Of course looking skyward caused me to miss an upended tree root, which caused me to fall and twist my ankle and emit a cry. “Oh no,” I moaned. I had heard a sickening crack when I landed—that couldn’t be good.
Jared was at my side. “Let me help you.”
“NO!” I shrank away from him. “No, don’t touchhhh,” I groaned as I pulled myself up against the tree. “I think it’s broken.” I did my best to blink back the tears that were forming, but he noticed them anyway.
He nodded. “Look, I understand you don’t trust me right now, and that’s understandable, but we’ve got to get you somewhere safe. Will you allow me to carry you?”
“Like I have a choice,” I spat venomously.
Without a word he scooped me up. Oh, how awkward was this? Craning my neck and making an extraordinary effort to make sure as little of my body was touching him as possible, I consulted the map. “Alright, the river is coming up; it should be on the opposite side behind that piling of rocks.”
“We’ll have to wade through the water,” he told me.
I attempted to ignore my pain and focus. “It’s only a couple feet deep here, we should be okay. If you need me to I can walk if you support me.”
“I’ll be fine,” he declared. “Don’t you worry.”
“That is all I do when I’m around you,” I muttered. He stiffened, but to his credit, did not give in to my belligerence and made it deftly through the lake. He carried me to the pilings and supported me while I entered the passcode. One of them moved aside and, supporting myself, I made it in. I looked up at Jared. “So, this is The Safe House.”
He shook his head “Jonathan never left anything to chance, did he?”
“No,” I heard my voice say. “No, he did not.”
“Why were you in the attic? I found you by pure chance.”
“I don’t remember,” I admitted. “Jonathan and I had an argument, and I went to my room, but other than that, I don’t know.” I was still reeling. “I told him about, um, last night.”
Jared looked shocked. “Really?”
“Don’t worry. He didn’t blame you.” I tasted the bitterness in my mouth.
Jared looked torn, and seemed to struggle for something to say. “Thank God you weren’t in your bedroom,” he muttered finally. “We would have lost you, too.”
I decided to ignore this, and I hobbled into the room.
It wasn’t much, but it wasn’t supposed to be. It was a collection of three small rooms, a bathroom, a refrigerator, and some canned food. Jared pushed the button to close it behind us and I limped over to the couch and elevated my foot. “Jared, there is ice in the freezer, I hope, so if you could make a compress for my foot that would be great.”
“Of course,” he leapt into action. There was a silence as I sat on the couch, staring at my poor broken foot (which was already sustaining substantial bruising). Concentrate on this, Annie, I told myself. If you focus on this you will easily forget the more pressing matters of your situation, such as the fact that your father is dead, you yourself were almost killed, and (and this is the worst part, really) the person who saved you from an almost certain death is the last person in the world who you want anywhere near you at the moment. To make matters worse, you had to go and be absolutely clumsy and fall to the ground and break your foot, and let him rescue you again.
“Why?” I spat.
“What?” he asked, putting the compress on my foot.
“Ohhh,” I moaned. My eyes watered again. “Why did you come find me? They probably would have killed you, too.”
“I didn’t think about that,” he admitted.
“How did it happen?” I asked.
“What?” he asked.
“You know what.” I was impatient. “Don’t try and spare my feelings. Just tell me how it happened.”
He sighed. “I don’t know, Anabel. I walked into his office because I wanted to tell him about what I had done to you, and I saw him on the floor, with blood spilling out underneath. He had been shot.”
“I see.” Tears were forming again.
He looked at me with pity in his eyes. “I’m so sorry.”
I shook my head. “So he was . . . he was . . .” I felt so helpless. “He was alone.”
He nodded, still looking at me with concerned eyes.
All I could do was stare at the floor. My father was dead. I could not feel a thing. I should feel sadness, but I did not. I should be scared, but I was not. I was empty. This emptiness, this loneliness—it gave me the courage to look Jared squarely in the eyes and say, “Here is what is going to happen.”
He looked at me. “There is a satellite phone in the bottom drawer of the desk. I don’t know if it has battery, we may have to charge it. I need you to get that for me.”
He sprang up and found the sat phone, but grimaced and said, “It’s out of battery. I’ll plug it in.”
I nodded. “It will take at least an hour to charge. Plug it in and then come back over here.”
He did, watching me with unease. “Thank you for saving my life,” I said.
“Oh Anabel, I am so sorry about everything, I really, truly am.” He knelt next to me, the picture of contrition.
“Jared, I don’t care.” There was no point in lying.
“I don’t blame you.” I caught a trace of bitterness.
“Good. I do not want to talk to you. In an hour we will try my brother. In the meantime, I am going to read my book,” I held up Emma, “and I would appreciate it if you would leave me alone.”
He looked at me, about to protest, but then I think he saw the seriousness in my eyes. “Alright then.” And he stared at the wall, and I read.
Maybe that seems cold, I don’t know. But something kicked in with me that day. I had to do something normal. I knew that if I did not read my book I would go down that dangerous road of thinking about things, and having Jared in the room was too much for me. Being in his presence shook me to my very core, and I told myself that I would ignore him.
But then I couldn’t concentrate. He was there, pacing about the room, shifting his feet, looking nervous, letting out little sighs. You couldn’t ignore Jared, especially if he didn’t want you to. This whole act that he was putting on was clearly to get my attention, and it was working. I threw my book down in frustration. “Will you knock it off already?”
“I’m sorry, Anabel. I just can’t handle this as calmly as you.”
“I’m not calm. I’m just practical. There’s nothing to be done until I talk to my brother.”
“Right, then all of our problems will be solved,” he shot back.
So that’s what this was all about. “Look, you don’t have to worry; I’m not going to tell Sam. You’ll still . . . have a job,” I finished.
He shook his head. “I’m resigning.”
I narrowed my eyes. “I just told you that you don’t have to. I don’t see any reason to tell my brother. He’s going to be stressed out enough as it is.”
“That is far more than I deserve,” he told me. “I don’t have an excuse for what I did. All I can tell you is that I am so sorry.”
“Stop. Just stop,” I demanded. “We are not going to talk about that, understand me?”
He hesitated. “Have you stopped bleeding?”
I stared at him, incredulous. “As far as I know.”
“Okay, good.” He sounded relieved. He stopped again. “You should get that checked out when we get out of here.”
Was he serious? “If it’s all the same to you, I think I’ll keep this to myself. I don’t need the world finding out that I’m the latest notch on Jared Sorensen’s bedpost.”
“It wasn’t like that,” he protested.
I steeled myself. “I can’t talk about this with you.”
“I never wanted to hurt you,” he said.
“Oh, for crying out loud.” I was disgusted. “Let it go. Let’s just move on, okay?”
“But Anabel, I want to make this right, someho
w.”
“You can’t, you just can’t.” I looked down, searching for something to say. “This isn’t something you can fix. It just doesn’t work that way.”
“Come on, there must be something I can do.” He was pleading with me now, and way too close to me.
“Please move away from me!” My heart was racing and I could feel a panic attack coming on.
He moved and sat in one of the chairs. “Well, can we at least talk?”
“I cannot think of anything we could possibly chat about, but if you want to make an effort, go ahead,” I informed him.
“I did come rescue you,” he pointed out.
“Yes, and I thanked you. Forgive me if I did not immediately throw myself into your arms and tell you how you were my hero. It’s not really my deal.” My foot was in serious pain, and my temper was very thin.
He frowned. “This isn’t like you.”
“Maybe you forgot this, Jared, but I did just lose my closest family member. Hours ago. I am not quite myself, so please excuse me.” Wincing, I readjusted myself on the couch. “Look, I haven’t eaten all day and am starving. There should be some sort of canned something in that cupboard and I think there is some aspirin in the medicine cabinet, could you please get that for me? With a glass of water?”
Jared nodded and found some canned peaches for me to eat, but no pain relief, which made me even crankier. I gently turned over my beautiful, leather bound edition of Emma. It had been a gift for my sixteenth birthday, a second edition. Wistfully, I thought of a rare happy moment for me and my father, when he had presented me with it. “It is gorgeous!” I had proclaimed. “A second edition! Daddy, how did you find it?”
“I have my ways,” he had smiled at me. “If you love a book, you should have a beautiful copy of it.”
Later, when we were in private, he showed me the back cover. It had a pocket where you could store documents, and in my book, he had included a map of how to get to where I was currently hiding with Jared. “You never know, Anabel,” he instructed, “you always must be prepared.”
I turned to the inscription. “To my Anabel, on her sixteenth birthday. May you always have the good fortune and happiness of Emma Woodhouse, with a bit more sense.” Then I remembered our last exchange, and tears burned in my eyes.
“Anabel?”
“Please, please, I cannot talk about this right now,” I begged, my voice quavering. “I really—I just—I can’t,” I finished lamely.
“I’ll try the phone,” he announced. “Who should I call first?”
“Sam. I need my brother now.”
He called Sam’s direct line and my brother answered, worried sick about me. He had been trying to call me for hours with no response. When Jared handed me the phone I told him that in no uncertain terms that I would not disclose my location to anyone but him and that he was going to have to come and get me.
So Jared and I waited the whole night together, eating canned food and not really talking too much. I feigned sleep, but kept my eyes on him at all times. I didn’t trust him, and even though he sounded repentant, I wasn’t about to let my guard down. For his part, Jared spent the majority of the time fiddling with the radio, flipping through old magazines, and attempting to make me talk to him. He was not successful on that last part.
“When Sam arrived on the island, I gave him directions and he personally carried me out of there,” I explained to Matt. “He’s a good man, my brother.”
“Yes he is. Married to that horrible shrew of a woman, but still,” he replied.
“Why do you hate Alexis?” I was starting to feel drowsy again.
“She has it out for you,” he remarked. “Also, I suspect she’s cheated on your brother.”
I was awake now. “Are you serious?”
“I just need to get the guy to admit it.” I didn’t like his tone of voice, and I knew who he was thinking of.
“But Jared hates Alexis, and she him,” I commented. I began to imitate her. “I cannot stand that man, Anabel, what on earth were you thinking?”
He laughed. “Stranger things have happened in this town.”
“I can’t believe that of Jared. Although . . .” I sighed. “I know what Jared is capable of, and whether he wants to admit it or not, he has done some rather despicable things.”
“When I think of him with his hands on you, it makes me want to kill him,” Matt said, with an intensity that startled me.
“Look, I don’t have fond memories of the night Emma was conceived, after all.”
“It’s hard for me, Anabel.”
“I understand that,” I told him.
“I love you,” he kissed me.
“I love you, too,” I smiled. “Will you read me to sleep?”
He pulled out The Bonfire of the Vanities. “Oh good,” I said, “will you do voices?”
Chapter 42—Jared
When I got to the hospital the next morning, she was already awake and smiling. “Hi Jared!”
“Hey, Anabel.” I nodded at Matt, who didn’t look like he had slept very much.
“I’m going back to your house,” he told her.
“Okay,” she said. He gave her a terse kiss goodbye, which managed to leave her radiant after he left. Then she turned to me. “How’s it going?”
“Good.” I sat down. “How did you sleep?”
“Ugh, fine. All I do is sleep,” she replied. She sat back in the bed. “Look, I have to tell you, I told Matt last night about the rest of the night when my father died.”
I stared at her, unsure of what to say. She shrugged. “Look, we were going to have to hash it out anyway, and he asked me, so I told him.”
“I see,” I pulled the chair closer to her.
“I know you haven’t been pleased with me, Jared, and I understand that, but we have to put this past us. You and I . . . we’ve been through a lot, you know? I really want us to be friends.” She sounded earnest.
Now I looked at her with disbelief. “I don’t know where you come up with this stuff.”
“What do you mean?”
“Let’s review your activities recently, shall we? One minute, you’re kissing me in your brother’s living room, then you’re flirting with your bodyguard, then you’re kissing me again—”
“You kissed me, that last time,” she pointed out. “I did not kiss you back.”
I quickly reviewed the moment in my mind, and . . . she was right. She hadn’t kissed me back. I sat back in my chair, shaking my head.
She sighed. “I’m sorry.”
“I think it’s best if we don’t talk,” I muttered.
She gave me a sad little smile. “I remember saying the very same thing to you.”
And I was reminded yet again of what I had done to her, and I was shamed into silence.
“I need you to not be mad at me,” she pleaded.
“It’s hard to be mad at you when you’re all pitiful in your hospital bed,” I offered.
“There’s the Jared I know! Much better.” Anabel leaned forward. “Look, it’s just . . .” She searched for words. “I guess a lot of people around me, I view in black and white, you know?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well,” she continued, “it’s like, who’s good and bad, you know? Like I see Sam as a good person, Matt as a good person, your sister as a good person.” She stopped.
“Alexis not so much?”
She laughed a little. “She really hates me, doesn’t she?”
“I don’t see why,” I said.
“You know what the weird thing is? We were actually quasi-getting along for a little bit there, before I started telling everyone about the baby.” She paused. “Maybe that’s it. Maybe it’s the embarrassment I caused. But anyway, the point is everyone else I see in black and white. But not you.”
“And how do you see me?”
“You’re like me,” she smiled. “You’re somewhere in the gray. And like I can deal with all of my faults and failings, I can
deal with yours.”
“So you see me like you see yourself? That’s hardly a fair comparison,” I protested.
“Maybe so. But I think maybe being with Matt . . . someone who’s not in the gray . . . might make me a little less . . . dark,” she explained.
“So we’re too alike?”
“In certain ways, yes,” she agreed.
“Wow.” And once again, she had me at a loss.
She looked thoughtful. “It’s rather a breakthrough for me, to admit that. Isn’t that exciting? I think I’m making some progress.”
“It would be exciting if the mother of my child wanted to raise my daughter with me,” I retorted.
She sighed. “What do you want me to do, Jared? What do you want me to say? I can’t just make my feelings magically change.”
“No, but you could give us a chance,” I argued.
“Why?” Now she was wide-eyed. “Give me a good reason, Jared, one that does not involve Emma, and I will consider it. But you have to give me a darn good reason, and telling me you love me just does not cut it.”
“You are different, Anabel, just so different from any other woman I’ve ever been with. I care about you so much. I was scared out of my wits when I thought you might be dead. I spent months trying to contact you, and now that we are actually talking, I am afraid to leave you because I worry that you won’t be here when I come back.”
She smiled at me. “Oh Jared, you gave me a cell phone, remember? You can always contact me now.”
“Matt hates me. It’s only a matter of time before he sways you to his side.”
“Matt goes out of his way to be respectful of the fact that you and I are having a baby,” she pronounced. “Also, I do not know if you have noticed this, but I have a tendency to have my own opinions, no matter how much they differ from those closest to me. Since you’ve known me, I totally defied my father, I haven’t listened at all to my brother—the man who was once the leader of the free world— and in spite of the fact that my bodyguard does not like your presence, I still keep you around.” She grinned at me and I felt the knot in my stomach unclenching.
“You still keep me around, huh?” As usual, it was hard to be mad at her.
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