by Becky McGraw
Hawk motioned to Levi as he squeezed his way out of the overcrowded office that seemed deprived of oxygen. After Logan’s dire warnings, the fact the whole team was going with him and that he was responsible for bringing them and Logan’s bird back, it might just feel that way from the panic attack he seemed to be having.
And for what? The small chance that he would find a woman who’d rejected him for the chance to crash her chopper in that jungle alive?
He was insane for doing this.
The odds of finding her alive were so minute, they almost didn’t exist. In all likelihood, if he did find her alive and rescue her, she’d go right back to flying those missions and kill herself anyway. He’d be going through all this for nothing, because Maddie Carter was on a lifelong suicide mission to prove herself to her father. Hawk couldn’t save her from that. But he could save himself from another suicide mission with his heart.
If he found her in that jungle, he wouldn’t be giving her another chance to reject him again. Dead or alive, when they got back, he was moving on with his life.
Chapter 4
When the skids touched down at the center of the compound and a dust storm surrounded the helicopter, Maddie’s breath came out in a tired rush. She flicked switches on the stripped down console until the rotors slowed and the engine went quiet. The man sitting behind her pressed the barrel of his rifle into her upper arm and stroked it up to her shoulder. Maddie tensed and her hand shook as she reached for the door release.
“We will make a pit stop next time, eh, puta?” he said and his heavily accented words and tone sent a chill down her spine. This disgusting man, her assigned guard and navigator, made sexual comments to her at every opportunity.
There was no way she was letting this man touch her—ever. At least while she was conscious and had a choice. She looked over at him and her stomach lurched.
Oh, God, please don’t let it be him.
“If we do, you’ll have to kill me and El Jefe won’t be happy with you,” she replied, trying to force strength into her trembling voice.
That was all bravado, because Maddie wouldn’t let him kill her, either. She would spread her legs for Jorge, or any of the men in this compound, if that’s what it took to stay alive. Like she’d continue to fly for these monsters and transport their drugs for the same reason.
Her death wouldn’t just affect her now.
Pushing open the door, Maddie gripped the hull of the aircraft to ease the impact on her mangled ankle as she slid to the ground. With her ankle in the condition it was, there was no way she could run into that jungle to escape them and they knew it. There were other reasons escape was impossible now too, and the stitches between her legs, which pulled as she fell the last two feet to the ground were a stark reminder.
She shoved away from the side of the helicopter, took one step and crumpled to her knees when excruciating pain shot up her leg then radiated through her body. A tremor rocked her as talons of need clawed at her insides.
“Get up!” Jorge, commanded, grabbing her arm to jerk her to her feet.
Maddie moaned and tried to put as little weight on her foot as possible as she hopped with him toward the shack at the back of the compound, which was her prison cell when she wasn’t flying. Jorge stopped by the main building and relief poured through her when she saw the woman who claimed to be a nurse come out with the syringe in her hand.
She knew that cloudy golden liquid would make the pain stop, would dull her reality into a fuzzy, more tolerable place. Her mouth watered and those talons dug deeper as the woman stopped beside her.
“No—I don’t want it,” Maddie said, clenching her stomach against the pain as bile rose to her throat.
“El Jefe says you are to have it, and you will. You’ve been turning me away for too long and if he finds out, he will not be happy.” Calinda took another step closer, grabbed her wrist and turned it over.
More saliva gathered near the corners of Maddie’s mouth when the woman shoved her shirt sleeve above her elbow. The elastic served as a tourniquet, making blood throb in the crook of her arm. She gave her a sly smile as she squirted a small, teasing bead of the thick liquid from the end of the needle, then laughed when Maddie’s eyes fixed there.
Maddie licked her lips as she followed the tip of the needle down to her arm. She held her breath when it touched her skin, closed her eyes, craving the sharp sting that would signal almost immediate relief to her misery.
Take it—you’ll feel better and can still spend time with her.
The demon inside tried to control her mind as the woman pricked her skin. Maddie hissed a breath, closed her eyes and moaned. But an image appeared behind her lids, her body jerked violently and she pulled her wrist away to take a step back.
“No!” Maddie screamed. “I might have another flight later,” she lied, as sweat dripped down her forehead into her eyes and another tremor rocked her.
“Suit yourself, then. You’ll be calling me soon enough, after El Jefe beats you for disobeying him,” Calinda said with a sniff as she turned and flounced off.
“If he beats me too badly, I can’t fly his drugs. Make sure to tell him that too!” Maddie shouted behind her. And that he doesn’t need to keep me high to control me anymore.
When Maddie woke up in the shack that was now her prison, disoriented and begging someone to kill her to end the pain, she was thankful for the drugs that kept her unconscious most of the time. During her recovery from those mysterious injuries, the drugs were the only way she could tolerate trying to make her ravaged body function again when the woman who claimed to be a doctor forced her off the cot.
Once that woman finally declared her semi-recovered, Maddie was firmly addicted. She needed her next fix more than she needed her next breath. They knew that too and used her addiction as leverage to gain her cooperation. They put her in the pilot’s seat and told her if she wanted drugs, she would have to fly their helicopter to earn them. Maddie had no idea how to fly that aircraft, but she was desperate enough to figure it out.
After each flight, when she returned and fell out of the pilot seat, shaking so badly she thought her teeth would fracture, they would give her the drugs she needed. It became a vicious cycle, which continued until she figured there was something the doctor hadn’t told her, or maybe didn’t notice, because she wasn’t really a doctor. That discovery gave her plenty of incentive to break that cycle, and Maddie had.
For nearly nine weeks now, she’d claimed victory over the demon and would endure any agony to keep it that way. The stakes of failure were too great.
After taking a deep breath, Maddie blew it out then began her painful journey back to the shack with Jorge by her side. Exactly two-hundred-twenty-seven steps later—she counted each one by the knifing pain in her left leg—Maddie leaned against the wall, swallowed down her sickness, and waited for Jorge to open the door of the shack.
Maddie stepped inside the cabin and forgot all about her pain when she saw Maria standing there waiting for her. Her eyes locked on the woman’s huge, tanned breasts, which were nearly fully exposed in the deep vee of her unlaced peasant blouse.
Her knees went weak with relief as she staggered toward her and opened her arms. Tears filled her eyes, as the woman dropped the world, her world, into her arms. The twin wet spots on the front of the woman’s shirt sent jealousy ripping through Maddie as she hugged her bundle tighter to her own full, aching breasts.
Just be thankful she’s being cared for while you’re flying. It could be much worse.
Maddie turned and limped toward the corner of the room, her body exhausted from flying her second trip of the day, after only a week to recover from birth. There was no way, though, she’d allow her mind to give in to that.
She only had two hours to soak up the goodness that was in her arms, wrapped in a scratchy wool blanket. Her reward for suffering through those flights, for doing what these monsters asked of her and for fighting the demons that tried to deny her th
is pleasure.
The iron bolt on the door of the windowless room slid home, and Maddie forced her eyes to stay open as she turned her back to lean on the wall. Bracing with a hand, she moaned as she slid down the wall and excruciating pain ripped through her lower back and the stitches between her legs pulled. Her breath came out in a relieved rush when her butt finally touched her thin sleeping pallet.
“Oh, sweet, Sarah. Mommy will get us out of here soon,” she whispered, kissing her daughter’s cherubic face. The baby cooed and Maddie smiled as she pushed her dingy white blouse over her shoulder to expose her breast.
She teased the baby’s pursed lips with her nipple and she rooted to latch on. When her tiny lips finally closed around the rigid, weeping peak, Maddie whimpered. Sarah sucked hard and Maddie moaned loudly as she felt the pull in her heart and lower belly. Warmth filled her as her mother’s milk flowed, the pressure in her rock-hard breasts eased and relieved tears streamed down her face to sting the still healing wounds on her cheeks.
Nothing had ever felt more incredible, she thought, stroking the baby’s velvety cheek with her thumb as she nursed. Having this time with her daughter made suffering those withdrawals seem so insignificant. She would suffer any pain for this, to hold and nurse her sweet Sarah, to make sure she didn’t forget whom her mother was.
El Jefe says you are to have it.
Well, if El Jefe wanted her to fly for him, he would not force her to take the drugs. Maddie knew now that keeping her addicted had been just one more control mechanism for him. He didn’t need it. The red-faced, angry threats he issued while he stood over her as she gave birth, to sell Sarah to traffickers, was more than enough to keep her compliant.
Desolation and fear filled her and more tears rolled out of her eyes as Maddie listened to Sarah’s satisfied sighs, saw her jaws working to pull milk into her mouth.
Who the hell was she kidding? Escaping from here anytime soon was just a fantasy, one that could get both of them killed. Her ankle was too mangled to get far and the baby was too young to survive in the jungle. The helicopter was guarded twenty-four hours a day, and even if she could leave in it, she had no idea which direction to go, because they’d removed the navigation and com equipment from the console.
The only places she knew how to find were the network of drop-off points where they met other banditos to transfer the shipments of drugs. Those men were not going to help her find her way out. They would just turn her back over to El Jefe after they raped her, and he would kill her on the spot then sell her daughter into the most horrific life imaginable.
No, Maddie wasn’t going anywhere. This was her life now, and she was staying right here to make sure her daughter was safe.
Chapter 5
Levi slapped the side of his neck and cursed. “Man, I joke that Louisiana has mosquitoes big enough to put a saddle on, but these Guatemalan ones, whew!” He shook his head and scratched where he'd slapped. “They could pull a wagon filled with my blood and probably are!”
“Stop whining, asshole,” Dante grumbled as he fisted the front of his pants. “I’ve got chiggers in places you don’t want to know about and you wanna talk about blood suckers? Let’s talk about that nasty-ass leech that attached itself to my forearm when we waded through that swamp last night. If this is the kind of mission I can expect with Deep Six, as soon as we get back, I’m going to start sending out my resume. I gave up this life when I left the military.”
“We’ve been at this two weeks, and nothing, but we can’t quit. Hawk needs our help,” Caleb added with a sigh as heavy as the thick, moist air trapped under the canopy of trees. “We’re going to have to find somewhere to restock our food soon, though, or Levi is going to have to go hunting.”
“You're the damned sniper—why do I have to go hunting?” Levi asked.
“Because you’re a swamp rat who probably hunted nutra out of the window beside your crib, and I was raised in the city,” Caleb replied.
“Would you guys please shut up, so we don’t let every cartel thug in this jungle know we’re here?” Max growled.
“According to the terrain map that Dex texted me, we’re about two klicks from where that guy said the third cartel compound was located.” Hawk stopped when the birds in the trees above them suddenly hushed.
Wings flapped, the birds squawked to one another in a deafening symphony, before feathers rained down like snowflakes as they flew off together through the tree tops. When the noise cleared, Hawk heard what had startled them. The distant, low hum of a helicopter engine and the lazy whoosh and thump of rotors.
Excitement rushed through Hawk as he quickly looked around for somewhere to get higher so he could see what kind of helo it was. This wasn’t the first one they’d spotted during this trek, but this one sounded a lot like a Little Bird, the kind Maddie was flying when she crashed. It was also flying nap-of-the-earth, low and fast to avoid radar.
He quickly slid his pack off of his back and leaned his rifle against it, then looked for the tallest tree with branches low enough to reach. He found a prime specimen and ran there, then jumped up to grab the lowest branch. With two pumps of his legs, he swung himself up onto the branch. Pulling his field glasses out of one of the cargo pockets on his pants, he stood then climbed higher.
When he finally got high enough to see the sky and landscape, the noise from the aircraft became deafening. His hair ruffled from the wind, debris peppered his face from the wash of the rotors and Hawk didn’t need the binoculars to see the blacked-out helo as it passed within fifty feet of him. Through the side window, a flash of orange caught his eye.
Either the pilot was wearing a red cap, or had red hair. His heart beat faster as he put the binoculars to his eyes and focused on the cockpit, but not in time to identify anything other than the pilot was wearing a white shirt. Hawk zoned in on the tail of the bird to get the numbers, but there were none. The A/MH-6M was a military aircraft, so it being unmarked and a civilian flying it didn’t make sense.
Disappointment filled him as he watched the bird turn east and zoomed away across the swampy river in the clearing. He kept his eye on it as it flew over the thick forest on the other side until it became a tiny spec. But then it appeared to hover for a minute before it dropped below the tree line. They were landing.
His body buzzed with the first stirrings of hope he’d had since they arrived here. Their two earlier weeklong treks to now-vacant cartel compounds from the crash site made him wonder if he really was here on a fool’s mission.
He had begun to think the informant they’d met in a small village near the Salvadoran border, two miles from where they hid the helo, who seemed to be an expert on all things cartel, might just be fleecing him of the cash he’d given him for information. That could still be true, because he’d sent them on the wrong side of the river, but Hawk had a lucky horseshoe up his ass evidently.
Hawk stashed the binoculars and shimmied back down the branches. When he dropped to the ground, he couldn’t stop his grin.
“That shit-eating grin is back, so that must be good news. I know I’m glad to see it,” Levi said with a laugh.
“I think that was the Little Bird. We need to cross the river again and go east,” he informed and Dante groaned.
Hawk didn’t mention the red hair because he might just have dreamt it. Every time he closed his eyes, he saw her. Those dreams couldn’t bring her back to life, but until they found her body, he wouldn’t believe she was dead. Because regardless of the accident, Maddie was a good pilot—and after living with the General for eighteen years, she was a tough, determined and resilient woman.
If anyone could survive that accident and being held captive by a cartel, it was her.
Hang on, baby—I’m going to find you.
Maddie rocked in the corner of the room watching Sarah nurse as she tried to ignore the mind-bending pain in her body. Today, she was having a very hard time. She’d had two flights so far today, starting hours before dawn, and she wasn’t
sure her ankle would hold up for another.
She knew they would come to get her again. Five heaping trucks of cocaine came in last night, or at least that’s what she thought it was. Through the thin board walls of the shack, she’d heard the workers talking loudly about cocaína as they unloaded the trucks. Since the bricks were always wrapped in black plastic, she wasn’t positive. She didn’t care really, because a flight was a flight now, and drugs were drugs. At least they’d stopped threatening her and trying to inject her with those drugs.
Right then, though, Maddie was very tempted to give the baby back and ask—no, beg—for an injection. The demons were strong today, a lot stronger than she was. The thought of the pain she’d endure managing the pedals in the helo for the next flight was terrifying.
Her ankle should be getting better, or at least she thought it should, but her calf and ankle were swollen badly after the second flight. She didn’t want to tell them, because they needed her to fly today, so they’d call the witch doctor and she knew she’d pump her up with drugs, whether she wanted them or not.
If she couldn’t fly, Maddie also knew the threats would start again.
You’re safe here—the baby is safe—as long as you do what they ask. You don’t know what or who is out there in the jungle. You could end up in a much worse place.
Those words had been her mantra for the last three weeks and she repeated them in her mind again with the tempo of her rocking. The door of the shack flew open and Jorge stood there. His eyes dropped to her breast and fixed there as he licked his lips. Maddie moved her hand to cover it and shade the baby’s face.
“What do you want? I still have an hour,” she said, her stomach clenching.
“That’s very good news,” he said snidely, as he stepped into the shack, closed the door behind him and leaned his rifle against the wall. Maddie’s stomach lurched when he reached for his belt buckle. “It’s my turn,” he said, eyeing Sarah as he slid his zipper down the track and walked over to leer down at her.