced sharply at her sister. The idea that Serena was looking at Seth in such a fashion troubled her.
“There is more to a man than looks,” she scolded, her tone far more sharp than perhaps the situation warranted. Especially since she herself had been drawn in, even distracted, by Seth’s appearance.
Beneath the table, Isabel felt Grace’s hand cover hers and give a gentle squeeze, but she shook the comforting gesture away. She didn’t want to be appeased, she just wanted these feelings, these odd desires, to go away! They were most inopportune.
Serena’s laughter faded and she dropped her gaze to her plate. “Of course I realize that,” she said softly. “If I was glib, I apologize.”
Isabel shut her eyes briefly. Now she had hurt Serena’s feelings, which was the last thing in the world she ever intended.
This had to stop! She was not in control of herself. In fact, she was not herself at all.
She opened her eyes and found that the marchioness had opened up a conversation with the girls. Serena now smiled softly as she spoke to their two companions. Her upset of a moment ago seemed forgotten, although Isabel doubted her sensitive sister had completely overcome Isabel’s uncharacteristic sharpness.
She turned in her chair toward Grace and whispered, “Oh, this is all that blasted book’s fault.”
“Don’t blame the book, Isabel,” she whispered back sharply. “It only put into focus exactly what your heart already desired.”
“What are you talking about?” Isabel asked through clenched teeth.
“In London you talked of this longing, and that was before you ever touched the book.”
Isabel pursed her lips. There was no arguing with that logic.
“Perhaps you are correct,” she admitted softly. “This is a struggle I’ve been having for some time and now it is all coming to a head.”
“Feeling desire is not a crime,” Grace whispered.
Isabel sighed. She looked at her sister again. At present, Serena was a well-liked and well-received young lady with a bright future, but Isabel had been in Society long enough to know how easily that could change. She had seen what Jacinda went through after her unfortunate fall, and Isabel didn’t want that for Serena.
“Not a crime, perhaps,” she conceded. “But most definitely a scandal. A chaperone isn’t meant to…to do what I did. Especially with whom I did it.”
Grace opened her mouth, but she shut it again when she could come up with no argument.
“My only consolation is that I have not gone past the point of no return. I started myself on this inappropriate path, and that means one thing.”
And what is that?” Grace asked.
She folded her hands in her lap. “That I can stop it.”
Isabel looked across the crowd. She found Seth at a table a few places over. He was sitting with his mother and a few other women, some chaperones and potential brides. Suddenly, he lifted his gaze to hers, as if he had felt her stare on him.
For a moment, just a blissful moment, she allowed herself to look into those bright blue depths. But then she looked away.
“There is no question. I must stop this,” she murmured.
Chapter Six
“Secret rendezvous are so very thrilling. It is recommended to have them as often as possible.”—The Ladies Book of Pleasures
For as long as Seth could recall, his mother had taken an hour alone every afternoon in the sitting room of her vast chamber. Even with a house full of guests, that was her way.
It wasn’t because she didn’t wish to spend that time with others. In fact, she had always said it was so that he and his siblings or his father could find her alone at least once a day. Her habit offered anyone in the family a chance to discuss their problems or triumphs with her for an hour if they had need for her always-wise counsel.
There had been many an afternoon he had come here to discuss a thorny problem. Or had slipped past her door to see one of his two sisters or his late brother or father at her side sharing a scone and deep conversation.
Today, though, he’d been invited into her chamber for her daily ritual and now he sat watching her prepare a cup of tea exactly as he liked it. He smiled as she handed the beverage over and settled back to examine him with unguarded interest.
“I’ve seen that expression before.” Seth chuckled as he sipped the brew. “You have a question you are dying to ask me.”
His mother smiled. “Of course I do. And you probably know exactly what it is, don’t you?”
He looked at her. She was still the same woman who had loved and raised him. She even looked the same. Time had grayed her hair a bit and lined her face here and there, but it hadn’t changed her at her core. Except for one thing: her eyes.
Since his brother’s death, those bright eyes had never regained their luster. They were always sad in a way that nothing would ever change or cure completely.
“Seth?” she pressed, her brow lowering in concern.
He smiled and patted her hand to reassure her. “I may not know your exact question. However, I would guess it has something to do with the passel of young ladies who have been gathered here for my approval.”
His mother laughed. “I believe they must approve you as well for any match to truly work. Though anyone who wouldn’t approve of you is a madwoman and wouldn’t be right for our family.”
Seth set his cup down. “You may be a bit biased.”
She shrugged. “So what if I am? That is a mother’s prerogative.” She sipped her tea. “But I do admit, I’m curious as to your thoughts on the young ladies. Are there any prospects amongst the throng?”
Seth stifled the sigh that escaped his lips whenever he thought of his potential brides.
“They are all very lovely,” he said before he took a sip of tea.
His mother set her cup down and stared at him. “‘Very lovely’,” she repeated. “Come, Seth, do not wax poetic. Your enthusiasm is almost overwhelming.”
He couldn’t help but laugh at her deadpan humor. “I apologize, Mother, for my out of control emotions.”
Her smile faded. “Truly, is there none here to tempt you?”
Seth lifted his gaze to her face. There was an anxiety there. A concern he couldn’t deny
or tease away. It was the same anxiousness he felt in his own chest with each passing month that he did not find a proper bride. He had a duty to perform, after all.
And yet duty wasn’t what came to mind when his mother asked about a woman to “tempt” him. No, his thoughts turned, quite against his will, toward wavy auburn locks and soulful brown eyes, not to mention lips that had burned against his in that one stolen kiss.
“Seth?” his mother asked, her voice intruding upon his thoughts, perhaps thankfully.
This was a mistake, but he was bound to do it anyway.
“Mother, what do you know about Lady Avenbury?”
His mother’s expression turned to one of confusion.
“Isabel?” she asked with a shake of her head. “Not very much. She was married to Lord Avenbury since she was quite young. She raised her half sisters, much to her credit, after the tragic death of her parents. I have always liked her.”
Seth nodded. These were things he already knew, though perhaps hadn’t pondered to any great detail. “I see.”
His mother stared at him. “Are you—are you asking because you have an interest in her sister, Lady Serena? She is a lovely girl, but I admit I wouldn’t have thought she would catch your attention.”
“She hasn’t,” Seth mused, his mind still on Isabel. “I’ve barely thought of the girl.”
His mother was silent for a moment as she took her tea back up and absently stirred it. Her lips were a thin line of worry as she stared at him, analyzing as she always did.
“I’m beginning to think that holding this gathering wasn’t a good idea,” she said softly. “Your brother hasn’t been gone long and—”
“Over a year,” he interrupted, though there was no need. Seth was fully aware that his mother knew exactly how long Kenneth had been gone, to the day, the hour, Lord, probably to the minute.
“Yes,” she said softly. “But you put so much pressure on yourself. Too much.”
Seth shrugged as he pushed to his feet and paced his mother’s chamber slowly. “A great duty has been laid out at my feet, Mother. Do I not owe it to the family and to the memory of my father and my brother to take it seriously?”
A Matter of Sin Page 6