There’s not much more to tell about the Helen B. Jackson, so far as I am concerned. We were more like a shipload of lunatics than anything else when we ran in under Morro Castle and anchored in Havana. The cook had brain fever, and was raving mad in his delirium; and the rest of the men weren’t far from the same state. The last three or four days had been awful, and we had been as near to having a mutiny on board as I ever want to be. The men didn’t want to hurt anybody; but they wanted to get away out of that ship, if they had to swim for it; to get away from that whistling, from that dead shipmate who had come back, and who filled the ship with his unseen self! I know that if the Old Man and I hadn’t kept a sharp lookout, the men would have put a boat over quietly on one of those calm nights, and pulled away, leaving the captain and me and the mad cook to work the schooner into harbour. We should have done it somehow, of course, for we hadn’t far to run if we could get a breeze; and once or twice I found myself wishing that the crew were really gone, for the awful state of fright in which they lived was beginning to work on me too. You see I partly believed and partly didn’t; but, anyhow, I didn’t mean to let the thing get the better of me, whatever it was. I turned crusty, too, and kept the men at work on all sorts of jobs, and drove them to it until they wished I was overboard, too. It wasn’t that the Old Man and I were trying to drive them to desert without their pay, as I am sorry to say a good many skippers and mates do, even now. Captain Hackstaff was as straight as a string, and I didn’t mean those poor fellows should be cheated out of a single cent; and I didn’t blame them for wanting to leave the ship, but it seemed to me that the only chance to keep everybody sane through those last days was to work the men till they dropped. When they were dead tired they slept a little, and forgot the thing until they had to tumble up on deck and face it again. That was a good many years ago. Do you believe that I can’t hear “Nancy Lee” now, without feeling cold down my back? For I heard it, too, now and then, after the man had explained why he was always looking over his shoulder. Perhaps it was imagination. I don’t know. When I look back it seems to me that I only remember a long fight against something I couldn’t see, against an appalling presence, against something worse than cholera or Yellow Jack or the plague — and, goodness knows, the mildest of them is bad enough when it breaks out at sea. The men got as white as chalk, and wouldn’t go about decks alone at night, no matter what I said to them. With the cook raving in his bunk, the forecastle would have been a perfect hell, and there wasn’t a spare cabin on board. There never is on a fore-and-after. So I put him into mine, and he was more quiet there, and at last fell into a sort of stupor as if he were going to die. I don’t know what became of him, for we put him ashore alive and left him in the hospital.
The men came aft in a body, quiet enough, and asked the captain if he wouldn’t pay them off, and let them go ashore. Some men wouldn’t have done it, for they had shipped for the voyage, and had signed articles. But the captain knew that when sailors get an idea into their heads, they’re no better than children; and if he forced them to stay aboard, he wouldn’t get much work out of them, and couldn’t rely on them in a difficulty. So he paid them off, and let them go. When they had gone forward to get their kits, he asked me whether I wanted to go, too, and for a minute I had a sort of weak feeling that I might just as well. But I didn’t, and he was a good friend to me afterwards. Perhaps he was grateful to me for sticking to him.
When the men went off he didn’t come on deck; but it was my duty to stand by while they left the ship. They owed me a grudge for making them work during the last few days, and most of them dropped into the boat without so much as a word or a look, as sailors will. Jack Benton was the last to go over the side, and he stood still a minute and looked at me, and his white face twitched. I thought he wanted to say something.
“Take care of yourself, Jack,” said I. “So long!”
It seemed as if he couldn’t speak for two or three seconds; then his words came thick.
“It wasn’t my fault, Mr. Torkeldsen. I swear it wasn’t my fault!”
That was all; and he dropped over the side, leaving me to wonder what he meant.
The captain and I stayed on board, and the ship-chandler got a West India boy to cook for us.
That evening, before turning in, we were standing by the rail having a quiet smoke, watching the lights of the city, a quarter of a mile off, reflected in the still water. There was music of some sort ashore, in a sailors’ dance-house, I daresay; and I had no doubt that most of the men who had left the ship were there, and already full of jiggy-jiggy. The music played a lot of sailors’ tunes that ran into each other, and we could hear the men’s voices in the chorus now and then. One followed another, and then it was “Nancy Lee,” loud and clear, and the men singing “Yo-ho, heave-ho!”
“I have no ear for music,” said Captain Hackstaff, “but it appears to me that’s the tune that man was whistling the night we lost the man overboard. I don’t know why it has stuck in my head, and of course it’s all nonsense; but it seems to me that I have heard it all the rest of the trip.”
I didn’t say anything to that, but I wondered just how much the Old Man had understood. Then we turned in, and I slept ten hours without opening my eyes.
I stuck to the Helen B. Jackson after that as long as I could stand a fore-and-after; but that night when we lay in Havana was the last time I ever heard “Nancy Lee” on board of her. The spare hand had gone ashore with the rest, and he never came back, and he took his tune with him; but all those things are just as clear in my memory as if they had happened yesterday.
After that I was in deep water for a year or more, and after I came home I got my certificate, and what with having friends and having saved a little money, and having had a small legacy from an uncle in Norway, I got the command of a coastwise vessel, with a small share in her. I was at home three weeks before going to sea, and Jack Benton saw my name in the local papers, and wrote to me.
He said that he had left the sea, and was trying farming, and he was going to be married, and he asked if I wouldn’t come over for that, for it wasn’t more than forty minutes by train; and he and Mamie would be proud to have me at the wedding. I remembered how I had heard one brother ask the other whether Mamie knew. That meant, whether she knew he wanted to marry her, I suppose. She had taken her time about it, for it was pretty nearly three years then since we had lost Jim Benton overboard.
I had nothing particular to do while we were getting ready for sea; nothing to prevent me from going over for a day, I mean; and I thought I’d like to see Jack Benton, and have a look at the girl he was going to marry. I wondered whether he had grown cheerful again, and had got rid of that drawn look he had when he told me it wasn’t his fault. How could it have been his fault, anyhow? So I wrote to Jack that I would come down and see him married; and when the day came I took the train and got there about ten o’clock in the morning. I wish I hadn’t. Jack met me at the station, and he told me that the wedding was to be late in the afternoon, and that they weren’t going off on any silly wedding trip, he and Mamie, but were just going to walk home from her mother’s house to his cottage. That was good enough for him, he said. I looked at him hard for a minute after we met. When we had parted I had a sort of idea that he might take to drink, but he hadn’t. He looked very respectable and well-to-do in his black coat and high city collar; but he was thinner and bonier than when I had known him, and there were lines in his face, and I thought his eyes had a queer look in them, half shifty, half scared. He needn’t have been afraid of me, for I didn’t mean to talk to his bride about the Helen B. Jackson.
He took me to his cottage first, and I could see that he was proud of it. It wasn’t above a cable’s length from high-water mark, but the tide was running out, and there was already a broad stretch of hard, wet sand on the other side of the beach road. Jack’s bit of land ran back behind the cottage about a quarter of a mile, and he said that some of the trees we saw were his. The fences were n
eat and well kept, and there was a fair-sized barn a little way from the cottage, and I saw some nice-looking cattle in the meadows; but it didn’t look to me to be much of a farm, and I thought that before long Jack would have to leave his wife to take care of it, and go to sea again. But I said it was a nice farm, so as to seem pleasant, and as I don’t know much about these things, I daresay it was, all the same. I never saw it but that once. Jack told me that he and his brother had been born in the cottage, and that when their father and mother died they leased the land to Mamie’s father, but had kept the cottage to live in when they came home from sea for a spell. It was as neat a little place as you would care to see: the floors as clean as the decks of a yacht, and the paint as fresh as a man-o’-war. Jack always was a good painter. There was a nice parlour on the ground floor, and Jack had papered it and had hung the walls with photographs of ships and foreign ports, and with things he had brought home from his voyages: a boomerang, a South Sea club, Japanese straw hats, and a Gibraltar fan with a bull-fight on it, and all that sort of gear. It looked to me as if Miss Mamie had taken a hand in arranging it. There was a brand-new polished iron Franklin stove set into the old fireplace, and a red table-cloth from Alexandria embroidered with those outlandish Egyptian letters. It was all as bright and homelike as possible, and he showed me everything, and was proud of everything, and I liked him the better for it. But I wished that his voice would sound more cheerful, as it did when we first sailed in the Helen B., and that the drawn look would go out of his face for a minute. Jack showed me everything, and took me upstairs, and it was all the same: bright and fresh and ready for the bride. But on the upper landing there was a door that Jack didn’t open. When we came out of the bedroom I noticed that it was ajar, and Jack shut it quickly and turned the key.
“That lock’s no good,” he said, half to himself. “The door is always open.”
I didn’t pay much attention to what he said, but as we went down the short stairs, freshly painted and varnished so that I was almost afraid to step on them, he spoke again.
“That was his room, sir. I have made a sort of store-room of it.”
“You may be wanting it in a year or so,” I said, wishing to be pleasant.
“I guess we won’t use his room for that,” Jack answered in a low voice.
Then he offered me a cigar from a fresh box in the parlour, and he took one, and we lit them, and went out; and as we opened the front door there was Mamie Brewster standing in the path as if she were waiting for us. She was a fine-looking girl, and I didn’t wonder that Jack had been willing to wait three years for her. I could see that she hadn’t been brought up on steam-heat and cold storage, but had grown into a woman by the sea-shore. She had brown eyes, and fine brown hair, and a good figure.
“This is Captain Torkeldsen,” said Jack. “This is Miss Brewster, captain; and she is glad to see you.”
“Well, I am,” said Miss Mamie, “for Jack has often talked to us about you, captain.”
She put out her hand, and took mine and shook it heartily, and I suppose I said something, but I know I didn’t say much.
The front door of the cottage looked toward the sea, and there was a straight path leading to the gate on the beach road. There was another path from the steps of the cottage that turned to the right, broad enough for two people to walk easily, and it led straight across the fields through gates to a larger house about a quarter of a mile away. That was where Mamie’s mother lived, and the wedding was to be there. Jack asked me whether I would like to look round the farm before dinner, but I told him I didn’t know much about farms. Then he said he just wanted to look round himself a bit, as he mightn’t have much more chance that day; and he smiled, and Mamie laughed.
“Show the captain the way to the house, Mamie,” he said. “I’ll be along in a minute.”
So Mamie and I began to walk along the path, and Jack went up toward the barn.
“It was sweet of you to come, captain,” Miss Mamie began, “for I have always wanted to see you.”
“Yes,” I said, expecting something more.
“You see, I always knew them both,” she went on. “They used to take me out in a dory to catch codfish when I was a little girl, and I liked them both,” she added thoughtfully. “Jack doesn’t care to talk about his brother now. That’s natural. But you won’t mind telling me how it happened, will you? I should so much like to know.”
Well, I told her about the voyage and what happened that night when we fell in with a gale of wind, and that it hadn’t been anybody’s fault, for I wasn’t going to admit that it was my old captain’s, if it was. But I didn’t tell her anything about what happened afterwards. As she didn’t speak, I just went on talking about the two brothers, and how like they had been, and how when poor Jim was drowned and Jack was left, I took Jack for him. I told her that none of us had ever been sure which was which.
“I wasn’t always sure myself,” she said, “unless they were together. Leastways, not for a day or two after they came home from sea. And now it seems to me that Jack is more like poor Jim, as I remember him, than he ever was, for Jim was always more quiet, as if he were thinking.”
I told her I thought so, too. We passed the gate and went into the next field, walking side by side. Then she turned her head to look for Jack, but he wasn’t in sight. I shan’t forget what she said next.
“Are you sure now?” she asked.
I stood stock-still, and she went on a step, and then turned and looked at me. We must have looked at each other while you could count five or six.
“I know it’s silly,” she went on, “it’s silly, and it’s awful, too, and I have got no right to think it, but sometimes I can’t help it. You see it was always Jack I meant to marry.”
“Yes,” I said stupidly, “I suppose so.”
She waited a minute, and began walking on slowly before she went on again.
“I am talking to you as if you were an old friend, captain, and I have only known you five minutes. It was Jack I meant to marry, but now he is so like the other one.”
When a woman gets a wrong idea into her head, there is only one way to make her tired of it, and that is to agree with her. That’s what I did, and she went on talking the same way for a little while, and I kept on agreeing and agreeing until she turned round on me.
“You know you don’t believe what you say,” she said, and laughed. “You know that Jack is Jack, right enough; and it’s Jack I am going to marry.”
Of course I said so, for I didn’t care whether she thought me a weak creature or not. I wasn’t going to say a word that could interfere with her happiness, and I didn’t intend to go back on Jack Benton; but I remembered what he had said when he left the ship in Havana: that it wasn’t his fault.
“All the same,” Miss Mamie went on, as a woman will, without realising what she was saying, “all the same, I wish I had seen it happen. Then I should know.”
Next minute she knew that she didn’t mean that, and was afraid that I would think her heartless, and began to explain that she would really rather have died herself than have seen poor Jim go overboard. Women haven’t got much sense, anyhow. All the same, I wondered how she could marry Jack if she had a doubt that he might be Jim after all. I suppose she had really got used to him since he had given up the sea and had stayed ashore, and she cared for him.
Before long we heard Jack coming up behind us, for we had walked very slowly to wait for him.
“Promise not to tell anybody what I said, captain,” said Mamie, as girls do as soon as they have told their secrets.
Anyhow, I know I never did tell any one but you. This is the first time I have talked of all that, the first time since I took the train from that place. I am not going to tell you all about the day. Miss Mamie introduced me to her mother, who was a quiet, hard-faced old New England farmer’s widow, and to her cousins and relations; and there were plenty of them, too, at dinner, and there was the parson besides. He was what they call a Hard-sh
ell Baptist in those parts, with a long, shaven upper lip and a whacking appetite, and a sort of superior look, as if he didn’t expect to see many of us hereafter — the way a New York pilot looks round, and orders things about when he boards an Italian cargo-dragger, as if the ship weren’t up to much anyway, though it was his business to see that she didn’t get aground. That’s the way a good many parsons look, I think. He said grace as if he were ordering the men to sheet home the topgallant-sail and get the helm up. After dinner we went out on the piazza, for it was warm autumn weather; and the young folks went off in pairs along the beach road, and the tide had turned and was beginning to come in. The morning had been clear and fine, but by four o’clock it began to look like a fog, and the damp came up out of the sea and settled on everything. Jack said he’d go down to his cottage and have a last look, for the wedding was to be at five o’clock, or soon after, and he wanted to light the lights, so as to have things look cheerful.
“I will just take a last look,” he said again, as we reached the house. We went in, and he offered me another cigar, and I lit it and sat down in the parlour. I could hear him moving about, first in the kitchen and then upstairs, and then I heard him in the kitchen again; and then before I knew anything I heard somebody moving upstairs again. I knew he couldn’t have got up those stairs as quick as that. He came into the parlour, and he took a cigar himself, and while he was lighting it I heard those steps again overhead. His hand shook, and he dropped the match.
Complete Works of F Marion Crawford Page 1336