by Drew Hunt
David knew he’d never been made love to so completely before. He found himself going limp. If it weren’t for Bud taking hold of him, he would have slid under the water and drowned.
Eventually, through the fog of absolute contentment, David heard Bud’s voice. “Did I remember you saying something about feeding me?”
David tried to focus his eyes on the angelic vision hovering above him. “Uh, yeah.”
Bud chuckled. “You seem kind of out of it, stud.”
“Yeah, far out, man.”
Bud’s amusement turned into full blown laughter. “You’re really something else, David, you really are.”
“So are you, my beautiful Marine.”
“Awe, shucks.”
David smiled. He actually said awe shucks, didn’t he? “Let me go then, and I’ll fire up the grill.”
Bud complied, and David reached for a terry robe and stepped out of the still-bubbling tub.
* * * *
During the meal, which Bud devoured, the Marine began to reveal parts of his past. He told David about the hell of being raised in a succession of group homes. “I’m not saying it was like what you’d read in a Dickens novel or anything, but growing up in an orphanage ‘cause your parents didn’t want you, takes some getting used to. ‘Specially when you went to school and saw all the kids from normal homes in their nicer clothes, playing with nicer toys and all that.”
“I’m sorry. I just can’t imagine what you went through.” David had enjoyed a stable upbringing in a nice neighborhood, with a dad who went to work, and a mom who stayed at home. Not exactly Leave It to Beaver, but not too far off.
“We’d never get enough to eat, and what we did get was shit. I know some of the kids got sick ‘cause of the bad food.”
“Didn’t child services or somebody do anything?”
Bud gave out a cynical laugh. “They didn’t care. Nope, us kids were on our own. I was lucky, or luckier than most ‘cause of my size, the staff at the homes wouldn’t beat me much.”
“They beat you? That’s…disgraceful!”
“Yeah,” Bud sighed. “I’d do my best to protect some of the smaller kids, but there was always too many to watch.”
“I bet they were grateful for what you could do, though.”
“I guess.”
Bud seemed to grow quiet then. David didn’t think he should interrupt, so the two ate in silence for a while.
“Christmas was always the worst,” Bud eventually said. “Some of the local charities would get us presents, but, though I could never prove it, I’m sure the staff at the home stole most of the good stuff and took it home for their own kids.”
“Shit, no!”
Bud shrugged. “That’s what it was like all the time. We kids didn’t matter. Our parents didn’t want us, the staff were just paid to imprison us, and—”
“What about fostering or adoption?”
“Some kids got lucky, yeah. Others, well. A lot of foster parents were just in it for the money, and the kids they got were treated no better than slaves. And like I said, the CPS couldn’t be bothered, insufficient staff to look out for too many kids.”
“Were you fostered or adopted?”
“Nah, I was too old when I was taken into care. Folks just want babies or maybe a really young kid. I was six when they took me off mom.”
“Why? Sorry, that’s none of my business.” David put his hand on top of Bud’s.
“It’s okay. She got into drugs and couldn’t hold down a regular job. What money she did get, went to feed her habit, rather than me.”
David got up from his side of the table and went round to give Bud a hug. “I don’t know what to say.” How could a system fail those it was meant to serve so tragically?
“Thanks,” Bud said, resting his head on David’s chest. “Sure caused me to grow up quick, I can tell you.”
“I can imagine. Robbing a child of his innocence, not allowing him to experience life without loading him down with the knowledge of the cruelties of life. Wrong, so wrong.”
“Yeah.” Bud turned in his seat and buried his face in David’s chest.
David wrapped his arms around the man’s thick neck and applied a comforting pressure. Leaning down, David kissed the top of Bud’s head, eliciting a moan of pleasure from the Marine. Growing bolder, he kissed his way down the side of Bud’s face to his ear.
“Thank you.”
Bud looked up in surprise.
“You showed me that you have a vulnerable side. Something I bet you don’t allow many people to see, in case they use it against you.”
Bud nodded. “Everyone expects someone who is built like me, and does the job I do, to always be strong and in control. I am most of the time, but…now and again I just want to—”
“You want someone else to do the looking after.”
“Yeah,” Bud said, not looking up.
“That’s not a sign of weakness, at least I don’t see it that way. It shows me that you’re human, more…real.”
Bud stood and took David into his arms and gave him a tight hug. “You’re special, Mr. Grover. Those kids are real lucky to have a teacher like you.”
By unspoken agreement, the pair joined hands, David leading his man to his bedroom, where the two undressed before climbing into bed. David wasn’t surprised when Bud wanted to be held, a duty he was more than willing to undertake.
* * * *
While holding the Marine in bed the previous night, David had made plans to cook his man a hearty breakfast, then maybe suggest a few activities to keep him around the place for a few hours, days, weeks, heck, decades, if he were lucky.
But on waking the next morning, David found himself alone in the bed. Investigating, he found Bud in the kitchen, eating a bowl of cold cereal.
“I’ll make you something if you like?”
His words startled Bud, who evidently hadn’t heard him approach. “Ah, uh, no. I don’t have time. I’ve got, um, to be on duty in a couple of hours.”
David looked at Bud, who couldn’t maintain eye contact. Something wasn’t right. He tried to stay positive. “Okay, that’s a shame. Will I get to see you next weekend?”
“Um, maybe, I’ll have to check my schedule.”
“Right.” David felt Bud was slipping away from him. He couldn’t blame him. After all, the gorgeous Marine could do a lot better than a plain looking forty-something teacher.
Bud stood and approached. “I’m not bailing on ya, stud. I’ve got a load of shit to sort out in my head, and…but I promise I’ll be back soon.”
David nodded, wanting to believe his friend. “Do you have a number I can reach you at?”
“Ah, uh, not really, you see—”
“No,” David held a hand up. “You don’t need to explain. I’ll see you around.” He turned on his heel and left the kitchen, battling to keep it together.
Chapter 3
The next couple weeks dragged by. David hadn’t expected to hear from Bud, and he hadn’t been disappointed. He began to regard Bud as an unattainable dream, an experience he’d enjoyed, but not something he’d ever get to feel again.
It therefore came as a surprise when his doorbell rang one Saturday morning, and on opening up, Bud was standing there, a large duffle bag slung over his right shoulder.
“Uh, can I, uh, come in?”
David realized he’d stood there not speaking, looking at the Marine shuffling his feet on the doormat. In answer, David moved aside to allow his visitor entry. His mind whirled with innumerable questions, but for whatever reason he couldn’t verbalize any of them.
“I, uh, well, uh when I was here last time I saw that you had a lot of things that needed fixing up. So I—”
It was true. Though very accomplished at what he did in the classroom, David knew he was no handyman. The roof needed re-shingling, the faucet in the downstairs bathroom dripped, and the pack of shelving he’d bought at Target the previous year still remained unopened in its flat carton.
Finally finding his voice, David said, “Bud. You were about the last person I ever expected to come knocking at my door.” Seeing the handsome face fall, he went on quickly. “Not that I’m displeased to see you or anything, it’s just…when you left last time, I—”
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have run out on you like that.”
David wanted to ask why Bud had left so quickly, but he couldn’t bring himself to, fearing the answer. Bud was here, that was the main thing.
“This place sure does need some attention, I just never seem to get round to doing it.”
Bud looked at the many half-finished projects that David had begun, but had lost interest in, or knew he lacked the skill to complete. “So that’s why I came over. I had a free weekend and, well, uh, that’s why I came over.”
“Thank you, it’s very kind of you,” David said, saving Bud from having to explain his real motives. “But first, have you eaten?”
The wide smile on Bud’s face was all the answer David needed. “Okay, before you get stuck into fixing up this place, I’ll feed you. How do eggs over easy, home fries, sausage patties and biscuits sound?”
“You got any biscuit gravy?”
“Of course. You just put your bag in the bedroom and come and join me.”
Bud leaned in and kissed David on the cheek. David didn’t resist, but also didn’t encourage.
Withdrawing, Bud looked deep into David’s eyes. “Sorry, I maybe shouldn’t have done that.”
David put a hand on Bud’s arm. “I can’t…um, I mean if I let you in, and then you left…I’d…it’d hurt too much.”
Bud nodded. “I’m sorry, I—” He turned away, and, with drooping shoulders, trudged into the hallway.
“Shit.” David felt bad, but knew he had to define the boundaries for both their sakes.
After eating, the pair worked steadily for over three hours. The heavy physical labor caused both men to break out into a sweat. Stopping to wipe his brow, Bud decided to take off his shirt and wifebeater, exposing his torso.
“You don’t play fair,” David whined, adjusting himself.
“Huh?” Bud’s face was the picture of innocence.
“Never mind.”
The two carried on working, they’d moved on to the shelving that David had bought, but never built. Standing on the ground, looking up at the gorgeously sculpted physique of his work-mate on the step ladder, muscles bulging in all the right places, David knew his previous resolve to remain distant was weakening. It broke completely when Bud asked him to hold the shelf level while he used the screwdriver to fix the bracket. This involved David leaning forward, his damp shirt pressing against Bud’s wide, firm, hot, sweaty back. David groaned low in his throat.
Bud, abandoning his carpentry, turned and wrapped his arms around David. “I promise I wasn’t trying to tease you. It’s just, well—”
“It’s all right.”
* * * *
The pair stayed locked in their embrace for a few more minutes, before the shelf fell off the wall. The two looked at it, then one another, before bursting out laughing.
The incident seemed to break the ice between them, and they spent the rest of the day talking like old friends, punctuated by the occasional touch or gentle caress. Bud was warm and generous, funny and knowledgeable. David often found it difficult to make friends, he knew his rather narrow existence didn’t give him many subjects in common with people he met, but not so with Bud. While the physical attraction he’d felt from the very beginning was still there, this was supplemented by a deepening friendship and respect for his visitor.
“Don’t know about you, stud, but I think I’m gonna have to call it a day,” Bud said, wiping his brow.
“And there I was, thinking you Marines were built of stronger stuff, able to conquer any challenge placed before you.”
“I’ll show you just what I can conquer, you chalk pushing weakling!” Bud said, flexing his enormous biceps. “Oh, sorry, Dave, I didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable, I—”
David could have wept at the tender consideration Bud was showing to him. “It’s all right.”
And just to prove that it was, David leaned forward and laid a gentle kiss on Bud’s firm, slightly parted lips. He felt the urge to deepen the kiss, but his sense of self-preservation kicked in and forced him to withdraw.
“You’re a very special man, Bud. Very special.”
“So are you, stud.”
Knowing he had to change the mood, David suggested they get washed up and he’d take Bud out to supper. “What are you in the mood for?” Seeing the look on Bud’s face change, he went on quickly. “I meant to eat, you horn dog.”
“I don’t know much about what’s good round here. What would you recommend?”
“Well, it depends if you want to dress casual or smart. Say, you didn’t pack your blue uniform in that bag of yours by chance?”
“Sorry, no.”
“Pity. ‘Cause being seen out on the arm of a guy in uniform…God, I’d be the envy of every gay man in town.”
“I promise I’ll bring it next time, okay?”
“Really?” David didn’t know what excited him the most, the fact that Bud said he would visit again, or that he’d get the chance to live out one of his fantasies of going on a date with a man in uniform, and there was no finer uniform than a US Marine’s dress blues.
They decided on casual clothing, so once they’d cleaned up in the bathroom, David took Bud to a steak house where he knew his friend would take full advantage of their All You Can Eat buffet.
Chapter 4
“It’s a good thing we came in my car,” David said, helping the inebriated Marine across the parking lot to his three-year-old Camry.
“I’m sorry,” Bud slurred.
“It’s okay. I suppose it goes with the territory, Marines and liquor I mean.”
“You ain’t a real man if you can’t hold your drink.”
David didn’t agree, but knew Bud wasn’t up to holding a deep and meaningful discussion over it.
“Okay, can you buckle up yourself, or do you need me to help you?” David asked once he’d gotten his friend sat in the passenger’s seat.
“‘Course I can, I’m not a fucking baby.”
David winced, he’d been afraid Bud would turn into an angry drunk. Closing the door, he walked round the hood to the driver’s side and got in, not looking at Bud.
Feeling a hand land on his knee, he heard Bud say, “I’m sorry, Dave, that I—”
“Save it!” David wasn’t in the mood to placate his passenger.
“Sorry.” Bud removed his hand.
David started the car and drove home in silence, all the while wondering where he and Bud were going with regard to their relationship. Did they have a relationship?
Pulling into the garage by his house, David cut the engine, but made no move to get out of the car. Feeling his hand being taken, David turned to see Bud lifting it to his lips and kissing it before pressing it to his left chest. The simple gesture almost reduced David to tears.
“I’m sorry, Dave. I shouldn’t have drunk as much as I did.”
“Why did you?” David asked softly.
“Um, it’s sorta complicated.”
“I’m a good listener.”
“Thanks. I’ll think about it, okay?”
“Okay. We can’t sit here all night. Let’s go in and I’ll make you a pot of coffee.”
David helped Bud out of the car, got him indoors and sitting on one of the wooden chairs in the kitchen. He then busied himself by doing battle with his coffee maker.
“Need a hand?” Bud asked.
“Stupid thing, I can never get it to fit together properly.”
“Here, let me.”
David watched as Bud seemed to know which part of the machine went where. It took only a matter of a few seconds before the thing was happily gurgling away.
“Thanks. As you’ve no doubt discovered I’m not ve
ry good with things mechanical.”
“We each have our own strengths,” Bud said, resting an arm on David’s shoulder.
“Yeah.”
Most of the bad feelings which David had been harboring toward Bud had dissipated by the time they were sitting side by side on the sofa, Bud’s right arm casually—and to David, comfortably—slung over David’s shoulder. David still wanted to know why Bud had tried to drink the bar dry, but somehow sensed his friend wouldn’t be willing to open up. Snuggling closer, David didn’t want to spoil the warm fuzzy feelings by bringing up what had happened earlier.
“I’m ready to hit the hay,” Bud announced, yawning.
“Yeah, me too. You go ahead while I lock up.”
Bud kissed David on the cheek before getting to his feet.
As David performed the familiar ritual of checking all his doors and windows, switching out the lights as he went, he thought on how by turns his and Bud’s friendship was passionate and loving, then distant and cold. This wasn’t what he was used to in a relationship. Again he wondered if they actually had a relationship. He hoped so, but a small part of him still held onto the idea that he couldn’t abandon himself totally, just in case things weren’t destined to work out.
Out, the word resonated in his head. As a teacher he had to be very careful about his private life. Many potential suitors had been put off by his need to remain pretty much in the closet. But staying hidden was something Bud absolutely had to do if he were to remain in the military. That, David thought, was in many ways a plus. Neither of them could afford to be out.
Paying a quick visit to the bathroom, where he undressed to his underwear, David padded into the bedroom. Bud was holding up a corner of the comforter.
The two spent time talking. Bud apologized again. They kissed and made out while making up. David went to sleep content, safely cocooned in Bud’s arms.
Chapter 5
Over the next few months David and Bud managed to spend on average every other weekend together. David began to live for those weekends, when he could be alone with the man whom he was falling deeply in love with. But he knew he could never speak his feelings aloud, his ever-present fear of rejection stopping him at the last moment from making the declaration.