by Sybil Bartel
Elbows straight, muscles tense, Buck didn’t move.
My fingers curled in his hair, my tongue swept across his ear, and I feathered kisses along his jaw.
The muscles in his neck strained.
I pulled at his bottom lip with my teeth.
His body came crashing down on mine, his forearms went to either side of my head and he caged me in. His lips parted with a fierce groan and he took control like he owned me.
Buck’s kiss wasn’t a kiss—it was a possession I felt to my very soul. Every breath in his presence was one more step away from who I was before I met him. And when his hips surged forward for one torturous tease of all he had to offer, my lips tore away from his with a desperate cry of need. I didn’t want to stop this. Not anymore.
Raising his head, trapping me in the intensity of his stare, he rocked forward again.
And fear splintered through me.
This was what we would be like together. My desire, his need, my desperation, his promises, I felt every inch of it and I felt my heart—slipping away into his arms. Arms that would be gone in a matter of days. I couldn’t do this. I couldn’t give him the last thing I had to give. There would be no coming back. “I can’t do this,” I said frantically.
“Do what?” Buck ran his nose across my cheek and kissed below my ear.
“Casual sex.” It was easier than explaining I had nothing to give.
He met my eyes. “I don’t want casual sex.”
My traitorous heart grasped at his pretty words, and the last pieces of my resolve threatened to slip out of reach. I wanted to cry out in agony. Instead, I blurted the first desperate words that came to my mind. “I don’t do one night stands. I’m not into sex.”
Stock still, only the pulse in his neck gave him away. “What are you into?”
I spoke the one truth I knew. “Staying alive.”
“Excellent vice.” He rolled off me and went to the shower.
My heart pounding, I lay there and tried to figure out what had just happened but I couldn’t. I had no experience with this sort of thing. All I knew, I felt off. Like wrong, off. And since I had no filter between my brain and mouth, I barged into the bathroom and let loose.
“What the hell was that?” I said to the shower curtain.
No response.
My hands went to my hips. “Fine. I get it, okay? You’re throwing yourself out there, putting it all on the line for me. The protection, the risk, the expense—I’m not ungrateful, I’m not, it’s just—” The shower turned off.
Buck threw the curtain back and his eyes zeroed in on mine with that preternatural ability of his. He reached for a towel, completely at ease with his naked—nakedness.
Oh shit. I couldn’t look. I wanted to look but I couldn’t look. Okay, I really wanted to look. A dripping wet muscled dream, I wanted to look. Concentrating all my attention, I forced my eyes to stay on his but my nervous mouth went for a run.
“I don’t know what the hell just happened, especially since you said last night that it wouldn’t happen, and not that you asked, but I don’t do relationships. I don’t put myself out there, and this thing?” I waved my hand between us, except I did it at, well, you know, level—with everything. Shit. Shit. I gulped and kept rambling. “It’s just, that was not fair. I’m not immune. You’re like Dionysus and Hercules all rolled into one. A body to die for, all protection and sin and smoldering sexual heat, it’s like you’re God’s personal arsenal against women. What the hell am I supposed to do with that? I can’t compete with that. I can’t even get in the game. I was left at the starting gate wondering how the hell I even got here. Not that any of that matters because you said nothing’s gonna happen between us.” My voice had risen to a high squeaky pitch as Buck calmly toweled off, never taking his eyes off mine.
He secured the towel around his waist. “Are you going to shower?” he asked calmly.
“No, yes.” Wait, what? “I don’t know.” I crossed my arms. “Are you going to stand there?” I suddenly felt naked. Insecurity and inexperience all hanging out, naked. I was so out of my league.
“No.”
It was all the warning I got.
Buck grabbed my shoulders, spun me around and hoisted his T-shirt up and over my head. Holding me around the waist with one hand, he threw the shower on and lifted me in. Lukewarm water cascaded down my sputtering face.
“For the record, I find you attractive too.” Buck waltzed out of the bathroom, closing the door behind him.
“You forgot my underwear!” I shouted, pissed that my only pair was now soaking wet. Damn it, how did he keep getting the better of me?
I pushed all my emotions down and focused on showering, grudgingly thankful there was at least some conditioner. No makeup, no clean clothes, no jewelry, shit, no possessions except a dirty outfit and a tampon box full of cash. I’d worked hard to save up that ten grand but now it just seemed pathetic. Everything about me seemed pathetic and I hated that I felt embarrassed.
I stepped out of the shower to find my clothes neatly folded on the sink counter. Stupid, silent, sneaking marine. I wrung my panties out, threw them over the towel bar and got dressed. After a cursory run through my hair with my fingers, I opened the bathroom door.
Buck was waiting. “I’m sorry I don’t have a hairbrush to loan you.” His arms crossed at his chest, wearing a similar outfit to yesterday, he looked funny saying the word hairbrush.
Now I was in a mood. “Do I look like I need a hairbrush?”
“No,” he said instantly.
“Well, I do,” I snapped. “Hairbrush, makeup, clothes, shoes—these are the sorts of things a woman becomes accustomed to in today’s society.” I didn’t want to take this out on Buck. I wanted to stop myself, I did, it’s just that I felt a little like a kidnapping victim if I was being honest.
“Talon will help you with that today,” he stated flatly.
“Talon?” Alarm bells went off.
“I’m going to see my mother.”
Jesus. I was being a selfish bitch. “I’m sorry.”
“Don’t worry about it.” Buck glanced at his watch. “I have to go, but I’ll be back tonight. We can talk then, come up with a game plan.”
Gee, great, couldn’t wait. “Fine.” I had about as much hope for my future as I had in Miami suddenly getting amnesia.
Buck studied me a moment. “You okay?”
“Yeah, fine, great, perfect, never better.” I looked away. Why couldn’t I shut up around this man?
His finger found my chin and he brought my eyes back to his. “Don’t do that with me. If I ask you a question, it’s because I want an honest answer. I’m not here to judge you.” He swept his thumb across my cheek.
“Then why are you here?” This was the crux of it for me.
“Because I want to be here,” he said without hesitation.
And that’s what I didn’t understand. I heard the words, they just didn’t make sense. “So you’ve said.”
A flicker of emotion passed across his face but then it disappeared. “We’ll talk tonight. I put your money in the bottom dresser drawer. You can get clothes at Talon’s shop. Try not to be too surly with him today.”
“Talon’s shop?” He owned a women’s clothing store?
“You’ll see. C’mon, I’m late.” Buck put his hand at the small of my back and ushered me upstairs.
Despite the early hour, Talon was already up making coffee. I practically mewed at the smell and Talon chuckled.
“Coffee addict?” He raised an eyebrow at me.
“That obvious?” I sunk onto a stool at the counter.
“Sniffin’ the air like a cat in heat, lookin’ like you’ll claw your way past me to the pot? Nah, not that obvious.” Talon pulled two mugs out of the cupboard.
“Ha.” If I’d had something to throw at him, I would’ve.
“Don’t be a jerk,” Buck warned, stepping around him to the fridge. He reached in for a carton of orange juice and held i
t up to me.
I shook my head, contemplating clawing my way to the coffee.
Buck pulled a glass out of another cupboard, clearly knowing his way around Talon’s place. After he poured some juice, he looked at Talon. “I’m heading back but I need to switch out my car first. Drop me on your way in?”
A familiar coldness crept across my back. I didn’t have to ask why he wanted to switch vehicles.
“No problem.” Talon glanced at Buck. “I just gotta grab some paperwork off the printer and I’ll be ready.”
“I’ll get it.” Buck disappeared down the hallway.
My eyes cut from the hallway to Talon but he was studiously ignoring me as he poured two cups of coffee and grabbed the cream out of the fridge. He set a mug and the cream in front of me.
Something was up. “Does he usually play secretary for you?”
“He’s like the Energizer Bunny, can’t keep him still.” Talon took a sip of his coffee.
Bullshit, something was going on. “Did you...” I didn’t get the rest of my question out before Buck strode back into the kitchen and handed a folder to Talon.
A silent communication passed between them then Buck looked at me. “Question?” His tone was casual but his body was tense.
“Yeah, she was askin’ what you’re like in the sack.” Talon chuckled.
Instant heat hit my face. “I was not!”
Buck glared at Talon. “Don’t be an asshole.”
Talon laughed. “Nothin’ doin’, nothin’ doin’.” He gave the folder a cursory glance then set it on the counter. “You gonna commute or stay in Gainesville?”
Buck eyed Talon for a second longer then drank his juice. “Commute.” He put his glass in the dishwasher. “I need a couple of toss-aways, you got any?”
“Drawer.” Talon inclined his head to a kitchen drawer.
Buck opened the drawer, and needing caffeine, I turned to my coffee. I poured a generous amount of cream in but it barely turned the coffee’s color. I was practically salivating, it was just how I liked it, strong as hell.
“Sugar?” I asked Talon.
Talon looked at me a moment, then a shit-eating grin spread across his face. “Sugar,” he said slow and lazy, his eyes burning with mischief.
I didn’t know what I missing, but I scowled at Talon just the same. I was positive it was an appropriate response.
Talon grabbed a few packets out of a cupboard and handed then to me. “Sugar, Sugar.” He winked, drawing the second sugar out slow and deliberate.
Buck watched us then put his hands on his hips and sighed. “He nicknames everyone.”
“Sugar,” Talon said conspiratorially.
Unbelievable. I dumped all three packets in my coffee.
“More, Sugar?” Talon grinned at me.
“Just a spoon, Bird Claw,” I snapped. It was the best my caffeine-deprived mind could come up with.
Talon howled with laughter then looked at Buck. “I think she likes it.” He slid a spoon across the counter. “For the record, Sugar, you’re not very original.”
“Neither are you,” I threw back, vowing to come up with another nickname for him. Prick came to mind.
Talon saluted his coffee mug at me. “If the name fits.” He smiled and winked, taking a sip.
“Ease off,” Buck warned.
“Never,” Talon threw back good-naturedly. “My house, my rules.”
Buck shook his head. “Let’s go.”
“Can I bring my coffee?” The thought of leaving my caffeine behind gave me the shakes.
“If you spill in my car, you’re detailin’ it—in a bikini.” Talon winked and Buck glared at him. “What? You know you’d watch.”
“You’re an ass.” Buck walked out of the kitchen.
Talon scanned the length of me, grinned then turned toward the stairs. “Yeah, but you’d still watch!”
The second Talon disappeared down the stairs, I rushed over to the forgotten folder and quickly opened it. It was empty.
“Let’s go!” Buck hollered.
“Coming!” Those bastards.
* * *
I stood in the driveway while Talon backed a brand new black Dodge Challenger out of his garage and Buck pulled the Infiniti in. I knew they were hiding something but I wasn’t stupid enough to think I could make them tell me. My only choice was to bide my time until opportunity arose.
I climbed in the back of the Challenger and was immediately hit with the scent of Talon. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t like it, but Talon’s driving? That was another story. He scared the shit out of me. Seat leaned way back, one hand on the wheel, he broke every speed limit, whizzing in and out of traffic while carrying on a conversation with Buck. Buck seemed unconcerned but I was a complete wreck by the time Talon pulled up to a car rental place.
Buck turned around in his seat. The second he saw me, his face dropped. “What’s wrong?”
My hand was on my heart and it was a miracle I hadn’t spilled my coffee. “Have you survived many car rides with him?”
Talon spun around. “What the hell’s wrong with my drivin’?”
Buck looked like he was suppressing a grin. “As a matter of fact, last time we were in Afghanistan—”
“Dude,” Talon interrupted him.
Buck leaned back and looked at Talon. “What?”
“That was fuckin’ bullshit and you know it.” Talon almost seemed embarrassed.
Buck broke out a rare smile and turned to me. “Let’s put it this way, if the United States government had charged him for his—” Buck spared a glance at Talon, “—mishap, it would’ve been the world’s most expensive tow.”
“What happened?” Now I had to know.
“Don’t do it, Deer Hunter,” Talon warned.
Buck grinned. “Talon got our Humvee wedged in a ravine.” He paused for effect. “Upside down. A Super Stallion helicopter had to pull us out.”
“Dude. That is fucked up.” Talon sighed, shaking his head.
“Upside down?” Why wasn’t I surprised?
“Did you get fuckin’ shot? No. So, shut the fuck up,” Talon snapped.
Buck smiled. “Not that day.”
I looked at Buck. “You got shot?”
“Save your sympathy, Sugar, he barely got kissed,” Talon scoffed.
“I didn’t get shot that day because I was hanging upside down with a ten-thousand-pound metal shield on top of me thanks to a seriously pissed off Talon.” Buck winked.
“Egg-xactly.” Talon drew the word out, proud of himself.
Buck shook his head then looked at me. “Step out with me a minute.”
He offered his hand as I got out of the car, then closed the door. “You gonna be okay today?”
“Shouldn’t I be asking you that?”
“I’m not the one spending twelve waking hours with Talon.”
I didn’t want him worrying about me. I felt guilty enough. “I’ll be fine, take care of your mom.”
Buck stared at me a moment. “Don’t fall for Talon,” he said quietly.
A thousand pinpricks of desire tingled across my flesh as I remembered the feel of his hard body over mine. “His words aren’t pretty,” I whispered.
The backs of his fingers glanced down my cheek and my heart rate went into overdrive.
“Good. I only want you thinking my words are pretty.”
I didn’t touch that. I couldn’t. The early morning sun shining on his face, his eyes practically glowing, his tanned skin a beautiful shade of honey, I was lucky I remembered to breathe. “Drive safe.”
His hand landed on my hip and he gently squeezed. “We’ll talk tonight,” he promised.
“Okay.” Talk. Talk was good. Touching? Bad, so, so bad. I forgot everything when Buck touched me.
His thumb brushed across my bottom lip and he lowered his voice to a rough whisper. “I want to kiss you...but I’m not going to.”
My legs turned to rubber, then all of a sudden my brain caught up and the s
entence sunk in. His comment about not being able to keep me safe if he was only looking at me, the little vanishing file act in the kitchen, last night. This was bullshit. I jerked back. “It’s all about the control to you, isn’t it? Take what you want, when you want. You get to call all the shots. One big game. Buck’s game, all Buck, all the time.” And I was the stupid pawn falling at his feet.
Anger spread across his face and he yanked the car door open. “I’m not playing a game.”
“Yeah? Then what the hell was the empty folder about?” I didn’t care if I pissed him off.
“When there’s something to tell, I’ll tell you,” he bit out.
I was mad enough to spit but a thread of guilt seeped in and made me even angrier. I stood there a second, but when he wouldn’t look at me, I sunk into the car.
Buck barked orders at Talon. “She needs a run for incidentals and let her pick what she wants at the shop.”
“Already handled.” Talon looked amused.
Buck dropped a cell phone in my lap. “For emergencies.” He slammed the door and walked toward the car rental place.
Talon whistled low. “Oh Sugar, you got a knack for pissin’ him off.” Grinning, he backed out way too fast and spun his car around like we were on a racetrack.
Watching Buck walk away, my gut twisted with regret. “You don’t know the half of it,” I muttered, gripping the door handle as Talon gunned it out of the parking lot.
Talon howled with laughter, the sound filling the black cocoon of car around us.
“Don’t think you’re off the hook for the empty folder bullshit either. I know you found something.”
Without missing a beat, Talon lied with practiced ease. “Don’t know what you’re talkin’ about.”
Yeah, right. I wasn’t going to get any information out of him, but at least he knew I wasn’t stupid.
Talon took a corner too sharp and the cell phone in my lap began to slide. I grabbed it and shoved it in my purse. “Do you always keep an extra stash of cell phones?”
Talon glanced at me and winked. “Never know when you’re gonna need a new number.”
I could only imagine his trail of disgruntled women. “I’m sure the ladies love when you do that.”