He rolled his head to the side, looking impressed. “Nobody has ever said that to me before.”
“It’s true.” She closed the distance between them, sitting on the ledge, a few inches from his head. “I can be your friend, or I can be more than that if you want.”
“Are you listening to yourself? You’re only here because of the Eldoir and you want me to make you feel better.”
“This isn’t about him! This is about you and me. I like you for you, is that so hard to believe?”
“Yes, actually, but that’s not even the point. How can you not bring Crawford into this? How can I be with you knowing you’ll be in split focus between the two of us every second of every day? In the end it’ll just hurt us both, and I have a suspicion I’ll get the worse end of it.”
Emmy blinked hard and looked at her lap. She clenched and unclenched her fists, not wanting him to see her impatience, knowing that was probably what he wanted. Sometimes she wondered if he enjoyed hurting her.
“I’ll be brutally honest with you,” she said. “Yes, it’ll be ... hard for a while. But I can move on from him. I can have feelings for two people. It happens all the time.”
She reached out and let her fingers trail through his hair. It was nothing like Breckin’s; it was smooth and fine and soft. He closed his eyes and Emmy saw the muscles in his jaw clench. “Stop it.”
“What if this doesn’t break us apart, but makes us stronger? If I can move on and get over this, with you by my side, I’ll be happy. With you. I do want you and I do want to be with you. Please, will you just give me a chance?”
His eyes opened and this time he stared at her with a lot less animosity, and a lot more uncertainty. “You really do want to try this?”
“Yes.”
He raised a single black eyebrow, his eyes on her like he was trying to see through her. It knocked the breath out of her. He almost looked like an angel, albeit a fallen one.
“Then can you promise me,” he said in a detached way like he was making a business transaction. “That you will be with me, and not act on anything else you might feel?”
“Yes.” It didn’t sound like her, but she had said it, so it had to have been.
“Promise me.”
“I promise.”
She inclined her head to see his face straight on, to see the expression. He looked at her funny, as if in mock consideration.
And finally, he gave her the sweet release she needed. “Then I guess we have a deal.”
Emmy let something out that was half a breath and half a laugh. “You mean it?”
“Yes, I think I just might.”
“You’re sure?” she said, lowering her head closer to his face.
“Of course. Can you just imagine the look your friends will give you when they find out? Your mother might disown you altogether.”
“Cyrus, can you please stop talking?” she said, an inch from him now.
“No problem.”
And she closed the gap between them and kissed him. It felt weird, backwards; her chin was right under his nose, and his eyelashes gave her butterfly kisses on her neck. But he was there, like he always was. He was there to protect her, there to save her life, and he was there now. She made a promise to herself now she would always be there for him, too.
Emmy felt his head rise off the ledge to press her closer to him, making her head spin. It was intoxicating, feeling his fingers on her face, releasing all those pent-up emotions he had wanted to let out. She only broke away from him when she needed to breathe, even though all she wanted was more. She bent her head, curious to see his reaction.
For half a second he looked dazed, as if evaluating the situation, and then he broke into a smile. It was the smile Emmy had envisioned so many times but had given up on, not thinking it existed until now. And she knew it was his real one, not only because it changed his entire face, but because he had a single dimple on the right side of his face. It was a thousand times more stunning than any mental picture she had conjured, and made her feel a thousand times better knowing she had been the one that put it there.
Chapter 29
Denial
de-ni-al
n.
: a psychological defence mechanism in which confrontation with a personal problem or with reality is avoided by denying the existence of the problem or reality.i
Chapter 30
Farewell
Have I really been here for three months? Emmy wondered. She stood in front of the Ministrial’s Lodge with her suitcase, which would be her living quarters for the next couple of weeks until she finished her admission exam. Even though she knew she wouldn’t fail, nervousness prickled at her anyway.
The four Woodworkers were present to wish her farewell, along with Alex, Breckin, Cyrus, and Persephone.
“You’ve got all your things, yes?” Vera said, playing around with her hair. “Enough money? They provide you with food and drink during your stay, but I’m sure you’ll want to wander around the city and buy a few things.”
“Mom, stop hassling her,” Jade said. She placed a hand on Emmy’s shoulder. “We’ll visit you on your birthday. Next week, right?”
Emmy cast a dark look at Alex. “You told them?”
“Yeah! I’ve already got a great gift picked out, but you’ll have to wait and see!”
“It’s a watch dog,” Jade said dispassionately. “And its name is Rabies.”
She loved it already.
“And I’ll try to get you a new boyfriend,” Breckin said. “But it probably won’t be a very good one given I only have a couple weeks notice.”
“Hey, anything’s better than what she has,” Persephone said.
“Really? We’re all going to talk about me like I’m not here?” Cyrus droned. He ruffled Breckin’s hair, resulting in Breckin casting him a murderous glare. “You can pretend I’m not here all you want little brother, but I’m in your life now, and there’s nothing you can do about it.”
“Don’t call me that,” Breckin said, faking a gagging noise.
Emmy was enjoying the display when she noticed something across the street. It was hard to see at first through all the pods whizzing by, but when her eyes cleared, she saw her. Her mother, stocky and dark-haired as always, stared right at her. She zoomed across the street, but halted several feet from Emmy. Nobody said a word.
Annalise’s face was puckered, worried how she was going to be received. Emmy just sighed. She glanced between her mother, in her gray jumpsuit and looking like she had aged ten years, over to Alex. His expression was stoned, trying to hide his annoyance at being ignored. They were her family. She had spent the last three months mourning over the family she had lost, but these two were still here. Alex and her mother were all that was left, and after everything that had happened, she had finally learned to appreciate them.
“Aren’t you going to hug me?” Emmy said. “Everyone else has.”
Elated, Annalise closed the distance and wrapped her arms around her. Emmy squeezed her, burying her face in her wild hair so similar to her own.
“I missed you,” Emmy said in a low voice so nobody else could hear. “And I’m sorry.”
Annalise pulled back and patted her cheek. “Don’t you ever be sorry. I’m the one who’s sorry.”
“I forgive you. Let’s just forget about it, okay?” Emmy murmured.
“I’d love to.”
“Hey! Any love for the other kid over here?” Alex shouted.
Annalise laughed. “My baby boy, I missed you too!” she exclaimed, showering him in kisses Alex tried to jerk away from. Emmy smiled; when she got home, she would be in her own apartment with her family. Her new life would finally start.
The Woodworkers were all greeting Annalise, leaving Emmy and Breckin a ways off from the crowd.
“Hey,” she said, bumping his shoulder. “Are we good?” Since she couldn’t know how he was feeling anymore, she would have to ask. It would take some getting used to.
&nb
sp; He bumped her back. “Of course we are.”
“I never thanked you for taking the guard off Persy, by the way.”
“I should never have done it in the first place.” His eyes bore into hers, and she knew he was trying to read her mind, before realizing he couldn’t. “Whether you’re my Keeper or not, you’re my friend, first and foremost. I should have trusted you.”
“I don’t blame you –”
His eyes glazed over, looking passed her. “But you should. For most people I’ve noticed trust is just sort of a natural progression when you get to know someone, something you eventually fall into. It isn’t that for me. It’s like a stage I sort of ... stop at. I realize that at some point, trust isn’t something that just happens, but it’s a choice, something you have to consciously do. So I’m making the choice to trust you.”
Emmy wished there was something to say that showed how much that meant to her. “I understand. It’ll take a while, but you’ll learn to trust Persephone, and Cyrus, like I do as well.”
“It’s you I trust.”
“You think I’m making a mistake.”
“I do, but you know what? I’m not even going to worry about it.” His tone had lightened considerably. “Once you actually get to know him, the raw animal magnetism will fade and you’ll break up with him within a month. Possibly two weeks, since it’s Cyrus.”
Emmy grinned purely on the grounds Breckin had actually uttered the words “raw animal magnetism”. “Warning and pessimism duly noted,” she said. “On the topic of Cyrus, can you do me a huge favour?” She didn’t give him the chance to say no. “Mom is already pretty overwhelmed you’re in my life, and she has no idea about Persy or Cyrus. Will you tell her when I’m gone? It’ll give her time to cool down.”
Breckin looked like he would rather gouge his own eyes out with a rusty, poorly constructed teaspoon.
“Did I mention I selflessly carry around your life inside me?”
He groaned. “Fine, fine. But you can only pull that card so many times.”
“Once is enough for now.” She glanced at the town clock on a building behind Breckin’s head. “I better get going. I have to be signed in by five o’ clock, and it’s ten to.”
“Alright then,” he said, pulling her into a hug. “Bye, Lana.”
Damn, she was going to miss the “Lana” thing so much. She saw the clump of her loved ones over her shoulder, and suddenly a couple of weeks seemed like a long time.
“Bye, Breckin,” she said, pulling away from him. “See you all later!” She added to the lot of them.
All of them perked up, ending their conversations with each other and waved at Emmy. She blew dramatic kisses at them.
“I’ll keep you up on schoolwork!” Jade said.
“And don’t get run over by pods!” Persephone added.
“I will if you all don’t kill each other,” she said, giving one last wave.
They all replied in different ways in a muddled mess of words, making her smile. She took a mental picture of them for safekeeping, and took her first step inside the Ministrial Lodge, lost in the crowd before she even got inside.
###
i denial. 2012. In Merriam-Webster.com. Retrieved November 12, 2012, from
http://www.merriam-webster.com/dictionary/denial
About the Author
Diana Harrison is a proud Canadian, currently studying English literature at the University of Calgary. With a passion for books, magic, and teens, as well as being a chronic daydreamer, it is only logical that she is a young-adult fantasy writer as well.
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