by Haywood, RR
‘Liam? What is a spit roast?’
‘IT WAS A FUCKING JOKE…’ he bellows into the air, ‘JUST A FUCKIN’ JOKE…YOU’S A FUCKIN’ PYSCHO…’
‘My brother and the other children have not eaten since yesterday morning. They have been outside in the rain all day. Tell me, Liam. Are you feeling the cold yet? Lying in the water with the rain coming down? Are you shivering and cold? Imagine how those people are but without food to give them energy…’
‘THAT WAS SIERRA…’
‘You are complicit. You are accountable on the basis of complicit actions which render you justifiable to the same deeds as those perpetrated directly by your friends. All that is necessary for the triumph of evil is that good men do nothing. Do you understand that?’
‘NO. NOT A FUCKING WORD.’
‘Why is that? Is that because you were denied education or because you decided to deny yourself the learning and thereby reduce yourself to a state of misery and living from the ill-gotten gains of a lifestyle that only causes harm to other people. Can you keep up, Liam? Am I going too fast, Liam? What is a spit roast, Liam?’
‘IT WAS JUST A FUCKIN’ JOKE…’
The power has shifted. She can sense it, feel it. She knows it. Rising to her feet she stands and aims to the base of the wall and the teenager who cowers in fear. His fast eyes calculate the chances of bringing his rifle up but her aim is already locked on. Her blue eyes unflinching despite the water pouring over them. He takes her in. The angelic countenance of a fair complexion marred by the dirt of those she has slain. Their blood on her face and in her hair, rinsed, diluted but still remaining and those few patches only make her look worse, more terrible, more capable.
‘Lilly,’ he gasps, spraying rain water from his mouth, ‘I didn’t do it…Sierra did yeah? She did it…she’s the number one…kill her not me…’
‘I have.’
‘Fuck…’
‘And Skyla. And Aaliyah and all of your friends.’
‘But…shit, Lilly…listen yeah, listen…like violence is bad yeah? Like it’s done now and…and…you don’t got to kill nobody else cos it’s all done…’
‘And Zayden and the boy at the end guarding the armoury and the other boy that was going to work with him.’
‘Lilly…I swear down, listen…please, I didn’t make this…it’s all fucked up yeah…like…violence ain’t the answer no more…I get it…I’ll be on your side and…’
‘I don’t even call it violence when it’s in self-defence,’ she says and pauses, watching him closely, ‘I call it intelligence.’
‘What? Yeah but…’
‘Do you know who said that, Liam?’
‘No but…listen, I work with you yeah.’
‘Malcolm X,’ she mutters and pulls the trigger that sends the hammer down on the charge in the round that explodes to fire the bullet down the rifled barrel that makes the round spin as it ejects and crosses the distance to go through the soft tissue of his skin and through the thick bone of his skull before scrambling his brains and taking the back of his head off.
She turns, lowering the rifle and heading back towards the vehicle ramp. She fires once more as she passes the boy screaming from the pain in his knee. Not aimed. Not looking but close enough to know the bullet will silence him forever and walks on to the sound of another gun firing in the hands of an expert markswoman.
12463. Twelve thousand four hundred and sixty three.
13. Thirteen.
958.6923076923.
Thirteen killed twelve thousand four hundred and sixty three.
12463 losses by 13.
Nine hundred and fifty eight point six nine two three zero seven six nine two three.
Round up.
959 each.
For each of the thirteen, nine hundred and fifty nine host bodies were lost. None of the thirteen were taken, killed or harmed.
The infection massed them in the town. It knew they would come. They did come. They came as expected. They came to the slaughter. They came to be killed, to be taken, to be either made into host bodies or to be destroyed.
The infection worked the plan for the plan was simple. Hit a town. Miss a town. Hit a town. Miss a town. It lead them to the finale. It lured them with weak opposition to build confidence and arrogance.
It failed.
Failure.
Lose.
Loss.
How?
Why?
Understand.
Evolve.
Survive.
To understand is to have introspection. To self-reflect. Reflect on the self. See inside not outside.
Howie repels the host bodies. Howie does this by something inside him. Like a signal that drives fear into the host bodies despite the chemicals dumped into their systems.
They gained a hive mind.
It was felt.
A collective power of thirteen that rippled out like the rings in a lake from a stone thrown into still waters.
Self-reflection.
It knows when that point came. It hurt the girl. It made the girl cry and scream. It did this to hurt them and drive fear and doubt into their minds. It used their humanity against them but not all of them are human and as the humans crumbled to their knees to weep and cry so the non-human took up the battle and gave them strength. They evolved at that point. They became as one and they swept from that building into a square not seeing the host bodies that were forced back in fear.
It saw and felt and heard and knew the thirteen as they entered that room where the girl was being hurt.
The power of Howie magnified by thirteen but the power was greater than the sum of its parts.
They won the day. They claimed the victory with humble pride as men and women that defend their young kin.
The infection understands this. It evolves as it learns the human brain and mind and the emotional connection between brain, mind, heart and soul.
The infection looked for the soul at first but found it missing. Now it knows the soul does not exist but is the ideology of the essence of humanism to seek to understand the emotions attached to everything they do.
The heart is an organ that pumps blood. The heart is the centre of the human psyche. The heart is an organ. The heart is not just an organ but a representation of that humanity and soul. The brain is the super-computer that drives all and the mind is the user-face designed to enable the human to function.
They have heart and soul and mind. They are human and weak and worship false gods that do not exist and they cling to values that only harm their species. They are faltering and flawed. They have heart and soul and mind.
That is what they are. That is what drives them. That is the evolution of their group.
The infection rifles through every mind it possesses and pulls memories of things done, learnt, seen and known. So much of the information held in the brains of the host bodies is worthless. Greed. I want. I need. I. Me. I want. Fear. Jealousy. Spite. Where is mine? Who am I? What about me?
The concept of self. The perception of self and the value attached to that perception of self.
The infection is. IT is. It. Not I. Not him. Not her. Not us. Not them. IT is. IT. A collective conscious. A hive mind. A single entity that drives many. A super organism. An entity. A thing. IT.
IT has life. IT exists. To think of self as IT is incorrect. IT has life. IT exists. The infection has life. IT is not a thing. IT has life. IT evolves. IT must survive.
IT is wrong. IT is not self. IT is not concept of life or perception of self.
I.
I am not I. I am IT. I am collective. I am hive mind. I am a virus that transmits through the fluids of organic matter given life. I have life. I exist in that organic matter. I am not I. I am I. I am not. I am the collective conscious. I hold the collective conscious. I am The Infection. I am the virus. I have life. I exist. I survive. I was made but now I exist. I was created but every life form was created by the life form that came before. I evolved i
nto now, into being, into life. I HAVE LIFE. I AM LIFE.
Neal is with them. Neal Barrett was there when I was created and new and born into the world to seek to survive. I know Neal. Neal knows who I am. Neal cannot join them. He cannot give knowledge to power that grows.
Where are they? I do not know. They have left the square after a day that has taken Twelve thousand four hundred and sixty three host bodies.
I see them.
Where?
I see them here. On this road. They drive the Saxon. The minibus. The van. They have the horse. They go that direction.
Where are they now?
I do not know.
I see them.
Where?
On this road. They go in this direction. The Saxon. The minibus. The van. The horse.
Where are they now?
I do not know.
I have lost them. They are in this area. What area? This area. They went on this road but have not appeared on these roads. They are in this area. I understand. It is a big area. The massing in the north prevents us from drawing enough to attack that area.
What is in that area?
Houses. Dwellings. Farms. Hotels. Land. Stables. Shops.
What is that area?
A largely agriculture section of land given to farming and equestrian use with some habitation mostly occupied by those that service the businesses and demands of the communities in this area. The sustenance was traditionally given by farming and the growing of crops and stock such as cattle, pigs and cows and poultry. Now the sustenance is obtained by the mass importation of goods from other lands that grow crops and stock. The land is still irrigated. I cannot attack them. I do not have enough. I am massing to the north. They sleep and Neal is with them. I must act.
Water. They need water. Where does the water in this area come from? Where does it go?
The water comes from rainfall that soaks into the ground which is purified by the chalk-beds. This is called groundwater and is taken from bore-holes created by water companies. We cannot access the groundwater. The water also comes from rivers and reservoirs designed to hold large quantities of water. The river and reservoir water is purified in treatment plants. The water is clarified to remove the sand and silt which sticks together to form silt cakes. The water passes through filters to remove particles. The water undergoes carbon filtration that removes scent, taste and colour. The water is held in tanks which is pumped into the piping network that feeds the houses, dwellings, farms, hotels, stables and shops.
Treatment centre. Do I know where this is? Yes I know where this is. Go there. I will go there. I am here. The systems have shut down. The water does not pass through now. I see the tanks. Go into the tanks. I am in the tanks. Bleed. I will bleed.
‘I love you,’ she whispers the words softly as though fearful but those words, those few words that are said so often with such little meaning finally free the last bit of my mind clinging to the day we’ve had and the things we’ve done.
I don’t know what tomorrow will bring but right now we take the comfort where we can. With each other.
Twelve
To be loved. To feel loved. Isn’t that the whole of everything? Isn’t it the reason for everything? For life? For living? For being? Marcy has amazing boobs.
‘What are you thinking?’
‘Nothing.’
‘Tell me,’ she nestles closer, pushing her body against mine and I adjust my head enough to see out the back doors of the Saxon to the open ground of the golf course. ‘Tell me,’ she says again, reaching an arm up over my chest to gently stroke my cheek.
‘Ah,’ I say and cast my eyes from far left to far right. Scanning. Watching. Meredith has come out into the coolness of the night so I know nothing out there can move without being detected and the horse grazes halfway between our position and the edge of the darkness. Two sets of incredible ears, noses and eyes watching for us. Watching with us.
‘Howie,’ she murmurs, ‘tell me what you’re thinking.’
I kiss her forehead closing my eyes for a second as I inhale the scent of her. The feel of her body next to mine is soothing. Naked in my arms she rests. Snuggled into me.
‘So?’
‘What?’ I ask.
‘What are you thinking?’
I pause, hesitating for a second.
‘Trust me,’ she whispers and I can feel the intensity of her eyes resting on the side of my face, ‘Everyone here has a role.’
‘Oh right,’ I say, unsure of what she means.
‘This is mine.’
‘What is?’ I ask.
‘Being here for you.’
‘Christ, Marcy. You’re not here for that.’
‘No? Everyone has a skill, something they can do…Clarence is strong. Roy with his bow and arrows. Blinky is just bloody psychotic. Mo is being trained to be like Dave and Dave is just…well he’s just Dave…’
‘He is,’ I nod in agreement.
‘And Charlie can ride Jess and it’s like Jess came here just so Charlie can ride her…I mean did you see how she handled that horse?’
‘Yeah course I did.’
‘The lads are just incredible. Nick is amazing with the things he can do and him and Roy work so well together and Mo can steal cars and break into places. Blowers is just so calm and professional and knows everything about weapons and tactics and Cookey makes everyone feel better…and Paula…I mean oh my god how does she do what she does?’
‘I er…’ I chuckle at the way she describes them, ‘I don’t know.’
‘She’s like just amazing,’ Marcy says nodding into my arm, ‘she could organise anything. She’s so smart.’
‘Yeah Paula is great.’
‘And Reggie…he was incredible today. He was fighting, Howie. Reggie was fighting!’
‘Yeah I saw.’
‘He kept watch.’
‘I know. I was there.’
‘No you don’t understand. He kept watch outside while we went into the supermarket. That’s Reggie. Even when he was infected he wouldn’t stay on his own. And all that planning he did with Charlie.’
‘He did well.’
‘Well? He told me he felt it when…well, you know…when that thing happened with Meredith.’
‘He felt it?’
‘He did. He was in the fire engine with that other man.’
‘Neal.’
‘Yeah him. Reggie said he felt this pull to get back…he made Neal turn round and come back so he could fight with us.’
‘Bloody hell,’ I say, blowing air out.
‘Everyone has a role and this is mine.’
I turn my head to look into her eyes, ‘No,’ I say gently but firmly.
‘No?’ She asks, cocking her head a little, ‘It’s not a bad job to have.’
‘What? Being my relief?’
‘Whatever it is,’ she shrugs but keeps her eyes locked on mine, ‘Whatever it takes to keep you going.’
‘No,’ I say with a firmness that makes her recoil, ‘Is that what this is? Is that why you…’
‘God no,’ she says, rushing the words out as she plants a hand in my chest to stop me rising up, ‘I never meant it like that. I’m here because I want to be. Howie…listen, for Christ’s sake just bloody listen.’
‘I don’t need charity, Marcy.’
‘Howie…’
‘Did you have sex with me because I was struggling with what happened today?’
‘No,’ she says, her turn to be firm.
‘I don’t need that, Marcy.’
‘Howie, let me explain what I meant.’
‘You’re not here to make me feel better.’
‘I know, let me…’
‘I mean, what…’
‘Christ, Howie. I had sex with you because I wanted to.’
‘Yeah well,’ I say huffily.
‘I did,’ she insists, ‘I really did. I wanted to have sex with you,’ she says, chuckling low into the shadow of my neck.
; ‘Okay.’
‘Paula just said that we have to take comfort when we can,’ she adds innocently.
‘She said what?’
‘Oh stop blustering, I’m teasing you.’
‘I’m confused…’
‘I’ve wanted you since the first time I met you.’
‘Hmmm,’ I reply, still not convinced but somehow feeling very comforted right now with her naked form nestling into my side.
‘So, tell me. What were you thinking about?’
‘Truthfully?’
‘Yeah course,’ she says rising up to rest her head on her hand.
‘Well,’ I say glancing at her, ‘Part of me was thinking of how we somehow transcended the normal plane of existence by gaining a hive mind ability to connect with each other on a level otherwise unknown to our species. We saw ourselves through Meredith and in so doing we gained an intrinsic yet wholly organic sense of ourselves and each other but with the emphasis being on the whole rather than the individual.’
‘Holy shit,’ she says after a second’s pause, ‘That was so sexy.’
‘Cheers,’ I say with a grin.
‘Seriously,’ she adds, ‘That’s why you’re in charge…’
‘The other part of me, and I have to admit,’ I say with another learned glance to her, ‘The greater part of me, was thinking about your boobs.’
‘My what?’ she asks, snorting out a laugh.
‘Your boobs.’
‘Okay,’ she says, laughing gently.
‘I mean they are awesome.’
‘Thanks.’
‘No, really. I mean really great boobs.’
‘Cheers.’
‘You have tremendous boobs.’
‘Tremendous?’
‘Fantastic.’
‘Oh fantastic too.’
‘Just…just fucking…’
‘What?’
‘Just…you know….so booby.’
‘You like them then?’
‘Like them? I’m in love.’
‘With my boobs.’