by Elle James
Chance tipped his head toward the burned-out hull of a house. “Even small towns have crime. Lola almost died in that house.”
Kate pushed aside the ripple of unease snaking across her skin. “I hired on as a deputy. I have to be able to handle any situation.”
She could see Chance’s jaw tighten in the dim glow of the street light. “I’m here. You might as well let me check it out. I promise, I won’t stay. Call it part of my PTSD I’m working through. I need to know you’re safe.”
Kate stared at him hard, trying to read into his words to understand his need to see her safely inside her apartment. What had happened during his deployment that had made him so adamant about seeing to her wellbeing? Finally, she waved her hand toward the apartment stairs. “Knock yourself out.”
Chance took the steps two at a time without breathing hard by the time he reached the top.
Kate followed at a slightly slower pace with Bacchus behind her. When she reached the top landing, Chance held out his hand for her key. Once he had it in his hand, he opened the door, pushed it inward and flipped on the light switch.
The apartment wasn’t much more than a single room with a kitchenette in one corner, a bed in another corner, a couch and coffee table and a wardrobe to hang her clothes in. A small room at the back was the tiny bathroom with a narrow shower, just big enough for one person.
Chance walked to that closed door, poked his head inside for a second and closed it again.
“Not many places for a bogeyman to hide, are there?” Kate noted, from where she stood in the doorway.
“No.” He wrinkled his nose. “I can still smell the smoke from the fire.”
Kate nodded. “I was forewarned. But I’ll air it out over the next few days. It will be fine.” Better than the apartment she’d left behind in San Antonio that smelled of old pizza, dirty clothes and the muskiness of a mildewed bathroom.
Bacchus entered the apartment and sniffed at all the furnishings and in all the corners.
Chance crossed the room in three short steps and held out her keys.
Kate lifted her hand, palm up.
When he placed the keys in her open hand, his knuckles brushed against her skin, sending a shower of sparks through her nervous system.
Instead of jerking back her hand, she looked up into Chance’s blue, smoldering gaze.
For a moment, he stared back into her eyes, his irises flaring. Then his brows descended. He gripped her arms and pulled her up against him. “Why?” he said, his voice ragged, as if drawn from someplace deep inside him. Someplace dark and tortured.
“Why what?” she asked, her words coming out in a breathy whisper. His hands on her arms were strong, forceful and commanding. With her breasts pressed against his hard chest, she couldn’t help but feel the strength in the hardness of his muscles, and the tension radiating from his body into hers.
His head lowered toward her until his lips hovered an inch from hers. “Why am I feeling this?”
“Feeling what?” She knew damned well what he was feeling, because she was feeling it herself. But she wanted him to explain something she wasn’t sure she could describe herself.
“I’m not available.” He shook her gently. “Don’t you see? I’m no good for anyone.”
Kate frowned. “I don’t expect you to be available.” She raised her hands to balance on his waist as if to hold herself up should he release the hold he had on her arms.
“I can’t do this,” he muttered. Then he lowered his head and brushed his lips against hers.
What started as a light touch grew harder, until he ground his mouth against hers in a kiss so desperate, she could feel the internal pain driving it.
Her fingers curled into the fabric of his shirt. She had the thought of pushing him away, but her hands weren’t cooperating. Instead, they were drawing him closer. She lifted up on her toes, deepening the kiss as if she didn’t have any other option.
When he finally jerked his head up and dropped his hands to his sides, Chance stepped back and scrubbed a hand over his face. “I’m sorry. That shouldn’t have happened.”
Kate touched her fingers to her swollen lips, dazed, confused and on fire to her very core. “What just happened?”
He shook his head. “Nothing. Forget about it. It won’t happen again.” Chance pushed past her and out of the apartment, slamming the door behind him.
Kate stood in the exact spot where he’d kissed her, head spinning, the blood in her veins pulsing hard with the rapid beat of her heart.
Bacchus sat at her feet, looking up at her, his head tilted.
The sound of a motorcycle revving, drew Kate out of her stunned stupor and to the window overlooking the driveway.
Chance had pulled on his helmet and turned the bike around. The last thing Kate saw was the blur of his taillight as he tore out onto Main Street, headed the opposite direction from the ranch.
For a long time, she stared out the window at the dark, empty street, willing her pulse to slow to a normal rate. All the while, she asked herself, What the hell just happened?
Chance raced out of Hellfire, increasing his speed after he reached the edge of town until he was traveling well over ninety miles per hour. The road was straight for a long way, and he let the speed, the wind and the stars guide him.
What the hell had just happened?
He’d kissed a stranger he’d met only that day.
A dull, burning feeling hit him in the pit of his gut. Images of Sandy dying in his arms rolled through his memory like a video repeating over and over. He’d kissed a woman who wasn’t Sandy.
And he’d liked it.
When he reached the road leading out to a small canyon, he slowed and turned onto the gravel. Then he sped up, not as fast as he’d been driving on the pavement, but fast enough he had to focus to keep from losing control. Even then, his mind was torn between dodging ruts, Sandy’s dying breath and the warmth of Kate in his arms.
He weaved his way between trees and emerged into an open area, hitting the brakes in time to come to a skidding stop at the edge of the small canyon.
Stars shone down on a moonless night, providing enough light to bathe the rocky crevasse in a blue, shimmering light.
No matter what happened to those you loved, the stars managed to come out and keep shining. Nature had a way of continuing on, unremorseful or unaware of the lives lost.
Chance killed the engine, removed his helmet and breathed deeply, trying to calm his ravaged soul. Unlike the stars that managed to keep on shining, he couldn’t move past the guilt, the regret and second-guessing that had accompanied him from the moment of Sandy’s death until two years later, where he stood at the edge of a cliff, wondering what had just happened.
Was kissing Kate the first step in forgetting Sandy?
His gut knotted.
He couldn’t forget Sandy. She would always be a part of who he was. But there was so much more. He couldn’t stagnate in the past. Was that what he’d done by coming home? Was he trying to recapture the innocence and painlessness of his childhood? Should he have moved somewhere else to force himself to start over?
“What’s the answer?” he called out.
His voice echoed off the walls of the canyon, coming back to him with the same question and no answer.
He swung his leg over the seat and walked to the edge. Some soldiers came back home, hoping to pick up their lives where they’d left off when they’d joined the military. But deployment and being a part of a war machine had changed who they were.
Chance wasn’t the same person he’d been when he’d left Hellfire to join the Army. Coming back had proven that to him. He could have gone to work on the ranch but had signed on to become a firefighter instead, hoping the action and rescue calls would help take his mind off what he’d lost in that split-second of gunfire.
Though he loved being a firefighter and helping people in their time of need, he had too much time on his hands between calls. He’d found solace in wo
rking out, running on the treadmill, lifting weights, all the while listening to loud music on his headset. Anything to get his mind out of Afghanistan.
No matter how hard he pushed himself physically, he couldn’t erase the sad memories of Sandy.
Maybe he was going about it all wrong. Instead of trying to erase those memories, he should have embraced the good ones and lived on for her. She’d always been so full of life and laughter. By wallowing in his grief, was he doing her memory a disservice? She would have been the first to tell him to get on with his life. She’d have told him that life was too short to be sad all the time. Live it! she would have said.
And he hadn’t been living. Not really.
So what had the kiss been all about?
Sandy’s image faded to the back of his mind as he pictured Kate standing there after he’d kissed her. She was nothing like Sandy. Kate was all dark where Sandy had been light. Where Sandy had been blond with blue eyes and pale skin, Kate had dark hair, green eyes and tanned skin. She was tall and athletic, compared to Sandy’s slight figure and short stature. He was sure Kate could have knocked him on his ass if she’d felt insulted by the way he’d kissed her. But, hell, she’d kissed him back.
He touched a hand to his lips. Hell, he’d liked it far too much and would have gone on longer, if not for the guilt twisting a hole in his chest.
Kate was not Sandy.
She never would be.
Sandy had been small and feisty. But he’d felt the need to protect her, even though she’d gone through the same combat training he had. She would have been mad at him for it, but she would have loved him for caring.
Kate was… Well...hell…he didn’t really know much about the woman, other than she liked dogs and was kind to animals, like the miniature horse out at the ranch.
And her kiss.
Chance blew out a heavy sigh, his heart conflicted, his head spinning with what had happened. What he’d let happen.
He could ignore it and the way his body had felt pressed against hers. His snort made a tiny echo against the canyon walls, mocking him.
His best bet was to avoid Kate Bradley and go back to living his life the way he’d lived it over the past two years.
Alone.
With his new resolve firmly in mind, he pushed the helmet back on, mounted his bike and drove back to the ranch. Tomorrow would be there all too soon, and he had a twenty-four-hour shift to work at the fire station. Thinking ahead, he planned out his day, free of any thoughts of Kate. He’d keep busy. Very busy, in order to forget the way her lips felt beneath his and the way her soft, warm breasts pressed against his hard chest.
Yeah, he’d have to lift a lot of weights and wash all the trucks in the bay to keep those thoughts from slipping into his mind.
Kate spent the next hour unpacking her few belongings and placing them in the drawers and wardrobe. She’d opened all of the windows, searching for a cool night breeze to help lessen the smell of old smoke inside the small space. After a while, she couldn’t really smell the charred scent. Either she was getting used to it, or the breeze was doing its job.
When she’d done all she could do to prepare herself for the next day and the start of her new job, she lay on the clean sheets of the full-sized bed and closed her eyes.
Bacchus lay on his pallet on the floor beside her, instantly asleep.
Kate envied the dog’s ability to pass out so quickly.
Sounds drifted through the open window. A vehicle passed slowly on the street below, a dog barked in the distance and a couple of cats got into a fight nearby. An hour later, the rumble of a motorcycle engine passed on the street. Kate’s eyes opened as she wondered if it was Chance on his way back through town.
She gave up trying to sleep and sat up. Perhaps if she counted all of her blessings, she’d have enough to get her to sleep. She’d learned to count her blessings instead of sheep from her mother, who’d been a big fan of old musical movies. She’d sing her the song Count Your Blessings that Bing Crosby had sung to Rosemary Clooney in White Christmas.
Thoughts of her mother always made Kate smile. Though she’d died younger than she should have of breast cancer, she’d made Kate promise to remember the good times, not the sadness of her passing. Settling back against the pillow, she closed her eyes again.
Now, as she lay in a new town full of strangers, she tried to think through all the good things in her life, pushing the bad shit to the background.
She had Bacchus. The dog had been her lifeline during their training and deployments. He wasn’t just a government issue, Military War Dog. He was her friend and part of her family of two. Kate and Bacchus.
She could be sad about having only one other being in her life, but she focused on the good. She had Bacchus when it could have been a difficult transition from retiring the dog to securing permission to take him with her upon leaving the military. Her letter to her congressman had helped in her appeal to adopt Bacchus. She was truly blessed to have her friend in her life.
She had a job. Transitioning from military to civilian life could have been so much more difficult. Fate had made her look online at the exact right time to find the advertisement for the sheriff’s deputy position in Hellfire, Texas. She’d applied at once and received an answer within days. She hadn’t been able to interview in person but had managed to find a way to perform the interview using her internet tablet and an application that allowed her to see her new boss and for him to see her. Technology had worked wonders for her in this instance. Sheriff Olson had been impressed with her drive and determination, so much so, he’d offered her the job and ultimately granted her special condition upon employment. Bacchus would be her sidekick to be retrained to handle some police work.
She’d met some wonderful people upon arriving in Hellfire and had a great meal with a nice family. Kate smiled at this blessing. She couldn’t have asked for a better introduction to some of the residents of the county.
Those three blessings alone were pretty great.
What about the last one? A little voice in her head poked at her musings.
Kate closed her eyes again and willed the memory away. But it wasn’t going anywhere. Not when her lips still throbbed and her core heated every time she thought about it.
That kiss.
She’d vowed to keep men at a distance for a long time. After the hassle of booting Randy out of her apartment, she didn’t want to go through that kind of drama all over again.
She’d gone months without someone to hold her and kiss her. During deployment, fraternizing with another soldier had been strictly forbidden. Not that she’d been tempted. She wouldn’t break the rules, nor would she cheat on Randy when she hadn’t broken off their relationship. Even had she known he was cheating on her, she hadn’t met anyone who came close to tempting her.
How long could she go without someone to hold her, kiss her and make love to her?
She clenched her fists. She hadn’t even thought she needed to be held until Chance had pulled her into his arms, and then surprised her with a kiss.
Damn him to hell.
He’d awakened in her a need she hadn’t known she had. Why couldn’t he have just left her at the curb and driven away? He’d only managed to complicate her life. Hellfire was supposed to be a fresh start, a chance to cleanse her spirit of bad memories and failed relationships.
Chance Grayson had potential-failed-relationship written all over him.
Chapter 6
Chance tossed and turned until the wee hours of the morning when he finally fell asleep and dreamed. In his dreams, he knelt beside a woman who lay crumpled on the hard desert ground. When he turned her over, it wasn’t Sandy but a dark-haired, green-eyed beauty who stared back at him.
Shocked by the image, he muttered, “You?”
“Yes, me,” she said.
“Why?”
“Because I’m still here. She’s not.”
“But you’re not her,” he said.
“No. I
’m not. And I never will be. But I’m me. And I’m here.” The sand beneath her turned to flowing white sheets. They were in a bed, naked and alone.
She reached up, wound her arms around his neck and pulled him down to kiss her.
He couldn’t fight the desire and didn’t want to. This was what he wanted. She was alive, warm and real in his arms.
The shrill ringing of his alarm jerked him out of the dream. Chance sat up and looked around, expecting to see Kate lying in the bed beside him.
It took him a full minute to realize he was by himself. The pillow on the other side of the bed had no indentation. It had never been slept on. The heat radiating through his body cooled to normal in the air-conditioned room.
He scrubbed a hand over his face, threw aside the comforter and swung his legs out of bed. With only thirty minutes to get fed, dressed and to work, he had to get moving.
A cool shower further helped to chill the desire he’d manifested in his dream. When he emerged, he felt closer to his normal self. He wondered what a therapist would say about his dream. Had his guilt over kissing another woman brought that woman into his dreams to mock him? Or had his memories of Sandy begun to fade and meeting Kate only helped him let go a little faster?
He didn’t want to forget Sandy. She should have been with him coming back from deployment. They should have been married by now and maybe have a kid on the way.
But she wasn’t, and no amount of second-guessing what he should have done that day would bring her back. He had to get on with his life. Without Sandy.
Skipping breakfast, he dressed in his uniform and boots and hurried through the ranch house to the door.
“Hey, where’s my hug and a kiss?” his mother asked from the kitchen.
“Gonna be late for work,” he said, but swerved toward the kitchen to hug and kiss his mother. “Love you, Mom. Hope you and Dad will be home for a while.”
“Oh, we aren’t going anywhere. At least for another month or so.” She smiled at him. “Here’s to hoping for a boring shift.”