***
The sun is shining brightly on me when I wake up the next morning. Deeply confused, since I don’t have a window above my bed, I look around and remember that I spent the night at Brayden’s. The thought makes me gasp and sit up. I feel a soreness between my legs that I’ve never felt in my life. Tears fill my eyes as I recall the events of last night. “Oh no,” I whimper slightly, covering my face in my hands.
“What?” Brayden asks groggily, turning to pull me back down to him.
“Stop it,” I say, moving his arm from my waist.
“Anna, what’s wrong?” he asks. Concerned, he sits up slightly and rests his weight on his elbow.
“We had sex,” I murmur, still shocked.
“Yeah . . .” he trails off, clearly not seeing my point.
“Brayden, I wasn’t even ready to date you. Do you really think I was ready for sex?” I snap.
“You agreed. I asked before I did anything and you said yes,” he says defensively.
“I was half-asleep!” I protest.
His voice is softer now. “Anna, you can’t just blame me whenever you’re scared.”
I sigh and turn to look at him. “I know. That’s the worst part. It’s my own fault.”
He sits up fully and runs a hand through his hair. “Okay, forgive me because I’m still waking up, but what exactly is wrong with us sleeping together, anyway?”
“It was my first time! And we’re not even in a relationship,” I exclaim, shaking my head.
“Well, we could fix that last part,” he suggests softly, his voice sounding hopeful.
“But we agreed to be friends for now,” I whisper. It sounds stupid out loud.
With a frustrated sigh, he pulls lightly on the tips of his tousled hair. “I hate just being your friend,” he growls, wiping a hand over his face and surprising me. “I want a relationship with you, Anna. Ro was right about something that day at your work. I’d much rather be screaming about us from the rooftops instead of just lying about it for our families’ benefit. I want to pull you into my arms all the time without worrying about how receptive you’ll be that day. I want to be the first person you want to see when you’ve had a bad dream. I want you to run to me like you did to Molly this afternoon. I want to see you after I’ve had a bad day and not feel like I’m bothering you. I’m falling in love with you every time I’m with you. I don’t know if I can just be a friend,” he finishes quietly, a sad note in his voice.
I can only stare at him with wide eyes. He feels that strongly for me? “Why did you agree to be just friends if that’s how you feel?”
“Because it’s what you needed. And I didn’t want to push you, but last night you were sleeping so close to me and you looked so perfect. Then you woke up and looked at me like I was the only person you wanted to see and everything that unfolded after that just made it clear. I’m desperate for you.” He looks so miserable that it breaks my heart.
“Brayden, I . . .” I don’t know what to tell him so I’m quiet for a long time. “Okay,” I say finally.
“Okay what?” he asks nervously, tilting his head in my direction.
“I’ll try. We can try being in a relationship,” I relinquish carefully.
“What?” He blinks. Clearly he was expecting me to push him away again. I feel guilty about that.
“You were my friend because that’s what I needed. Now you need something more and I’m willing to try for you,” I tell him.
“Anna, you can’t be my girlfriend out of pity,” he says, sighing in disappointment.
“It’s not pity,” I assure him firmly. “I feel the same way about you, but I let my fears overrule it all until I’m afraid to do anything. You make me feel like such a different person, and after standing up to my family yesterday, I feel more ready than I did before,” I tell him, smiling a bit at the end. Despite my fears, the thought that Brayden and I will be together makes me happy.
“You’re serious, then?” he asks, shocked.
I nod my head. “I’ll still need to take it slow, and you’ll probably still need to help me for a while, but I think I’m ready for that.”
Instead of responding again, he practically jumps on me in his rush to kiss. I laugh and kiss him back, fully awake this time and completely happy about it. “You’re incredible,” he murmurs against my lips.
I giggle and push him back a little, grinning up at him. “Let’s go eat.”
He falls back on the bed, laughing. “Come on, Cutie,” he says affectionately as he stands so he can reach my hand. “Come back to bed!” he taunts. I blush bright red at the sight of his bare bottom.
“Uh, Brayden . . .” He turns his head to see me staring openly at his backside.
“Anna, you’re such a pervert!” he admonishes, laughing again.
I smile and shrug. He’s got a very nice butt. Brayden moves to his dresser and puts on a pair of boxers while I stand, making sure to keep his sheet around me. “I think I’ll take the first shower,” I tell him.
He grins and wraps his arms around me. “Do you need help washing your hair?”
I laugh and shake my head, “I’ve actually been doing that on my own for the past fifteen years and it’s going pretty well so far. But you could go make me some pancakes.”
He bends closer until there’s only a sliver of space between our lips. “Oh could I?” he smirks.
I nod and move up slightly to capture my lips with his. We stay like that for a while before my stomach growls, reminding both of us that I’m hungry. “Right, I guess I could,” he says huskily, pulling away.
“I’ll be quick,” I promise as he pulls a pair of jeans over his boxers and heads for the door. I take the quickest shower of my life, thankful to see that Brayden has conditioner. Pulling on my clothes from yesterday makes me feel a bit grimy, but I ignore it and head to the kitchen.
Brayden’s never looked sexier than when he’s standing over the stove, without his shirt, making me breakfast. He looks over at me and smiles, “Hey there.”
“Hey,” I reply softly, moving under the arm he’s lifted for me to rest on his side. He’s also making bacon and eggs. “You’re quite the cook,” I tell him.
I look up to see the largest smile on his face. “I am the master of all things done in the kitchen,” he tells me.
I roll my eyes in sarcastic doubt. “Oh really? All things?” I ask.
“Yes! All things,” he tells me adamantly.
“So, if I were to kiss you right now, it’d be better than ever before since we’re in the kitchen?” I wonder.
Brayden’s eyes sparkle when he realizes what I’m doing. “Maybe we should find out,” he suggests, leaning down and pushing his lips against mine before I can respond.
I can’t describe what he did, but whatever it was left me very weak in the knees. “How was that?” he asks cockily.
I can only blink up at him, surprised that he actually proved to be better at kissing in the kitchen. “You win,” I concede, making him laugh.
He pushes me toward the kitchen table before grabbing plates and piling them with food for us. We’re sitting silently as we stuff our faces until Adrienne walks into the kitchen and says “Morning guys, how’d you sleep?”
An uncontrollably deep blush graces my cheeks and I stare at my food, praying that she won’t see. “Best night of my life,” Brayden says in the most relaxed voice I’ve ever heard. I jerk my elbow into his ribs, making him cough.
“Ouch,” he says, turning to glare at me.
Instead of looking back at him, I move my hand to the side of my face, trying for innocent but failing miserably.
Adrienne is chuckling as she pours her coffee and sits with us. “It’s okay, Annie. I was young once too,” she says sweetly before winking at me.
“Oh god,” I squeak before placing my forehead against the table. Both of them burst out laughing at me.
“Hon, it’s not like my mom thinks I’m a virgin or anything.”
“
Brayden!” I screech, smacking his arm.
“Ow,” he says laughingly, holding it for effect.
“Shut up, now.” I glare, daring him to tell his mom anything else.
“Fine, fine. You didn’t need to be so violent,” he pouts, getting no sympathy from me. My second glare shuts him up. For a moment.
“Mom, can you believe she hits me?” he asks in a tattletale voice.
“Brayden, you’re embarrassing the poor girl,” his mom chuckles as she takes another sip of her coffee.
In my peripherals, I can see him looking thoughtfully my direction. “You’re not embarrassed, are you, Annie?”
When I don’t answer and continue eating without looking at him, he makes an “aww” sound and tries to turn my chin toward him. I start laughing and put my hand on his face, trying to turn it away.
“No! You are not going to kiss me and get away with everything!” There’s a tiny sting when he nibbles on my palm. “Ow!” I say loudly, yanking my hand back with surprise.
He catches it in his and says, “Here, let me kiss that for you” before placing his lips against the offended spot. Looking back up into my eyes, he says “Better, Cutie?”
I pout a bit and pull it back. “It wouldn’t have hurt in the first place if you didn’t bite it.”
He just grins and leans forward, placing a soft kiss against the corner of my lips, making me grin too.
Chapter Seventeen
Cloud Nine
Getting home after a day at Brayden’s makes me feel a little sad. I love spending time with him and his family. Plus, there’s the added factor of everything that happened yesterday still hanging in the air as I walk through the door.
“Anna, you’re finally home. We need to talk to you,” Mom says as soon as I walk inside.
I’m sure I’ve still got a silly grin on my face, leftover from Brayden. “You know what?” I ask happily. “I don’t want to talk to any of you right now. I just want to be happy for a little while longer,” I tell her, walking upstairs with a note of finality.
Molly’s on my bed, using my laptop. I grin and sit beside her. “So, what’re we looking at?” I ask.
She gives me a curious look. “You, at the moment.”
I smile brightly and watch as her eyes widen. “Oh my god, you two had sex, didn’t you?” she blabs loudly. I giggle and cover her mouth with my hand, nodding.
“How was it?” she asks with wiggled eyebrows and a curious grin.
“Last night? Great. This morning I’m not sure about. Right now? Amazing,” I inform her, a reminiscent smile on my lips.
“What?” she asks, confused.
“Well, we did it last night, when I was half-asleep. I totally consented and everything and I remember how good it was, but you know how I get when I’m tired.” She nods knowingly. I once punched her in the face for jumping on my bed to wake me up. “Then, this morning, I woke up and started panicking. Brayden told me all this amazing stuff and that he’s falling in love with me. Then we decided to be boyfriend and girlfriend.” She cuts me off before I can go on.
“Wait, you two weren’t dating?”
I shake my head. “It’s hard to explain, but we were friends with feelings. I wasn’t ready for a relationship but we liked kissing and stuff.”
“And stuff?”
“Okay, just kissing.”
“All right, go on,” she says, grinning.
“Well, then he made me breakfast, completely embarrassed me in front of his mom, and we spent the day together until he had to go in to work,” I sigh.
“Aww, Anna, I’m so happy for you,” she exclaims.
“Thanks.” I smile happily.
“I just have one question.”
“Hm?”
“Were you two safe?” she asks seriously.
The question completely halts all other thoughts. Were we? I immediately grab my phone and call Brayden. He picks up after a few rings. “Hello?” I can hear the smile in his voice.
“Did we use a condom last night?”
I hear a spitting sound and some coughing for a few seconds before he comes back, his voice a little scratchy.
“Jesus, Annie, warn a guy. I could’ve choked. And yes, we did. That’s what I was reaching for before we . . . you know.”
I sigh, relieved. “Okay.” I smile again.
“Was that all you wanted?” he asks.
“Yeah. How’s work?”
“Good, I just got here, though. I was finishing up my soda before you called,” he tells me.
“Ah, that’s the whole coughing thing?” I smirk at the phone.
I can hear his chuckle and I imagine the way his lips are probably tilting up and how his shoulders might be shaking just a little. “Yes,” he says.
“Sorry, but Molly asked me and I realized that I was so out of it I didn’t know,” I explain.
“You told your cousin?” he asks warily.
“Yeah, but you basically told your mom. And she lost her virginity when she was fourteen, so she can’t judge,” I babble happily. Unfortunately, that warranted me a slap from Molly. “Ow,” I whisper. “Brayden, she hit me!”
He laughs again. “Sounds like karma. Look, I’ve gotta go. Tell Molly to play nice.”
I grin and say good-bye.
“He says to play nice,” I tell her matter-of-factly.
“Dumb,” she grumbles. I giggle, feeling like nothing could bring me down from cloud nine. “Stop grinning like that, it’s freaking me out,” She chides.
I giggle more. “I can’t help it. I feel like the puny white guy from Road Trip who has sex with that black chick and goes ‘I boinked her man!’” We both laugh hysterically until we can hardly breathe.
Once we can finally stop laughing, we sit up and start talking about random things. After a bit, I move to my closet and change in to a pair of long black leggings and a U of M hoodie with a golden gopher on the front. I pull my hair up into a messy bun before sitting back down on my bed. Molly and I spend the rest of the day talking and laughing until we’re called downstairs for dinner.
I’m reluctant to go, silently wondering if Molly could just bring a plate up to me. I keep it inside, though, deciding to be an adult and just deal with my problems. At the table, my family is already waiting for us. Luckily, I can sit by Dad, the only one other than Molly whom I’m not mad at.
“Anna,” my mom begins.
“I don’t mean this rudely, but could we please just wait until after dinner? I’m hungry and I’d like to enjoy my meal.”
Mom sighs disappointedly before nodding her head in agreement. The dinner is, as expected, awkwardly quiet. Everybody keeps sending cautious glances my way until I’m wondering if this is actually better than talking about it. “Fine, what?” I ask eventually.
“We just want to say we’re sorry,” Lena tells me softly.
“I never knew it actually hurt you,” Matt adds. “I thought you knew it was just a joke.”
“I knew it was a joke to you, but it never was to me,” I respond honestly.
“Why didn’t you ever say anything?” Mom asks me.
“Because it was embarrassing. If you guys had picked on anybody else, I might have, but it was always only me,” I explain. “I guess I just always felt like you all didn’t like me and that it was somehow my fault.”
“I never meant to hurt you,” Mom cries, quickly dabbing under her eyes with a napkin Dad offered her.
“I know that,” I tell her, shaking my head.
“Do you think you could forgive us?” Lena asks hopefully.
I shrug. “Honestly? Maybe. It’s been a long time of feeling worthless. Now that I finally feel good about myself, I need to work on that before I can try forgiving you. I know it seems dramatic, but I have years of pain and self-hatred that I need to let go of.”
“Are you still going to talk to us?” Matt asks me, actually sounding worried.
I look up. “Of course I will. You’re all still my family. I love
you no matter what,” I tell them.
They all seem to collectively relax in relief. It shocks me. Did I really mean that much to them? Did they really think I could hate them?
***
Later that night, Molly and I are watching a movie in my bedroom when I get a text from Brayden.
Brayden: Hey u.
Me: Hi :)
Brayden: How was ur day?
Me: Okay. Yours?
Brayden: Good. Anything happen?
Me: My family apologized to me . . .
Brayden: Thats good, rite?
Me: Yes and no. They thought I hated them.
Brayden: What u say?
Me: That I’d always love them. I just feel bad for making them think I would hate them.
Brayden: Not ur fault cutie.
Me: I still feel guilty. It makes me want to forget all about how they treated me all together.
Brayden: Thats ur choice. I say giv it time.
Me: Can I ask a random question?
I have to wait longer than usual for his response.
Brayden: Sure?
Me: Why do you always shorten your texts?
Brayden: lol duz it bthr u?
Me: Brayden.
Brayden: Qt.
It takes me a second, but I realize he shortened “Cutie.”
Me: You’re ridiculous. :P
Brayden: lol ikr?
Me: IKR?
Brayden: I no rite?
Me: All right! It bothers me, stop!
Brayden: All you had to do was ask nicely. You’re worth the effort :)
Me: Finally.
Brayden: Lol why does it bother you so much?
Me: Idk . . . it just does. I mean, some acronyms don’t bother me like “idk” or “lol” or even “brb.”
Brayden: Freak.
Me: Meany head.
Brayden: lol okay. I’m really tired and looking at the screen is getting harder and harder. I’ll talk to you tomorrow?
Me: Ok. Sleep well.
Brayden: You too, Baby.
I feel a weird jolt in my stomach when I read “Baby.”
Me: I like that.
Brayden: What?
Me: Baby.
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