by Lexy Timms
And everywhere, pictures of him. Angry pictures of him.
The worst article by far, though, was the one with the headline: Does Abby James Really Know the Man Behind the Smile?
I swallowed hard, staring at that headline. Did I know the man behind the smile?
The truth was that no matter how many doubts I had about him, I just couldn’t believe I could have been so wrong about him. Hell, I had never had such a problem judging people in the business world. There was no way I could have so misjudged Daniel. If I had even suspected he was capable of anger like these stories said, I would never have let him anywhere near Zach and Layla.
Or myself, really. I had to hope that I could see past the smile and the good looks and know who this man was. I had to hope that this time, I knew how to protect myself. That by now, I knew what kind of threats I needed to protect myself from.
I sighed, putting down my phone and rubbing at my eyes. I wanted to call Daniel back, but I felt more confused now than I had the night before. It wouldn’t be fair to show up at Daniel’s place to tell him all my fears that maybe I had messed up and ended up with the wrong guy all over again. That wouldn’t be fair to him.
Not least of which because I was sure he was still recovering from the trial and the aftermath, angry with the circumstances and not good company for anyone. I should give him some time to calm down and center himself first. I was certain that was the best course of action.
I thought back to that stupid headline. Was I so sure of it? Was I sure that I knew the “man behind the smile”?
The damn media. I couldn’t believe I was even thinking things like that. But having Daniel yell at me had really unsettled something inside of me. I couldn’t think of him as a terrible man, not even close. But he wasn’t the saint I had made him out to be in the rose-colored glasses that I seemed to constantly wear around him.
My phone rang again, and my heart leapt, hoping beyond hope that it was Daniel calling me back again. This time, I would answer it. I didn’t know what I would say to him, but I knew that we needed to chat in person. I needed to hear his side of things. I needed to know what kind of a past this man really had.
I thought I deserved that. I was pretty sure of it, anyway.
But it wasn’t Daniel calling me after all. Instead, it was Leanne. I sighed and took a deep breath, but I knew that this was one call that I couldn’t avoid. Leanne would be too worried if I didn’t answer the call, if not now then at some point today. She’d have read all the coverage on the trial, and she would want to know how we were holding up.
We, because she would no doubt expect me to be there by Daniel’s side.
For a moment, there was something in me that ached to decline the call with Leanne, all so that I could get on the phone with Daniel instead. To tell him I was sorry for the previous night, for the way the trial had gone, for the way I had handled things with Duncan, for the way I had told him I had handled things with Duncan.
Not that any of those apologies would solve anything if he just wanted some space.
Not that I was sure that I wanted to apologize and go see him right now when I knew he could still be so angry. Or possibly even angrier than he had been the last time I had seen him.
In that moment, I realized the crux of it, what it really came down to: I was scared of Daniel. And I hated that feeling. What was more, he didn’t deserve for me to feel that way. He had never done anything to hurt me before, and I didn’t believe that he would. My fears were ungrounded. But logic couldn’t change the way I felt in my heart.
I couldn’t call Daniel right then. Better to get the call with Leanne over with, though, before she thought of all the difficult questions to ask. “Hey,” I said weakly when I picked up the phone.
“Hey!” Leanne said, and I could tell from the false cheer in her voice that she could hear the unhappiness in my one-word answer. “This news is all so terrible. I just wanted to call and make sure that you were okay and to see if you needed anything. I’m so sorry for how things happened at the trial.”
I sighed, trying to think of what to say to that. Should I tell her about the night before? Should I tell her about Duncan? But no. Despite Daniel’s assurances that he would have treated the Duncan situation the same way, I still felt foolish about it all. I never should have misjudged the man like that. And not only that, but once I found out that I had misjudged him, I should have elevated the issue to Daniel. I didn’t even really have the ability to fire people; I was just Daniel’s advisor.
I had overstepped. Daniel really had every right to yell at me.
But he hadn’t even yelled at me over that, I reminded myself. No, he had yelled at me because he didn’t even believe me when I told him about Duncan. Because he didn’t trust my instincts, let alone trust my ability to run an office. And why should he? After all, I was just a pair of legs he had hired.
I couldn’t let Gerrard’s words get to me, though. Surely Erin or someone else would have taken pity on me, or at least been jealous and spiteful toward me, if Daniel had really slept with all the available women in the office before moving on to me?
“Hey, you okay over there?” Leanne asked, drawing me back to the present conversation.
“Yeah, everything’s fine,” I said faintly. I cleared my throat. “Things aren’t quite as bad as what the media would have you believe,” I added wryly, wishing I could believe those words in that statement.
The rest of the conversation with Leanne was a blur, mainly me telling her that we didn’t need any help. She seemed certain that there must be a ring of media outside of Daniel’s mansion, and maybe there was. I wouldn’t know since I wasn’t there. All I could do was tell her that we were fine, that we didn’t need anything. I knew that part of her desire to help out came in response to how helpful Daniel had been when Matt was in the hospital.
That was barely any time at all ago. How had things gone so wrong so quickly?
Finally, I managed to get off the phone with Leanne. Not that there was much else that I needed to do that afternoon. My desire to call Daniel had waned; it was probably for the best that I give him a little more time to cool off.
And best to give myself a little more time to get over what it was I had done. To get things straight in my head, to come to terms with it. To figure out if I could ever be a CEO one day, or what I was going to do if not. Would I be happy just being an advisor for the rest of my life? Never having any real control, but also not having to worry about the responsibilities?
I hated that I was even questioning that. And after only two days of being a temporary CEO as well. I knew, now, that I should have pushed back harder when Daniel had suggested having me as his stand-in during the trial. I should have told him that I didn’t feel ready for it, that I didn’t feel prepared.
But instead, I had let him put me in a bad situation, one that I had been uncomfortable in. I had no one to blame except myself.
I sighed when my phone buzzed with a text from him. You have every reason to ignore me. I’m sorry for how I behaved. When you’re ready, can we talk about it?
I could practically hear the guilt and pain in his voice. At least he clearly knew that his yelling had been out of line. But that didn’t make me feel any better about the whole situation. No, I had to figure some things out in my head before I was ready to talk to him about any of it. I just had to hope he would understand.
If not, maybe it would just be proof that he was just the man I had tried to convince myself that he wasn’t.
I sighed. Why did loving him have to be so difficult sometimes?
Chapter 13
Daniel
I SHOULD HAVE KNOWN that I wasn’t going to be able to avoid the world forever. When Abby had walked out of my place on Friday night, I had been hurt and confused and, most of all, alone. I had drunk myself into a stupor and ended up passing out in an armchair in my study for a while, until the diffuse light of dawn was just brushing the world outside. I had woken with a t
errible crick in my neck, feeling no better about things than I had the night before.
In fact, I felt worse. Now, in the light of day, I realized just how badly I had fucked up. I had yelled at Abby. I still remembered the way she had stepped back away from me. Like she wanted nothing to do with me.
And why should she? I had known how worried she was about the idea of being my interim CEO. I never should have pushed her. Because I had pushed her, for all my talk of letting her make her own decision. I had never made it clear to her that there was really any other option. I had pushed her into a role she didn’t feel comfortable with, she’d had to make a difficult decision, and she had walked away from the whole thing with her confidence shattered.
Then, instead of building her back up again, I had torn her even further down. I had acted like she couldn’t possibly know what was going on around the office, like she was acting irrationally.
The truth was, I had just been so shocked by the very idea of Duncan asking those questions around the office. I hadn’t wanted to believe that he could ever betray me like that. Especially not when I had just gotten back from dealing with one asshole at court.
But I should never have made Abby think I didn’t believe her. I should never have let her think, even for a second, that I doubted her judgment.
I felt terrible. Another night that I wished I could take back. I seemed to be having too many of those, ever since I had started things with Abby. I just kept messing up. It was no wonder that she wasn’t answering my calls. She wanted nothing to do with me.
I wondered if she was even planning on coming back to work the next day or if that ship had sailed entirely. I felt sick to my stomach just thinking of going back to the office without having her around. Of hiring someone else to be my advisor. I didn’t want to hire someone else.
I remembered what Austin had said, when she and I had first started dating. How I was going to have to decide if having a relationship with Abby was worth the potential of losing a great advisor. Suddenly, I was no longer sure.
I just had never pictured things with Abby turning out this wrong. Not in my worst nightmares.
I had holed up in my mansion on Saturday. Safer anyway, I told myself, since there was a gauntlet of paparazzi camped outside the place. Sure, I could have had the police involved, get all of those guys removed. But safer just to stay inside and drink myself to oblivion again.
Of course, that wouldn’t work too many days in a row, though. Austin called me on Sunday, letting me know that he was already on his way over. That’s what friends were for, I supposed.
I watched from one of the second-story windows as Austin pulled up outside, sending the paparazzi scattering like the bugs that they were. He made his way easily up to the front door, ignoring the questions they flung at him. I headed downstairs in time to hear the noisy chatter from outside before he had fully closed the front door.
He shook his head as he turned to face me. “I think you’re more popular than the president,” he joked as he kicked off his shoes. He peered at my face. “So how the fuck are you anyway?”
I gave him a look. “How do you think I am?” I asked him.
Austin raised an eyebrow at me. “Dude, I get that the whole trial didn’t turn out exactly the way you wanted, but it didn’t go too terribly,” he said. “The media haven’t even been able to come up with a good sound file from it, which I take to mean you didn’t say anything too stupid up there.” That last was meant as a joke, but I didn’t feel like laughing right now.
“Do you want a beer?” I asked over my shoulder, already heading for the kitchen and the waiting fridge.
“Sure,” Austin said easily. “So if it’s not the trial that has you upset, I’m guessing it’s something to do with Abby. Did she panic when she saw how much news coverage the trial got?”
“I don’t know,” I said sourly.
“Yes, you do,” Austin countered, accepting the beer I held out to him. He shook his head. “Come on, Daniel, don’t be like that. Just tell me what happened.”
Those words reminded me that Austin was my best friend. Maybe my only friend, with the way things had been going lately. Between Ivy sleeping with one of my best friends, my advisor betraying me to the media, and one of my best clients asking inappropriate questions to my staff and generally trying to stir up trouble, it felt like I didn’t have a single person in my corner anymore.
Except Abby. She had always been there for me. She had done whatever I asked of her, even taking over as CEO for a few days despite her trepidations that she wasn’t prepared for such a role.
And how had I repaid her for her loyalty? With angry words and suspicion.
I stared down at my beer. “Abby and I had a fight,” I admitted. “She told one of our clients we would never work with him again. And she had her reasons—all valid ones—but I just wouldn’t listen to her. I was so caught up in my own shit. Now she won’t return any of my calls, and I don’t know what to do.” I grimaced. “I get the feeling that if I just showed up at her place, she would slam the door in my face.”
Austin shook his head. “That sounds like a mess, man,” he said. “Did you find out why she let the client go??”
“He was apparently going around the office asking all the women if they’d ever slept with me,” I said bitterly. “You know, just trying to stir up another story for the media.” I frowned, suddenly realizing something. “Actually, I wouldn’t be surprised if he was somehow in on the plan with Gerrard. They were always chummy in meetings. Gerrard probably told him to come now, while the trial was going on. He couldn’t get much money from me for the assault charges, but maybe that was never his target in the first place. He got me out of the office so that his crony could come in and interrogate my staff.”
I felt sick just thinking about it. Just when I had thought I was finished with Gerrard, for good. Of course, this was only yet another thing I didn’t have solid proof for. I couldn’t take Gerrard to court over a suspicion. He would likely go to the grave with all his secrets, and the media would crucify me in the court of public opinion as time went on.
I hated the unfairness of it all. But not as much as I hated the fact that I still didn’t know how to clear things up with Abby.
“Are you sure she’s not answering your calls because of all of that?” Austin asked carefully.
I blinked at him. “What do you mean?” I asked, wracking my brain for something else I might have done to upset her.
Of course, there was the whole matter of the trial. I knew that she didn’t want to be caught up in any of that. Or was she upset that I hadn’t let her testify on my behalf? Did she think that that would have swayed the jury so I could have gotten off scot-free? I just didn’t want her to feel like she had to get involved. I deserved the consequences of my actions, after all. And she was much more useful around the office. I had liked knowing she was there. But maybe she felt like I had dismissed her.
Austin clearly had something else in mind, though. He rapidly searched his phone for something. And I could tell from the grim look on his face that I wasn’t going to like it. Finally, he found what he was looking for and turned the phone around so that I could see it.
I felt anger course through me when I saw the headline: Does Abby James Really Know the Man Behind the Smile? The whole article focused on my past history of “anger issues” and “bar fights.” The facts were all true, I’d give them that. There was that time I had been thrown out of Icing for getting into a shouting fight with one of the other guys in the bar, who claimed that I had fouled up his relationship with his girlfriend. And the other time that the bouncer had hauled me out of a place for being too drunk.
I’d been so fucking young at that point, though. If I could just explain all of it to Abby, tell her that none of these pictures or stories were indicative of who I really was.
Austin watched my face as it flipped through a complicated set of emotions. I just didn’t know what to say. If this was the r
eason why Abby wanted nothing to do with me anymore, if she was upset with the fact that I had apparent anger issues, I wasn’t sure that there was anything I could do to convince her to come back to me. Or to even listen to me anymore.
Because what could I possibly say to that? It was just like the thing with Gerrard, or this new thing with Duncan. I didn’t have any proof of any of it. No proof that I deserved someone like her.
“What are you thinking?” Austin asked warily.
I sighed and shook my head. “I just don’t even know what to say,” I said. “I really think I’ve lost her this time, whatever the reason for it. And it hurts. More that I could ever have expected it would.”
Austin shook his head. “If you really care about this girl, and I can tell that you do, you’ll fight for her,” he said confidently.
“How, though?” I asked balefully. “And is that really fair to her anyway? She deserves someone better than me. She doesn’t want to be in the media all the time, and she definitely doesn’t want to be in the media for things like this. Besides, I told you, I wasn’t there for her when she needed my support. I threw her to the wolves, left her alone in the office when she’s barely had time to get the hang of the business. I just didn’t think of how difficult things could be for her. She’s so brilliant that I forget how inexperienced she actually is.”
“You could try telling her that,” Austin suggested. “I mean, I wouldn’t tell her that you think she’s inexperienced, because the connotations of that word are pretty terrible. But what if you tell her that she’s normally so collected and confident around the office that you forgot that she might need a little advice from you sometimes as well? Or something like that.”
I shook my head. “I can’t tell her anything like that now,” I said. “She won’t even answer my calls.”