by Jillian Dagg
"I guess so." He finished his chocolate and she saw his hand shake as he put the cup on the table.
He swore bitterly and stared at his hand. "Yesterday John was talking about getting me back into a car...."
"It'll be okay," Tanya soothed, touching the back of his hand.
"It won't be okay," he tore his hand from her. "I can't even paddle a rotten canoe. How can I get into a racing car?"
"In time," Tanya said softly.
He glared at her, his eyes dark and angry. "Have you any idea what it takes?"
She couldn't think of an answer to that one, so she nodded wordlessly. Then, she leaned over to kiss him on the lips but she felt no answering response.
"I think I'll go to bed," she told him. "If you need anything—"
Averting her face, she left the room quickly. She did not want him to see the pity that she was afraid showed. She knew that it would hurt his pride too much. Noiselessly she closed the door behind her and hurried to her room. She was in no mood for a harsh rejection.
* * * *
Tanya rolled over in her bed and buried her head in the pillow. It was dark in the room. She'd been sleeping soundly and it was so silent outside that she couldn't imagine what had woken her so abruptly.
A noise? Tanya sat up in bed suddenly, straining her ears in the darkness, wondering what it was. Her heart pounded loudly in her chest. Maybe it was a wild animal. She'd heard rumors of bears and wolves in Canada. Could there be something outside?
She got out of bed and looked out the window. But she couldn't see anything but the black shapes of trees and rocks.
It came again, sounding like a mangled scream. She grabbed her silk robe, slipping it on as she hurried toward the direction of the strange cry. It came from Richard's room.
Now what was wrong? Her heartbeat quickened. Even though Richard appeared to have more or less regained his physical well-being, he had been low in spirits. He had been moody and short with Tanya. At this point she despaired of their relationship ever evolving into anything more intimate. The lovemaking that they had shared that day on the island now seemed like a distant dream. She wondered if they could ever have a real marriage. Richard, she decided, had either forgotten about it, or had just been momentarily attracted.
She sighed as she opened Richard's door. He would probably be furious at the invasion of his privacy but she couldn't leave him alone making those terrible, bestial groans.
He was sitting up in bed, his knees drawn sharply under his chin. Perspiration ran down his face and drenched his neck and chest. With shaking hands, he pushed back his hair to look at Tanya through glazed eyes.
"Richard! What is it?"
"Could you get me some water?"
"Of course."
She handed him the water and he drank it in one gulp. She sat down on the edge of the bed, taking the empty glass from him, and putting it on the bedside table.
"Are you okay?" she asked.
"I don't know." He was trembling violently. "There are some little white pills in my top drawer. Could you get me a couple?"
"Of course."
She got him the pills and more water.
"I heard you scream." She put her hand on the warm damp flesh of his arm.
He rested his elbows on his knees and pushed at the hair that kept falling across his face. "It was just a nightmare," he told her, and he smiled rather shakily. "This was one of the things the doctor was cautioning you about that day."
She stroked the hair back from his damp forehead, "Can I get you anything else?"
"No, it's okay."
He leaned back against the pillows and his eyes closed sleepily. Tanya gently pulled the sheet over him.
Although he seemed to be resting peacefully, she didn't want to leave him. It could happen again. Next time she might not hear him!
Quietly, she took off her robe and slipped into bed beside him. This way if anything happened, she'd be close by. She snuggled down beneath the covers leaving some space between them. Even so the warmth of his body penetrated her own. A shudder of desire and longing eased through her.
Maybe this wasn't such a good idea after all! She rolled on her side and closed her eyes. Richard moved restlessly against her. His arm encircled her waist. Tanya turned over and made herself comfortable against the hard length of his body. She'd get up early in the morning. He'd never know that she'd stolen these moments of ecstasy.
Butterfly kisses flickered against the soft skin of her cheek.
Warm lips burned a pathway down her throat toward the cleavage of her breasts. Tanya moved restlessly in her sleep and opened her eyes. Richard was leaning over her.
"Morning," he whispered.
"Morning." Tanya suddenly remembered where she was and why. "How are you feeling?"
"Much better thanks to you," he said.
She touched his forehead with trembling fingers. "You feel much cooler."
"Maybe on the outside," he murmured.
She tried to move from beneath him, but his arms had her pinned against the pillow. His nakedness and the warm male smell of him, were sending tremors of passion through her.
She took a deep steadying breath.
"I should get up," she told him. "I didn't mean to stay this long."
"I'm glad you stayed." His eyes were warm with desire. He leaned forward and opened her mouth with his lips, moving over her so that his entire weight was pressing her down into the bed. Pushing aside the thin nightgown, he caressed her breasts. She thrust her body toward his. Her hands found their way to his shoulders and lightly moved down the hard contours of his back. His lips left hers for a moment to touch her ear. "You're lovely," she heard him whisper, before her world shattered to a glorious kaleidoscope.
Sunshine shimmered through the curtains and Tanya turned over sleepily wondering where she was. Then she saw Richard's gold-blond head on the pillow next to hers and smiled. With tentative fingers, she reached out and touched his hair. He rolled over and looked at her, his gray eyes soft.
"I'm sorry," she said.
"What for?"
"For waking you up."
"I've been awake for a long time," he told her, "watching you." He reached out and wound one of her auburn curls around his finger. "You don't regret making love with me?" he asked.
"No," she told him, stretching luxuriously beneath the sheets.
He smiled and reached out for her, bringing her closer to him. His lips explored her neck and throat before moving to the creamy whiteness of her breasts as his hands strayed intimately and possessively over her. She felt desire flame through her again. As her body met his, an awareness filled her. For the first time in her life, she felt like a woman. His woman....
Tanya lay lethargically in bed while Richard took a shower.
He came back into the room with a towel around his waist.
"Aren't you ever going to get up?" he asked.
"In a minute," she told him, not moving.
"Lazy." He began to dress.
"Do you feel you're getting better?" she asked, watching his easy movements as he stepped into his jeans.
"Not after last night," he raised an eyebrow.
"It was only a dream."
"A recurring nightmare." He shook his head and pulled on his shirt.
"Do you still take all those awful looking pills you have in the bathroom?"
"Shake me and see if I rattle," he smiled. "Seriously though, no. The ones I took last night were for emergency pain."
He tucked his shirt into his pants and buckled the leather belt. He walked over to the bed. Placing a hand on either side of her, he leaned down and kissed her nose. "If you don't get out of that bed, I'll make love to you again," he said his voice husky.
"Then what?" she teased, stroking his rough chin with her fingers.
"We'll spend the rest of the day in bed."
"And—"
He kissed her firmly on the lips and straightened. "Get up.
I'll make bre
akfast. I'm hungry." He grinned, "I'll give you five minutes.
"Slave driver," she called after his retreating form as he left the bedroom.
They ate a late breakfast in companionable silence. It was a warm day and the lake looked inviting. Tanya wanted to swim.
"Do you think you could swim?" she asked Richard. She was aware that he did therapeutic exercises, and swimming was supposed to be good for muscle toning. Not that his hard muscles needed much toning, as she'd experienced this morning in bed. The thought made her blush and she glanced away from his probing look.
"That sounds like a good idea," he told her.
She stood up. "Then I'll get changed."
"Oh, no," Richard shook his head, amuselnent glimmering in his eyes, "no one can see us out here."
"Oh, but—"
"But what?" He was teasing her.
"John could arrive again."
"What if he does? He'll disappear and wait like he did before. John's discreet."
"Maybe, but—"
Richard got up and pulled her into his arms. His hands wandered boldly over her curves. Then he picked her up so that she was held against his firm chest muscles.
"You shouldn't, Richard. You'll hurt yourself."
But her protests went unheeded as he carried her down to the edge of the lake. He dropped her onto the wooden boards on the dock. Then he got undressed.
"Last one in—" he shouted and splashed over the edge of the dock.
Tanya stripped off her shorts and top and followed him into the water. Richard in this playful, charming mood was too hard to resist.
They swam for a while, splashing and laughing. While Richard took off to the center of the lake with a powerful crawl, Tanya floated on her back. She squinted her eyes against the bright sun and blue sky, a bubble of contentment stirring insistently through her.
She laughed in surprise as Richard came up from the water to grab hold of her. His hands caressed her naked body, arousing her as he'd done earlier this morning.
She put her arms around his neck and drew his mouth to meet her own.
"My beautiful wife," he murmured, before his lips claimed hers.
Afterward they sunbathed on a flat rock. Tanya insisted on putting on her bikini.
"What if a boat comes by," she argued against Richard's amusement.
"They'd need binoculars," he told her, but he obliged by dressing in brief denim shorts. "Not that this leaves much to the imagination." His hand wandered boldly down her bare back. "Like me to rub some suntan lotion on you?"
"Please." She couldn't get enough of Richard's touch.
Making love with him was sheer heaven. It left her in no doubt of how much she loved him. If only he'd tell her that he loved her.
His hands moved rhythmically down her back and over her thighs. "Turn over," he said. He squeezed a drop of the silky lotion onto her stomach. He rubbed it in with his fingers. His hands grew more caressing as he reached the curves of her breasts. He gently released the catch of her bikini top. "You're so beautiful," he said huskily. His breathing was ragged when at last his mouth found hers.
Tanya had no defenses against her newfound love.
After the glorious sensuous experience of sun and water, their first day of love together, Tanya was disappointed when it rained almost every day. Not that she was unhappy.
Richard had moved into her bedroom because she wanted the lake view in the morning. Her nights with him were sheer delight.
Richard was working in his study and Tanya decided to go for a walk. She looked in on him before she left the house.
"Where are you going?" he asked, looking up from his desk, where he was sitting writing.
"Just down to the lake. I won't be long."
"Okay," he glanced at her thoughtfully. "Do you feel like a change?"
"A change?" She looked at him, thinking how much better she knew the expressions on his face now.
"I have to visit the doctor tomorrow. Do you want to come along?"
"I don't mind staying here," she said. She usually stayed behind.
"I know you don't mind, but I was thinking it might be nice if you came."
She felt a flurry of excitement flow through her at the expression in his eyes.
"Do you want me to?" she asked, her green eyes bright.
"I wouldn't be asking if I didn't."
"Then I'll come."
"Good." He smiled and turned back to his work. "Have a good walk."
Tanya closed the door quietly behind her. The rain had eased to a sticky drizzle. She walked down to the lake and stood on the rock where they'd sunbathed. She dug her hands into the pockets of her waterproof jacket. Did Richard love her? She sighed. Maybe it was too much to ask that he love her as well as desire her. At least they were heading into a normal marriage.
She hiked off across the rocks, turning back when she began to feel wet. Richard was waiting for her on the dock.
"Crazy girl," he said, "you'll catch pneumonia."
"So will you," she told him. His hair was plastered to his head. He wasn't even wearing a jacket. Just jeans and a shirt.
"It'll give us an excuse to spend weeks in bed together," he grinned and opened his arms to her.
Both were unaware of the slashing rain as their lips met.
Chapter Nine
The following morning was sunny, promising a hot day.
Tanya got up while Richard was still in bed and prepared breakfast. They were in the car on the highway just after ten.
"It's going to be hot," Tanya said, noticing the haze through the pine trees.
"You'll miss having a swim," Richard said.
"I'll have it tonight instead."
"I'll join you."
Tanya glanced at him. With his chiseled features and blond hair, longer and streaked by the sun, he looked so handsome that her breath caught in her throat.
"I've got such a handsome husband," she told him.
He smiled, "I haven't got such a bad wife either."
"Then we're both lucky. What do you think the doctor's going to tell you?"
"Probably that things are okay now."
He'll be glad to get rid of you." She rummaged in her canvas bag and found a pair of square-framed sunglasses.
She put them on her nose. Then she reached into the glove compartment and got out Richard's steel-rimmed ones. She perched them on his face.
"There, now you look like a real racing driver."
"Tanya," he said, sounding serious. "Would you care if I started racing again?"
She glanced down at her hands. At the plain gold band that bound her to this man. "I guess it doesn't matter whether I care or not, does it?"
"There's a lot of traveling," he told her. "The house would be used more as a retreat than a permanent home."
"I wouldn't mind that," she lied. It had all been so perfect!
"What would you mind?"
"The fear," she said, her heart pounding as it had that evening with John at the thought of Richard racing. Next time he might not be so lucky.
"I could die in this car, on this highway," he told her.
"Don't say that, Richard."
"You have to face reality, Tanya."
But the reality was that she loved him. So much, that she couldn't think coherently at the thought of anything happening to him. Life would never be worth living again without him.
Toronto was hot and humid. Richard left her to shop while he went to the doctor. He told her he'd meet her at a restaurant for lunch. She walked the streets, finally entering a department store. It was air-conditioned and cool. She looked at the clothes on the racks, but nothing seemed pretty enough. Since she had married Richard she had become more fastidious about her clothes. Nothing ever seemed to come up to the expectation of how she wanted to look for him. She glanced at her watch. If she didn't hurry, she would be late for their lunch date.
She arrived a little ahead of him and found a table in the corner. She watched as he came i
n and moved toward her, tall, tanned and blond, threading his way through the dark restaurant. How much better he looks than when I first met him, she thought with satisfaction. He walks almost without a limp, and his eyes have lost that remote, haunted look.