by Sybil Bartel
Buck went stock still.
I opened my mouth to speak and Buck jerked back and off me. He stared at me in horror.
Fear kicked in and my mouth went running. “I didn’t mean to, it meant nothing, nothing! I’d drowned, I thought I’d died. I’d wanted to die and Talon saved me. I wasn’t thinking. I wasn’t. It meant nothing. I kissed him once and he pushed me away but I knew I’d made a mistake. I’m so sorry, Buck. Please, I’m sorry. It meant nothing. But I couldn’t not tell you. I couldn’t say I was yours without you knowing first. Please, you have to believe me because I am yours. I am. I made a mistake. Please.” Every word dribbling out turned Buck’s expression closer to rage. Desperate to touch him, desperate to have him touch me, I got off the bed and grabbed his arms.
“Don’t touch me,” he growled, stepping back.
Hot tears flowed down my cheeks. This wasn’t happening. I was losing. I was losing Buck. The reality of that was suddenly more than I could endure. My breath tried to push past my lungs but it was a hundred times worse than drowning. “Please,” I cried.
Buck turned his back to me, shoving his legs into his pants. I tried to stop him by grabbing his T-shirt out of his hands but he only let it drop and reached for his boots.
“Please, stop. Talk to me,” I wailed. I knew if he walked out of this bedroom without forgiving me it was over between us. I reached for his hands but he shoved me away.
“It meant nothing. Don’t do this. Please.” I wrapped my arms around his neck as he laced up his boots.
Buck stood up and I was forced to let go. I put my hands on his chest as he reached for his keys but he ignored me. His face hard, his muscles were more tense than I’d ever seen them. He walked to the door and I stumbled backward in front of him. I had to stop him. I couldn’t let him go. I couldn’t let Buck go.
“Stop! I love you!” The words flew out of my mouth unchecked, shocking me.
Buck froze. Staring over my head, nostrils flaring, chest heaving, he said nothing.
And I knew. The words were true. I loved Buck. I loved him with everything I had. He wasn’t Talon and I was glad. He was giving and protective and complicated and quiet and I finally realized what my heart knew the second I’d laid eyes on him. “I love you,” I whispered.
Faster than I could blink, Buck’s hand pulled back and his fist slammed into the bedroom door an inch from my head. The whole house shook from the force of it.
“You don’t deserve me,” he said in a tight, controlled rage before grabbing his T-shirt, pushing me aside and walking out.
Chapter Twenty-One
My heart shattered, I threw clothes on and stumbled upstairs.
Talon was in the kitchen. He took one look at me and went to the front door but I knew he was too late. Buck was gone. Talon tapped the keypad on the wall and it suddenly lit up with a picture of the front gate closing behind Buck’s rental car.
“What happened? He was supposed to talk to me.” Talon looked at me accusingly.
“I told him.” My voice broke.
Talon went perfectly still. “You what?”
“I told him I kissed you,” I whispered.
“His mother is dying and you tell him you kissed me?”
“I’m sorry,” I quivered.
“Are you fucking insane? I TOLD you this never happened! What fucking part didn’t you understand? Jesus fucking Christ, Layna!” Talon reached for his phone and dialed then he turned his back to me. “Get the fuck back here,” he barked into his phone. “Oh, fuck no you don’t! We’re gonna talk this out because you know I would never do that to you!” Talon paused then held the phone away from his ear and looked at it. “Shit.” He dialed again and waited. “Answer the goddamn phone, you coward. Nothing happened.” Talon slammed the phone down on the counter and turned on me, pointing his finger. “Nothing. Fucking. Happened.”
“Talon...”
“Don’t fucking start with me. You’re fucking trouble, Layna. You don’t ease your guilty conscience when a man’s mother is on her deathbed. And you don’t make shit out to be more than it was. This didn’t need to happen. It meant nothing and you know it.”
Did I? Did he? “Then why are you so mad? And why don’t you tell the truth this time.” I was so confused and hurt, I couldn’t see straight. And Talon was making me start to doubt my confession when I knew, I knew, it was the right thing to do.
Talon’s nostrils flared and his face turned frighteningly deadly. “You want the truth? Here’s the fuckin’ truth.” His drawl slid back into place like a snake. “Just because my dick gets hard thinkin’ about your tight little ass and what your smart mouth would feel like wrapped around me doesn’t mean I’m gonna FUBAR my life for you. You don’t hurt your friends unnecessarily. And that was unnecessary. Totally fuckin’ unnecessary.”
My lip quivered.
Talon stared at me for two heartbeats then turned his back to me, his shoulders heaving with every breath.
I couldn’t hold it in. I began to cry—big, hopeless, heartsick, choking sobs. I was powerless to do anything except stand there and let it happen.
Talon’s head dropped and his hands went to his hips.
“Fuck.” Talon took two angry strides and pulled me into his arms.
“I’m sorry!” I sobbed, grasping on to Talon with everything I had, burying myself against his chest. “I thought...I thought... I don’t know, but I just wanted you. I wanted you in that moment, Talon. You saved me. You keep saving me. You call me Sugar and you laugh with me. You’re strong and you smell like life and you saved me.” My mouth dribbled the chaos from my mind.
“Shh, shh, don’t cry.” His warm hands brushed up and down my back but I didn’t feel it.
I pulled away and looked up at him. “I don’t know how to do this. I can’t have feelings for you both, but I do. I’m sorry, I just do. I’m grateful you saved me. I love how you laugh at life and flip off fate. You’re strong and fierce and never let anything get the better of you. But I love Buck. With my heart, I love him. I had to tell him. He deserved better. He deserved to know.”
Talon didn’t say anything.
And it hit me, in a twisted, fucked-up, Greek mythology sort of way. “I’m not sorry I kissed you,” I whispered.
Talon slowly cupped his hand around my cheek. His eyes went dark and his other hand threaded through my hair. When he brought his lips to mine, it was soft, tender. It wasn’t Talon on the beach. It wasn’t the Talon who kissed me in desperation earlier. It wasn’t the Talon that flirted and called me Sugar. This was the Talon who said sorry to me outside in the shower.
He swept his tongue across my lips and coaxed my mouth open. Knowing I wouldn’t let this go further than a kiss, knowing I was betraying Buck again, I let it happen. I let it happen because a part of me knew if I didn’t, I would never move past this.
Talon stepped closer and curled around me as his tongue caressed my mouth with the sweetest kiss I’d ever had. Nothing about this kiss was what I knew of Talon. Every touch was laced with gentleness. He held me as if nothing mattered more to him. Breathing in sun and sand and surf and life, Talon’s kiss swirled into my head and threatened to take hold.
Gently, Talon brought us back down. Kissing my cheek, he came to my ear and whispered, “You love him.”
Stunned, I couldn’t think. “Talon.” But then I couldn’t say any more. I wouldn’t deny it but Talon’s kiss? I touched my lips.
He stepped back. “I’m not who you want.”
“Why did you kiss me?”
“You told me how you feel.” He shrugged infinitesimally. “I showed you.”
“But you said...”
He didn’t let me finish. “You’re not mine.”
The words stung. I didn’t want them to but they did. I nodded and dropped my head. “I belong to no one.” Silent tears began to fall.
A hard callused hand tipped my chin up and bright green eyes met mine. “You belong to yourself. No one owns you. This is what this is about. Both
of us want you to be free.”
Free. It had never sounded more horrible.
I tried to look away but Talon wouldn’t let me. “Can I give you some advice?”
I nodded.
“Don’t mistake gratitude for love.”
I instantly defended my feelings. I owned them, I knew them. “What I feel for you isn’t just gratitude.”
Talon’s fingers tightened on my chin. “What happened earlier tonight wasn’t love.”
He was right. But everything else I’d said was true. “Why are you being nice to me?” I didn’t deserve it.
The grin I’d come to know spread across his face. “I lied.”
“About?”
“Oh, Sugar, those tears.” His hand went to his chest. “Those big brown eyes cryin’ just about broke what’s left of this ole heart of mine.”
“How old are you?”
“Twenty-five.”
“You’re not old.” I almost smiled.
“True enough.” He winked.
The Talon persona that he wanted the world to see was back. I laugh-cried and Talon pulled me into his arms, chuckling.
“C’mon, darlin’, have mercy. Dry those gorgeous eyes up.”
I knew we were okay but I couldn’t let one important thing go. I pulled my head back and looked up at him. “You kissed me.” I know what I felt and that kiss a moment ago had it all.
Talon sighed and his mouth curved in a weary smile. “Yeah, Sugar, I did,” he said tiredly. “But, you and me? You know I’m not a keeper. Don’t waste your time thinkin’ on something that ain’t worth it. Chase the gold, darlin’.”
I didn’t ask what he meant. I didn’t have to. “Thank you,” I breathed.
Talon slowly shook his head. “Ever think maybe it’s us that don’t deserve you?” he said in a rough whisper, then abruptly pushed me away. “Go to bed before I do somethin’ I’ll regret.”
Confused, I looked at him, but he only smiled the smile that didn’t reach his eyes.
He cleared his throat then grabbed the borrowed cell phone that I’d left on the counter. “I programmed a number for you. His name is Neil and he knows the score. Don’t let the accent fool you.”
I took the phone. “Accent?”
“Don’t worry, he’s not just another pretty face.” Talon winked.
“You make it a habit of being friends with foreign babysitters?” I joked.
Talon laughed. “No, he’s a contractor, but I’ll tell him you said that.”
“Contractor?” For a brief moment, my mind went to the Hollywood movie version of a contractor.
Talon cocked his head and looked at me funny. “Yeah—hammers, saws, puts nails in things? I’m sure you’ve heard of ‘em.”
The breath whooshed out of me in relief. “Foreign contractors. My, what interesting friends you keep.”
“Everyone should have a Neil in their back pocket.”
I simply nodded, not knowing what to say to that endorsement. We stared awkwardly at each other a moment then I turned to go. I was at the top of the stairs when Talon spoke.
“Blaze will come around. He loves you. I may not agree with you telling him about the kiss, but I get it. Be patient with him.”
I knew Buck wouldn’t come around but I had no one to blame but myself. “Good night, Talon. Thank you for saving my life.”
“Good night, Sugar.”
I heard Talon move around upstairs then eventually it got quiet. I couldn’t be sorry about kissing him, not anymore. I understood, in a logical, non-emotional sort of way that my kissing Talon brought me to my true feelings for Buck. I knew I’d been falling, I knew he would break my heart but I kept telling myself it was temporary. He would go back to active duty and we would be over. But I was wrong. Blaze Johnson was a once in a lifetime. He was not someone you forgot.
* * *
I fell asleep close to dawn. An hour later, when the sun crested the horizon and bright rays came through the window, I woke up. The brief reprieve sleep had brought was a distant memory the second my eyes opened. Devastating heartbreak came flooding back. Even though I knew he wouldn’t call, I checked my borrowed cell phone for messages from Buck. My gut twisted with false hope when I saw one new text.
Went south Sugar
I rolled out of bed. I wouldn’t sleep anymore anyway. I twisted my hair into a messy bun, pulled on leggings and a tank top, and went upstairs for coffee. The sun was almost all the way up so I didn’t bother turning on any lights. The house felt worse than empty. It practically screamed with loneliness and something so close to fear, my skin prickled. I started making coffee, resisting the urge to look behind me.
“Good morning.”
I shrieked and jumped a foot as coffee grounds flew everywhere. I turned around, my heart in my throat.
The biggest man I had ever seen was standing in the shadows of the kitchen. He was built like a Viking. He was that big.
“Shit. You scared me.” My hand clenched at my racing heart.
He didn’t move. He just stared.
For one terrifying heartbeat, I thought maybe this wasn’t the Neil that Talon had mentioned. Maybe Miami had new muscle. You could hear my swallow in the dead quiet of the kitchen.
“Neil?”
“Layna.”
His voice was deep, frighteningly deep. Standing in the shadows as if he belonged there, he still didn’t move. His hair was brown. Everything on him, from his face to his arms to his thighs, was cut from muscle more defined than Michelangelo’s David. But none of this compared to his eyes. If I had thought Buck had ice eyes, Neil’s were practically silver. And they were staring right through me.
“Um, coffee?”
“Do you belong to Talon or Blaze?” His accent was thick.
Wow. Okay, that was direct. I didn’t dare consider not answering him. “Neither?”
“Then why am I here?” He still didn’t move.
Good question. I cut to what I thought he would think was the most relevant part. “We were shot at last night, me and Talon, on the beach?” Neil made me so nervous, everything I said came out sounding like a question.
Neil didn’t reply right away. “I would have guessed you belong to Blaze, not Talon.”
Okay, this was getting old, quick. “I said neither.”
“Maybe it’s both.”
The way he looked at me, it was as if he could discern information just from his threatening stare. “And you care because?”
“If you belong to Blaze and he asked for protection I’m guessing it’s precautionary because he is in love with you. If you belong to Talon and he needs help protecting you, there is serious trouble.”
Being shot at wasn’t serious? I guess when you’re a marine, it isn’t. Neil’s accent was so thick though, I didn’t peg him as U.S. military.
“Were you in the Marines?”
“No.”
Oh-kay. “Are you American?”
Neil said nothing. He just continued to stare. It worked. I looked away, realizing it was a stupid question. I just couldn’t place the accent.
“German?” I asked, but that wasn’t quite right. Also, as imposing as he was, he didn’t seem German. He seemed so much, I don’t know, more.
“Are you asking where I am from?” He seemed insulted, except he hadn’t moved or changed facial expressions so I was limited to the slight change in his tone of voice.
“Yes,” I said immediately.
“Odense.”
It sounded like he said Oon-sa, all slurred into two syllables. I tried to repeat it. “Oon-sa?”
“Denmark.”
Oh shit, he was a Viking! “Well, do Danes drink coffee?” I almost said Vikings.
“I’ve eaten.”
I sighed. “Not what I asked, but okee-dokee.” I might’ve rolled my eyes. I turned my back on him to clean up the mess of coffee grounds on the floor and by the time I stood back up, he was gone. I wanted to let out a sigh of relief but the thought of him lurking ar
ound every corner big enough to hold him held me back.
Five minutes later I had a cup of cream with a side of coffee. I made my way through the slider in the kitchen to the deck to drink it in peace. As soon as my ass hit one of loungers, Neil was there.
His eyes scanned the beach then he looked at me. “What are you doing?” And he didn’t say it in a friendly way either.
I wasn’t sure which part to answer, ass on seat or caffeine in system. My mouth got the better of me. “Exercising.” My free will, you Viking freak. But I didn’t say that part out loud. Instead I made the crucial mistake of setting my coffee down, putting my head back and closing my eyes.
Huge hands were under each of my arms and half a heartbeat later I was standing. I yelped from shock and from the soreness in my arm.
Viking said two words. “Inside. Couch.”
Miraculously, my feet obeyed.
Once I’d settled on the couch like a good little girl, Viking put my mug on the coffee table. He eyed me with what I was sure was his version of abhorrence except his facial expression never changed.
“Rules,” he stated, standing above me.
Every nerve in my body prickled with rebellion. “I could name a big one.” Like keeping your hands to yourself. I gave him my best evil eye.
Unsurprisingly, he ignored my comment. “First, no going out unless I say so. Second, you will do as I say, when I say it.” Then he stopped talking.
“Is that it?” Bully for him.
He didn’t say anything.
“I have to go to work,” I lied.
“Where do you work?”
“Talon’s shop.” Sorta, kinda, maybe.
“Kendall is there.”
“I have an appointment,” I huffed.
Viking raised an eyebrow.
“I’m getting my hair done,” I said defensively. I saw scissors in Talon’s kitchen. I could give myself my usual trim, do it somewhere outside, far, far away from Viking. That would be a good start. I waited for Viking’s response. I wasn’t sure, but I think he sighed.
“Time and place?”
Shit. “I forgot,” I lied again. Now I needed to look up a damn salon, ASAP. Forty minutes away versus an overpriced haircut? No contest, I was gonna shell out the dough. Besides, I was eighteen mil richer. “I’ll go check.” I got up and with some effort, maneuvered around an immobile Viking and went downstairs.