by Liz Crowe
"No, no, he won't come." She opened her eyes and saw Rob perch on the edge of the bed. Blake came up behind him, put both arms around his neck. She covered her eyes, hiding the inevitable tears. Jack had been scarce while her parents hovered, stopping in twice, only to back away, seemingly intimidated by Katie's small, needy self. Rob ran a hand down her face.
"He will. Let me call him."
"No!" She surprised herself with her vehemence. If he didn't want any part of her life anymore, well, fine. Screw him. She turned over. "Wake me up when she cries or my boobs may explode."
"TMI sister dear." Blake tugged Rob out the room.
Sara drifted off, her dreams a jumble of babies, pain, stress, and Jack.
"This is killing him you know." Rob sighed and leaned back into Blake's embrace as they watched Sara drift off again. "I should call him."
"What did you just say to me about coddling her?" Blake pressed a kiss to Rob's shoulder.
"I'm not coddling her. I'm trying to get her to talk sense. To let Jack in."
"It's a free country. Jack can drive over here and knock on the door just like the rest of us. Jesus, we have a frigging small town cocktail party out there already."
"I know." They stood for a minute. "But he feels shut out. Not needed. Although we can probably thank ourselves for that."
"What are you, Jack's therapist?"
Rob sighed. "No Blake. Don't be a dick."
"Sorry."
"You can't do this for her you know." Rob disentangled himself.
Blake stuck his hands in his pockets "I'm not. I'm just helping her. I'm allowed."
"I know. But, she is keeping Jack at arm's length and he is completely intimidated by the baby. Feels inadequate and helpless. And he's busy now, trying to manage the whole company. He's used to being needed. So he's channeling it into work."
"He is free to come over here anytime."
The doorbell rang. Rob chuckled. "And like that, he is summoned."
Sara mumbled and turned over. Blake pulled the blanket up under her chin, kissed her cheek. The sound of Jack's deep voice cut short as they closed the door to Sara's room.
By the time they wandered back into the living room, Jack had settled into one of the large chairs draped with cloth diapers. The tension that might normally have presented itself in a room containing two men who had once loved the same woman seemed blessedly absent. "Thanks for coming Jack," Blake took a seat opposite him. Rob shot him an odd look.
The tall man looked aggravated but nodded. "Sure. What's up?"
"I wanted us to talk about how we are going to handle Sara from here."
Suzanne shifted a little. Craig draped an arm around her shoulders. Blake stared at Jack a minute but the room stayed quiet.
"She wants to go back to work in a few weeks but I don't think Katie should go to a group daycare. So," He spread his hands apart.
"So what exactly are you proposing?" Rob's voice was tight. Blake didn't look at him.
"I was wondering if we could convince her to hire a nannie or something. She won't listen to just me."
"Blake, it's Sara's baby. She has made that infinitely clear to the rest of us. What part of it are you not getting?" Jack kept his voice light.
"I know but…"
Rob stood and walked out of the room, the anger trailing in his wake palpable. Blake shut his eyes a minute, then opened them. "I promised her I'd help with this. So this is me, helping, okay?"
Suzanne leaned forward and put a hand on his knee. He flinched, but she kept it there. "Blake, honey, I know you want to help her, but she's got to get through some of this on her own. Your need to smooth things out isn't helping her."
He stood and started pacing the small room. "I'll tell you what then, if you guys all think I'm wrong then forget I said anything."
Jack rose and stood in Blake's path, hands on his shoulders. "I'll help you. I don't want the baby in some germ-infested room with half-trained teenagers in charge."
"Jack!" Suzanne leaned back. "Since when are you an expert on day care?"
He glared at her then turned back at Blake. "But, you have to back off a little bit man. Suzanne is right. Sara has to work her way through this on her own. It's what she wanted, remember?" He glanced at Craig who nodded. "I gotta go." He ran a hand through his hair.
Blake nodded. "Thanks Jack. It's a deal." Rob stood in the kitchen doorway his gaze flat and noncommittal. Blake's heart sped up. He knew this was the right thing. Sara needed his help. He'd promised her he would. He dropped into a chair and watched Jack and Rob shake hands then as Rob turned his back and returned to the kitchen without a another word. The baby monitor at his elbow bleeped. He smiled at the thought of his niece again as he made his way back to her room. Screw Rob. This was his family and he'd handle it how he wanted. He knew he'd drawn a line in the sand by not telling Rob his plan to get Jack on board with the no-daycare thing. He also knew Katie at home with a nannie meant he'd get more time with her.
The small girl flailed around, her thin cries taking hold and becoming full-fledged wails of "where the hell is my food?" Blake smiled at her. "My darling, don't cry. Uncle Blake is here for you, always." Rob appeared with a warmed bottle of Sara's breast milk, handed it to him and left without another word.
Chapter Nine
Two Years Later
Sara stared the amazing assembly around her patio table. The birthday girl sat in her high chair giggling, the center of attention, icing smeared across her face. The enormity of the event was truly overwhelming. Countless sleepless night behind her, she'd jumped back into work with a vengeance. She had even convinced Blake that Katie was "ready" for daycare, that she needed the social interaction with other kids to bring her down off her pedestal. Sara knew the girl was in for a surprise when she realized there were others like her, just as important in the scheme of the universe.
The weird niggling feeling that had haunted her for past few months rose again. She looked down at her hands – hands that held, soothed, changed diapers and clothes, even cooked a few meals now and then, for her child. They seemed separate from her somehow. She touched her hair. She'd gotten it cut shorter than she'd ever had it a year ago, mostly out of self-preservation. Getting up and ready for work had turned into a virtual three-ring circus with a baby, then a toddler, in the house. Since Katie had recently taken to sleeping with Sara, claiming "bad dweams," it seemed easiest to just let her. But that felt wrong too.
The girl's squealing laughter floated in through the open window. Sara frowned. Her support group out there had been a lifesaver, but as her work level ramped up, taking her away more evenings and weekends, she felt the tenuous connection she'd made with her daughter slipping away. Wandering back out to the patio, she observed the small girl, her light brown curls haloing around her face in the humid night, huge green eyes trained on her uncle who would not leave her side for a second.
"Sara!" her father called from the back door. "Bourbon?"
"Cabinet in the dining room, Dad." She leaned back, trying to relax but for some reason still on edge. "I'm worried about them." Her father stood next to her a minute sipping his drink.
"Yeah, he's a little obsessed isn't he?" Sara sighed and leaned into her father's side.
"Well, I let him be I guess. So my fault, like everything else it seems." She turned away from the group, the sight of Craig there alone, without Suzanne searing her just as deeply.
"Bake!" The little girl burbled making the adults around her erupt with joy. Sara sighed, stood, and wandered back inside. God knows she had enough people taking care of the girl. She felt a tad superfluous actually. And fat, she sighed and poured another glass of red wine.
"Hey sexy," Jack's deep voice penetrated her self-pity party.
"When did you get here?" She ignored the zinging in her nerves at the sight of him. He'd been mostly absent for the better part of Katie's first two years. Never mind how much she needed him. Never mind that you never asked him for help.
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br /> "Just now. Seems like the birthday girl has her audiences; thought I'd find you first." Sara closed her eyes at that. How did he know? He handed her a bouquet of wild flowers, and a bottle of her favorite Pinot Noir.
"Nothing for Her Highness?" Sara felt the flirty tone in her voice and tried to quell it. She was a mom. Time to focus on other things.
"Of course." He pulled a present from behind his back. "Where?"
"Out there," she gestured to the open French door. He smiled and set it on the kitchen counter.
"Are you trying to get in my pants? If you are, you’re scoring pretty high so far. Granted, I'm desperate." He laughed, a deep, throaty sound she associated with a different life, a different era. The "before baby Sara."
"No. Not really. Although, I wouldn't turn it down. Here, let's open this decent bottle." He pulled the cork from the pinot, grabbed two glasses, and filled them. Ecstatic noises floated in from the patio. She looked up into Jack's deep blue eyes.
"Thanks."
He leaned in close. Too close. She shut her eyes and stepped away. She knew if she didn't, she'd give in, cave to the one thing she wanted - had missed for years now.
"You look great." He lifted his glass to her.
"No, I'm still a cow."
"Sara!" Rob peeked in, saw Jack and smiled. "Hey Gordon."
"Hey."
"Um, your parents want to take some pictures." Sara shrugged and offered her empty wine glass. Jack filled it and held out his hand. Sara took it and they wandered outside to many cheers and cries of "Ma!" from the little girl.
By midnight, the crowd had dispersed but for Jack, Blake and Rob. Sara sat, feet tucked up under her as Blake held the sleeping toddler. Jack sat next to her. When he'd put a hand on her leg at one point for emphasis, a quick thrill of desire shot through her. How the hell did he do that?
She leaned away, catching Blake's eye. He winked. She frowned.
"Okay, I'm done." Rob stood and stretched. "Gordon, behave yourself." Jack stood and shook his hand. Sara watched them, a sudden compelling need to make them stay rushed through her, but she sat, accepted Blake's and Rob's kisses, and watched Jack show them to the door. He returned, a fresh glass of wine in hand.
"So," Sara refused to look at him as he spoke. Finally alone with him, the last two years of sleep-deprived chaos, and a distinct lack of male company, was making her a little dizzy. "I have a proposal for you."
She kept silent but the "yes" was on her lips, if he would only ask.
"Sara," he began, sitting in one of the large leather chairs opposite her, contemplating his wine glass. "Would you do me the honor of..."
She looked at him, but his gaze remained flat, non-committal. "What? Spit it out already."
"…Of taking on the management role at the downtown Stewart Realty Office."
"Uh, what?"
"You know I haven't been able to replace whatshername. The place has been in total chaos for nearly a year now."
Sara sipped and watched him, willing herself to stay seated.
"Not what I was expecting."
Jack raised an eyebrow, which sent a chill down Sara's spine. Had she truly lost him? Whose fault is that Sara? You pushed him away. Insisted on your independence. Get a grip. She unfolded her legs from underneath her and propped them on the glass-topped coffee table.
He kept his gaze trained on her as he spoke. "I got your message finally. You should be proud."
"I'm not." She tried not to pout too obviously.
"So, about that proposal…"
Sara patted the couch next to her. "Come back over here. I think better when you're closer."
He sank onto the couch, draping an arm around her. She snuggled in close, forcing out all the guilt over how her need to do this thing as a mom "on her own" had affected so many lives. "Okay, I'm here. Well?" She closed her eyes when she felt his lips touch her hair.
She put a hand on his thigh, relishing the familiar musculature beneath his jeans. He shifted a little. "Listen, Sara, I don't know where your head is right now but…whoa…" Sara heaved herself up onto his lap, straddling him, her face inches from his. She bit back tears. Jack clutched her hips but didn't speak. "Okay if you insist." He cupped the back of her neck and pulled her in for kiss that started slow, easy, intimate, before turning into something much more as she pressed down against his hardening zipper. The room dimmed around her. A bright nugget of need blossomed in her core, making her gasp as Jack started getting serious with his kiss.
She threaded her hands in his hair, sucked in huge breaths of him, ran her tongue across the rough rasp of his jaw, down his neck. "God, Jack, I miss you."
"Don't ruin this by talking," he growled in her ear, yanking up her t-shirt and flipping open her bra in one motion. He cupped a breast, holding it reverently almost, before lowering his lips to her nipple. The second he touched her, started lapping around the stiffened peak, she groaned and felt moisture flood her panties.
"Oh my God, I think I just came." He laughed into her flesh and gripped her ass with his other hand. The sensation of his erection against her brought fresh moans to her lips. "Do it again," she whispered.
"Sure you want to go here, Sara?" His eyes were like a midnight sky just as she remembered. "Because I'm not inclined to fuck and run," he groaned as she reached down to unzip him, fisting his hard flesh. "A fuck would be nice…Jesus!" He flipped them around so fast Sara squealed, putting a hand over her mouth as he dove back down to her nipples, caressing, sucking, licking, making her back arch, her entire body throb with need. She sensed his cock, near her, the pulse of their years' long connection swirling around them, making her head spin as he kissed her and kissed her.
"I need this. So much," she muttered into his lips. He started to pull away but she gripped his face. "I need you, Jack. Please. I..."
"Say it," he growled, jaw clenching. She shifted her hips, tilted them so she could feel his flesh against hers. Tears stung the back of her eyes as he lifted up and away from her, his hand on the amazing shaft that she wanted inside her. She reached up and yanked him back down, her lips near his ear.
"I'm sorry. I miss you. I need you." He groaned and pressed into her, penetrating her in one long, smooth stroke. "God!" she cried out, wrapped her legs around him, met his every thrust, needing to feel every inch of his body against her, inside her.
"Sara," he whispered; his exhalations against her lips. "Look at me." She stared at him, the hard reality of their inevitable physical connection ramping up, making them both breathless. "I love you." He closed his eyes, thrust hard, shuddered, and came just as the world exploded behind her eyes. Her body clenched and pulsed with orgasmic energy. They continued moving together a few more minutes. When guilt rushed in to fill the void in her chest she shoved it back, sighed and kissed him, slow and easy. He slipped from her body, and sat, gasping. "Damn. I've lost my touch. What was that, five seconds?"
"No, you haven't." She stretched and put her feet on his thigh.
"Mommy?" Jack stood, yanking up his jeans and tossing a blanket over Sara's nude form. She jumped up, keeping it wrapped around her. The girl stood, ratty stuffed animal clutched in one hand, tears in her eyes, "Bad dweam." Then she started wailing in earnest. Sara scooped her up, making soothing noises, got her a glass of water and tucked her back in, ignoring the girl's cries for "Bwake," reminding her that Uncle Blake had gone home to his house. She sighed and tugged on a pair of old jeans and a t-shirt. Regret heavy in her. She should not have done that. She and Jack had no business rekindling anything.
"Hey," He stood in the door, redressed, looking so devastatingly perfect she nearly cried. "Everything okay?" He eyed the sleeping girl as if staring at circus sideshow. Anger zinged through her. It was almost a relief – gave her an excuse.
"Yeah. Let's go back out." He followed her. A strange new awkwardness between them made her gut roll. "Look, Jack, I'm sorry. I shouldn't have…" She ran a hand through her hair, grabbed some water.
"Yea
h, I agree." She shut her eyes, forgetting how much she counted on him to talk her out of it. His agreeing with her wasn't what she wanted. She gripped the edge of the sink.
Stop it Sara, she admonished herself. Grow up! You are a parent now. Stop acting like a horny teenager.
He sighed, and put a hand on her shoulder.
"Then go." She didn't turn around as she spoke. "We got our itches scratched. No more, no less. Thanks." His grip tightened so she faced him. Holding back the compulsion that screamed in her ear to hold him, keep him, let him be what he wanted to be for her, she swallowed hard and smiled.
He blinked, took his hands off her, and left without a word. The water glass made a satisfying crash onto the hardwood floor.
"Mommy!" the voice called again and Sara trudged back to her room, "sorry" on her lips.
Chapter Ten
Two Years Later
Blake looked up from the spreadsheets on his laptop when Rob tossed his keys on the counter. Smiling, he accepted a kiss and then bent back to the work at hand.
"I have a surprise for you." Rob stated, after pouring a giant glass of orange juice.
"Hmm?" Blake didn't really pay attention at first. He frowned when Rob snapped his laptop shut practically on his fingers. "Hey. I'm working here."
"I said, I have a surprise for you." Blake leaned back, admired the tall, handsome blonde man with whom he shared his life and business. Rob flipped Blake's computer back open, punched a few keys, and turned it back around to face him. A tropical paradise, complete with private villas perched out over turquoise-blue water met his gaze.
"Nice."
"Yes, it will be. Your passport is up to date, right?" Blake frowned at him.
"I don't know what you're talking about Rob. I can't go anywhere right now."
"Why not," Rob rubbed his shoulders, easing out tension with every stroke.
"Well, for starters I just hired a new brewer and I don't think he has a good handle on things. Oh yes, right there." He leaned back into Rob's body let the man work the stress out of him. "And Katie needs…" Blake's chair nearly toppled backwards at the sudden absence of anyone behind it. "What?"