by Sybil Bartel
I jerked in surprise and Buck’s shoulders tensed but he didn’t pull away from me. His tongue slowly caressed mine and I forgot about the interruption.
“Glad you came to your senses, Deer Hunter.” Talon chuckled.
Buck’s hands moved to either side of my face as he kissed me again.
“Yeah, yeah, yeah, alright, I get it, three’s a crowd. Gimme my keys, Sugar, and I’ll leave you to it.” Talon fake sighed.
Buck took the keys I didn’t realize I was still holding and tossed them up and over his shoulder without sparing Talon a glance.
I couldn’t help it, I giggled.
A beautiful smile spread across Buck’s face before he kissed my cheek. Then in a voice loud enough for Talon to hear, he called over his shoulder, “Forty-five.”
“No can do,” Talon said cheerfully. “Roll out in thirty.”
I heard the entry door close.
“Roll out?” I asked, my mood plummeting.
Buck gave a curt nod. “Miami.”
“You have a plan.” It wasn’t a question.
“We don’t have much time.” He gently stroked my cheek with his thumb.
My heart sank. We were out of time. “You’re leaving.”
The softness to his features, the tenderness I saw in his eyes a moment ago retreated and he schooled his expression. “Day after tomorrow.”
I looked away because I knew my face wouldn’t hide my disappointment.
He turned me back toward him. “We’ll talk about this but right now you need to make a few decisions. You’re not going to have a problem after tonight. Do you want to stay in Gainesville?”
Not going to have a problem. The words reverberated through my head. No Miami didn’t mean I wouldn’t have problems. The reality of Buck going back to active duty made me so miserable, it eclipsed what he was telling me. I would be free. This was his promise to me. And he had kept it. Freedom. It’s was all I’d ever wanted...until I met him.
“Layna?”
My heart ached. “Are you coming back to Gainesville?”
Buck just looked at me.
“Your house?” I didn’t bother pretending he wouldn’t impact my decision.
“It’s already up for sale.” His voice was neutral and his face was impassive.
“Gainesville is too cold.” I’d never really liked North Florida.
Buck paused but I couldn’t tell what he was thinking. “I have your keys, do you want to get your stuff?”
A half hour wouldn’t be enough time and honestly, I wasn’t missing anything except my wallet. “Just let me grab a few things.”
Buck pulled out my keys. He made me wait outside and went in first. Memories of the last time we were here flooded in and it felt like a lifetime ago. Buck came back quickly.
“All clear.” He stepped aside, letting me pass.
The place looked exactly as we’d left it. I grabbed my purse off the floor and was thankful my wallet was still here. I shoved the contents back in my purse then went into the bedroom. I grabbed an overnight bag and picked through some clothes, took what little jewelry and makeup I had and put two pairs of shoes into a side pocket of the bag. I was done.
I walked back into the living room. “I’m ready.”
Buck took in my small bag. “That’s it?”
“That’s it.” It felt freeing, in a cathartic, cleansing sort of way, to leave everything behind. This had been a runaway home. I’d never kept anything important here. “I’ll hand my keys in to the manager on the way out. He can deal with the rest.” I no longer cared.
Buck took the bag and we made a quick stop at the manager’s apartment. The guy didn’t even blink when I handed him the keys and told him to keep the security deposit. We were in Buck’s rental, heading back to his house before he spoke.
“Where will you live?”
Wherever he wanted me to. But I didn’t say that. “I still own my parents’ house in Miami Beach.” Maybe it would be nice to go back there. Then again, maybe it would be full of painful memories.
“It’s empty?” he asked.
“It’s not rented, if that’s what you mean.” I wondered how long we were going to not talk about us.
“Do you like Miami Beach?” Buck’s voice was too casual.
“I grew up there.” It’s what I knew.
Buck glanced at me. “Not quite what I asked.”
I lost patience. “Then what are you asking? I grew up in that house, it’s full of memories. You’re selling your mother’s house, I’m pretty sure you understand where I’m coming from.” The sharp edge to my voice made me feel guilty. “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to snap.”
Buck shifted in his seat. “I won’t ever pretend to know what it’s like to have survived what you’ve gone through.” He took my hand. “I just wanted to know where you want to live.”
“Wherever I get to see you the most,” I admitted.
Buck frowned and let my hand go.
Shit. “I didn’t mean that.”
“Yes you did. I can’t be someone I’m not, Layna. Deployments are a year. A lot can happen in that time. You say now that you want to see me but if you choose this, you’ll never know if I’m coming home. You’ll go months and months without seeing me. You’ll be alone and all I’ll be able to offer you is what little time I get on leave. The only constants you’ll know are worry and change. Being with a marine is a hard life, Layna. I feel guilty for even entertaining the thought you could be mine because of what you’ve already been through. How can I ask you for your heart when I could die tomorrow?”
“Don’t say that.” The thought cut through me and robbed me of air.
“That’s exactly what I’m talking about,” Buck said in frustration.
“Then don’t die!”
Buck bit off a bitter laugh. “We all die, some of us sooner rather than later.”
Was he pushing me away? Warning me? The trust issue was there and I couldn’t blame him but, damn it—what was I supposed to say to that? I only had the truth. “There are no guarantees in life. I know this, maybe more than most people. I’m not going to pretend I know how relationships work or that I have any experience. In a normal world we’d have time to get to know one another but we don’t, and honestly, I don’t need it. I just...” My heart racing, I paused.
I felt vulnerable and terrified and suddenly I had no clue how Buck would react if I laid it all out there. The simple truth was he could do a million things to crush my heart, because he had that power. This feeling was a hundred times worse than any of Miami’s threats.
Buck pulled into his mother’s driveway, shut the engine and turned to me. His expression was so guarded, I wanted to shrink into the seat. When he said nothing, I knew I was out of time.
So, I jumped.
“Maybe it’s because you picked me up and pulled me from my downward spiral, maybe it’s because your quiet strength makes me feel safe, but I love you. I love that you’re fearless and smart, I love how you hold me and I love that you know who you are. I don’t need more time. I know I don’t deserve you, God, I know that. But all I want is you.” A tear slipped down my cheek. “All I want is you,” I whispered. “Any way, any time I can have you.”
Buck stared at me. Every second that ticked by, my heart constricted with a crushing sense of dread. I didn’t expect to hear those three little words back but I wasn’t expecting silence either.
Buck inhaled sharply as if he’d been holding his breath. “I want something real. I don’t want to play games. I want a wife and a family I can come home to,” he said in a measured, uncompromising tone.
Wife? Children? Something I had never, ever thought about burst through my consciousness and I couldn’t get air in my lungs through the longing. Buck. Buck’s children. Oh my God. “With me?” I dared breathe the question.
Expression stern, almost imperceptively, Buck inclined his head.
My heart stopped. His words, his reaction to my question, his angry e
xpression, it all contradicted what he was saying he wanted. I watched his unblinking eyes, the tight line of his mouth, the rigid set to his shoulders and instantly, I understood. Buck was feeling as vulnerable as me. This trained marine who fought in combat was afraid. I released my seat belt and launched myself at him.
My arms wrapping around his neck, my hands reaching for his soft short hair, I scrambled to my knees and I kissed him, a breathless, desperate, pain-erasing kiss.
Buck wound his tongue around mine, returning my need. His huge hands snaked up my back then slowly dragged down. When he skimmed over my ass, he growled, fingering the hem of the dress that was now hiked up to mid-thigh. He tore away from my lips, and his tongue, his teeth swirled open-mouth kisses across my neck.
Pulling me closer, his voice rough, he whispered in my ear, “We need to stop or I’m going to try my damnedest to get you pregnant in a rental car.”
There was something so, so sexy and so very dangerous about hearing him say pregnant that I couldn’t wrap my head around it. “You’re crazy,” I said, breathless.
“About you.”
I pulled back and stared into bottomless blue eyes that were burning with desire. “I don’t know how I got so lucky.”
“I’ve never said to another woman the things I’ve said to you.” Gently, he brushed my hair away from my face. His beautiful voice dropped to a whisper. “I never wanted to.”
Chapter Thirty-One
“Move it, move it, let’s go!” Talon slapped the hood of Buck’s rental, making me jerk from his grasp.
Buck sighed, brushing his fingers down my arms. “We need to go.” But he didn’t move. His giant thighs under me were still and his hands rested on my hips.
I felt small and safe and cherished by the simple fact that this warrior was still beneath me, knowing I needed these few seconds, giving me this moment. I leaned forward and rested my head against his chest. “I feel like I’m running two paces behind. Two sentences behind what I want to say to you, two steps behind a moving target that’s already beyond my reach.” Even my words came out behind my thoughts. Time, not enough time.
“I’m not a moving target.” He stroked down my back, slow, firm.
“No, God, no. That’s not what I meant.” The thought of Buck dodging bullets in Afghanistan was enough to make me cry.
“I know what you meant.” Brushing my hair aside with his nose, he breathed against my ear and kissed my neck. “I know when you’re sad, I know when you’re nervous, I know when you’re happy.” He trailed his fingers down my cheek, my throat, between my breasts. “I know what makes you feel good,” he whispered roughly. “I know you. Time will only make this better.”
I shivered.
He took my face in his hands. “You’re it for me.” His mouth covered mine and I moaned.
I gripped fistfuls of his shirt and his hips surged up, making my back arch. His fingers gripped my thighs and he rocked forward again. Desire exploded through me. Pushing his hands under my dress, he trailed up my thighs and over my hips then he suddenly gripped my waist and cursed.
“Fuck.” His head fell back and he groaned. “You have got to me kidding me.”
Anxiety threaded through my thoughts. “What?”
Picking his head back up, he focused hooded, stormy eyes on me and a ghost of a smile tipped the corner of his mouth. “You had nothing underneath this dress last night?” His fingers skimmed low on my hips.
Blushing hard, I shook my head.
“All night?”
I shook my head again.
Growling, he sat up straight, grasped my thighs in his huge hands and yanked me against his hard body. “I’m fucking kicking myself right now.” Slamming his mouth over mine, he kissed me so fiercely, our teeth clashed. Then just as abruptly, he turned the kiss sweet and threaded his hands through my hair. When he pulled away, he looked determined. “You’re going to wear this dress again.”
I groaned, half in frustration, half with desire. I’d been in this dress twenty-four hours and I needed a shower, bad. “I hate Kendall.”
“Kendall?” Buck frowned.
“Yeah, she picked it out for me. I wasn’t allowed out to shop. Talon told her to get me something for the...” I hated that word, I couldn’t say it. “Anyway, um, yeah, she picked my dress out, shoes too.”
Buck smirked. “One less thing I want to kill Talon for.”
I wasn’t going to touch that. “I really need a shower and a change of clothes.” I smiled. “And some underwear.”
Buck sucked in his breath and I felt him move under me. “You’re killing me, woman.”
I rotated my hips in a slow grind and we both groaned. “Not yet.” I smiled shyly.
“Shit.” Buck shook his head but he was smiling. “Let’s get you a shower.”
I peeled myself away from Buck and we got out of the car. Talon was waiting for us.
“You want to return the rental first?” he asked Buck. There was no indication of their earlier fight in his voice.
“I’ll do it in Daytona. Where’s Neil?” Draping his arm around my shoulders, Buck’s voice was guarded.
Talon watched us for a heartbeat. “He’s on his way.”
Buck stared back. “Alright,” he finally said. “We’ll pack up and head out.”
Leaning against his Challenger, Talon didn’t say anything and Buck led us inside. I was surprised to see two women cleaning up. The older of the two approached Buck.
“Mr. Johnson, what do you want us to do with her clothing?”
“Take whatever you want and donate the rest.” Buck pulled his wallet out, took out a few hundred-dollar bills and a business card. “Please lock up when you’re finished. Then can you drop the key at the Realtor’s office?” He handed her the money and the card.
“Yes sir.” She nodded and retreated.
My heart constricted. I knew what it was like to clean up after a life was gone. I leaned closer in to Buck and wrapped my arm around his stomach. “You okay?”
“I’m good.” He squeezed my shoulder.
Buck silently packed the few things he had in his bedroom and I pulled out a change of clothes and headed to the shower. I was walking into the bathroom, about to shut the door, when I was moved forward by the solid wall of Buck’s chest behind me. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he kissed my shoulder then locked the door.
“Buck,” I moaned, in warning, in wanting—I didn’t know which.
“Shh,” he whispered. “I’m not starting anything, I just want to touch you.” He reached around me and turned on the shower.
I didn’t know if I was disappointed or relieved.
He trailed kisses across my shoulder to my neck. Chills ran up my spine and desire curled low in my belly. His fingers grazed my thighs and he pulled my dress up, inch by inch. Reaching my arms up, need driving away my shyness, I let Buck strip the dress off me. His breath caught when he revealed my bare skin.
Dropping the lacy material to the floor, Buck’s nostrils flared as his eyes raked over every inch of my body. Heat flaming my cheeks, I closed my eyes. This was only the second time I’d stood naked in front of a man. I sucked in a nervous breath, pushing away thoughts of Talon and that night.
Buck stepped against my back. The hard ridge of his desire pressed against me through his clothes as he grasped low on my hips. A small sound escaped my throat and I leaned my head back against his shoulder.
“Open your eyes,” he breathed into my ear.
Steam swirling, fogging the edges of the mirror, I stared at our image. Fully dressed, a head and shoulders taller, the width of him outlined me. His biceps bulging, his hands dwarfing my hips, he leaned down and nosed my head aside, opening his mouth against my neck. I moaned and pushed back against him. His fingers dug into the sensitive flesh over my hip bones and an ache, sharp like fire, bit into my womb.
“How’s your arm?” He kissed the edge of the wound.
“Fine.” It barely hurt anymore.
> Lifting his head up, he met my eyes in the mirror. “You’re beautiful,” he said, his rough, quiet voice sending a chill across my skin. He dragged the back of his fingers up the sides of my breasts.
I pushed up on tip toe, snaked an arm around his neck and pulled. Tilting my head back, I strained to reach his mouth. When our lips touched, Buck let out a growl that made the ache between my legs pool with need.
I turned in his arms and kissed him with everything I felt in my heart, every second more desperate than the last. I no longer cared about Talon waiting or the two women cleaning up. I wanted Buck and I wanted him now. Buck’s gentle tongue went from possessive to demanding, igniting a fire I never dreamed existed. His hands tangled in my hair, holding me, claiming me. I touched everywhere I could reach until I had to feel his skin. Ripping his tucked T-shirt out from his pants, my hands glided against steel-cut abs and grasped at rock-solid shoulders covered in satin-smooth skin.
Buck dropped his hands from my hair and bent his knees. Grabbing the back of my thighs, he lifted. I wrapped my legs around his waist but I wasn’t prepared for what happened next. The second I felt the hard length of him pressing through his pants on my core, my head fell back and a cry ripped from my chest.
“Ahhhh!” My back arching, my nails digging into his skin, I needed...I needed...more.
Buck gripped my waist and holding me tight, he thrust up. “That’s it, baby.” His guttural moan almost drove me over the edge.
I dropped my hips and pushed into him.
My back hit the wall and Buck began to move. Grinding his hips, he rocked with a motion perfectly matched to his tongue on my neck. I was helpless to his onslaught.
“Blaze.”
Buck covered his mouth over mine, catching my groan and sending tremors racking through my body. Kissing me desperately, my release throbbing with aftershocks, Buck turned and leaned me backward into the shower. I twisted my head away from the stream and water washed over us both.
For one surprised moment, we stared at each other through the wall of water.
“Your clothes!” I laughed. His shirt and the side of his pants were soaked. “You’re all wet.”