by Olivia Harp
“I’m sorry, I’m sorry for what you’ve been through, I’m sorry I asked, I didn’t know”
“You don’t have to be sorry, it’s okay, I made my peace with all that. I just had to leave.”
“Is your mom okay? Do you need help?”
“My mom is dead, Damien. One day my father left and didn’t come back. It felt good, but we always had that lingering fear of seeing him again, drunk at the door, screaming for something. But he didn’t. After a few months we realized we were free. My mom started to smile again, she started to focus on other things, you could see she was relieved.”
Damien smiled.
“Then one day I come back and she can’t walk, ‘what happened?!’ I asked her, and she tells me her legs are numb. Some weeks later we find out she has ALS.”
The road ahead was dark, in the distance, clouds gathered and lightning flashed. Zoe’s eyes watered as she remembered.
“I’m sorry, I shouldn’t be talking about this,” she said, “It was a great evening and I’m ruining it with all this baggage.”
“You couldn’t ruin our date if you tried,” he said, his hand on hers, “I know it’s hard, don’t feel bad for remembering. You helped her, you were with her.”
“I don’t feel bad, I promise I don’t... it’s just... she never got a break you know?” her voice was breaking, but no tears streamed down her face, she was holding them in. “Sometimes I wish I could go back and kill that man and set her free, I know it’s wrong but I wish, I—,” her voice trailed, her right hand wiping her tears before they came down.
“She was the one who told me, she knew me, knew what was best for me. She told me to leave, find a better place, move on, ‘look forward’ she told me... and here I am, moving on to Portland.”
“Your mom would be proud, Zoe.”
“I know. I know she knew I loved her. I want to make her proud,” she said, and he held her hand tighter.
The rest of the drive back home was silent. Zoe fell asleep, the truck’s engine singing a faint lullaby. Her fingers intertwined with his, her head on his shoulder. Her scent filled him, that faint tangy orange, mixed with water and mud and leaves and everything. Nature had embraced her too, and the scent was lovely.
His bear called inside him, its fury somewhat dampened now that he had given himself to her. Mate he purred.
His animal felt stronger than ever, its call more focused, it never wanted a mate, just like he never did. The bear knows things you don’t, was a common shifter saying.
And he understood what his feral side told him.
She was different from every other woman he’d met. She was brave, she faced her fears, she’d endured the worst and came out stronger than before. But she was fragile at the same time. He had never met someone so interesting. He took pride in being able to read most people fairly quickly. Everybody had their quirks and their stories, but most people were straightforward, if not in speech, in manners and intent.
Mate her, his bear growled, his fury coming back for a second. No, he replied. I can’t just make her change her life for me, I’m not that selfish. She said so, she just wants to enjoy this while it lasts, I won’t stand on her way to happiness.
He felt his bear swell up inside, roaring. And could taste the bitterness of accepting what he just had. Fate! No running! his bear roared. But he had to let her go, to let go of his destiny if that would make her happy.
His stomach tightened.
He just called her his destiny.
This was going to be hard.
***
Next morning, Damien got out of the bed softly, letting her sleep. He took a shower and got dressed. He liked the morning routine, when everything was quiet and the sun hadn’t fully climbed up in the horizon.
He tiptoed around the room, not even opening the curtains. Yesterday was a mix of emotions, he got a glimpse of her vulnerability and her strength, and what she had to endure before she got this far.
She was sleeping naked, her beautiful breast half exposed through the sheets, and he felt his cock go hard. He imagined himself in another life, where they’d be together, he’d protect her, give her anything she wanted. They’d probably have sex before work. And after work. And during lunch hour. And maybe a quickie in the middle of the night. He laughed, that’d be something.
He composed himself, he couldn’t think of that, he had to make breakfast. He leaned in to kiss her and stopped, his eyes widening, his heart beat starting to accelerate. He felt a sudden void in his stomach as he focused his eyes on her arms.
He sneaked towards the curtains and opened them an inch or two, some light pouring in from outside, then checked her again and gasped.
The stings. The god damned shadow Rot was back. He remembered the day before, she was okay, he would’ve noticed if something like this happened, it was impossible to miss. Each sting was as black as death, threatening to take her.
Enzo would have to see her again. The Shadowlands stung her, meaning she’d have to leave. But first he’d have to check the area. Something was wrong. Maybe the rot was not completely gone. He couldn’t risk exposing her to it again. He had to make sure she was fine.
And then she’d have to leave the mountain as soon as possible.
***
Zoe opened her eyes, reached out to her side for Damien but he wasn’t there. She sat on the bed and looked around. The curtain was closed, just a ray of light passing through, the sun already high in the sky. She cleared her throat, “Damien?” she said out loud. No one answered.
Uhm... this is weird, she thought, Damien didn’t even say good bye, he just left.
She walked around the cabin, his clothes were laying on the room’s floor. The bathroom’s light was still on, and below, there was no evidence of breakfast.
He got out in a hurry. Her heart started beating faster. Yesterday he makes breakfast for me, today he goes out without a word? She started to worry. Did I seem to clingy? Too emotional?
She got out to the backyard, everything was as usual. The morning air was coldish, but it didn’t matter. She clicked her tongue and went back in. I shouldn’t have told him about my mom, he must think I’m too much baggage. But then she stopped.
“No,” she said out loud. What I told him is who I am, I won’t hide, and I wasn’t asking for pity.
She went back to the bedroom, started gathering her belongings. I told him I could be here forever. She rolled her eyes, “Gosh!” I didn’t mean it like that, now he probably thinks I will, just barging into his life, not caring.
“I shouldn’t have said that. Damn, everything was going perfect and you just had to ruin it,” she said out loud. As usual, things turn to shit when they start to get better.
She’d felt a kind of happiness she hadn’t felt before. She felt free to love and be loved without judgment or rules. He was inspiring, he made her feel things she didn’t think existed. But you can’t depend on anyone, Zoe. You don’t need anyone to be happy, you don’t need anyone to complete you. You have to be happy on your own,” she thought as she zipped shut her backpack and went outside.
Chapter 11
Damien kept fighting the urge to shift into bear form. Enzo had to be nearby now. He had to walk a little longer, that’s all. His radio buzzed, Mav’s voice came through it, “No sight of him around here, boss, over.”
“Same here, no sight of Enzo, over,” said Franklin.
“Keep your eyes open. Two things: if you see any trouble remember to stick to protocol. The puncture was small but we need to see if another one has opened; as soon as you see Enzo make contact and bring him to base. Turn to bear form, he can’t be too far, over.”
“Nah, boss,” Mav replied, “he started his round about an hour, hour and a half, before you told us about the emergency, over.”
“Keep the search within a five mile radius, search for his scent, then go back to base. If we don’t find him in that area he’s gone, we’ll have to wait until he comes back.”
&nb
sp; “That ain’t happening, over,” said Franklin.
“Take care guys, if you see any shadow animal, you know what to do,” Damien commanded, “over and out.”
He left his radio on the ground, took off his clothes and let his bear out. His heart was racing, his bear was angry. It wanted him to bite her, to turn her into one of them to save her. But how could he? That worked entirely too well for him, it was a way to keep her around, to make her stay in the mountains. Oh yes, she could leave anytime, but it would be hard. Leaving a mate is always hard, it takes a toll on you. She had to make that decision because she wanted to be with him, not because of this. Especially not for this.
He raced through the forest, his senses attuned to everything around him. He was feeling particularly strong today, every branch of every tree, every bush, every sound of the distant stream a part of him, he navigated the wilderness better than ever.
It had been an invigorating past few days: since he met her, she had turned him into a better person, a better leader. His bear was a mess inside but he knew that being near his mate made him stronger, his senses sharper. Everything but wiser, he thought. Was this the cost of having a mate? Strength instead of wisdom? He had been so distracted by her that he might have missed a puncture of the Shadowlands, might have missed the Rot, and now it was probably growing somewhere in the woods.
It had been a few hours, his body covered in sweat. He was about to turn back, just a few more miles, he thought, when he picked a scent. It was not Enzo. It was the Rot.
The pungent smell came from ahead, not very far. He growled and ran to it.
The scent was getting stronger, then he heard a noise and stopped. He was going to be very careful this time. He wasn’t going to let it fool him. Were shadow animals coming through? He would kill them all and bring their heads and put them on pikes if needed, he hated them.
Then he recognized the noise. It was not an actual noise but a man humming a tune. He marched forward slowly and recognized him: Enzo.
A few hundred feet ahead, he saw him kneeling down, looking at a tree. He still was in his human form, apparently talking to it. What the hell is going on here? Damien thought. He sneaked behind him, his bear had become the forest itself. He used the wind to cover his scent, moving like a shadow, every click and clack of the trees above masking his moves. He was a few dozen feet away when Enzo stood up, a small glass jar on his hands filled with blackness.
He had an instrument drenched in black goo. Damien noticed the tree, its trunk half open, the Rot eating it from inside. Up above, half of its leaves already turned gray and sickly.
Enzo growled, dropped the jar and turned, his eyes searching.
“I know you’re there,” he said sternly, “come out, I want to see you before I kill you.”
His eyes were turning completely dark when Damien stepped forward.
Enzo jumped back, tripping, but composed himself, roaring hard and loud, his posture one of self-defense and fear. Then he looked at Damien, his posture changing, his anger gone.
“Damien?” he said in a half breath, “the hell are you doing here? You almost gave me a heart attack!”
Damien stood in bear form, Enzo’s scent did not particularly gave away any ill intent.
“Damien?” Enzo asked again. Damien waited, looking at him, then shifted back to his human form.
“You’re pretty out of your way, don’t you think?” Enzo asked, then turned serious, “Is everything all right?”
“That tree,” Damien said, “it’s diseased. What are you doing?”
“Oh, this?” Enzo turned to it, stuck it with his long metallic tool, “I saw it, and before closing the puncture, I wanted to take some samples home to analyze.”
“Analyze the Rot... are you insane?”
Enzo’s jaw tightened, “Insane? Why? I want to understand this. I want to know its weaknesses. Our lives would be much better if we knew instead of just counting on our senses to find them. Maybe we could make the punctures go away for good.”
Damien saw him. He was telling the truth. For a second, he had thought something very wrong was happening here. He couldn’t even bring himself to say it. Betrayal. He thought one of his crew members was turning his back on the pack. He was almost ashamed to have thought so. He nodded.
“We need you back. We have an emergency.”
“What happened?”
“Zoe. The Rot is spreading in her, you need to help her.”
Enzo’s eyes widened in fear.
“Go now,” Damien said, “take your stuff, I’ll deal with this.”
Enzo picked up his samples and ran back, trembling at Damien’s hateful look at the rotted tree.
***
Zoe had walked to the headquarters area, it was weirdly silent down there, and now she knew why. Everyone was out. Where is everybody? What’s going on?. She scratched her arm again. It had been itchy all night, she checked herself again: there was nothing there. The black spots were almost gone, they were almost unnoticeable. I’m much better, at least, she thought.
The wind was a bit colder than usual, and out in the distance she could hear the faint rumble of thunder. How long ‘til it rains? I don’t want to be trapped in here, especially in the muddy road. She kept walking down, she didn’t know how far she was from the camp she initially set, and her car was about a half hour hike from there.
I’m not leaving before saying good bye, though, I’m not an ass. So she waited. And waited. And waited some more.
But no one was coming.
What if they’re gone all day, it starts to rain and I can’t leave? I wouldn’t want to be a burden on Damien. The rumble of thunder reached her again, she started getting anxious.
A few yards north of the HQ, the monstrous pickup trucks the guys used for something or other were parked. She had an old Nissan, there was no way it could traverse the dirt road back to the highway if things got bad. Or I could stay, sort this out, play it cool. Not everything revolves around you Zoe, especially if not only Damien, but literally everyone else is gone.
She calmed down a little, she was being ridiculous. How typical of her to find some weird flaw in her prospects. Especially when they were perfect. But she knew they were never perfect.
Well, he isn’t a real prospect. A proper prospect, the sound of those last words sounded as dumb as she felt. I’ve only met the guy what, two days ago? And now he’s a prospect? Chill out, girl.
Damien was okay, more than just okay, okay? We connect on a deeper level. But she still was afraid. She’d never felt this kind of bond with anyone, and now she was trying to find a way to excuse herself out of it.
Besides, I’m trying to change my life!. But what better way to change everything she hated about herself than starting anew in this place? Stop it, Zoe. It’s not happening. That kind of fairytale romance is not real. You met a guy, you connected with him, you had sex. The best sex ever, by the way. The guy is busy, you cannot, simply cannot barge into his life. You’re a burden already, being sick and all.”
“Hey, Zoe,” someone called behind her. She turned around, Enzo was coming to her.
“Hey, Enzo, good morning,” she replied, “seems everyone’s gone, right?”
“Yes. How are you feeling?” the way he asked the question was a bit... cautious?
Zoe looked at her arms and they looked fine. Her right leg and foot didn’t hurt anymore.
“Great, actually, no more pain and my foot seems completely recovered. Now that I realize, I walked all the way down here without limping, I hadn’t even noticed.”
Enzo got to her, “may I see?” he said, raising his hands. She showed him.
He inspected them slowly, pressing it in different parts, asking “does this hurt?” but it never did.
“That’s weird”, he said, “it looks much better. I’d really like to check thoroughly tho’. Would you mind coming with me to the Lab? I’d like to make sure.”
“What’s wrong?” she said, getting nervo
us.
“Oh, nothing. By the looks of it you’re practically cured.”
“So?”
“Well...” he scratched his head, “Damien came to me on one of my rounds, he told me you were getting worse.”
“Worse? How?”
“Maybe he saw it wrong, I don’t know. That’s not very Damien-like, you know? To get so agitated by something like this,” he said plainly, “I mean, you do look good.”
“I’m getting worried, Enzo.”
“Oh it’s fine, we’re going to use meds and... you know.”
“Yes, I know,” she said, remembering him doing his weird, bear shifter, nature channeling thing.
***
“Everything is great, I bet it will be completely gone by tomorrow,” Enzo said, back on his Lab, after putting on new bandages.
“Do you know where Damien is?”
“Back in the woods, oh my!” he suddenly said, his eyes wide.
“What?” Zoe said, gasping.
“I forgot to make contact with everyone else!”
He pulled up his radio.
“Guys! Hey guys! Enzo speaking. I’ve patched Zoe again, she seems all right. She seems more than all right, she’s better than ever,” he said winking at her, she smiled.
“You need any help?” he continued, “I found a puncture rotting a full tree. Damien’s dealing with it, over.”
A few seconds passed, interrupted by the windy outside, a storm was coming.
“Sometimes they take a while to reply,” he said to Zoe.
“Guys? Everything okay, over?”
“Yes, all good around here.” Franklin said, “finishing the round. I’ll take the long way back, just to make sure there’s nothing here, over.”
“A full tree? We should’ve picked on that,” Maverick was suddenly saying. “Did it spread, over?”
“I don’t believe so,” replied Enzo, “Mav, have you seen anything weird, over?”
“That’s a negative. Hey, what about Raiden? We haven’t seen him in a while, over.”
“Raiden can take care of himself,” Franklin replied. “Over.”
“Ask for Damien, is he all right?” she told Enzo, he nodded.