by Jodi Jolan
“I want to taste you again,” he breathed in my ear, and even though my body did react to the thought of his tongue on my clit once more, I knew that I couldn’t give myself that time to think. I needed to go for this, now, before I had time to talk myself out of it, before I had time to logic myself away from what I really wanted.
“Fuck me,” I begged, letting my teeth catch on his ear as I spoke. “Please, Luke. Just fuck me.
“Whatever you say,” he replied at once, and I heard that grin in his voice, the one that told me that I had made the right decision. All at once, his hands were between us, pushing up my skirt and pulling down my panties. He cupped his hand over my cunt for a moment, and groaned as he dipped two fingers shallowly into me.
“You’re so wet already,” he panted against my neck, and then quickly went to take care of his own pants, pulling them off and quickly stripping from the waist down; I reached out to touch his erection, finding him already hard as a diamond, as he rummaged in his pocket for a condom. I wrapped my fingers around him and stroked him a couple of times, slowing him briefly, distracting him from the task at hand. But then I slid a few inches down the couch and spread my legs and let out a soft little moan and he seemed to remember what he had come here for in the first place.
He tore open the condom and swiftly sheathed himself, and then grabbed my hips and pulling them up towards him; taking his cock in his hand, he directed it towards my pussy and pressed it against my slit. I closed my eyes and pressed my lips together as I felt him nudge me open. How had I waited this long? He felt as though he was built to fit me, his hands resting in the curves of my waist as though they had always belonged there.
He pushed himself into me slowly, like he was savouring the feeling of it, just like he had done when we’d been on that stage together with his head between my legs. We both let out long breaths as he entered me, and I felt as though I’d been holding mine in since the moment we met. I opened my eyes and watched him, watched the way his face contorted with pleasure, watched the way his eyes burned into mine. I reached up and traced my thumb over his mouth, just briefly, and he turned to kiss the centre of my palm in a move that made me tremble with desire for him. And then, finally, he began to move.
I didn’t want this slow and sweet. I wanted it hard and fast, to sate that thing inside me that had been thirsty for him since the very first moment we set eyes on each other. He seemed to feel the same way, building up a pace quickly, and I lifted my hips to get him inside me even deeper. His cock was thick and satisfying, exactly as I’d imagined it would be when I’d lain there in bed imagining how he would feel in the middle of the night when I knew I should have been dedicating my mind to more important pursuits. He just…I couldn’t imagine anything better than this, anything hotter. He pushed himself up on top of me and slowed down for a moment, holding himself still once he was all the way inside me. The look in his eyes, the way they seemed to flicker in the light from the street outside, burned itself instantly on to my memory. I knew I’d be coming back to this moment again and again and again, when I lay in bed by myself on those hot, long nights that I couldn’t sleep.
He let himself down on me and I hooked my ankles behind his back, running my hands all over his torso, and his mouth found mine once more. The kiss was explosive, sending tremors throughout my whole body, and this time I knew I was getting close – I could feel it, all the tension that had been building between us these last few days threatening to burst and spill over me. I tipped my head back and parted my lips and he leaned down to kiss my neck, his breath warm on my skin, his body strong on top of mine, his-
“Ah!” I let out a cry that I couldn’t keep in for a moment longer. My pussy clenched around his cock, over and over again, as though my body was grasping for him in ways that I couldn’t let myself before this moment. I sank my nails into his back, clinging on to him for dear life, pulling him as deep into me as he could go. I pulled his head back and kissed him again, pushing my tongue into his mouth, wanting to taste him as I came, as moments later I felt his cock twitch inside me and he reached his climax moments after I did. He held himself inside me as he came, our mouths still against each other, until both of us seemed to float back down to the real world, our limbs still intertwined, still clutching at each other like we were life-rafts in this choppy sea.
He slowly pulled out and ran his hand through his hair, and I reached out to touch his face, as though to make sure that he was real. I still wasn’t quite certain that this had really happened. It was all I’d wanted it to be, and my fantasies never seemed to play out into reality the way that one just had.
“That was…” I trailed off, searching for the words to describe what we had just shared. He snapped off the condom and disposed of it quickly, and cocked his head at me for a moment as though examining me.
“Was?” He remarked, and then leaned down to scoop me up, cradling me against his strong chest; I could feel his heartbeat, which felt as though it was going a little slower than before.
“What are you doing?” I giggled, wrapping my arms around him. I didn’t stop him. I didn’t want to.
“You really think we’re done that quickly?” He brushed his mouth over my ear. “We’re only just getting started. Where’s your bedroom?”
“Through that door,” I grinned, burying my face in his neck and inhaling his sweet scent, drowning myself in it. I knew I could have stopped it now, but I figured I was in this far now. Why not have a little fun in the process?
Chapter Seven
I woke up the next day to the thin, watery light outside letting me know that it was morning. And I turned over to see Luke asleep in the bed next to me, letting me know that I was an idiot with a complete lack of self-control.
I stared at him for a moment as he slept, trying to take in the sight before me. Here was the man that I had wanted all this time, that I had fantasised about having more times than I cared to admit, asleep in bed next to me. I was sure he would leave as soon as we were done, but there didn’t seem to be a “done” for him. Every time I was sure he wouldn’t be able to find a touch more stamina, he dug some up from somewhere deep inside him and we went again. I couldn’t count the number of times that I’d come the night before – by his mouth, his fingers, his cock. Even thinking about it now was enough to send an explosion of tingles over my body, as though my skin was trying to replicate what it had felt like to have his hands all over me.
I sat up, not taking my eyes off him, and moved slowly as I went to get ready. I just wanted to make sure that I wasn’t going to wake him up. The last thing I needed was to have some awkward morning-after conversation with someone I would have to go in to work with later today.
Oh, shit – work. I had messaged everyone to let them know to come in today and that we were back on track with the production. I would have to be there bright and early, and somehow convince the lot of them that I hadn’t been in bed with my leading man until an hour earlier.
He seemed passed out for good, letting out a little wriggle and a moan as I got out of bed. He stretched his hand over the part of the bed I had just been in and I felt a twinge in my chest. It looked like he missed me. But before I could just crawl back under his arm and put off heading back to rehearsals for another day, I tore my gaze away from him and headed over to the bathroom. No. I couldn’t get sentimental.
As I climbed beneath the sputtering warm water, it felt as though the shock of it was scrubbing away my bad decisions from the night before. I squished shower gel over my body, reluctantly washing away the scent of him on me though all I really wanted to do was savour it a little longer. I just – even though I knew what had happened last night could never happen again, it was hard to get out of that brainspace that I’d been in last night. We’d done it, and no-one would have to know that we’d done it, and no-one would have to know if we did it again. Not that I have proved very good at playing it cool and casua
l before – everyone had known, everyone had been gossiping about us. At least, that’s what it had felt like.
And what if we did keep hooking up? What if we kept this going until the play was done with? He wasn’t the kind of guy who could stick around in one place for long, even if he wanted to. It was the nature of his job to travel around everywhere, across the country and across the world. And, correct me if I’m wrong, but I was pretty certain that he wasn’t the type to keep a long-distance relationship going. No, Luke was a girl-in-every-Port man if I’d ever seen one, and I had to be honest with myself and admit that I didn’t want to be the girl in this port for him. I was a one-man woman, and I wasn’t going to get my heart broken again when I could so easily avoid falling for him. Well, not easily avoid it, but make the active decision not to put myself in the midst of harms’ way by pursuing whatever it was we had together.
I stepped out of the shower and got dressed quietly, picking out my clothes around him as he slept. He was naked under the sheets, sprawled out on the bed, his face creased and a small furrow in his brow. He looked so peaceful when he was asleep, so far removed from the high-energy hurricane that usually came whirling into my life with him. I reached out to touch his bare back, suddenly feeling the urge to remind myself of the warmth of his skin beneath mine. He shifted in his sleep and I pulled my hand away at once, cursing myself for being so sentimental. What was I thinking?
I lingered a moment longer in the door, wondering if I could really do this to him. I had never slept with someone and left before they woke up, let alone in my own house. Did he know his way to the theatre from here? Should I leave a note or something? I shifted my weight from foot to foot, trying to figure out the best course of action, and came up blank. Seeing him there, so vulnerable and quiet, was an oddly intimate experience that I didn’t know what to do with.
I turned away eventually. I had to force myself to. I knew that if I was still there when he woke up, I would be helpless to resist him if he invited me back into bed. And we needed to get back to work on the play, no matter how tempting his offer might have been. More than anything, I needed to snap back into professional mode and stop hooking up with my actors already.
Today was the day that Arkin was coming by to visit our production – at least, that’s what we’d agreed on before things had had to shut down, and I assumed that it was still going ahead. So I couldn’t have picked a much worse day than this one to have my head so full of the mush of a hook-up. As I travelled across down and back to the theatre, I tried to force the image of Luke, asleep in my bed, out of my mind and focus in on getting everything done in time for the arrival of the man who had written this damn play in the first place. I was so nervous I felt as though I was going to throw up on the subway, but that might have been something to do with the several glasses of wine I enjoyed the night before, too.
I arrived at the theatre not long after I left the house; it felt as though I had phased all the way over there, my head so full that I barely had time to notice the gap between leaving my house and arriving at this place. Everyone was already there, good and early, as I’d requested they would be. They all looked up as I entered and I saw a couple of them murmuring to each other – I knew there was no way in hell they could know about what had happened between Luke and I the night before but some crazy part of my brain flared to life and told me that they somehow did.
“Morning,” I nodded around the room to everyone – Michelle was giving me a funny look, like she knew something I didn’t, but I ignored it for the time being. “Thanks to all of you for coming in at such short notice. I really appreciate it. Now, can we get the sets ready to go and start rehearsing? Allan Ardew can be coming in to check out the production today and I don’t want us to be too rusty.”
People sprang into action at the sound of his name, and I planted my hands on my hips and closed my eyes for a moment, letting it all wash over.
“Holly?”
I opened them again to find Michelle standing, looking over at me, her brow a little furrowed.
“Everything alright?” She asked, and I nodded at once.
“Yeah, why?”
“You just look a little…” She looked around for the words and came up blank. “I don’t know. You just don’t look yourself.”
“I’m fine,” I assured her. “Just a little stressed about Ardew maybe coming in today. And the fact that Luke hasn’t even turned up yet.”
“Yeah, where the hell is he?” She glanced around. “I can give him a call if you like-”
“No, it’s fine, I’ll get in touch with him,” I cut her off quickly. Last thing I wanted was Luke blearily blurting what had happened last night to her.
“No need,” she looked past me, and nodded in the direction of the door. “There he is now.”
I turned and my heart swelled for a moment in my chest when I saw him coming through the door. My first reaction was to go over there and kiss him and press my head to his chest and remind myself of everything that the two of us had shared the night before. But I had to keep myself in hand. I had to play professional. He looked a little messy, his hair unbrushed, but he had clearly stopped by his apartment because he was wearing different clothes than the night before, thank goodness, so the game wasn’t completely given away.
“Hey,” He made his way towards me directly, not pausing to pay attention to anyone else in the room. Michelle had drifted away and I realized I was looking down the barrel of one very angry and very confused leading man who I needed to get back on my side before Allan turned up.
“Hey,” I greeted him. “So, we’re just getting the sets ready, and then-”
“Oh, come on,” he cut me off. “You want to tell me what the hell you were pulling this morning?”
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I glanced around, trying to make sure that no-one was listening in on us.
“You’re fine,” he snapped. “Nobody gives a shit about this.”
“You seem to,” I pointed out. His eyes were bright with something I hadn’t seen before, his fists clenched at his sides.
“Yeah, usually after I hook up with someone they don’t abandon me in their apartment with no recourse,” he replied, raising his eyebrows at me. “You want to explain what that was about?”
“Luke, last night shouldn’t have happened,” I shook my head. “I’m sorry. You must know that. Whatever it is between us-”
“Oh, it’s not just some thing between us,” he shook his head. I had never seen him this emotive off-stage in his life. “Holly, I really-”
“Please, don’t do this right now,” I held my hand up in front of his face. Even though, in the pulsing silence that followed, all I wanted was to let him finish that sentence. “I have so much to do today and I can’t handle you on top of the rest of it.”
“Just tell me why,” he demanded. “Just give me a good reason.”
I looked up at him and for a moment all the good reasons that I’d been doing such a good job cultivating inside me dropped away. I just wanted to lean into his arms, to tell him to forget everything I’d been going on about and let us just be together. But I couldn’t. This play depended on it. If I kicked off drama now, there would be trouble, and that was the last thing I needed, today of all days.
“It’s…you,” I waved my hand at him, dredging up the memories of those reasons once more. “You know the reputation you have, right? It’s not exactly the most encouraging one when it comes to more than just hook-ups.”
“That’s not who I am,” he narrowed his eyes. “That just who all those tabloids want me to be. If you knew about all the women-”
“I know about all the women,” I chuckled with a hollow laugh. “Trust me, I’ve read about all of them. How many was it in the last year? Twenty? More?”
“I don’t know,” he replied through gritted teeth, as though this was the first time
anyone had asked him to check. “It’s not important.”
“It’s important to me,” I sighed. “I can’t – I’m not going to get involved with someone if they can’t commit to me. Where do you see this going? We finish up the play and then what, we video-chat while you’re off filming all over the world?”
“I don’t know,” he admitted. “But we could try. I really want to-”
“Some part of me wants to as well,” I conceded, trying to let him down as gently as I could to cause as little of a scene as possible. “But that isn’t how this works, Luke. We both know the kind of person you are, and if some beautiful young thing comes into your eyeline I don’t know that I can expect you not to go after her.”
“It’s not always like that,” he protested weakly, but I could see that the fight had gone from him. In fact, he looked kind of hurt, and for a moment I felt guilty about what I’d just laid out to him. But then I pulled myself up to my full height and reminded myself why I had done all this in the first place.
“I don’t have time to find out what it is or isn’t like,” I reminded him. “Sorry. I don’t want this to get in the way of the play. You understand that, right?”
“Yeah, sure,” he sighed heavily, running his hands over his head. He seemed agitated, and I felt a twinge of guilt knowing that I had clearly hurt him so badly. I didn’t want it to be this way, to feel this way with him; I wanted to be able to give myself over to him and to what we had, but I knew that was only going to end in me getting my heart broken again. I was healed from the last time, but I had no urge to go back to where I had found myself for him and before this and put myself through it all once more.