Reckless (Finding Ava)

by Jennifer Loren

  “What the fuck are you doing at my house?” I demand. He holds out his hands trying to slow my anger when Ava rushes out of the house and Rebecca comes running out of the guesthouse.

  “Oh my … Jasper, what are you doing here?” Rebecca asked, holding her hand over her heart. She looks slowly at Ava. “Oh no, no … you did not do this to him.”

  “What are you talking about?” Ava yells.

  Ava looks over at Rebecca with her mouth open.

  “Sean, this can all be easily explained.” Jasper begins with a superior attitude.

  “Get the fuck off my property!” He starts to speak again, “Get away from me before I do something to you that you won’t be able to recover from.” My every word breathes like fire as he carefully walks around me and speeds away.

  Turing to Ava, I focus on her every movement. “What is he doing here?” I asked her.

  “I didn’t even know he was here, Sean.” She pleads.

  Rebecca huffs. “Ava, how else would he get in here? I mean I know you are working with him again …” I snap my head towards Rebecca, wide-eyed. “Oh Sean, I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. She promised me her part in the movie if I would keep quiet about it. She said it was innocent, but if I had known …” Rebecca rests her head against my arm. “Oh honey, if I had known she was screwing him I would have told you - I am so sorry.”

  I force my eyes back towards Ava. “You are working with him?” Her eyes float down to the ground before looking back up at me with tears in her eyes. “Why … why didn’t you tell me that?” I yelled as she cringes. “Why was he here? I can’t imagine that he would be here without you knowing about it.”

  “I didn’t know Sean. Rebecca is the one sleeping with him. She must have let him in.” She cries.

  “How dare you bring me into this … I don’t even know him.” Rebecca claims.

  “You lying whore!” Ava yelled with a passion I have never seen before.

  “Go back to the guesthouse, Rebecca.” I said, focusing on Ava.

  “But Sean …”

  “Go!” She walks slowly away whispering - if I need her. The only thing I need are answers. I walk towards the house looking down at Ava as I pass her. “Come in here.”

  Once inside, Ava’s posture changes significantly. My eyes widened watching her start to tremble. Her eyes search the silent room that surrounds us. All I can hear is my heart, beating louder and louder, reaching its breaking point at any second. I straighten and take a deep breath while I prepare to concentrate on every word, every sound and every breath she is about to make.

  “I don’t know how you couldn’t tell me. How you could …” I cringe, trying to voice my frustrations calmly. “How could you?”

  “Sean, he bought my portion of the business. I didn’t know it was him until it was too late. In the agreement, they demanded I stay on full time until the end of the current projects. I didn’t want to upset you, and it was all supposed to be a surprise for you … a gift.”

  “A surprise?” I yell at her. “You thought this would be a gift for me?”

  “No, Sean, you don’t understand. I am only working with Jasper so …”

  “I understand! I understand that you have been lying to me and seeing your old lover behind my back. I understand that you bribed Rebecca with your part in the movie so she would keep her mouth shut. I can’t imagine why you would do that unless …”

  “No, Sean! No. I would never. I can’t believe that you would think that.”

  “Then why, Ava? Why?”

  “Because she threatened to say Jasper raped her. She had a video of them having sex and she threatened to take it to the police.” She said, as if that makes anything better.

  “He raped her?”

  “No. She only made it look that way.”

  “How do you make it look like you’re being raped? Ava, I don’t even know who you are. You are defending him, protecting him. Why do that unless you are sleeping with him?”

  “He owns part of the business now Sean. For Kyle’s sake, I gave up a part I didn’t even want. Not for Jasper. I don’t care about Jasper. I am not cheating on you, Sean. I love you. Do you really believe I could do that to you?”

  “I don’t know what to believe anymore, Ava.” She approaches me with pain-filled eyes and tries to take hold of me, but I push her hands away.

  “There is nothing going on between me and Jasper, except work. Please believe me.” She pleads, grasping for my hands again.

  “Why should I?” I shake my head at her, pushing her hands away from me again.

  “I wouldn’t lie to you, Sean.”

  I start to laugh, “But you did Ava.”

  “No, I just …”

  “You what? Just didn’t tell me, so you don’t think that’s a lie?”

  “Yes, but I didn’t think you would like me working with him and ...”

  “You’re damn right I wouldn’t have!” I roar at her. I look down at her as she cries into her hands. “I would have helped you figure out another way, Ava. You didn’t have to hide it from me.” I pause, rubbing my face and head, doubling over and back up again with tears in my eyes. “You didn’t need to keep it from me!” I cringe, shaking my hands in her face.

  “I know, but I didn’t want to upset you and I wanted to finish this last project. It is really going to be beautiful. I wanted to see it through, I wanted …” She holds her face, crying hysterically.

  “SHUT UP!” I screamed sending chills through both of us. “I don’t give a damn about what you wanted.” I said, gripping my face and feeling the pain eat me up.

  “I’m sorry. I wanted to tell you. I did, and I should have.”

  “You think so?” She nods. “Now you do at least, huh?” I inhale, looking down at her furiously. “I’m going to ask you this one time and you better not lie to me.” She nods slowly. Snarling, I look her up and down, causing her to cower away from me. “Did you fuck him Ava?” She instantly shakes her head. I grab her face, forcing her to look into my eyes. “Did you fuck him and then come home to me?” I look into her tear-filled eyes, heartbroken.

  “NO!” she cried. “No, I would never do that.” I watch her, hoping to see the truth somehow. Pushing her away once again, “Leave me alone, Ava. I don’t want to talk to you anymore tonight.”

  “Sean. Please, if you would just listen to me …”

  “I’m going to go get a shower. Please don’t interrupt me.” I turn away from her, feeling every step that takes me further away from her.

  The steaming hot water does not ease my pain but does calm my anger. I want to believe her. Damn, I want to believe her. I just hope it’s not blinding me to what might really be going on. Tears begin washing down my face. I love her so fucking much. She wouldn’t do this to me. Please God, tell me she isn’t lying to me. Leaning against the shower wall, I fist my hands, shaking and pleading. I don’t think I could handle it if I lost her … she’s everything to me. I manage to get control of myself once the numbness creeps in.

  Chapter 10

  Ava

  I will never forget his face. There was so much pain in his eyes, and I was the one that caused it. I would do anything to take it away. To let him know how much I love him, to hold him or touch him. I don’t know how to get back to where we were before I screwed up. Grasping my head, it takes me some time to stop shaking and stop the tears from flowing. I approach our room quietly, changing in the silent darkness before crawling into bed with him. He is lying on his back. I hope that his usual posture is a welcoming sign. Scooting over I reach out for him. I touch his chest softly, only to have him push my hand away before turning away from me. I cannot breathe. I move away from him and find my own place, by myself. He never turns, he never speaks, and I wait all night for him to.

  ~

  Dinner tonight is good, however, the conversation isn’t. Joel and Sean talk about the set and all of their ordeals of the day, leaving Rebecca and me to exchange wicked glares and snide remarks.r />
  “Do we have anymore wine?” Rebecca asked, holding out her wine glass as though waiting to be served.

  “Yes, we do.” I said, not moving.

  “Well, can I have some?” She huffs. I ignore her and she slams her glass down. “I don’t know where you keep the wine, Ava, so can you please get me some more? I will be forever grateful.” She said, forcing a smile.

  “Fine, I will be right back.” I go and pull out a new bottle of wine and take it to the table. While fitting the corkscrew in, my hands begin to shake. I fist them a few times and try again, but suddenly my vision goes blurry and sideways. I try to shake it off, but in reaching for my head I end up knocking the bottle of wine to the floor where it shatters. Damn it! I quickly bend down to pick up the pieces. Joel, the only one to respond, is kind enough to bring me a towel and a trash can. “Thank you.” I said to him as he nods with a concerned look. I have almost all the pieces when my vision goes sideways again. “Ow!” I cried out when my hand tightens around a shard of glass, slicing it.

  “Are you alright?” Joel asked looking over my hand. “You should go take care of that. I’ll finish this up for you. Please.” He insists. I leave him and stand up, glancing at Sean who is watching me carefully. I clean my wound, but find it difficult to bandage on my own. “You need some help?” Joel asked, putting the trash up and bandaging my hand delicately. “There. Not bad if I do say so myself.”

  “You did perfectly.” I said, matching his smile. Sean walks in, looking us both over with a scowl before leaving again.

  “What the hell is up with him?” Joel asked.

  “We got into a fight.” I say staring down at the floor.

  “It must have been some fight. He is being a total ass to you tonight.”

  “I deserve it, I suppose.”

  “You deserve better than that. I don’t care what you did.” I smile, kissing him on the cheek, but my innocent affection arouses him. He slides his arm around my waist and caresses my cheek as he leans into me. “You know Ava, if you were mine I would do everything I could to make you happy.” Joel forces his lips to mine and I push him away.

  “Joel, what are you doing?”

  “I thought you wanted me to.” I back away from him as he shyly looks away from me. “I’m sorry. I don’t know what I was thinking.” I nod, but the awkwardness between us is obvious. “You go sit down, I’ll get Rebecca’s wine,” he said, but grabs my arm. “Ava, I didn’t mean to… my marriage isn’t exactly going well either.” He looks down with a deep sigh. “I think I was only trying to get back at Rebecca. She throws herself at Sean every chance she gets, you know? Anyway, I really am sorry.”

  “It’s okay. I won’t tell Sean as long as we can go back to being good friends and lose the awkwardness.” I said as he smiles, hugging me. I leave him to go back to the dining room, trying to eat but feeling to dizzy to care. Sean glances at me a few times, mostly eyeing my hand. I assume because of the injury but when I look down, it is shaking out of control. I pull it back to me quickly, hoping no one notices… but he already did. After dinner, Sean and Joel leave for the guesthouse to shoot some pool. I bring Lillah into the living room with me to play while I sketch, hoping it will calm my nerves as well as my shaking hand. Unfortunately, Rebecca follows me.

  “Ava, I found the perfect product for you. It should help keep your skin from aging any more than it already has, but don’t get your hopes up too much. I don’t think it can work miracles.” She holds up the product page with encouragement. “No?” She smiles, shrugging. “I will keep looking then.”

  I jab my pen into my pad causing the wound in my hand to tear open again. “Augh!” I cringe, cradling my hand while looking for something to stop the bleeding.

  “Will you watch Lillah for a second?” I asked Rebecca, who instantly makes a sour face at me.

  “And these nasty dogs too. I mean, really Ava, how could you let things so disgusting near your child? They should take your child away from you.”

  “I will put the boys outside. Just watch her for a few minutes while I clean my hand up. Please?”

  “Fine.” She says, waving her skinny, nasty hand at me.

  I let the boys outside and rush to get my hand cleaned up. I grab a bandage and wrap it best I can before going back into the living room to find both Lillah and Rebecca missing.

  “Rebecca?” I yelled.

  “What?” She replied, walking out from the bathroom nonchalantly filing her nails.

  “Where’s Lillah?”

  “I don’t know, she’s your daughter,” she said, disgusted.

  “I asked you to watch her!” I yell at her.

  “I have better things to do than to do your job, Ava.”

  I panic, looking everywhere for her when I hear the boys barking outside wildly. I look to see what they are barking at, and that’s when I see my daughter dangling her little feet into the pool, trying to get in as she cries. I stop breathing as I run to her, watching her screaming and crying. “Lillah!” I scream as Sean jumps the fence from the other side and grabs her.

  He holds her to him gasping for breath himself, “It’s okay, Daddy’s here.” He said, calming her as she cries on his shoulder. I hold my hands to my mouth as Sean looks over at me. “Where were you?” He yells with a fierce intensity in his eyes.

  “I … my hand started bleeding again and I …”

  “You left her?” His eyes widen at me.

  “No, I asked Rebecca to watch her for me.”

  “Ava, you said you were taking her with you. I would have stayed in the room otherwise. And you are the one that let the dogs out before you left.” Rebecca says, walking up from behind me to touch Sean sweetly. “It was an accident, Sean. I am sure she didn’t mean to leave the door open.”

  “I didn’t…” I tried to speak.

  “Ava I don’t care what happened, but you could have at least made sure the gate around the pool was closed today.” Sean accuses me again.

  “It was closed, Sean, and I didn’t …” He gives me a dirty look as he walks around me back into the house with Lillah. Rebecca walks back to the guesthouse smiling back at me. I fist my hands and try my best not to run after her. Instead, I go to check on my daughter. I try to take Lillah from Sean’s arms, but he avoids my reach, skeptically eyeing me. “Come here Lillah.” I take her anyway, holding her as she grips me.

  “Are you sure you should be carrying her?” Sean asked me crudely.

  “Why?”

  “You haven’t exactly been … all that together today. Have you eaten at all today?”

  “I’m fine.” I snap, taking Lillah to her room without looking at him. Sitting down in our rocking chair, I kiss her tear stained cheek and wipe away the remaining tears from her face. “Lillah, I’m sorry I left you.” I said, as she plays with the charms on my bracelet. “I promise I won’t leave you again, okay? Do you forgive me?” She nods and rests her tired body against me as I rock her. “Why did you go outside, honey? Did you want to go swimming?”

  “No, Becka took me. She said I stink like the boys.” She begins to get upset again. “She said I need to get a bath. I told her that is not where you get baths, but she said I couldn’t come back inside until I smell better …” Lillah says, crying and burying her face into my sweater.

  “Oh honey, you don’t stink and neither do the boys. Becka stinks and Mommy isn’t going to leave you alone with her ever again.” And, I am going to do my best not to kill her when I talk to her about it.

  After I calm Lillah and put her safely to bed, I leave Sean with her and go to talk to Rebecca. Thankfully, she is the one that opens the door. Her obnoxious smile is quickly knocked off her face. I step over her fallen body and growl with pride. “Touch my daughter again, and I will make sure there is nothing left of you to bury.” I start to turn away, but I know she will say something smart as soon as I turn my back. With a freeing smile, I kick her in the jaw and send her crashing back to the floor where she belongs. I walk back
into the house powerfully when Sean looks up at me. “Just so you know, Rebecca put Lillah out at the pool and told her she couldn’t come back in until she took a bath - in the pool.”

  “What? Ava you can’t be serious. Why would Rebecca do that?” Sean starts to dismiss me, but I lean down into his face so he understands me clearly.

  “I don’t need your input on the matter. I only wanted to tell you myself, that yes, I admit it. I knocked the shit out of that bitch! And if you don’t like it - tough!”

  ~

  Sean never says a word about Rebecca’s noticeable wounds to me. Even though he hasn’t really said much of anything to me the last few days, I believe he is ready to talk though and let go of the tension between us. His late nights on the set are becoming more frequent, but I wait up for him tonight and hope that I can convince him to listen to me.

  I meet Sean before he can get through the door. Holding me back with one arm, he says, “I am going to be staying at a hotel for the next few days with Joel. We are behind now, and are having to catch up with several late nights. Neither one of us should be driving afterwards.”

  He walks around me but I stop him. “You’re running away, rather than talking to me?”

  “I’m not running from you.” He sighs, walking away again. He grabs a bag to pack and catches a glimpse of me in the background. “Ava, I am really tired and I don’t feel like talking right now.”

  “Then when, Sean? When will you be ready? How long are you going to punish me for something I didn’t even do. Lying to you is one thing, but you act as if I cheated on you and you know damn well that is not true.”

  “The evidence says otherwise.”

  “What evidence? You’re being ridiculous. If you really believed I cheated on you, then why are you still coming home to me every night? Why not kick me out or … ask for a divorce? You don’t believe it Sean, and with good reason. You know in your heart, I love you and no one else. You know I would never do anything like that.” He tries to walk around me again, but I stop him and grab hold of his face, forcing him to look at me, “Sean, I know you are hurting, but please listen to me. All I wanted to do was let go of the business, take a backseat and be able to stay home more.” He suddenly focuses a little more on me. “Once we decided to have a bigger family, I wanted to surprise you and be home more for you and our family.”