‘Anyway, long story short,’ Madeleine was saying, ‘I confronted Henry about it on Saturday night.’
Poor Henry. ‘How did he take that?’
‘Not very well. He didn’t really want to talk about it, he claimed it was all a long time ago. But it brought up all this other stuff . . . like, he’s been assuming that I’m pretty much going to give up work as soon as we’re married, and start having babies.’
‘Are you serious?’
‘That’s what he said.’
‘And this has never come up before?’
Madeleine shook her head. ‘I was thinking about it afterwards, wondering how had we got this far without talking about kids. It’s a pretty major oversight. I racked my brain, trying to remember conversations we’ve had. Certainly neither of us has ever had a strong position against having children. I did recall one time when Genevieve was complaining about Mark never being around, and we said how great it was that Henry worked from home because that would never be an issue for us.’
‘So you do want kids?’ said Liv.
‘Oh sure, one day. We just haven’t talked about when, or what it will mean for my career.’
‘Okay then, you’ve got some stuff to sort out. Welcome to married life.’
‘But I don’t know, the thought of living up there, so far away from everything and everyone I know, and having kids . . .’
‘Did you say that to Henry?’
‘More or less, but he just looked hurt.’
‘You can’t leave it at that, Mad. You have to talk about it.’
‘That’s the thing,’ said Madeleine. ‘The next morning he just says to me, “Are we all good?” Are we all good?’ she repeated incredulously.
‘So what was your answer?’
‘Well, he did say a little more than that,’ Madeleine admitted. ‘He said he knew we had some important things we have to talk about, and that we will, but he just needs to meet his deadline and then we can discuss it all with a clear head.’
‘Maybe a little dispassionate,’ said Liv, ‘but that is quite sensible, when you think about it.’
Madeleine sighed. ‘It just feels like it’s all galloping ahead too fast to the wedding. I want to stop and take a moment to think about all this.’
‘Mad, it’s not like the wedding is some point of no return, that suddenly you’re in lockdown and you can’t talk about anything ever again, or negotiate your future. You’re panicking at the last minute, but it’s not the last minute.’
‘I guess.’
‘Marriage is a constant negotiation,’ said Liv. ‘You two are really going to have to learn how to fight properly.’
‘That’s the problem, we don’t fight,’ said Madeleine. ‘We have these little flare-ups and then they die down again. But this was more than a little flare-up. I just hope Henry realises that.’
‘That’s why I say you have to learn how to fight,’ Liv said. ‘You have to see things through all the way to the bitter end, or else all you’ll be left with is bitterness. In the right conditions, all those little smouldering flare-ups can easily turn into a great big bushfire that will destroy everything in its path.’
‘That was some metaphor.’
‘I know, right?’ said Liv. ‘I’m so wise today.’
Her phone tweeted to announce a message. She slipped it out of her pocket and read the screen, and her heart did that skippy-jumpy thing again. She really had to do something about that. ‘It’s from David,’ she murmured.
‘Ah, there! You see?’ said Madeleine.
Liv clicked on the message to read it in its entirety. Hi, still at work so will call later. Just wanted to let you know asap that I have Wednesday off, is that good for you?
‘What does it say?’ asked Madeleine.
‘He’s free Wednesday.’
‘Oh.’
Liv looked at her. ‘What?’
‘Nothing,’ said Madeleine. ‘I have my final dress fitting that day. I was going to ask you to come, but –’
‘Fine, I’ll tell David I can’t –’
‘No, you will not,’ Madeleine said firmly, grabbing her hand to stop her. ‘It was Gen’s idea anyway. I don’t need to have someone with me – Lucy’s great, I’m completely comfortable with her. I don’t even know why anyone has to be with me for the final fitting; it’s too late if you tell me you hate it.’
‘I’d love to see it though . . .’
‘Well, bad luck, you’re going to have to wait for the wedding like everybody else. Now tell David yes.’
Liv bit her lip. ‘I don’t know . . .’
‘Take a piece of your own advice, seeing as you’re so wise. You’re backing away because of potential problems in a long-term relationship that doesn’t even exist yet. Who’s having cold feet now?’
Tuesday
Flying to Canberra tomorrow. Thanks for letting me stay at apartment, see you when I get back end of the week xa
‘Who was that?’ Henry asked absently.
They had finished dinner and were clearing up when Madeleine’s phone buzzed.
‘Aiden,’ she said. ‘Just to let us know he’s off to Canberra, and to thank us for letting him use the apartment.’
‘Hm.’ Henry was so intent on scrubbing out a pot, he didn’t even lift his head.
It wasn’t the first message Aiden had sent since he’d left them. He’d texted Madeleine on Sunday to see how things had gone with Henry, if they were okay. In a series of texts she’d filled him in on what had transpired, while Aiden offered consolation and encouragement in response. She had begun to feel as though he understood her better than Henry.
She didn’t hear from him all day yesterday, and so last night when Henry went down to his office to work after dinner, she sent him a message. Very quiet here without you. Henry locked away in study. As usual. xm
She had added a sad face, but then thought better of it and deleted it again. She didn’t want to sound like a teenage girl. Aiden sent a whole run of texts in reply, one after another, a list of suggestions of ways to get Henry’s attention, mostly involving the wearing of some very silly outfits, until finally he suggested wearing nothing at all . . . If that doesn’t do it, I’m afraid he’s a lost cause. Madeleine had blushed sitting there in the living room all on her own.
The next day Aiden texted: Dozing off in meeting. So bored!
Madeleine had texted back: I’ll see your boring meeting and raise you two hours’ scheduling – tedious!
To which he replied: I’m calling your bluff. There’s no emoticon for a poker face, so you’ll just have to imagine it.
And on it went. At one point Ren had walked past and asked her what was so funny.
‘Nothing,’ Madeleine said, placing her phone face down on the desk. But the truth was, Aiden’s messages were becoming the highlight of her day.
Henry was now meticulously wiping the scrubbed pot with a tea towel. He was nothing if not thorough, this man.
‘Henry?’ said Madeleine. He looked up. ‘I was thinking, now that the flat’s free . . .’ She watched the beginnings of a frown form on his face, but she pushed on, ‘. . . I might stay down in the city for a few days.’
‘Oh?’
‘I’ve got so much to do for the wedding, tomorrow’s the final dress fitting . . .’ She let her voice trail off as though she was about to recite a list.
‘I thought you were doing that in your lunch hour?’ said Henry.
‘I am, but I’ll have to take a long lunch, so I should work back to make it up.’
He slid open the pot drawer. ‘So what else do you have to do?’
Madeleine felt herself bristle. She didn’t appreciate the interrogation, especially because, truth be told, there wasn’t all that much left to do before the wedding. But she couldn’t get out of her head something Aiden had said in one of his texts: You should take some time out for a few days, down at the apartment, while you still can. You know what they say, absence makes the heart grow fonder. The
phrase that had stayed with her was ‘while you still can’.
‘I have to go by the reception place to confirm the menu and some other details,’ she told Henry. ‘I’ll probably do that after work one night. And Gen’s been hounding me to go over to sort out a few things . . .’ Seriously, could she sound any more vague?
‘Anything I should know about?’ asked Henry.
‘What do you mean?’
‘Well, it’s my wedding too.’
‘Huh,’ she grunted, ‘not that you’d know it.’
‘What’s that supposed to mean?’
‘You’re not exactly interested.’
‘And yet I just asked.’ He sighed, turning to her. ‘What’s the matter?’
‘Nothing’s the matter, this just feels like an inquisition, like you don’t believe how much I have to do. You have no idea what’s involved in organising a wedding.’
‘I know I don’t, which is why I asked, that’s all,’ he said, keeping up that calm, honey-smooth voice of his. It annoyed the life out of her sometimes. ‘It worries me how much this is stressing you out.’
‘What are you talking about? I haven’t been stressed out.’ She could hear her own shrill voice bouncing off the walls back at her.
‘You just seem very tense lately, not quite yourself,’ he said. ‘And we’re fighting all the time.’
‘And that’s my fault?’
‘I didn’t say that, I didn’t mean that.’ Henry sighed again, heavily this time. ‘I’ll just be glad when the whole damn thing is over.’
Madeleine blinked at him. ‘I don’t even know what to say to that. I didn’t know you had a problem with the wedding.’
‘I don’t. I would marry you anywhere, anyhow. This is what you want, so it’s fine with me.’
Fine? ‘Why did you even ask me to marry you?’
‘Oh, for godsakes, Madeleine.’ He rubbed his forehead. ‘It wasn’t so that I could have a wedding, that’s for sure. Is that why you said yes, just so you could wear a white dress and walk down the aisle? Because I hope to God there was more to it than that.’
She suddenly felt silly and self-indulgent for wanting a regular wedding. It wasn’t even going to be over the top; in fact, it was pretty modest by today’s standards. This was why Henry didn’t want to write his own vows, she decided: he didn’t even want to be part of the whole thing in the first place.
‘Hey . . .’ He walked around to where she was standing on the other side of the bench and tucked his fingers under her chin to lift her face. Her eyes had teared up, she could feel them stinging. She tried to turn her head away, but he’d already seen.
‘Madeleine.’ He drew her into his arms and held her close, swaying gently as though he was rocking a baby. She couldn’t stop the lump rising up in her chest, and finally she let out a forlorn sob. ‘Don’t cry,’ he soothed. ‘I didn’t mean to make you cry. I’m sorry.’
She pulled back to wipe her eyes. ‘This is all just a bit much to find out so close to the wedding. It’s too late to change things now.’
‘I don’t want you to change a thing,’ he said. ‘I want you to have whatever you want, whatever makes you happy. Please don’t let this put a cloud over it.’
Too late for that.
Henry lifted her face again. ‘Go, have a few days, take all the time you need, but give yourself a break as well. Okay?’
She nodded.
‘There’s just one thing I’d like to do before you go.’
‘What’s that?’
He took a breath. ‘I think we should have sex. We haven’t since –’
‘The day after Aiden arrived,’ she blurted. ‘I know!’
And suddenly he was kissing her with uncharacteristic urgency. Madeleine found it quite thrilling as his mouth ravaged hers, and their bodies gyrated eagerly against each other. But when she started to pull up the back of his shirt, Henry reached around and took hold of her hands, murmuring something about taking this to the bedroom. Madeleine’s heart sank, and she traipsed after him as he led her by the hand, the flame already ebbing. He managed to fire her back up again, but as always it was the slow, steady build, and her orgasm was a little tame. She just wasn’t as into it as at the start.
Afterwards she lay in his arms, her head nestled into the usual spot, feeling vaguely unsatisfied. It wasn’t that the sex wasn’t good – it was – and she didn’t really want to change this about him, it was part of who he was. She certainly could never say anything about it; like any man, he would be mortified. Their egos just couldn’t take it, even someone like Henry who didn’t have a great deal of ego. But God, sometimes she wished he would just chase her around the house, or take her on the kitchen bench, or even throw her down on the bed with a little unbridled passion. In her dreams . . .
Wednesday
As Madeleine drove south to the city and freedom, she wasn’t sure she felt so free. She felt confused and conflicted and, most of all, guilty, that she had so quickly become used to lying to a sweet man who wouldn’t hurt her for the world. On top of that, when she had gone to kiss him goodbye, he had taken her in his arms and given her a big Hollywood kiss. It was unexpected, and lovely, and had left her feeling pleasantly light-headed. Maybe she was underestimating him.
‘I’ll miss you,’ he said.
‘Henry . . .’ She reached up to brush a lock of hair from his forehead. ‘It’s not unusual for a couple to have a little time apart before the wedding, you know.’
A flicker of hurt had passed across his eyes. ‘Is that why you’re doing this?’
‘No,’ she gently assured him. ‘I’ve got a wedding to organise, remember?’
At least work was busy, helping to keep her mind occupied instead of spinning around off its orbit. In the morning, she and Liv met with Jane to discuss which authors to pitch for the main festivals next year. Publicists had an unabashed passion for festivals – their natural habitat. They were exciting and inspiring and buzz-creating – but there was always a tug-of-war between the publicists’ enthusiasm, and the publishers’ pragmatism.
It was getting close to lunch by the time Madeleine got back to her desk, and soon after, her mobile rang. It was Aiden.
‘Hello,’ she said brightly. ‘How are you finding our nation’s capital?’
‘I’m still in Sydney,’ he said. ‘My flight was cancelled, some mechanical fault, they had to ground the plane.’
That always sent chills. ‘I’m glad they discovered it,’ said Madeleine. ‘Doesn’t it freak you out?’
‘This is nothing, you should see some of the planes I’ve travelled in,’ he said. ‘Anyway, they can’t get me on another flight until later this afternoon, so I’ve got a few hours to fill. I was wondering if you wanted to grab some lunch?’
‘I can’t, sorry,’ she said, genuinely disappointed. ‘I have to go to my dress fitting.’
He said nothing for a moment.
‘Aiden, are you still there?’
‘Yeah, I was just thinking . . . I could always tag along?’
‘Why would you want to do that?’
‘It might be fun, and I’m sure I can make myself useful.’
Madeleine smiled at that. ‘Oh? How so?’
‘I can check that you can sit down, like Gen was saying, and use the bathroom –’
‘Enough.’
‘And what else did she say? Oh, to make sure you’ve got plenty of cleavage showing.’
‘Aiden!’ she scolded.
‘I promise to behave myself,’ he said. ‘What do you say?’
Madeleine pressed her lips together. She wasn’t sure if it was the proper thing to do, and she was even less sure what Henry would make of it. ‘I don’t think you’re supposed to see me in the dress,’ she said finally.
‘You’re getting me confused with the groom,’ he said. ‘As the matron of honour’s partner, doesn’t it make sense that I go in her place?’
That was a good point; he was a bona fide member of the wedding party
, there was no need to get all weird because he happened to be a man. Most wedding traditions had sprung from the eighteenth century and earlier, but they were now living in the twenty-first century, after all.
‘All right, Aiden, if this is how you want to fill your time, you’re welcome to join me.’
‘Excellent!’
Madeleine offered to pick him up from the airport, but he said it would be quicker if he jumped in a taxi and met her there. So she gave him the address, and they agreed to meet in front of the salon.
She stopped by Liv’s office on the way out. ‘I’m taking a long lunch,’ she reminded her. ‘I forgot to mention it earlier.’
‘That’s right, it’s your dress fitting today.’ Liv sat back in her chair. ‘Are you excited?’
‘I suppose.’
‘Whoa, calm down, Mad, you might blow a gasket.’
Madeleine rolled her eyes, unimpressed.
‘Anyway, take all the time you need.’
‘I’m staying at the flat for a few days, so I can work back if I have to.’
‘Why are you staying at the flat?’ Liv asked.
‘I’ve got a lot of wedding stuff to do,’ Madeleine said. ‘It’s easier if I’m close to town.’
‘How does Henry feel about that?’
‘Henry has to be a grown-up and handle it.’
Liv raised an eyebrow. ‘Have you two come to some kind of understanding?’
‘Not exactly . . .’ Madeleine didn’t want to get into it with Liv now, her thoughts were way too chaotic. Besides, she had to go if she wasn’t going to be late for her appointment. ‘You were right that I should stop treating the wedding as some kind of scary deadline. We’ve got plenty of time to sort things out.’
‘The rest of your lives.’
‘Indeed.’
‘Well, I’m glad to hear you’re putting things into perspective,’ said Liv. ‘You certainly look a lot brighter than you did earlier in the week.’
Probably not for the reason Liv was thinking. Madeleine wondered about asking her if she thought it was weird that Aiden was coming to the fitting, but decided not to, because she didn’t really want to know.
The Best Man Page 23