by Sybil Bartel
“Don’t patronize me, Talon, I asked a question.”
Talon dropped his smile. “First, there is no we and second, I’m not havin’ that conversation with you.”
Talon was pissing me off. I had a right to know. “Oh, so I’m good enough to be an accomplice but I’m not worthy enough to know how the crime is gonna go down?”
“Self-defense is not a crime,” Talon said lethally.
Fuck. I knew I’d given up control when I’d gotten in the car with Buck, but I was still stupid enough to think I’d had some choices. Weary to the point of exhaustion, I stepped away from Buck and looked at Talon. “Thank you for taking me into your home.” I glanced up at Buck. “Thank you for protecting me. I’m sorry about the personal cost to you, especially right now.” I walked out.
Chapter Twelve
I went directly into the bathroom, shut the door then sat on the edge of the tub. A minute later a soft knock sounded on the door.
“Yeah?”
Buck pushed the door open. “You okay?” He leaned on the doorframe.
Jesus, he was beautiful. He wasn’t just an incredible wall of muscle. He was kind and smart and honorable, and nothing like my father. Buck had tried to protect me. My father had made me a target. I was furious at him but if I let the anger in I felt like I’d lose it, and I was tired of losing it. I was tired of this whole thing. “Not really,” I admitted.
“Do you want to talk about it?”
I looked away from his intense eyes. Talking wouldn’t change anything. My father was a liar—a total fucking liar. I was sitting on a fat trust that was about to mature and I was marked to die because he didn’t give a shit enough to wonder how his actions would affect his family, let alone all the people who voted for him. People he’d cheated and lied to. It made me sick to even think about it. I shoved everything down deep and stood. “Let’s go to sleep. You must be exhausted.”
“I’m not too tired to talk to you,” Buck said quietly.
“I’m too tired to talk to me.” I half laughed and he stepped back when I walked out of the bathroom.
I crawled into the same side of the bed as last night and scooted as far to the edge as possible. Buck went into the bathroom and two minutes later he climbed into bed freshly showered. Except he didn’t stick to his side, he immediately pulled me to his chest as if two strangers sharing a bed for a second night in row was as normal as could be. I didn’t bother fighting him on it because truth was, I liked being in his arms. I liked it more than anything in my shitty life.
Buck smoothed my hair and trailed his fingers down my arm then took my hand in his. He brought it to his mouth and left a gentle kiss on my knuckles.
“Talk to me,” he whispered. “Tell me something about you.”
I blurted the first thing that came to my mind. “This is only the second time I’ve done this.”
“Second time you’ve done what?” He left another kiss then tucked our entwined hands against my stomach.
“Slept with a man,” I said shyly.
Buck paused for only a heartbeat. “Who was the first?”
I breathed in then out. “You.”
Buck tensed then went still. “You’ve only ever slept with me?”
“Yes.” And now I couldn’t imagine ever sleeping next to anyone else. If that didn’t spell disaster, I don’t know what did.
“I’m honored,” he said immediately, and kissed the top of my head.
Relieved by his reaction, the tension eased out of me. “Yeah, well, it’s not like we had a choice.” I shrugged.
Buck pulled away and put me on my back so he could look at me. “You always have a choice. I would never, ever, force anything on you. If you’re not comfortable with this, tell me and I’ll go upstairs. I don’t want you to feel pressured into anything, okay?”
“I kinda like it,” I admitted.
Slowly, in the light of the moon, I saw a smile spread across Buck’s face, and for the first time all night, something felt right.
“Me too,” he said softly, tucking me back into his arms.
Feeling safe, I snuggled against Buck’s hard chest and began to drift off. I was almost asleep when he spoke again.
“Have you had sex, Layna?”
I opened my eyes and blinked a few times, wondering how to answer this, wondering how much I should tell him. A familiar surge of anger toward Sean-the-Jerk was quickly followed by regret then guilt. I sighed.
“You don’t have to answer that.”
“No, it’s okay.” I wanted to tell him the truth. “I’ve had sex, once, when I turned eighteen. I decided I didn’t want to be virgin anymore. Boyfriends, relationships, they weren’t a possibility, so I, um, found this guy. He seemed okay and I had sex with him. He wasn’t...it wasn’t what I expected. I never did it again. I never wanted to, not after that.”
Buck was quiet a moment. When he spoke, his voice was carefully controlled. “You didn’t want to wait to be with someone you cared for?”
I scoffed at the idea. “It’s not like there was anyone or would ever be anyone.”
“Why not?” Buck sounded surprised.
“You saw what happened outside the church. Miami scares away anyone who tries to get close to me. He told me if I wanted to get serious about someone, he’d send someone my way. I wasn’t going to let that happen. As it was, I never saw Sean-the-Jerk again.”
Buck tensed. “Sean-the-Jerk? Do I even want to know?”
“No, but I’ll tell you. The idiot showed up at my house after I’d already told him it was going to be a onetime deal. He was drunk as hell and kinda made a scene. I tried to get him to leave but then I just got irritated. He’d been a selfish jerk, or maybe he hadn’t—how would I know, I had nothing to compare it to. Anyway, I shut the door in his face and left him there. I heard Miami’s men pull up but I never went to check on him. In the morning, he and his car were gone.”
“I’m sorry.”
“You want to know the awful part? I’m not sure I am. I have no idea what happened to the guy. He could be at the bottom of the ocean for all I know and I can’t seem to care beyond thinking I should care. I mean—I feel guilty for not trying to defend him, not that it would’ve necessarily done anything, but still, I don’t know. I’m a bad person. I should’ve cared.”
Buck shifted and his voice took on an edge. “You should’ve cared that a guy like that took advantage of you?” He sounded angry.
“Who was really taking advantage?” I countered.
Buck inhaled and let it out slow. “Had he ever had sex before?”
“Yeah.” I guess.
“Was he older than you?”
“A few years.” What did that matter?
“He took advantage of you,” Buck stated.
I shrugged. “If you say so.” I wasn’t convinced.
Buck ran a hand over his face. “Look, he took advantage. There are things he could have done—should have done, so you enjoyed yourself. He should have taken care with you.”
“It’s not like I advertised—hey I’m a virgin, take it easy.” This was the most absurd conversation I’d ever had.
“He knew, Layna. Whether you told him or not, he knew. It’s not something you can hide and that’s my point.” Buck’s quiet voice had turned to an angry whisper.
“Whatever, it’s in the past. Nothing to get worked up over.” It wouldn’t change shit.
Buck took another deep breath and pulled me closer. “I never would’ve treated you like that. He was given a gift and he threw it away.”
I didn’t say anything. What was the point? Buck was a hundred times more a man than Sean-the-Jerk. But I couldn’t be sorry about my first time not being with Buck. I would’ve fallen head over heels and Miami would’ve tried to kill him. The very thought of Buck getting hurt made my chest ache.
“Do me a favor?” Buck asked quietly.
I shoved the horrible thought away and breathed in, willing my voice not to shake. “Okay.”
/>
“Don’t ever settle for that again. You deserve more. You’re beautiful, determined and smart. Just, don’t settle.”
“Okay,” I whispered into the dark, hoping I wasn’t lying to only person who had mattered to me since my parents. “Good night, Buck.” I needed to end this conversation.
“Good night, Layna.”
* * *
The next morning, Buck promised to call me during the day then he’d quietly disappeared before the sun was up. I dragged my ass upstairs in my new clothes and Talon and I started our day in a subdued silence. Coffee, heart-stopping drive to work, an endless stream of Talon groupies and the daily grind that made a shop run in between all the chaos that was Talon’s life. I learned that Talon was even in a band. He said they sucked but it was a total chick magnet so he stuck with it. Shocker.
Talon didn’t mention one word about last night and I wasn’t about to bring it up. Without Buck, my life felt like a ticking time bomb and I almost felt guilty for dragging Talon into it, but the fact that he’d found out about the bank account scared the shit out of me. I was sure I didn’t want to know what else he was capable of.
I wanted to hate my father but a small part of me felt bad for him. I’d known the first month he’d taken office that his new life was a hundred times more stressful than when he’d been a lawyer. But that still didn’t excuse criminal behavior. Feeling raw and confused, I pushed everything down deep and busied myself with dusting Talon’s shop.
By midafternoon, I noticed the stream of women had staunched to a trickle. A guy had come in to commission a surfboard and had started flirting with me after he finished his business with Talon. Talon watched him for a minute then sauntered to my side and slipped his arm around my shoulder.
“Grab me a water from the kitchen, Sugar.” Talon kissed my temple.
I knew what he was doing but I didn’t care. I would’ve told the guy to fuck off, in a nice way of course, in about thirty more seconds. Talon only beat me to it.
“Sure thing boss, you let me know when it’s safe to come back out.” I smiled my fake cheery smile and Talon slapped my ass as I walked away.
“You’re barkin’ up the wrong tree,” I heard Talon say.
“Shit, it’s true? She’s the one living with you?” the guy asked in disbelief.
I stopped around the corner to eavesdrop.
“You hit on her again, you’ll be wishin’ you never laid eyes on her,” Talon said in a deadly calm voice.
The guy laughed. “Ohhh shit dude. It is true! Damn, I never thought you’d fall. Picked yourself a hottie though. Give you credit man, I love the side of Asian flavor.”
“You tryin’ to get your face rearranged?”
The guy laughed again. “Okay, okay, I get it. Your property, dude. No problem.” A few seconds later the door chime sounded.
I heard Talon mutter cocksucker then he called out for me. “Sugar! Come on back.”
I couldn’t help it, I was smiling when I walked out. Someone getting a rise out of Talon was funny as hell. “You done pissing in the sand?”
Talon looked irritated. “Fuckin’ prick. Stay away from him. He’s a dog.”
“And you’re not?” I asked sweetly.
Talon glared at me then his voice went really quiet. “No Sugar, I’m not.”
You could hear my swallow. “Sorry.” I hadn’t meant to insult him. But you couldn’t blame me. The stream of women coming through his place was almost comical. “It’s just that you have a lot of women.”
“Never treated one of ’em like an animal.” Talon held me in his glare.
I held my hands up in defeat. I didn’t want to hear anymore. “Okay, point taken, next subject.”
“What’s goin’ on with you and Blaze?” he asked immediately.
Shit, I’d left myself wide open for that. “Nothing, not that it’s any of your business.” I crossed my arms.
“You sharin’ more than a bed?”
“What?”
“You heard me.”
“And I would answer you, why?” Who the hell did he think he was?
“Because I want to know your intentions.”
Seriously? Was he for real? “Why, you interested?” I snorted.
Talon didn’t move, he didn’t even blink.
Well shit. He was serious. “You’re a nosy bastard, you know that? Nothing is going on between us. We share a bed because you didn’t have the foresight to buy a house with more than two bedrooms.”
Talon continued to eye me. “You’re lyin’, your pretty little eyes give you away.”
“Fine, I’m lying. Ask Buck if you’re so damn concerned.” I stormed off to the back room to check in some merchandise.
An hour later, my phone rang. I answered on a sigh. “Hey, how’s your mom?”
“What’s wrong?”
“Nothing.”
Pause. “Talon said you were in a bad mood, everything okay?”
The bastard. “I’m fine. How’s your mom?” I asked again.
“She’s sleeping. Want to talk about it?”
I decided to tell Buck the truth. “I got irritated because Talon was pumping me for information.”
“About?”
“Us.”
Silence. Then Buck inhaled slowly. “He didn’t tell me that.”
Figures. “Yeah, well I told him to mind his own business, he kept pushing so I said nothing was going on, and he accused me of lying.”
“Were you?”
“What?” A shiver I couldn’t explain ran down my spine and settled in my stomach.
“Were you lying?”
“What do you mean?” I whispered, cursing myself for not saying no.
Buck didn’t hesitate. “Did you want there to be something going on?”
The shiver in my stomach spread to my limbs and I began to shake. I couldn’t describe this feeling except to say I hated it and I loved it, really, really loved it. “Buck...”
He cut me off. “Because we talked about this. There can’t be an us.”
It felt like someone kicked my legs out from underneath me.
“Layna.”
I sucked in air but I didn’t want to. I wanted to disappear. “Yeah?”
“You weren’t thinking anything had changed, were you?”
“Um...no.” My voice cracked.
He was quiet a moment. Then, “Okay, good. I’ll see you tonight.”
Chapter Thirteen
Talon was quiet when we got home. He kept looking at me but he didn’t say a word. I mumbled something about being tired and escaped downstairs. I curled up on the bed and as much as I tried to stop it, the conversation with Buck replayed in my mind over and over. Swearing I wouldn’t cry, I squeezed my eyes shut and prayed for it to stop. Mercifully, I fell asleep.
A knock woke me up.
“You coming up for dinner?” Talon stood in the doorway with only a pair of board shorts on.
“Where’s Buck?” I didn’t move.
“Not back yet.”
I stared at Talon’s impressive physique. “Why’d you let that guy at the shop think I was with you?”
Talon cocked his head to the side. “Would bein’ with me be such a bad thing?” He smiled predatorily.
“I’m being serious.”
He pushed off the doorframe. “Nothin’ doin’, Sugar. It was a means to an end. You’re off limits as far as he’s concerned. Come and eat.” He came to the edge of the bed and held his hand out to me.
I didn’t take it. “What makes you think you get to decide who I’m off limits to?”
Talon dropped his hand. “I didn’t decide shit. You’ve been off limits since your parents took too many bullets to survive.”
My whole body tensed. The familiar panic, muscle tensing, heart racing, urge to flee, it flooded back into my system like an old virus. I’d had no idea it was gone until it swelled up and threatened to drown me. My breathing went ragged and I tried to curl smaller. “That’s not fair.”
Talon dropped to a squat¸ his eyes level with mine. “Life’s not fair.”
“Go away.” My voice shook.
Talon leaned closer. “He’s owned you for three years. Three years you were off limits. Don’t you think it’s time to be free?”
“Stop it.”
“Free as a bird, Sugar,” Talon whispered. “Free as a bird.” He stood abruptly. “Then you can decide who you want to be with and I won’t stop you. Not even if it’s a fuckin’ surf asshole.”
“I can’t afford that kind of hope.” It would crush me.
“You can’t afford not to.”
I clutched the covers to my chest. “Leave.”
Talon stared at me for three full heartbeats. “Food’s upstairs.” Then he walked out.
This time I couldn’t stop the tears. I cried myself back to sleep.
* * *
When I felt the bed shift, I was instantly on the defensive. Half asleep, I opened my eyes to pitch black. Pushing my hair from my face, I blurted out in a scratchy voice, “I’m not hungry!”
The shifting went still.
“Talon said you didn’t eat.” Buck’s soft deep voice floated down around me.
“Buck,” I practically cried, rolling over and reaching for him.
“Hey, hey, hey.” His arms wrapped around me and his scent filled my lungs with heaven. “Shh, it’s okay.” His giant hands smoothed my hair and caressed my back.
I wanted to cry. I wanted to kiss him. I wanted him closer. I was overcome with emotion and he was quickly becoming my anchor. I knew it was one sided and it scared the hell out of me.
“I’m sorry, I don’t know what’s wrong with me.” I swiped at a stray tear.
“It’s okay.” He lay down with me in his arms.
We stayed like that for a minute, an hour, I didn’t know. All I knew, I felt safe. But the emotions, the thoughts in my head, they weren’t safe. The words came out before I could stop them.
“Every minute I spend with you, it’s harder to remember my life before you.”
His silence was more crushing than our conversation earlier. I opened my mouth to take everything back and his lips closed over mine.
His tongue slipped inside and caressed me in a way I didn’t know was possible. His body curved around me and the sound in his chest vibrated with something that felt like more than desire. I never had a chance. I kissed Buck back.