by Angela Smith
Luigi arrived at 9 O’clock and said we’d be going to a place called the Bondi Beach Hut. It sounded like a place I’d enjoy since it was right on the beach. The city was still very active at night and the buildings in the distance were sparkling like far off gems. I was still amazed that I was in Australia on my own and kept looking out for Bayani but didn’t see him anywhere.
“This place is really cool, the people are friendly and you can always escape to the beach if it gets too crowded,” Luigi explained as he ordered our drinks at the packed bar. Handing me my Pina Colada, we grabbed a table on the deck and sipped in silence for a few moments before I broke the ice.
“This is perfect. It’s so refreshing after the stress I’ve been under lately.”
“If you don’t mind me asking, did you get to find that boyfriend of yours yet?”
“No,” I said sadly, shaking my head. “I don’t know where he’s gone to. He checked out of the hotel earlier today. He could be anywhere at this point.”
“Well, don’t worry too much. If it’s meant to be, it will be and if not, then, maybe you broke up for a reason.”
“Yeah,” I said, as I absent-mindedly toyed with the miniature umbrella in my drink. “You’re right.”
I knew he was right, but I really didn’t want to believe it. If I never got to see Bayani again and apologize for my extremely stupid and childish reaction, then I think I’d be heartbroken for eternity. He didn’t deserve the level of disrespect I had thrown at him.
Of course, I couldn’t just leave Luigi behind after he had been so nice to me, but I was beyond exhausted and really felt the need to collapse on to my bed for about a gazillion years. Well, maybe not that long, but definitely somewhere close to that long. So I made my excuses and headed off into the night. It seemed about right for me to head back alone with my thoughts. After all, I am the one responsible for my current situation. If I learned anything from Marisol, it was that one should always take responsibility for their actions and right now, I was doing just that and I didn’t like it one bit.
I ended up spending three days in Sydney. Of those three days, I’d say that 95% of the time I was searching the crowds for Bayani, 4% of the time I was sleeping and 1% of the time I was enjoying the sights.
On my final night in Sydney, I went out with Luigi again to bid Bon Voyage to a city and continent that I knew I’d come back to one day. I absolutely loved it here and the more I thought about it, the more I felt as though I could make it my home one day. The people were friendly, the weather was amazing and the lifestyle was much less hectic than that back home. I knew without a doubt that I’d be back – if not permanently at least for another visit.
Luigi had been a great friend to me the past few days. He showed me around, let me hang out with his mates and cleaned me up when I had accidentally drank too much and needed a helping hand. So I really shouldn’t have been surprised when he decided to kiss me on my last night in Oz.
At first, it felt right. I leaned into him and wrapped my arms around his neck, enjoying the feel of being so close to someone again. After a few minutes though, my mind started to take over and I knew it wasn’t right. As much as I like Luigi and thought he was gorgeous, the fact was: He wasn’t Bayani. His kiss didn’t excite me like Bayani’s did. It didn’t make my insides flutter or my toes curl. It was just a kiss – a good one – but nothing more.
“I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that,” he said after I pulled away. I averted my eyes but he ran his finger along my cheek and turned me to face him. “Autumn, I’m really, really sorry.”
I smiled weakly. “It’s OK, Luigi. It’s my fault too because I thought that kissing you might make me forget him, but it didn’t. It only made me realize how much I miss him.”
“He’s one lucky fella. I hope he realizes it sooner than later and comes back to you.”
“Me too,” I said, as tears formed in my eyes and my cheeks flamed at the thought of how I treated Bayani.
After our brief kiss, the atmosphere changed a little between Luigi and I, though not enough for him to run off and leave me alone. He was kind enough to help me pack that night and offer to take me to the airport in the morning. I accepted, of course, because I didn’t want to leave Oz with bad friendships.
The next morning, he arrived bright and early. His dark tan was illuminated by the early morning sun as he sat in the driver’s seat of his Jeep waiting for me to come out. I sighed inwardly and picked up my bags, knowing that I wouldn’t forget him or this trip even though it had been a partial disaster. I hadn’t gotten what I came here for, but at least I had a nice tan and memories to last a lifetime.
“Here we are,” Luigi said, after he helped me pull my suitcases out of the backseat. He looked really sweet standing in front of me with his hands tucked in his pockets and windswept hair. The same couldn’t be said for me. My once perfect Flapper bob had grown out and my curls had returned. I was sure I didn’t look very sexy at that very moment.
“Thanks, Luigi. For everything. I’ll never forget you and when I come back, I’ll call you. I promise.” I hugged my new Aussie friend and then headed for the departure area of Sydney airport for my long and exhausting flight home. I may be returning empty-handed but at least I tried.
Chapter Fourteen
Just one day before the Valentine’s Day Ball, a small package arrived on my doorstep, delivered by the ever-exuberant Esteban.
“You have package, Miss Autumn. From far away. I hope it is something that bring smile to your face. I miss see you smile,” he said before giving me a cheery wave and walking off to finish his morning route.
I wasn’t expecting anything but secretly hoped that this was some vintage inspired decorations that I’d ordered for the senior center. I was so excited to start decorating it tonight on the eve of the big event. I had every intention of making this the best day of the year for the seniors who wanted to find love again.
As I ripped off the paper I noticed that there was an envelope inside of the box – and nothing else. I opened it apprehensively. Inside there was one sheet of paper, neatly typed up, not hand written. All it said was:
Your hand fits in mine like it's made just for me
But bear this mind it was meant to be
And I’m joining up the dots with the freckles on your cheeks
And it all makes sense to me
I know you've never loved the crinkles by your eyes when you smile,
You’ve never loved your stomach or your thighs
The dimples in your back at the bottom of your spine
But I’ll love them endlessly
I won't let this little things slip out of my mouth
But if I do, it's you, oh it's you, they add up to
I’m in love with you and all these little things
You can't go to bed without a cup of tea
Maybe that's the reason that you talk in your sleep
And all those conversations are the secrets that I keep
Though it makes no sense to me
I know you've never loved the sound of your voice on tape
You never want to know how much you weigh
You still have to squeeze into your jeans
But you're perfect to me
I won't let this little things slip out of my mouth
But if it's true, it's you, it's you, they add up to
I'm in love with you and all these little things
You never love yourself half as much as I love you
You’ll never treat yourself right darling but I want you to
If I let you know, I’m here for you
Maybe you'll love yourself like I love you oh
I’ve just let these little things slips out of my mouth
Because it's you, oh it's you; it's you they add up to
And I’m in love with you (all these little things)
I won't let these little things slip out of my mouth
But if it's true, it's you, it's you the
y add up to
I'm in love with you, and all your little things.
I felt my heart do a little pitter patter at these words. I knew they were lyrics to a song but just the idea of someone saying them to me made me feel something I hadn’t felt in a long, long time: Loved.
I let the words swirl around in my mind as I set about making the deserts for the dance tomorrow. I was going to make pink meringue cupcakes with raspberry curd and raspberry cupcakes with pink buttercream frosting. I planned to top both of these with something unique and special. For the meringue cupcakes, I’d be adding cute little chocolate hearts that I’d be making from scratch. For the raspberry cupcakes I planned on adding 1920s images – mainly Flappers and some other popular things from the era– made out of edible candy. I had the images scanned at a local bakery and transferred on to sheets of candy in the shape of hearts. They were going to look absolutely amazing with the roaring twenties theme.
I had Nora, Dora and Kora decorating the hall already with pretty garland and paper hearts that I made out of different colors and textures. The tables were going to be laid with adorable retro Valentine’s cards that would hopefully bring back memories of years gone by. I also had some floral arrangements and other little things to enhance the overall décor of the room.
I was so immersed in making sure that my cupcakes had just the right amount of coloring and flavor that I barely heard my phone ringing in the living room. I ran to get it – sticky hands and all – not bothering to check the caller ID.
“Hello?”
“Hi Autumn, it’s me.” It was Bayani. He was actually calling me!
“Hello,” I said, warily. I realized I was repeating myself but that’s what this boy did to me. He had me running circles around myself. He laughed at my reaction before going on and asking how the preparations for the dance were coming along.
“Oh they’re going good. I wish you could see them. It’s going to be a real twenties extravaganza!” I said, knowing I shouldn’t be pressuring him to come here when he had so obviously set up a new life in Australia. But he was calling me, wasn’t he? That had to count for something.
He sighed before answering and I could just picture him running his fingers through his shiny black hair in that sexy way he did when he was stressed or upset.
“I know. I wish I could see it too, Autumn. I bet it will be beautiful.”
“Yes, I hope it will be. I’ve put everything I’ve got into making it perfect for everyone attending.”
“Will you be attending?” he asked. That was a good question. I hadn’t really made plans to attend myself. I thought of myself more as the person who kept tabs on everyone and silently cheered them on as they made new connections with others in the dimly lit room.
“I…I don’t think so. I’ll be too busy making sure everything is running smoothly.”
“You worry too much. Everything will be fine. I think you should just enjoy yourself and dress up and do everything you want to do because it’s your night too, you know. You’ve made it all come to life when Marisol was sidelined.”
He thought I should attend? By myself? Was he crazy? I really couldn’t picture myself dancing with 60, 70 and 80-year-old men. But maybe that’s where I should start looking now, seeing as I was an obvious disaster waiting to happen with my own age group. I decided to ignore his comments and ask him why he was really calling.
“I guess I just wanted to hear your voice…things here are good but it’s not the same without someone by my side. I miss you, Autumn.” I felt my heart break into a million little pieces at his words. I missed him too but there was too much between us now – not only miles, but other things too.
“I know,” I said. “Hey, did you send me anything in the mail by the way?”
“No, why?”
“Oh. I just got a box today and it seemed kind of random. It was just some song lyrics.”
“What kind of song lyrics?”
“Uh, well, they were romantic song lyrics. I guess you could say. About being in love and loving all the little things about the person you fell for.” I could still picture the words in my head and I could picture Bayani saying them to me, which was obviously ridiculous since he said he didn’t send them. But if he didn’t then who did?
“I see. And tell me, how did these lyrics make you feel?” he asked. I could tell that he was smiling on the other end of the line and I wished so badly at that moment that I could see him and feel his touch again.
“They made me feel…loved. I’ve never been loved like that before. It’s what I wish for. If I could have one thing in life, it would be to be loved unconditionally despite all my flaws and my silly notions of being a Flapper.”
“What do you mean you’ve never been loved like that before? I mean obviously, I don’t know what the lyrics said but they must have really made an impact on you if they made you feel that way.”
“Yes, they did. They were just so…perfect. It was like whoever sent them to me knew me and loved me as I am – flaws and all. I’ve spent so many years trying to live up to other people’s ideals. I’ve been told I’m worthless, a mistake and will never be loved. It’s all –“
“Wait a minute. Who made you feel that way? No one should ever make you feel that way! You’re the most amazing woman I’ve ever met. Your quirks are what make you special and you should never feel any less than perfect as you are!” He was really incensed now, I could tell. I suppose we had never really talked about this when we were together. I was just so caught up in being with him and how he made me feel.
“It’s fine, Bayani. It was a long time ago and I’m over it. I think I’m still looking for that Fairytale ending but I’m not so sure that it’s in the cards for me anymore.”
“Well, I beg to differ. But, listen, I really have to go. It’s late here and I need to get some sleep. I’ll talk to you after the dance. Please promise me that you’ll take care of yourself tomorrow, too. It’s not about everyone else all the time. You need to do something for yourself sometimes, you know.”
“Yes, MOM!” I said, laughing at the fact that he was so protective of me and wanted the best for me. It was pretty ironic that he wanted all that but we weren’t together any more.
After I hung up I leaned back against the counter and continued mixing my cupcakes. I looked out my window and then down at the sleeping puppy by my feet.
“What should I do tomorrow, Clara? Dress up and join in the fun or stay by the side and watch everyone else find their happy ending?” A loud grunt made me laugh as I bent down to ruffle the soft fur on her head. “You got it right, sister. Sleep it all off and wake up when things are better.”
The day of the Valentine’s Day Ball had finally arrived and after weeks of effort I felt like everything was coming together perfectly. The package I was waiting for had finally arrived so I went down to the hall early to finish setting up. Everyone would be arriving around 4 o’clock for dinner followed by dancing and desert at 6 o’clock. Thanks to Marisol’s involvement, the dance had gotten a lot of publicity and there were over one hundred people attending. Though the media had slowly trickled off after our viral video, there were still some publications that were interested in what the 99-year-old dancing granny was up to. I was sure she would get even more work – if she wanted it – after the dance was over. I didn’t know if taking anything else on would be good for her though, seeing as she was still very weak and got tired easily. I’d have to talk to her about it at some point.
After bringing Clara to Marisol’s I made my way over to the senior center. Luckily, Bernard had also taken a liking to Clara and often watched her for me. It made me happy to know that she could still spend time with Marisol – since they obviously adored each other – but that Marisol didn’t have to worry about chasing a rambunctious dog around her cavernous home.
As I headed to the hall, I was a little nervous to see what the three gossiping divas had done with the place last night but I needn’t worry, it looked
really beautiful. With just a few more touches here and there, it would be fully transformed into a place where couples could dance and singles could find love once again.
As I set to work, I thought of a conversation Marisol and I had when I returned from Australia sans Bayani. I was obviously deeply saddened that things hadn’t gone to plan but I knew that going there was a risk. Of course, Marisol put it all into perspective for me and told me that sometimes you just had to let things go. If they were meant to be, they’d be, and if not, well, it was time to move on and lay the past to rest. I put those words to work in all aspects of my life. I put all my past mistakes and trials and tribulations behind me and just kept on going. I had been trying to put Bayani behind me as well…until yesterday. Why did he have to call and upset the peace that I had finally found? I had accepted the fact that he wasn’t coming back and that we weren’t going to grow old together. I had accepted that he wouldn’t be the man I saw across from me in fifty years as we watched our grandchildren play on the grass in our yard. I had accepted it all…and then he called and my entire reserve came crashing down. I missed him more than ever today, on Valentine’s Day. It should have been a special occasion but instead it was one that made it pointedly clear how alone I really was.
When the decorations were all in place and the tables set, I closed the door to the hall and made an oath to myself. Today I wouldn’t be in mourning for what I had, I’d be happy that I even got to experience it in the first place. I would go home and get dressed and then come back here later on ready to enjoy the night like everyone else. Why shouldn’t I? I was young, single and free. I shouldn’t be shackled to feelings from the past. I should be glad that I had what I had and then move on to something new and better. I relied on my inner Flapper and all the lessons Marisol had given me over the past six months or so. I knew I could do this if I really put my mind to it.