“My brother is sadly dead,” he said softly. “And that fact grieves me daily. But I refuse to throw away a chance to be truly happy, to fulfill the deepest desire of my heart because of him. My misery would not honor his memory.”
“But if she cannot have a child, the line—”
“Will revert to my cousin or his young child. Even you must admit that Edwin is a fine man and I’m certain he will raise an equally fine son. If either of them took the title of Lyndham, it would be an honor to our family. This will not be the end of the world.”
His mother’s jaw set and her anger at his attitude was clear in every line of her face. “Well, thank God I shall be dead by the time that happens, so I shall not be forced to see the title leave your father’s line just because you want to fulfill some romantic notion.”
Seth nodded. His mother was a good woman who was tangled up in her own hopes and disappointments. But he had been living the life she desired for him for a long time. And that was finished now.
“I am truly sorry you are upset,” Seth said with a bow for her. “But if there was one thing I learned from Kenneth’s death, it was that life is fleeting. I would regret not loving with my whole heart when I had the chance to do so. If that is a foolish romantic notion, then so be it.”
“You cannot be swayed from this course of action?” she asked dully.
He shook his head. “No. But I hope you’ll come to accept it one day.”
With that, he gave her another quick bow and exited the parlor. In the foyer, he called for his horse and within moments he was riding away from his mother and her hurt feelings and toward the most important person in his life.
Isabel.
Chapter Twenty-Four
“Be careful, though, dear reader. You just might fall in love.”—The Ladies Book of Pleasures
Isabel sat in her parlor with her two sisters on each side. Since her outburst the night before, Serena had been kind to the point of ridiculousness, even stirring Isabel’s tea for her. And she had called for Marjorie to join them for luncheon, a rare treat since her sister was still settling into her duties as wife.
Isabel couldn’t be completely certain that Serena had confided the previous night’s happenings to their sister, but the fact that Marjorie kept staring at her like she had grown a second head aroused her suspicions.
She ground her teeth as she continued her sewing. The girls wanted to help her, that she knew more than anything, but their presence and effusive kindness only made her feel like a broken toy one wanted to fix, but it would never be the same.
Worse, she feared that assessment wasn’t far off the mark.
As the silence stretched out forever, there was a light knock on the parlor door.
“Yes?” All three women spoke together as Isabel’s butler entered the room. He drew back in confusion at the unexpected audience he found there and Isabel shook her head. It was time to resolve this once and for all.
“One moment, Randall,” she said to the butler as she turned on her sisters. “Girls, you may think many things of me right now, but I am still the lady of this house. I am not so fragile that I cannot handle my duties.”
Her sisters both nodded in unison with twin blushes. With a comforting smile for them, she returned her attention to her confused butler. “Now, Randall, what is it?”
The servant faced her. “My lady, you have a caller.”
“And who is it?”
He handed her a card and Isabel nearly dropped it as she looked at the gold-foiled title printed on the expensive paper. Only she didn’t think of his title when she read it. She only thought of one word:
Seth.
For a brief moment, she wished she hadn’t chastised her sisters so strenuously. It would be far easier to bolt from the room and let them deal with the man she loved, but that wasn’t possible.
Neither was turning him away. Not only would it be abominably rude, but she had a strong suspicion he would only come back until she agreed to see him.
So he would have to be allowed entry. But this would be the one and only time she indulged him.
Straightening her spine and trying hard not to think of the implications of this being the last time she might ever see him alone, she managed a cool nod.
“Show the gentleman in, Randall. We are at home.”
The servant bowed his way out and Isabel forced herself to return to her sewing, ignoring the questioning glances of her sisters as she listened to Randall speak in the distance and heard Seth’s familiar voice answer. The sound made her heart skip traitorously.
Then the door opened again and the butler announced, “Lord Lyndham, my lady.”
As both her sisters gasped in unison, Isabel carefully set her sewing aside and got to her feet. She smoothed her skirts as Seth stepped into the room and stood in the entryway.
His gaze found her first and held there. She couldn’t help but gape back. Her love for him swelled, even as she tamped it down with all her might. The last thing she wanted to do was reveal it or, God forbid, surrender to it like she nearly had the night before.
“Good afternoon, my lord,” she said and her voice cracked on the last syllable. She blushed at that subtle revelation of her upset, but managed to keep her gaze even on his. “I’m sure you remember my sister Serena. And this is our other sister, Marjorie. She is Mrs. Cunningham now.”
Seth turned his gaze to the other two girls and the warmth and emotion on his face faded as he smiled politely.
“Ladies,” he said with a bow.
Serena got to her feet and Isabel held her breath. After last night, she had no idea what her sister would do in response to seeing Seth.
“Good afternoon, my lord,” she finally said with great politeness. “My sister and I were just about to step out, I hope you will forgive our rudeness.”
As she spoke, Serena reached behind her and caught Marjorie’s hand, dragging her to her feet and sending her sewing clattering to the ground.
Isabel shut her eyes. Subtle, Serena was not.
“Before I go, though,” her sister continued, and now Isabel’s eyes flew open. She prayed there would be nothing terrible to come. “I would like to apologize for my outburst at the ball last night. It was far from appropriate and I hope you can forgive me.”
Seth smiled. “Only if you forgive me.”
Serena nodded. “Of course.”
“Then all is both forgiven and forgotten. Good day, ladies.”
Isabel exhaled her breath. That wasn’t so very terrible. Until, of course, Serena began to close the door. Then, from the hall, she heard Marjorie whisper, “Is that him? He is terribly handsome!”
In reply Serena said, “I never would have thought of it from Isabel, but—”
Their voices mercifully ceased as the door closed.
Isabel covered her face with her hands briefly. When she dared lower them, she found Seth looking at her with a crooked smile.
“I apologize for my sisters’ most interesting exit,” she said with a sigh. “After we parted, there was a bit of an incident last night.”
He clenched his fists at his sides. “You mean beyond Serena catching us in the midst of—”
Isabel stepped away and raised her hands to stop him. “Yes. Apparently they are quite shocked by me.”
“But it seems Serena has forgiven you for what she saw,” Seth said, and she could hear the relief in his voice. She appreciated it and loved him all the more for his concern.
But no. Those were the thoughts she had to banish.
Isabel motioned to the chairs near the fire. Seth waited for her to take one and then took the place closest to her.
“Yes,” Isabel said. “Serena is a good girl, as silly as she can be in her youth and verve.”
Seth smiled. “I’m very glad you were able to resolve the problem with her. I wouldn’t want to cause you or your family grief. No more than I already have with my abominable actions.”
So last night had been an e
ye-opening experience for him as well. He now regretted what they had shared.
She supposed she should be happy for that, since it likely meant he would follow her instructions to leave her be. Instead, she felt sick inside.
“I-I would say that both of us knew exactly our role when we entered our affair,” she said softly. “No one was abominable.”
He shook his head. “Oh no, I wasn’t referring to those actions. I have no regrets for what we shared at my estate. And though I’m sorry your sister encountered us, I refuse to regret that I kissed you last night either.”
She blinked. “Then I don’t understand.”
He smiled, and it was so open and filled with hope that Isabel could have cried.
“I am apologizing for not making you an offer of my hand before I bedded you. Or when you tried to end our affair. Or when I saw you in the moonlight last night. To wait so long, to hesitate at all before declaring my heart and offering it to you, that is what I consider an abomination.”
Isabel was dreaming. That was all there was to this. Certainly Seth couldn’t really be sitting here in front of her, offering himself as if there was a real future for them.
“I love you Isabel,” he whispered.
Now she was certain it was a dream, and she surreptitiously pinched herself. But she didn’t wake up, nor did Seth vanish before her eyes like a mirage brought on by exhaustion and high emotion.
“No,” she murmured, trying to ground herself in reality rather than be swept away by hopes and dreams. “It would damage you too much to love me.”
“What will hurt me is if I lose you,” he said as he reached for her hand. She allowed him to take it and shivered when the warmth of his flesh met hers. “Isabel, I want to marry you.”
A thrill rushed through Isabel that was so powerful, she nearly stopped breathing. She loved this man, and his declaration of the same feelings, his offer of a future…those were temptations.
But following the thrill was a great sadness that filled her eyes with tears and made her get to her feet and put the distance between them that she so desperately required.
“You know what you’re saying isn’t possible,” she whispered. “You have responsibilities, you have a duty to have children, and I have not and possibly cannot provide those to you. Please don’t offer me this when we know it cannot be.”
She spun away to go to the door, to run before she foolishly took his offer. But as she turned the knob to escape, the door wouldn’t budge. She pressed against it, then rattled the handle and pushed again, but to no avail.
“Isabel?” Seth said and she turned to find him on his feet. He was temporarily as distracted by this odd turn of events as she was. “What is it?”
“The door is stuck,” she explained and then banged on it. “Randall! Randall!”
For a moment there was no answer. Finally Serena’s voice responded. “Randall is not here, Isabel. Marjorie and I are.”
“Well, the door is stuck,” Isabel snapped, peevish because all she wanted to do was escape before Seth convinced her of things she could not have.
“Oh, no,” Marjorie offered helpfully. “It isn’t stuck—it is locked. And we have the key.”
“What?” Isabel cried in shock. “What do you mean you have the key?”
“The door is locked by us, and no amount of pounding will tempt me to open it,” Serena explained. “So you might as well just hash out your differences with Lord Lyndham. I shall not open the door until you do.”
Isabel pounded on the door harder. “Serena!”
“No.” Her sister had that tone she sometimes took. The spoilt one that would not be budged for any price.
Isabel spun on Seth with wide eyes. “My sisters have lost their minds.”
He smiled that half smile that had always been her undoing, since the first moment he’d flashed it toward her at his estate.
“I think your sisters are brilliant.” He raised his voice. “And when we are married, we shall dedicate ourselves to finding Serena the most perfect man for her husband.”
Outside, Isabel heard Serena and Marjorie giggle and then Serena’s voice saying, “Thank you! Now we’ll go and leave you to your…discussions.”
After she glared at Seth for encouraging this foolishness, she smacked the door again. “Don’t go anywhere. Let us out!”
But this time only silence greeted them. Isabel rested her head against the cool barrier. She silently counted to ten in her head in the hopes it would keep her from ripping the door from its hinges and then turned toward Seth. He was grinning at her, apparently completely pleased by this unexpected incident.
“Did you put them up to this?” she asked. “Because you don’t seem at all appalled by this appalling turn of events.”
He grinned and it was maddening and so very attractive all at once. “I would love to take credit for this stroke of genius, but I fear your sisters have concocted this plan all on their own. And I don’t find it appalling—I find it perfect.”
Isabel shook her head. Of course the concept of being trapped in this room alone with Seth was temptation embodied, but she realized, even if he refused to, that it couldn’t end well.
“We cannot be together, no matter how much you wish to pretend away that fact,” she insisted as she slapped the door a final time with her palm and paced across the room to look outside. They were too high up to jump, even.
“There is no pretending,” Seth said as he joined her at the window. “And it is too high up to jump.”
Isabel snapped her gaze to him. “I-I wasn’t considering it.”
“Yes, you were. I could see it in your eyes.” Seth chuckled. “Don’t you see, we are bound by our souls. I know you, just as you know me.”
Isabel turned toward him. She could feel his heat and smell the masculine fragrance of his skin. All of it drove her mad.
“Don’t you see?” she whispered as she lifted her hand to stroke his cheek. His eyes fluttered shut when she touched him. “You are offering me a dream, but I can’t take it. Not when it would ruin your chance to carry on your family name. I couldn’t live with myself if I destroyed you in that way.”
He lifted his hand and covered hers. “What is the point of carrying on something if one is miserable? And that is what I am without you, Isabel. For the past week I have been in complete disarray. I can’t think or sleep or eat for images of you tormenting me. I have realized that if you aren’t the woman for me, no one else could be.”
“You don’t mean that.” She tugged halfheartedly on her hand, but he held fast.
“I mean it with all my heart. I already know that if you deny me, I will never marry. It would be unfair to me and unfair to whatever woman called herself my wife.”
Isabel sucked in her breath. That was a dire threat indeed. It was a guarantee that his brother’s title would go to another part of the line.
“I mean it,” he said, squeezing her hand gently. “And I will join in league with your sisters and your friends. I will show up here and everywhere else you are, demanding that you take my hand. If you still refuse, I shall start proposing to you in public.”
He smiled and Isabel couldn’t help but laugh at his crooked grin and the humor to his tone. But when he cupped her cheeks and pressed a brief but heated kiss to her lips, she stopped laughing.
“You are made for me, and I won’t rest until you accept that and me,” he whispered as he released her and took a step away.
She stared at him. The walls she had built were beginning to crumble. What he offered was so wonderfully seductive. So perfect and good. She could picture their life together in a year or five years or ten and all those images were wonderful…except in one aspect. None of her imaginings included a child, the one thing she had given up hope on.
“There will be challenges,” she whispered.
His eyes lit up like he had already won, but she supposed even this small admission was a victory to him.
“Yes, but there are ch
allenges in all marriages, my dear, even the best ones.”
She shook her head. “You don’t understand, though. You haven’t lived through this pain. You may come to resent me when we can’t have a child, even if you think you won’t.”
He shook his head and he seemed so certain. “Never.”
She grabbed his hands. “But Hartley did, Seth. He did, no matter how kind he was about it. After a few years, the way he looked at me changed. His expression became one of disappointment and sadness. And I would die if I saw those same things in your eyes, because I do love you so much.”
Again, his face lit up and he drew her close for another of those searing, yet brief kisses that lit her on fire.
“If you truly cannot bear a child, then we will adopt all of Lady Hamweigh’s orphans. We will steal children from wayward governesses…not because I need a son, but because I can see how much you want to be a mother and yet have denied yourself that hope after all these years.”
Isabel choked out a sob. “Yes. I have wished and longed for it,” she admitted for the first time to anyone.
“Then I’ll ensure you get what you desire. And the rest won’t matter because we’ll fill our home with love and laughter. I will never regret my choice.”
Isabel trembled, right on the edge of surrender. Seth must have sensed it because he dropped to his knees on her parlor floor and looked up at her.
“Isabel, please marry me.”
She stared at him, filled with love for him and hope for their future. And she realized there was no way to deny him, especially if Serena stayed true to her vow not to let them out. Eventually he would dissolve her walls.
“Yes,” she whispered as the first tear began to fall.
He was on his feet in an instant and his arms were around her. He laughed as his mouth met hers, filling her with all his heat and hope and certainty that they would be happy. Those things dissolved her remaining hesitation and she clung to him, allowing herself to want him with everything in her for the first time since they had parted a week before.
A Matter of Sin Page 23