by John Foltin
“Sorcerer, you can’t.”
“Oh, but I can, and I will. But before I do that...”
Pointing his wand at her, he chanted, “Reversum”. Magically, she was now turned facing the wall, still restrained. Once again, he took out his other magic wand and penetrated her fortress of solitude from the rear. In and out, thrusting the wand harder and harder, slamming her into the wall. Again, he groped her wondrous breasts, squeezing as though he was trying to get juice from them.
When finished, he took the magic wand and touched it to the restraints to her arms. They disappeared. As her arms flailed, he grabbed them and brought them together behind her back. “Titanum Restrainum.” Her arms were now bound together behind her. Touching the restraints to her legs, he brought his arms together. Now her legs were bound together.
She was placed inside a wooden crate. They loaded her onto the van and left for the convention. When they got to the convention, they snuck in through the service entrance.
Everyone was there at the convention, the mayor, police commissioner, and all the local dignitaries. The President was supposed to be the keynote speaker. Little did they know what was going on behind the curtain on stage.
“Ladies and gentlemen, the President of the United States.” However, instead of the President, out came the Sorcerer.
“Sorry to disappoint you. But let me introduce myself. I am the Sinister Sorcerer, the greatest magician of all time. Better then Houdini, better than those two guys with the tiger. And for my greatest trick, let me introduce my assistant.” The curtain rose, revealing the crate.
“Open says me.” The crate opened, revealing a nude UltraWoman. The crowd gasped in astonishment. “But wait, that’s not the trick. For my grand finale, I shall now answer the greatest mystery of this day and age. Who is UltraWoman?”
The henchmen brought her out for all to see. He walked up to her. He grabbed her mask and exposed her as Maddox, the mayor’s only daughter.
“This is your UltraWoman.”
Having been outed, she now found the strength to break free from the restraints. One by one, the henchmen came at her. One by one, she defeated them. Not only defeated them, but killed each of them, ripping their testicles off.
The Sorcerer pointed his wand at the podium. It started to glow. He pointed his wand at Maddox, hurling the podium at her. This time, she was prepared for it, dodging it. She grabbed the Sorcerer’s wand, and snapped it in two. Then, she grabbed the Sorcerer’s other wand, and snapped it off. With a flurry of kicks, she leveled the Sorcerer. With a final punch, she punched through his face and to the floor, killing the Sorcerer.
Evil had been defeated. But at what cost? Would Maddox/UltraWoman ever be the same again? Would Normaltown ever be the same again, knowing her secret? Tune in next time to find out, same Ultra Time, same Ultra Dream.
HOPELESSLY CLUELESS
What if you could have someone fix every flaw you have? And what would you do with the new life?
The scene: outside a mansion. Twenty-five lovely females, dressed in their finest, stand outside. A limousine pulled up. The chauffeur stepped out and opened the door. Out came me, dressed in a dark suit. Several of the ladies showed a look of disgust. Others giggled, as though they were being set up.
“Good evening, ladies. My name is Jeff, and welcome to my Bachelor pad.”
Yes, I was the Bachelor, the latest in the line from the popular TV series. Except I didn’t quite measure up to the previous few. I wasn’t handsome or rich, famous or exotic. I was just your average Joe.
“So, let’s go inside. I’ll be with you shortly. Feel free to help yourself.”
Seven of the twenty-five walked away from the mansion. Apparently, I didn’t meet their high expectations. The other eighteen walked in, most hesitantly, and headed straight to the liquor. Guess some thought they needed to be drunk to enjoy my company.
After a half hour, I joined the party. I counted the ladies and saw how many were MIA. One by one, I found out some background on each of the remaining ladies, and they found out about me. After an hour and a half, I retreated to my room. What would have been an elimination ceremony is a mere formality now. I was to eliminate ten of the twenty-five.
Still, for TV purposes, the elimination ceremony took place. I asked each of the remaining eighteen if they would like to stay. Eight of the eighteen turned down my rose and left. The other ten accepted. We all toasted and retired to our rooms.
The next morning, I was approached by the producers of the show. They had decided to cancel the show due to lack of interest. I was clearly heartbroken. Perhaps I could have found love with one of the ten remaining ladies. Now, I wouldn’t get the chance.
Word got out to the press quickly. My picture was spread on the cover of every major tabloid. I was the laughing stock of the country. I couldn’t leave my house without people pointing and snickering.
The network, feeling somewhat responsible, decided to help me out. They created a new show, with me as the star. It was called Extreme Makeover: Life Edition. They hired a team to shape me from dud to stud, from boring to exciting. The team consisted of a fashion expert, a design expert, and a motivational expert.
So, one morning, I was awoken by a knock on my door. Given the recent actions of the paparazzi, I ignored it. That was when they broke out the bullhorn.
“Good morning, Jeff! C’mon out for the beginning of the rest of your life.”
Reluctantly, I did. I saw three ladies waiting for me. Mercedes, the fashion expert. Carson, the design expert. And Cassandra, the motivational expert. They explained the situation to me, and I agreed to participate.
They all went inside to see what changes needed to made to my wardrobe, my decor, and my persona. They dug deep within my psyche and came up with a game plan. Within one week, my life would be turned upside down.
Mercedes, Cassandra and I left for a week in Los Angeles. Carson stayed behind to fix up my house.
Mercedes gave me a total makeover, head to toe. New hairstyle, not too modern yet not too preppie. She got me a new pair of glasses, more chic, better showing off my features. She dressed me in something that slimmed me, yet made me look more dapper. Manicure. Pedicure. Added a little bit of bling to my wardrobe. I looked like a completely different person.
Cassandra made me discover that, despite what everyone had said about me lately, I was a great guy with a lot to offer. Still, there was a piece of me that did not believe it. I’d been a doubter for so long, and the Bachelor didn’t add to it.
“Jeff, just walk down the street, holding your head up high. Act like you deserve everything in life. Act like any woman you look at should be privileged to earn your glance. When in doubt, strut it out.”
With Cassandra, we walked down the street. I was strutting like John Travolta in Saturday Night Fever. Sure enough, I saw a few women looking in my direction. The farther I strutted, the more confidence I got. Instantly, with just a look in their direction, I could make women look at me.
The three of us returned a week later to my house. The lawn had been totally resodded. The house was painted a different color. Going inside, the house had been turned into a hip bachelor pad. New furniture. New color. Big screen plasma TV with surround sound. New kitchen.
We went to the bedroom. Candles everywhere. Another plasma screen TV. Artwork from renowned hip painters. And a brand new bed, just begging to be test-driven.
“Ladies, I believe our work here is done. Jeff, as one last gift to you...” They handed me an envelope. Inside was a ticket to the network’s casting party for the season. “The ladies who shunned you before will be there, as well as many others you haven’t yet met. Go there and show them what they’re missing or what they can expect.” With that, the three ladies hugged me and left me to my new life.
A week passed, and I was enjoying my new gifts. I tried out what Cassandra taught me, and smiled as I got the attention I so craved, but they just kept walking. None would stop and talk to me.
I knew it was a work in progress.
The night of the cast party, I dressed in the sharpest, coolest suit Mercedes bought me. Instead of driving my beat-up car, I rented a flashy convertible. I was ready to showcase the new and improved Jeff to the public.
As I walked into the room, I got a bit nervous, but shook it off. I remembered her lessons. I mingled with the crowd. That was when I spotted one of the seven who walked out on me on the Bachelor. I approached her and gave her that “you know you want me” look. She got a full body shiver from that glance. I walked away. She followed.
“Wait up. Have we met before?”
“Doubt it.”
“Could swear I’ve seen you before.”
“Perhaps in your dreams.”
“No. I remember now. You’re the Bachelor. But you look different now. Better.”
“Okay. Guilty.”
“So, who did you choose? Are you happy with her? If not, I know I can make you happy.”
“Haven’t chosen yet. Now, if you will excuse me, I have some choosing to do tonight. You had your chance.” I walked away.
I spotted Cassandra, and she smiled at me. I continued to mingle. I continued to get looks from women.
One stood out. A very attractive brunette, wearing a sleek silver gown. I gave her “the look”. She looked back with “fuck me” eyes. Sparks flew when our eyes met.
“Who are you, handsome?”
“Jeff. And you are?”
“Madalyn. So, what show are you on?”
“One of those makeover shows. What about you?”
“Does it matter? Listen, it’s getting a bit stuffy here. Is there somewhere we can go and get better acquainted?”
I walked her back to my car, and we went back to my place. I started sweating a bit. All the tricks worked. Now what?
As we walked inside, she planted a deep, tongue-twisting kiss on me. We stumbled across the room to the stairs. She started to take down the dress. I took off my jacket. With her dress now on the floor, she ripped open my shirt. She kissed down my chest, getting me excited.
We lay on the steps. I started inching my way up the steps on my back. She crawled toward me with that wanting look in her eyes. I backed into the bedroom.
She was on the prowl, and I was the target. She pounced. She had me. I’d given up fighting her. She took down my pants and boxers. She took off her panties. She started riding me as though I was a bucking bronco and she was a cowgirl. Just hoped I could stay on for more than eight seconds and that she didn’t start spurring me.
After a ride I would never forget, she got dressed and called a cab. As the cab pulled up, she kissed me on the cheek. “You were great.” With that, she drove out of my life.
With a new level of confidence, I walked down the street, head higher than ever. Any woman I wanted, I gave them “the look”. When I saw the shiver, I knew they were hooked and I reeled them in.
After a month of this, it started getting a bit old. I brought back eleven different women. Eleven different times, they left and never came back. Was this what I really wanted?
In the weeks that followed, my head was drooping a bit. I would look at women, but not “look” at them. I felt something missing.
One night, while watching TV, I spotted my episode. I saw how I used to be, and how those three ladies changed me. It was then that I realized what I wanted. I thought that deep down inside, I wanted the one person who brought out the best in me, Cassandra.
I called the studio and asked to speak to her. They told me she was on assignment and gave me her cell number. I called it but got no answer.
I started to slip back into the person I used to be. My confidence was slipping. I was letting my appearance go. I heard the phone ring, a unique ring I’d never heard before.
That’s when I realized that it was my alarm clock, and I had dreamt the whole episode. I turned on the TV to see Queer Eye for the Straight Guy. I changed the channel. Extreme Makeover: Home Edition. With each channel I changed, a different show. The Biggest Loser. The Swan. Flavor of Love. Beauty and the Geek. I turned off the TV and went for a jog.
STAR-CROSSED LOVERS
Jeff likes science fiction. Jeff likes Shakespeare. Let’s see what happens when he mixes the two.
It started as a routine meeting between leaders of the Planetary Alliance, but it would end as a means of peace throughout the galaxy.
You see, the leaders from the planets of Marcetta and K’Chala were at odds with each other. There was a rare element that only existed on K’Chala. That element was a key product in the making of Marcetta’s greatest export, a reusable fuel source.
The Marcettans claimed that the K’Chalans were gouging the price of that element. Of course, the K’Chalans disagreed. So began the feud.
Which led us to this meeting. An admiral from the Planetary Alliance served as a mediator between the two planets in an attempt to negotiate a reasonable treaty.
While the leaders were meeting on Alpha Xeta 6, I was taking a tour of the capital city. While looking at a painting in their art museum, I caught the glance of a female Marcettan, and she caught mine. You see, I was a K’Chalan. I had never seen a Marcettan before. Her beauty simply stole my breath. I just had to get to know her more.
I found out that her name was Troxuu, and that she was the daughter of the leaders from Marcetta. A Marcettan princess. Here I was, the K’Chalan prince. It almost seemed like destiny that royalty like us would meet.
What started as a chance encounter grew quickly into love. While we knew that our planets couldn’t get along, it couldn’t prevent our feelings for each other. I knew that I would never feel for anyone else the way I felt for her.
On the final day of the conference, Troxuu and I secretly got married. We knew that if our parents ever found out about us, they would never let us see each other again.
We knew that this would be our only chance to express our love until our planets could get along. Shortly after the wedding, we went back to my room. I knew that our parents would be in their meetings all day.
It was then that we both decided to boldly go where no one had ever gone before. Slowly, we disrobed each other. I lifted her and gently set her on the bed.
I prepared my torpedo for launch. I set my sights on the target and fired. Round after round was fired. I could tell I was hitting the target by the loud screams Troxuu was letting out. I could feel the Force flowing from me.
After a lengthy battle, our war was over. As any married couple knows, the best part of a fight was the making up.
We also discussed what our future will be. Troxuu would never be accepted on K’Chala, nor I on Marcetta, until an agreement could be reached. We agreed to return to our own worlds, but to keep in touch with coded messages.
The meetings ended, and no agreement could be reached. I returned to K’Chala with my parents, and Troxuu to Marcetta with hers. As ours ships left, we gazed out the windows, catching a parting glimpse of each other.
Months went by, and the messages from Troxuu grew farther apart. In fact, an entire month had gone by when I received a reply from my bride.
After decoding it, I discovered that she was three months pregnant. I was both shocked and ecstatic. I was going to be a father. That’s when fear came over me. It wouldn’t be long before Troxuu started to show, and her parents were going to question who the father was.
I sent her a message, saying that we would wait until our child was born to inform our parents. The less they knew about us, the better.
As expected, several weeks later, her parents demanded to know who the father was. She remained quiet about it. Outraged, they ransacked her room and discovered one of our secret messages. They put two and two together and realized that I was the father.
They immediately called my parents and informed them of our secret. The two families agreed to meet to discuss the future and, of course, to place blame on the other.
As it did on Earth, word of the union of the two race
s spread on both planets. Surprisingly, it was widely accepted on both worlds.
My parents forced me to go with them to Marcetta to confront Troxuu’s parents. At first, I was hesitant. Then, I realized, “This will be the first time I get to see my bride since our wedding day.”
When we arrived, I ran out to hug Troxuu, but our parents pulled us apart. They forbade us from ever seeing each other again. Her parents told me that she was to be married to the Prince of Qaadran in one week and our marriage was to be annulled.
“We love each other. Can’t you see that? Of course not. All you see is your petty dispute between our worlds. If Troxuu and I can co-exist together, why can’t everyone on our two worlds?”
No matter how much we begged and pleaded, our parents were dead set on keeping things as they were between our worlds. They went so far as to threaten to kill our child. We returned to K’Chala.
Once again, the people of both worlds heard of the outrageous claims of the two leaders. They held a revolt on their respective planet. They saw that if Troxuu and I could exist together and in peace, then we all should be able to. Again, the leaders were unswayed.
The worlds rose up and overthrew their leaders. They jointly decided that Troxuu and I would rule over both worlds. In our first act as the new leaders, we declared a truce and renegotiated the contract. Since we were rulers of the suppliers and demanders, we considered the element a joint property, able to be used on both worlds.
Shortly afterward, Troxuu gave birth to a son, a symbol of the unity of K’Chala and Marcetta. A sign to any other planet in the galaxy, that love could conquer any differences.
ENOUGH IS ENOUGH
There comes a time in every one’s life where you just have to put all fears aside if you want something bad enough.
There had been a few times in my life where I had the chance to lose my virginity. I chose against it. I had my idea of how my first time would be, and that didn’t fit the bill.