by Abigail Agar
“I need to leave,” she insisted while picking up the skirt of her dress again. “I am sorry, Thomas, it was ... it was lovely meeting you.” She barely even knew what she was talking about anymore. “I hope that you enjoy the rest of your evening.”
“Please do not leave.” Thomas took a step forward, but Victoria scurried back like a scared little mouse. “We can forget that ever happened. I just want to spend time with you. I am enjoying learning everything about you.”
“You cannot.” The tears were falling hard and fast now. “We cannot. I must leave. I am so sorry.”
Regret crushed Victoria’s chest as she sped away from Thomas, but she could not turn back now. She needed to get away before she fell even deeper. Things had got out of control back there, and she could not allow it to get worse.
Chapter Eight
Thomas felt hopeless as he watched Victoria leave without giving him another chance to make things right again. Of course, he considered chasing after her, but that was a whim that he would never act upon. The idea of a gentleman chasing a lady down a dark path in the nighttime, no matter what his intentions were, was wrong in every country. He did not need someone to warn him that was another unwritten English rule. He had to just watch in utter disappointment. He was really enjoying speaking with her; she was the only person who had captured his attention at all. The last thing he wanted was for her to leave, but clearly something about her feelings for him shocked her.
Maybe he should not have kissed her. On reflection, that was clearly a mistake. He only acted upon it because the moment felt so right. The kiss was incredible too, only short and very chaste, but it made him realise that Lady Victoria was very special. He just hoped that she came to the same realisation about him too.
Once she had vanished from view, Thomas turned to look at his home again. His large, empty, cold home. If there was one thing that he missed about America, it was the heat and the sunshine. England was as cold and wet as it was rumoured to be, especially in the winter, which with hindsight was probably a bad time to make his big move. He knew that he had to get back inside to spend time with all his guests, but the enthusiasm had gone now that Victoria had left.
He walked slowly back inside, almost as if he was trying to put off the inevitable, but of course, he could not avoid it forever. As soon as he got back inside the front door, he could hear the voices of all the other people travelling down the hallway which made him roll his eyes again. He could not get everyone to leave with ease, so he needed to put his mask back on until the night was over. His metaphorical one and his actual mask. Luckily, he still had that with him. He could have dropped it being so distracted by Victoria’s presence.
Then, once he had taken in a couple of deep breaths to steady himself, he tried to sneak back into the ballroom undetected. However, because he was hot property at the moment, as Victoria had told him he would be, it appeared that everyone was waiting for his return and their eyes were instantly upon him, staring at him as if he were about to make a speech.
There was a collective pause in the room, which made Thomas very uncomfortable. They all seemed to expect something from him, and he wanted to give it just to make things feel a lot less stressful. He just did not know what it was. It did not help him that everyone else seemed to be on the same wavelength, and it was so different from the one that he was on. He had not felt lonely with Victoria; he had not felt that he was someone so different, but with his guests, he felt that acutely. It was an unusual sensation and one that he did not know what to do with.
Luckily, before he needed to find some words to speak, the band started up again, and the tension in the room rolled away. Some people returned to dancing, others began their conversations again, and the remainder turned away from Thomas leaving him to relax again.
“How are you?” a gentleman who he had spoken to earlier patted Thomas on the back luring him into a conversation. “Feeling better now?” When Thomas gave him a strange look, he explained himself. “You went out to get some air, did you not?”
“Oh. I did.” Thomas nodded, relieved to have something fairly normal to discuss. “Yes. I am much better thank you.”
“And have you seen any ladies here that have captured your eye? I assume that is part of the reason why you held this ball ... to help you find a wife.”
Thomas was not sure that his intentions were that honourable; he did not think that a wife was on his mind when he arranged this night, but that was not something he felt he needed to share. Plus, he thought this might be the perfect chance to find out more about the one person he was actually interested in tonight.
“I was talking to a Lady Victoria Turner. What can you tell me about her?”
Admittedly, this felt a little bit like spying. He would have much preferred to find out everything that he could from her, but she was not here anymore, and he did not know enough. He felt thirsty for information and wanted to know Victoria inside and out.
“Victoria?” The gentleman furrowed his eyebrows as he thought about it. “Lady Victoria Turner? No, that is not a name that I know. I recall there being a Lady Eleanor Turner, but she is married to Duke Roberts now. And I believe there is a younger sister too, a Charlotte. She is very beautiful but also married so it cannot be her that you spoke to.”
Thomas was shocked; how did he not know Victoria? Now he might not have seen Charlotte before, but Victoria was noticeably stunning. He had spotted her from across the large ballroom which was filled with people. She was more attractive than anyone else in this room, than anyone else he had ever seen. She radiated a prettiness that lit up the entire place. He could not think for a second that anyone had missed her,
“Oh, wait, I do think there might be a younger Turner sister,” the gentleman suddenly realised. “But she is really quiet and never shows any interest in anyone. I do not think people have gotten to know her at all. You might be wasting your time with her.” Thomas shook his head. Even though things did not seem straightforward with Victoria, there was not a moment of spending time with her that felt like a waste. Clearly, no one else had the patience to bother to get to know her, which was their own loss. She was wonderful. “Have you met Lady Lucy Smith yet? She has just reached marriage age and is very pretty. She also comes from a very wealthy family, which I am sure is handy for you to know.”
Thomas gritted his teeth. Again with the money talk. He thought that it was vulgar to discuss finances, but it seemed that when it came to marriage, all of those rules went out the window. “I see, well I have not spoken with her yet, I am just ...”
But before he could finish his sentence, a girl with pale blonde hair and even paler skin had been thrust in front of him. She was young, much younger than Thomas who had recently turned eight and twenty years old and that showed on her face. He assumed that she could not be more than eighteen years of age if that. She had a pale pink dress which splayed out really far around her feet, and her hair twinkled so brightly in the candlelight with all the jewels in it, which made it hard to look at. Because of her youth and the obvious wealth that she had on display, Thomas expected her to be shy and quiet; he thought that he would struggle to get any conversation out of her at all, but it seemed that he was wrong. This lady was about to shock him completely.
“I am Lady Lucy Smith,” she declared confidently while holding out her hand for him to take. Thomas took it, and he placed a kiss upon it, resenting the fact that he felt like he had to. “I am sure you know all about my father and his business, so I will not bore you with that.” Well, that was a relief. Thomas was glad not to have to go through that sort of conversation again. “So are you going to ask me to dance?”
“Oh.” Thomas did not know what to say to that. “I see.” Again he felt obliged to do as she asked. “Yes, I guess so.”
Lucy did not seem to sense the hesitation in his voice as she linked her arm through his and practically led him to the dance floor. Being with Lucy was nothing like being with Victoria. In a wa
y, she reminded him much more of the girls in America, but still he did not feel connected to her in the same way. He did not think that he and Lucy would have anything to talk about.
On the dance floor, he placed his hands where they were supposed to go, and he followed the correct steps with Lucy. He behaved exactly as he was expected to; he fit in better with the English people than he had done all night long, yet he felt the most distant. He did not want to be here, dancing with someone that he did not know; it did not feel right. This was not the lovely experience that it had been outside with Victoria. Even without the music or the steps to follow, that felt much better than this.
“How was your journey from America?” Lucy asked, desperate to show that she knew something about Thomas.
“The ocean was very rough,” Thomas answered in a matter-of-fact fashion.
“I bet it is worth it, though, is it not?”
Thomas thought that it might well have been worth it, but not for the reasons that Lucy assumed. There were things that he had no choice but to escape on the other side of the world, so he was grateful to be away from that, and he was also happy to have met Victoria. No one else was going to match up to her. He felt that he could spend all night long talking to the best people in London, but she would always be in the back of his mind, reminding him that she was the best person for him.
He might not have known much about her, but he did have her name. He did not think that it would be too hard to find her in such a small place where everyone knew one another. He could find her, speak with her again, and spend more time with her. Maybe in a more relaxed environment, she would not panic so easily, and things could finally progress.
“Yes, I am glad that I have come to England,” he told Lucy firmly. “I think that I am going to like it here very much.”
Lucy leaned in close to him to whisper as if it was a secret, but Thomas got the impression that she was brazenly flirting with him ... something that he did not like at all. Usually, he would, but this was not a typical night. This was the first night of the rest of his life.
“If there is anything that you would like to know about anyone, please feel free to ask me,” Lucy said. “I am not usually one to gossip, but I do overhear a lot, and I am sure I will be able to help you to get used to London.”
Thomas already knew that he was not going to ask Lucy about Victoria because he knew that her motivations would not be pure. No, he would find his own way into Victoria’s heart, whatever it took. He did not want anything to sabotage this exciting new journey that he found himself on.
“Thank you,” he replied noncommittally. “That is very kind of you.”
Chapter Nine
As the carriage pulled up outside Victoria’s home, that now looked modest compared to where she had just been, she felt an emotional mess. Thomas had unleashed things in her that she did not know she could feel, and now her head was all over the place.
She had to tackle this problem head-on before she got even more upset.
The driver helped her down from her chair in the carriage and walked with her to the front entrance of her home. Victoria felt this was unnecessary; she knew that she could have made the trip by herself, but there was no point in wasting her energy suggesting that when she would not be listened to anyway. She had to save her energy for the challenging conversation that she had to have as soon as she got inside. The temptation was there to leave it until the morning once she had slept off her long night, but she needed the mess of emotions that she was currently experiencing to drive her.
“Thank you,” she practically whispered to the driver on reaching the door. “I am fine from here. I appreciate you taking such good care of me.”
“Of course, My Lady.” The driver bowed and tipped his dark grey hat respectfully. Then he smiled at her as he lifted up his head once more. “Have a good night.”
If only that were possible, Victoria thought wryly. “And you.”
With one deep breath to calm down, Victoria pushed open the door and tiptoed inside. She hoped that she had managed to clear the tears away from her eyes enough so they would not be noticed because she did not want her father to accuse her of being hysterical. When she had felt upset in the past and tried to speak to him about something, it was exactly what he had said. Victoria assumed that was because he did not know how to how deal with her feelings rather than him being dismissive, but she could not be sure.
“Victoria?” her mother’s shrill voice called out to her. “Is that you? Are you home?”
Just be calm, she told herself with a soothing breath. Just be calm and adult about this. There is nothing to worry about.
“Yes, it is me. I am back.”
Victoria followed the sound of her mother’s voice all the way to the drawing room where she was sat with her father already next to them. He had a tumbler of amber liquid clutched tightly between his fingers which Victoria knew was alcohol. Her father did not drink much unless he was at a social event, so this suggested he was feeling as unsettled as her. Both of them looked a little anxious actually, which Victoria regretted. Still, she could put them out of their misery right now, and they would never have to worry about her again.
“May I have a moment of your time? There are some things that I would like to discuss with you?”
Victoria watched as her mother and father shared a look. The Duchess’s cheeks paled slightly. “Yes of course,” she replied. “Please take a seat.”
Victoria could feel her whole body trembling, but she did as her mother had asked. Once she got this very challenging conversation out of the way, she could be out of London very soon, and she could put all of this behind her. It would not be long until this entire night could be pushed far to the back of her memory, never to be thought of again. That idea alone was enough to help her gain the courage to say all the things that she had planned silently in her mind during the long ride home.
“How was the ball?” her father asked, slightly gruffly. “Did you find out who the mysterious host was?”
As Thomas’s face flashed up into her mind, Victoria’s chest tightened. She could convince herself that she would ever think of this night all that she wanted, but she knew that she could not forget Thomas. He was the only man who she could have ever considered for a husband; he was the only man that she had ever taken anything of a liking to. It was just a shame that was a path that her life would never take.
“It was an American man,” she replied through pursed lips. “So I guess what people heard was the truth. The ball was a way for him to meet some new people.”
“So he is staying in England?” her father appeared to be much too interested in Thomas for Victoria’s liking. She wanted the subject to stay as far away from him as possible. “That is fascinating. Do you know why he travelled across the world? Did his business bring him?”
“I do not know,” Victoria replied honestly since that had been the one subject that he did not seem too keen to discuss. “I did not find out too much about him ...”
“Did you speak with him at all? Did you dance with him?”
Victoria needed to change the subject before she ended up saying something that she would go on to regret. The last thing she needed right now was to have every single conversation with him raked over by her parents, and most of what had happened was when they were alone anyway which was utterly forbidden. Her father would go crazy if he learned what she had done. He would not even care that it was never her intention to be alone with Thomas, much less kiss him. None of that would matter to the family reputation.
She needed to talk about something else, and to make that happen she had to do something drastic. “I overheard a conversation earlier, between the two of you,” she admitted. “I was not trying to hear it … it happened by mistake, but now I believe it is something that we all must talk about.”
The Duchess darted her eyes towards the Duke, but he started steadily forwards, refusing to accept her worry. Until they knew exactly what th
eir daughter was talking about, he did not think that it was wise to say anything that might incriminate them. “What did you hear?” he asked gruffly.
Victoria’s heart raced; she did not know if this would be the best thing that ever happened to her or the worst. It was a massive risk to bring up their life plans for her, but as tonight had proved, she could not wait around and do nothing any longer.
“I heard you discussing sending me to the countryside where I can live alone.”
The room was so silent, Victoria could hear each breath that fell from her mouth. Her parents seemed to be frozen as if both of them were waiting for the other to respond. Obviously, this was a plan that they had discussed but not thought out. That told Victoria that even if she did manage to make this happen, it would take some time. She would not be able to leave the following morning.
In the end, she could take the silence no more; she needed to say something to take away the discomfort. “I think that is what needs to happen,” she said seriously. “I think that I would be much happier living alone in the countryside than remaining in the city.”
“Oh, no.” Finally, her mother burst to life. “We do not want this for you; we do not wish to send you away, we are ...”
“Just considering options,” her father joined in. “Because of the unsuccessful seasons and the way that ... it has been more challenging with you than it was your sisters ...”
“Not that we blame you,” the Duchess jumped in because she feared that her husband’s words were going to upset Victoria even more. “We know that you are just quieter than your sisters and maybe ...”