by Khalid Uddin
Bo’az had been so focused on her words that he’d only just realized that Yasaman’s other hand was freely exploring his back and chest. That’s it. I can’t do this anymore. I have to tell her. I have to. There’s no way I can get away with lying anymore. “Yasaman, look…there’s something…there’s something I should tell you. I’m…I’m not…”
“Shhhh,” she whispered, intentionally seductive this time. “Look at me, Bo’az. Look into my eyes. I know you’re not your brother. I just wanted you to admit it.” Bo’az stared her directly in her hazel eyes. They held no anger, no scorn. She pulled his shaggy face closer to hers and kissed him with an open mouth.
Bo’az hesitated for a moment. A thought drowning in the back of his mind told him this was wrong, but it was instantly subdued. Yasaman’s tongue entered his mouth and flicked at his own. Bo’az pulled away. “Wait. I…should we be doing this? How can you be all right with this if you know I’m not Baltaszar? You just said that you still love him and want him back. And how long have you known?”
“This is what you’d rather do than kiss me? Ask questions?” Yasaman let out a long breath, “I have known since we left Haedon, to be honest. I first suspected when I kissed you in the dark. You don’t kiss like him. When Tasz kisses me, there’s so much passion behind it, like every time will be the last time he’ll ever kiss me. With you, it…it was…different. But then you kept swearing that you were Baltaszar. And it was dark and I was so tired and emotional that I believed you. I mean, what reason would you have to lie?
“But then when we were outside with those three, I realized why you would lie. The way you defended me…insisted that I come with you. Bo’az, you’ve fancied me for some time, haven’t you?”
Bo’az surprisingly felt the tension drain from his body. The lies and secrets were done. He didn’t have to pretend anymore. “I have. But please don’t think the wrong thing. I wasn’t even aware that I felt this way until we kissed in my house. It was then that I realized what I actually felt…what I feel for you. But…but what about Tasz?”
“This isn’t about Tasz, Bo’az. It’s about the two of us. Where ever Tasz is right now, he’s doing fine. He can always handle himself. I realized something while we were trekking up this mountain, though. Bo’az, don’t be dense. We both know what Linas was hinting at. They don’t want me around. They’ll either kill me or leave me behind. I’ve accepted that.”
Yasaman’s words stabbed Bo’az between the eyes. “What? No, they won’t. I wouldn’t let them do that. Linas isn’t that evil. I can see it in him. He wouldn’t kill you, I know he wouldn’t.” He shook his head, trying to convince himself just as much as her.
Her tone held no sorrow or regret. “Bo’az, regardless, this is not a journey we’ll return from. Please don’t argue. I’m tired of thinking and planning and worrying. For one night, let’s just forget about the world. We’ve been so caught up with trying not to die that I can’t remember the last time I just…lived. Touch me, Bo’az. Lie with me. Let us have at least one last pleasure before we worry about dying again. I love Baltaszar. And I know you are not Baltaszar and I accept that. Tonight I want you. I want your body against mine. Inside mine. I just need that comfort.” She pulled him closer once again and resumed the kiss he’d interrupted.
This time, Bo’az kissed her back. He hoped it was with as much passion as his brother. Stop thinking about him. Make her happy, give her what she wants. What I want, too. At least if she’s right and I die on this journey, I’ll die as a man. A man who’s been with a woman.
***
Bo’az opened his eyes slowly, with the hopes that his memories of the night before hadn’t betrayed him. He lay on his back and craned his neck. Yes! I’m naked! Bo’az threw his arms up in triumph. Next to him, Yasaman lay on her side, facing him and curled up in the cloak he’d given her. The rising sun had thankfully brought some warmth, as the fire had died out in the night and nothing separated Bo’az’s bare body from the cool stone ground. Even his broken arm ached less than usual.
He turned on his side and wiped Yasaman’s raven-colored hair from her face, then softly caressed her cheek. She squinted then opened her eyes at Bo’az’s touch, smiling as she glanced upon him. “Good morning,” she quietly grunted.
“Good morning. You look so beautiful.” She smiled at his words. Should I say it? “I love you.” It was a bold move, but Bo’az was confident in his feeling. An incredible energy filled his body, made him excited to live and to think about a grand future, something beyond the next few days.
“WHAT?” Yasaman shot up and widened her eyes so quickly that even the crusts in her eyelids fell away. “What do you mean you love me?” There was no kindness in her voice, no warmth, and certainly no reciprocity.
“No. Please don’t be mad. It’s just…it’s…I mean, after last night. It was so perfect! I thought that you…that we…oh goodness. I’m sorry. I thought that maybe with what we did last night, that maybe you felt something, too.”
“Bo’az, what happened last night was physical. It wasn’t about feelings. My body needed yours. For comfort and for pleasure. Not for love. I’m sorry; I know how much courage it takes to say those words. But I still love Baltaszar, Bo’az.”
“How? How could you do that to both of us? If you love him, then how could you do that with me? And how could you expect me to not feel anything toward you? Especially after you said last night how you knew how I’d felt? I’ve never been with any girl. I gave in last night, despite my brother, because of these feelings I have for you!”
Yasaman put her hand on Bo’az’s face. “It’s not that I feel nothing for you, Bo’az. But I’m confused about the situation. I love Baltaszar deeply, but I don’t know if I’ll ever see him again. I don’t even know if I’ll live to see the end of this journey.”
Bo’az pulled her hand away. “So you seduced me just to have some pleasure before dying? Is that it?”
She glowered, “Don’t act so high and mighty. I made my intentions clear! You knew what I wanted last night. There was no deception whatsoever. You could have stopped or refused, but you didn’t.” Bo’az sighed and quickly looked away. Yasaman continued, “Bo’az, our situation is a difficult one. Even aside from Baltaszar. Who knows what will be in store for us. Maybe I can grow to love you, I don’t know. I’ve only come to know you well in the past few days and I think you are a wonderful person. Our future is too uncertain to quarrel over this. Please don’t be angry with me.”
Bo’az hadn’t expected her to be quite so honest. She had called him on his behavior the night before. Yasaman was right. He could have refused her. But he wanted it so badly. Perhaps I can give this some time. Perhaps her feelings can grow as strong as mine. “Can you promise to at least be open to feeling something for me? Be open to considering that we might grow toward having something serious in the future?”
Yasaman took him by the thick black hairs of his chin and turned his face to hers. “I can be open to that.” She smiled and kissed his cheek, then stood with the cloak still draped around her. “Come, let us get ready. They will no doubt be calling on us shortly. You should check and see what’s happening outside.”
With that, Bo’az fastened his breeches and boots, and then stepped outside. Rhadames sat just outside the cave entrance. He turned at the crunching of Bo’az’s boots on the gravel of the path. Rhadames smirked at him and softly quipped, “It might be best for you two to be quieter from now on. It’s amazing that no beasts found us with the way you both were carrying on. Let me guess, first time you’ve had knowledge of a girl?”
Bo’az flushed. Was it so obvious? What haad he heard? What if he knows about me? He nodded in response. “It is not your business what we do in there. Perhaps you should focus on other things, like looking out, rather than listening to us.”
Rhadames fired back, “Boy, consider yourselves lucky that Gibreel is a deep sleeper who snores and that Linas was too far to hear you both. Otherwise they may have killed
your friend just to shut you up.” He stood and towered over Bo’az. “Now get your things so we can go. The other two are already ahead of us.”
“What about breakfast? Is there no time to eat? I’m starving!”
“We can eat soon. We are in a bit of danger right now though.”
“Now what?” Bo’az could only imagine what they faced next. “Did the ranza cats follow us?”
“I wish it were that easy. Gibreel found silberlow droppings about a quarter mile ahead. And there is only one path to the other side of the mountain.”
More strange names. “Silberlow?”
“Mountain cats. If you thought the ranzas were vicious, well, the ranzas stay out of the mountains because of the silberlow.” Rhadames glanced ahead then back at Bo’az. “Now go get your things. Silberlow are stronger, leaner, and deadlier than the ranzas, and they can blend in with the colors of the mountain.”
As Bo’az turned back into the cave, he shouted, “So then why didn’t you wake us if these things are so deadly and nearby?”
“You were safe in the cave! The silberlow hate fire. All you would have to do is restart your fire and the cat would not enter. Unfortunately, it would also wait outside until you finally left.”
Bo’az crouched inside the cave and gathered his pack. He found his shirt and put it on. Yasaman stood beside him now, “Are they all ready? It is time to go?”
Bo’az nodded in response then stood and exited with her. “Where is my horse, Rhadames?”
“Linas and Gibreel led it with theirs when they embarked. After Gibreel saw the droppings, we thought the horses would be better targets. So they took three and I have mine.” Rhadames started walking, “Come. Follow me. And stay close.”
“You took my horse to use as bait?”
Yasaman cut in, “Wait. Droppings? What’s going on? She looked back and forth between Bo’az and Rhadames for an answer.
Rhadames explained, “There are mountain cats—silberlow, nearby. Gibreel found their droppings not far ahead. So we must be cautious. And yes Baltaszar. Your horse is a better sacrifice than you are. Or would you rather we sacrificed your precious bedmate here? You know how the others feel about her.”
Yasaman blushed and fired back, “Are you implying that you do not want me dead, Rhadames?”
“To be quite honest, I do not care if you live or die. Our journey is difficult either way. You are beneficial because you provide an easy sacrifice for any predators. But you are also a burden because you can potentially slow us down. But do not take any of it personally. I would not go out of my way to kill you.” He stroked his thick dark brown beard as he walked and spoke.
They reached Gibreel and Linas after walking a half mile upwards. The mountain had a wide flat clearing with a few short trees and shrubs interspersed, with a few low-topped caves several yards to the left. The two of them held five lit torches in their hands.
Gibreel muttered “Finally,” to himself, but loud enough for Bo’az to hear. “Let us go quickly. We will go on foot and carry torches. If any silberlow come upon us, we don’t want frightened horses throwing us over the side of the mountain. We must make haste. Their tracks litter this trail.” Gibreel handed each of them a torch.
Linas interjected, “Let us go now. No wasting any more time.” He turned and walked to the path, leading his horse along. Bo’az and the others turned and followed as Gibreel once again flanked them.
Bo’az glanced constantly over at Yasaman as he walked side by side with her. Should I say anything else? Should I tell her again how I feel just so she knows? Or maybe I should tell her I’m okay with what she wants to do. That way she won’t think this situation is awkward for me. Bo’az was about to fumble over more words to say to Yasaman when something slammed into him from behind. His body lurched forward as his head whipped back and then something else punched his head forward. His torch dropped and he tumbled to the ground along with Iridian. Rocks and horse’s limbs scratched, stabbed, and beat against his defenseless body. Bo’az was twisting and turning too fast to feel the pain of any of the blows.
Bo’az scraped along the rocky path, knocking against horses and people. In the hurtling frenzy, Bo’az caught glimpses of Gibreel and his horse tangled with the rest of the mess. When they finally stopped, deafening growls and the shrieks of a horse drowned out Bo’az’s groans as he lay on his stomach. All of the cuts and bruises felt like fire burning through Bo’az’s skin and dull aches penetrated his bones. Iridian lay on her side, trapping his already-broken left arm. Thankfully, his arm had gone numb.
“Yas!” He swiveled his neck searching for any glimpse of her. “Where are you? Yasaman, can you hear me?” Chances were slim that she would hear him over the snarls of what was clearly a silberlow ripping apart Gibreel’s horse. A few moments later, the growls and snarls of the silberlow turned to shrieks and sounded further away. The same beast then screamed in a deathly agony amid men’s shouts. Who could be rescuing us?
Iridian rocked back and forth, neighing and trying desperately to stand. The more the horse shook, the more Bo’az worried about his arm.
“We’re going to shift your horse, boy. When we do, roll yourself away.” Rhadames nodded to Bo’az as he and Linas heaved and removed the weight from Bo’az’s arm. The moment the pressure was released, Bo’az rolled his body, thankful for the long awaited freedom. He tried to stand but wobbled on his knees and put his good hand down to stabilize himself. Only then did Bo’az actually look at his body and see the pools of blood caked and stained on his clothes. He shook his head vigorously to clear out the cloudiness and rose again slowly. This time he managed to stand and surveyed his surroundings.
Yasaman lay face down on the ground twenty yards ahead in a disheveled heap. One of her shins was bent forward. She won’t be able to walk like that. They won’t let her go on. Bo’az walked as quickly as he could toward her, though he was still wobbly. Running would only have caused him to fall. He knelt and rolled Yasaman to her side.
“Bo’az, my leg,” she croaked, groggily.
“Shh, I know. I know. We’ll have to figure something out. Some way for you to walk without them taking much notice.” He sat her up.
“There’s nothing Bo. There’s no way to hide this. I’m…I’m scared. I don’t want them to kill me Bo.” Tears flowed from the corners her eyes and dripped onto Bo’az’s hand as he cupped her face.
“Listen. They will not kill you. I won’t let them. We have too much to look forward to now for me to lose you.” Bo’az fought back the tear that tried to break free from his eye. He stifled a crack in his voice.
Gibreel limped over. “Go help them with your horse, boy. She’s going to have to be put down. You should be the one to do it. Here, take my blade.” The man was surprisingly warm. But then again, Gibreel knew animals well. Maybe he knows how difficult it is. Maybe there’s something human in him after all.
“I have to stay here with Yasaman. I need to help her.”
“I will get her to her feet. Go take care of your horse.”
“Are you going to help her or kill her? Or are you going to leave her here as bait for more silberlow? I don’t trust you.” Bo’az had gingerly walked a few feet, but turned and faced Gibreel, inspecting the man’s every move.
“Now is not the time for this, boy. Your horse is in agony. Comfort it in its final moments and then kill it. I promise I will not leave the girl here to die or use her as bait. Now go.” Gibreel’s notorious scowl returned to his chiseled face as he spat on the ground.
Bo’az gazed at Yasaman for a moment and staggered to Rhadames and Linas. Behind him, Yasaman whimpered in pain as Gibreel lifted her and acted as her crutch. Bo’az turned once more, his heart still aching at the thought of Yasaman in so much pain. Realization punched his mind as he turned, seeing Gibreel dragging Yasaman toward the edge of the path. The side of the mountain was completely vertical here, allowing for an easy drop. Rage and madness invaded him as his heart beat through his chest.
Summoning all of his body’s willpower, Bo’az found the will to run and raced to the pair. His legs still wobbled somewhat, but Bo’az would not give in. He reached Gibreel’s back just as the man shoved Yasaman over the side of the mountain. Her scream echoed on and on.
Bo’az realized he was screaming aloud, as well as in his head. Gibreel stood before him, looking over the side of the mountain. With all of his remaining strength, Bo’az shoved the muscular man off the side of the mountain. Gibreel screamed, just as Yasaman had, as he hurtled to the ground so far down below.
“What happened, boy?” Rhadames demanded over Bo’az’s shoulder, “What just bloody happened!”
“He…he threw her off the side!” Bo’az’s body convulsed as he stepped away from the mountain’s edge. “The bastard killed her!”
In the distance, Linas shouted a nonchalant order, “Tie him up Rhadames. He will travel the rest of the way bound hand and feet.”
Rhadames shouted back, “Understood!” He then turned back to Bo’az and shoved him to the ground. “You had better hope that we don’t face anything else on our way home. You may not have liked Gibreel, but he’s the one who saved us from being attacked more times than you know.”
Bo’az doubled over. The numbness had left his arm and the pain throbbed from fingertip to shoulder. “He killed her, Rhadames. What was I to do? I loved her. I am nothing now. My life is nothing. He deserved to die. He wanted to kill her from the start. She was mine. Mine to love. He had no right!”
“Look boy, I don’t know what your name is. But I’m sure your brother, the real Baltaszar, would beg to differ about this girl you love.”
Despite his pain and the world beginning to swirl, Bo’az shot Rhadames an icy sneer.
“I told you that you were loud last night. It was not Baltaszar she was moaning for in the night, but it was his name she was saying in her sleep.” Rhadames looked around and then lowered his voice. “Obviously I’m not here to kill you, or you’d be dead already. But listen and listen well. Linas is a good man, but if he finds out that you’re not Baltaszar, he’ll kill you on the spot. That’s why I lied to him back at your house when he asked about the line. You look exactly like Baltaszar except there’s no black line on your face. Twins, then?”