The Cowboy's Secret Son

by Trish Milburn

  “Are you okay?” Nathan asked as he stepped close.

  “Everyone keeps asking me that.”

  “Maybe we have good reason.”

  She sighed, more tired mentally than physically. “Just doing some ill-advised looking back.”

  “Your family or a boy who was a big jerk in high school?”

  For some reason, the way he said it caused her to laugh a little. “A bit of both.”

  “Would it help the jerk’s case if he brought you cake now?” Nathan held up a plastic container. “I could tell you liked it tonight.”

  “You’re trying to buy me off with dessert?”

  “Um, yes. Is it working?”

  Damn, he was charming. He’d had a bit of that charm in high school, but it’d been overshadowed by teenage stupidity at the time. He’d grown into it, just like he’d grown into that awesome body of his.

  Grace shifted her gaze away from him. “Maybe a little.”

  He placed the container on the table next to her then walked around to the other side and sat beside her. “Then I’ll have to make daily runs to Mehlerhaus Bakery to bring all manner of sweets.”

  Grace almost let the comment pass, but instead looked at Nathan’s strong profile. “What are you doing?”

  He looked at her. “Just trying to be your friend, get to know you again.”

  “You didn’t really know me the first time, Nathan.” She knew it sounded bitter, but evidently when emotions started flowing out she had little control over them.

  “Then I’ll get to know you for the first time.”

  He wasn’t backing down, and the wall of resistance she’d erected started to crumble. She stared down at the lights of the ranch, saw a set of headlights come on as an engine started.

  “Guess the charades must be over,” Nathan said.

  “So you all went ahead and played?”

  “Mom got it in her head to play. No getting out of it.”

  Grace almost wished she’d stayed, at least to witness the entire family together, laughing and joking. “You have a great family,” she said.

  He nodded. “Yeah. I think I’ll keep them.”

  Grace smiled.

  Nathan shifted and let his hands hang loosely between his knees. “Do you ever speak to your family?”

  “No, not since the day they kicked me out. They had their chance, more than once.”

  “I can’t imagine being that alone.”

  “At times, it was so freeing, so refreshing, but others it was just damned hard. If it hadn’t been for Emily, I don’t know what I would have done.”

  “I’ve been doing a lot of thinking. There’s a part of me that’s probably always going to be angry that I’ve missed so much with Evan, and I have no intention of missing any more.”

  Grace’s nerves crackled and her stomach knotted. What was he saying?

  “But I’m sorry you felt you couldn’t come to me,” he said. “I know why. If I could go back and knock some sense into my younger self, I’d do it.”

  Grace let out a small, wary sigh. “I appreciate the sentiment. In hindsight, I know I could have handled things better than I did. I dreamed about telling you the truth, that everything would be okay, but fear is a powerful deterrent. Then I thought that maybe you were married with other children, that maybe you wouldn’t want to be saddled with one you didn’t know. I thought that if you’d just agree to take Evan if anything happened to me, that would be enough.”

  “You know I will. He’s a good kid, my kid.”

  Grace sighed in relief. “Thank you.”

  “Did you really doubt I’d agree?”

  “I didn’t know. I mean, this not knowing each other thing goes both ways. I was scared of what I might find when I met you again.”

  “And yet you came anyway. Why?”

  Grace heard some of his frustration slip out. She resisted the urge to get to her feet and put some distance between Nathan and herself. “I told you.”

  “Yes, but I think there’s something specific that triggered this.”

  Why was she resisting telling him? He’d already said he’d take care of Evan. If she’d ever doubted her son would find love here, the past few days had erased that particular fear.

  “Why does Evan look at you sometimes like he has to take care of you?”

  Grace propped her elbow on her knee and dropped her forehead into her palm. “Because he thought I was going to die.”

  “What?”

  She lifted her head and looked him in the eye for the first time since his appearance. “Because I had cancer and had to go through chemo. He saw me when I was at my absolute worst. To be honest, I’m not sure I would have made it through without him to live for.”

  “Oh, my God, Grace. Why didn’t you come to me sooner? I could have helped.”

  “Because I was too busy hanging over toilets and pulling out clumps of my hair.”

  Nathan reached over and grasped her shoulders, turned her toward him. “Are you okay now?”

  She nodded, blinked back the tears that sprang to her eyes at what sounded like genuine concern on his part. “I got a clean bill of health about a month ago. But what I went through already scarred Evan, and I hate that I did that to him.”

  “You didn’t get sick on purpose. Stop being so hard on yourself.”

  Her chin quivered, and the tears broke free and ran down her cheeks. “I’m so scared it’ll come back and I won’t get to see Evan grow up.”

  Nathan pulled her into his arms, against his warm body, and for once she let herself cry without holding back, allowing herself to be comforted.

  GRACE SEEMED SO SMALL wrapped in his arms. He couldn’t remember if she’d felt this way when he’d held her at that party, or if he’d grown and she was smaller because of her recent illness.

  God, cancer. Hadn’t she been through enough in her life already without having that thrown at her, too? He hated himself for being part of the cause for her unwillingness to contact him sooner. No matter how long it took him, he’d atone for that. And make her believe that she didn’t have to be alone anymore.

  Something about that thought shook him, scared him a little. What exactly did he feel for her? Yes, she was beautiful, was the mother of his son, had been through more than one person should have to face. But apart from all of that, how did he, Nathan the man, feel about Grace, the woman?

  She tried to pull away, but he only let her go so far, still managing to keep an arm around her shoulders.

  “I’m sorry I blubbered all over you.” She looked up at him, really looked him in the eye. It felt like the first time she’d truly done so without immediately averting her gaze.

  He reached up and wiped away a tear at the edge of her eye. “I don’t mind. You needed it.”

  “You’re right, I did. Sometimes I don’t realize how much I bottle things up to keep Evan from seeing them. He’s worried enough, too much for someone his age. I want him to be happy and carefree.”

  “Like he’s been this week?”

  She stiffened and tried to pull away again. Nathan let her but clasped one of her hands between his. “Grace, I’m not trying to pressure you or cause more upheaval in your life. I’m just putting it out there, something to think about. I had a good life growing up here, and if Evan could spend at least part of his time here, too…I think he’d enjoy it.”

  Grace surprised him by placing her other hand on top of his. “You might be right. I see how in love with this place he already is.”

  “And that scares you.”

  She nodded. “I lost him once, and he nearly lost me. Call it irrational, but I’m afraid that the next time something comes between us, it’ll be for good.”

 
“I wouldn’t do that.”

  She met his gaze. “Maybe you wouldn’t mean to.”

  He looked hard into her eyes, trying to figure out what was really bothering her. It hit him the moment she bit her bottom lip, a gesture identical to the one he’d seen from Evan.

  “You can’t think he’d want to be with me more.” Nathan squeezed Grace’s hand. “You’re his mother, the person who has always been there for him.”

  “And a boy yearns for a father. Plus, you’re the embodiment of everything Evan thinks is cool. How can I compete with that?”

  “It’s not a competition.”

  “I’m just not ready to make that step, Nathan. Call me fragile, hard, selfish, whatever you like—”

  Nathan placed his fingers gently against her lips. “Stop. We don’t have to talk about this any more right now.”

  He’d give anything to be able to douse that fear he could see in her eyes despite the darkness of the night. For her sake, for Evan’s. And, yes, for his own. Before he realized what he was doing, he let his thumb slide over her bottom lip. His heart thudded against his chest. When was the last time a woman had caused him to feel light-headed?

  “I want to kiss you right now, but I’m afraid you’ll take it the wrong way.”

  He expected her to retreat, but she sat still, looking up at him. The fear in her eyes gave way to something else, something that he thought might be a yearning that matched his own. He didn’t wait for her to tell him that it wasn’t a good idea. When his lips touched hers, the soft, slow kiss wasn’t enough. He pulled her close and deepened the kiss. She moaned into his mouth, fueling the hunger building inside him. His memories of the one time they’d been together were admittedly hazy, but he was certain there hadn’t been a true fire like this involved.

  Damn if he wasn’t in danger of falling for Grace Cameron, and falling hard. The realization hit him like a rogue lightning bolt out of the sky. But he couldn’t tell her. She wouldn’t believe him, might in fact take Evan and run as fast as she could back to her life in Arkansas. Then he might be forced to take steps that would hurt her even more. He’d been telling her the truth when he’d said he had no intention of missing any more of Evan’s life.

  Though it pained him to do so, he was the one to pull back. “I think I better let you get some rest.”

  She looked suddenly embarrassed, and he couldn’t let her doubt what had passed between them. He kissed her fingers.

  “Not that this isn’t very nice.”

  He’d bet money that he would see a pretty blush on her cheeks if there were more light.

  They both slid off the table and headed toward the cabin. Unable to resist, he wrapped her hand in his and was surprised by how comfortable, how right it felt. She either liked it as well or was too tired to resist.

  When they reached the front steps of the cabin, she held up the plastic container. “Thanks for the cake.”

  He ran his thumb across the top of her hand. “Thanks for being honest with me. I want you to know, no matter where things stand at the end of the week, you can come to me for help. I don’t want you going through any more bad stuff alone.”

  Grace bit her lip again, and for a moment he thought she might cry more tears. Instead, she lifted to her tiptoes and kissed him. It was quick and sweet, but it was a kiss she initiated. He watched as she hurried into the cabin. Even after she closed the door behind her, he stared at it until a wide smile spread across his face.

  He was going to win that woman if it was the last thing he did.

  Chapter Eleven

  Grace was fairly certain that she spent equal parts of the next day working on plans for Merline’s gallery and thinking about Nathan. Drawing sketches and reliving his kiss of the night before. Meeting with a contractor and remembering how she’d kissed him back. Selecting furnishings and daydreaming about being in his arms again and how she was dangerously close to believing they could start over, maybe have a relationship.

  The ringing of her phone startled her from a fantasy of Nathan feeding her some of that delicious strawberry cake. A glance at the display showed it was Emily. She hit the button to answer.

  “Hey, Em.”

  “Hey, yourself. How’s the cowboying going?”

  “Evan’s having a great time.”

  “And you?”

  “Good.” Grace was glad it wasn’t a video call. She didn’t want to explain the sudden rush of blood to her face.

  “Well, I’m about to make things even better.”

  “Let me guess, you won a new copy machine.”

  Emily laughed. “No, but I’m feeling the biggest, baddest copier just around the corner.”

  Grace’s heartbeat sped up. “We got the job?”

  “We got the job.”

  “Yes!” Grace squealed and did a little dance. The Franklin Mountain Lodge was their biggest project yet, one that could catapult their business to the next level and provide more security for her and Evan as well as Emily.

  A flash of Nathan offering a different kind of security caused her to still. No, she couldn’t let maybes trump a sure thing.

  “They’ve asked for a meeting next Friday. If all goes well, we’ll sign the paperwork and be official.”

  “That’s great.”

  “Is something wrong?”

  Grace stared out the window at the light glinting off the lake, at the bluebonnets waving in a cooler-than-normal breeze. “No, why?”

  “I don’t know. You sounded hesitant or something.”

  “Sorry. It’s just a nice surprise. I’m stunned, I guess.”

  “Why? We are the dynamic duo, after all.”

  Grace laughed at the nickname they’d adopted for themselves when they’d received the top grade on a group design project in college, the one that now graced their business, Dynamic Duo Designs. “True.”

  “Is something else going on?”

  Grace slumped into the lawn chair she’d found on the back patio of the gallery building. “Nothing that I can’t handle once I’m hundreds of miles from here.”

  “Is Nathan giving you a hard time?”

  “No, not exactly.”

  “Then what, exactly?”

  Grace closed her eyes. “Those feelings that I had for him when we were in high school? Well, they might not have gone anywhere.”

  “O-kay. Does he know that?”

  “I’m guessing yes, based on the kissing.”

  Emily squealed so loudly that Grace had to pull the phone away from her ear. When she brought it back, she said, “Good Lord, woman. I’d like to retain my hearing in that ear.”

  “What, you tell me you’re kissing Evan’s father and you don’t expect me to squeal? You know me better than that.”

  “Trust me, it surprised me, too.”

  “Well, how was it?”

  “Honestly? Fantastic. After all this time, he still makes me melt.”

  Emily was quiet for a moment. “What does this mean, Grace?”

  “Don’t worry, Em. It’s just a little leftover flirtation or something. It’s not like we’ve fallen in love and are going to live happily ever after amidst the bluebonnets.” But as she said it, a deep, burning need for exactly that washed through her.

  “You sure about that?”

  “You know my life is there.”

  “If you say so.”

  Grace didn’t know what to make of Emily’s reaction. It sounded like a mixture of worry that Grace wasn’t coming back and potential matchmaking a la Laney. She wondered how fast those two would be on the phone to each other when Laney found out what had happened.

  They spent a few more minutes discussing the details of their upcoming meeting and all th
e activities Evan was taking part in, but Grace didn’t mention the gallery or her hand in it. She didn’t want to give Emily more reason to believe Grace might be bailing on her, but it still felt wrong to keep it from her oldest and best friend. She told herself she’d tell Em about it after she got home, when the gallery, Merline, Blue Falls and Nathan were far away.

  The good mood she’d enjoyed all day dampened at that thought. Suddenly, the hours until she and Evan had to leave seemed way too few.

  “I gotta run. The office line is ringing,” Emily said.

  “Okay, bye.”

  After she hung up, Grace continued sitting in the chair. Her natural inclination at this point would be to chastise herself for letting down her guard and starting something with Nathan that could go nowhere. But for some reason, that wasn’t what she felt. True, her time here was short, but that only made her want to enjoy it more.

  Sometime during the past few days, the dread that had been sitting on her shoulder, whispering all kinds of negative scenarios into her ear from the moment she’d decided to confess the truth to Nathan, had dissipated like morning fog. Slow and gradual so that she didn’t notice until it was gone.

  After everything she’d been through, she deserved to enjoy something. And she enjoyed being with Nathan. As long as she went in with her eyes wide open and knowing not to let it go too far, she was just going to see what happened over the next few days.

  She gathered her notes, locked the building and headed back to the ranch. The closer she got, the more the excitement at seeing Nathan again built inside her. When she parked at the ranch, she immediately spotted him helping Juan lead the horses from the corral back to their stalls. She entered the barn from the opposite end, her pulse picking up even more when he saw her and smiled.

  “You had a long day,” he said.

  “Lots to do, now that your mom has signed the papers. It’s a bit like being caught up in a whirlwind.”

  “If I know Mom, she’ll have the place up and running in a week.”

  Grace hated that she wouldn’t be around for the opening. Maybe when Evan was older, they could come back. Perhaps she’d even get up the nerve to reveal the truth to him and trust that he wouldn’t abandon her at the first opportunity.