by Liz Crowe
Katie had climbed up into Jack's lap and fallen asleep, draped over his shoulder. He kept a hand on her back; the other gripped a glass of bourbon. Sara shot him a look from behind her father's chair, with what she hoped was a clear, "Don't engage. It's not worth it," message.
He grinned and winked at her. "Yeah, maybe. But a damn good time. Glad you could make it Matt." Sara blew him a kiss and let her eyes linger on his.
Julie's question ghosted through her brain. She'd confided in her friend last week. Told her she'd been determined to win him back. To convince him she was serious about them as a couple, the three of them as a family. Julie had made a fairly radical suggestion. Sara gulped, thinking of the small package she had hidden in her bedside table for later. But the surprise arrival of Craig had thrown her off. Just as she was thinking of him, he put an arm around her waist and kissed her cheek.
She smiled and turned to him. "You look great. I like this," she ran her finger down his jaw. "Sexy and rugged. Congrats on the ER thing, really."
"I always planned to come back here. I hadn't figured out how but…" he shrugged and took a drink of his beer. They stood, watching Blake and Rob relax together in her hammock. "Those two okay?"
She leaned into him. "Yeah, thank God. They're even talking about adopting, but Blake doesn't want to." Sara relished Craig's way of putting her at ease no matter what.
"Really, I'd think he would be the one advocating for it. He's always been so great with Katie."
"Yeah, he wants a biological child using a surrogate."
"Ah. Complicated."
"Yeah, it's brought out some ugliness. But, in an even more bizarre twist, Rob told me he thought they should take it even one more step. Find a woman to share their lives."
"I understand you can get those on the internet." His voice was serious. She looked up at his twinkling brown eyes and her heart did a little dance in her chest.
She punched his shoulder. "Be nice."
He laughed and pulled her into an embrace. "It's so good to see you. To see her. She's amazing. You've….you and Jack…have done a great job."
Sara sucked in a deep breath, keeping her nose buried in his shirtfront. "Thanks. But it's likely more him than me."
She looked up at him, keeping her hands clasped behind his waist. The eyes of the patio were on them, she knew but she didn't care. He touched her cheek.
"I asked Suzanne to marry me today." Sara started, released him and ran her hand up her suddenly chilled arm.
"Oh. Well, double congratulations."
She tried to force down the irrational jealousy that poked her consciousness. You let him go Sara. Can't blame him for moving on. But with Suzanne? She closed her eyes.
"She said no." Her eyes flew open. She tried to gauge his state of mind but his face stayed neutral. "Told me I had to get you out of my system first. Said she wouldn't play understudy." He sighed and Sara realized how tired he looked. She put a hand on his arm.
"I've managed to screw up your life, haven't I?" Rob and Blake interrupted before he had a chance to respond, walking up and taking over the conversation with Craig. "Excuse me," she stepped back, "I need to…" she let the words fade as she escaped, already questioning her decision about tonight.
Chapter Eighteen
"Dear God I feel like I've been beaten up by a biker gang." Jack groaned from the living room. All the guests had finally dispersed, and Katie was passed out in her bed. Sara puttered around in the kitchen, nervous energy making her heart fluttery. Visions of Craig, images of his face when he saw how Katie had changed and seemed to be morphing into a blend of him and her, and his words, "She said no," clanged around in her brain.
"Yo, bring me some alcohol, quick." His deep voice seared her nerve endings. She poured them each a glass of wine, pictured the small flat box she had tucked into the side table drawer. It calmed her. The long conversations she'd had with Julie, about that woman's decision to bind herself to Evan this way first, before they married, had made a huge impact. Sara hoped she could convince Jack she meant this. They had an awful lot of bullshit behind them.
Her living room was her oasis. Clean, neutral walls, mostly cream and brown furnishings; she'd discovered that sitting there soothed her with its simplicity. Jack sat on her soft white rug, legs sprawled out, head leaning back on the couch seat. He still managed to be breathtaking, even with a sprinkling of grey in his thick hair.
She joined him, clinked glasses.
"Nice party, Sara. Well done."
"You'd think it would be easy to impress a bunch of seven-year-olds. I assure you it is not." She laughed and sipped, keeping her eyes averted, still wondering if this whole scenario she'd set up would be a huge mistake.
He kept an arm draped around her shoulder, traced circles on her bare shoulder with a finger while he sipped. "Good to see Craig. Seems he's gonna be a more permanent fixture around here…again."
"Yeah." She wondered how her life could get so complicated just as she'd finally decided what she wanted. Jack. She had to do it before she backed out. Jaw set, she stood.
"Where ya going baby?" He tugged her back down, pressed her back onto the thick rug. She looked up at him. He had his arms on either side of her and leaned down, brushing his lips against hers. "Stay." He whispered.
"Okay but I have," he cut her off with a kiss so fierce, so intense she moaned. His tongue swept into her mouth, lips firm against hers. He intoxicated her and brought her release all at once. She put her feet on the floor, needing to feel something solid, something to assure herself she hadn't floated away on a cloud of desire from the mere touch of his mouth on hers. She broke away.
"Wow. What was that for? Not that I'm complaining."
He grinned, making his eyes sparkle, in turn making her core begin its usual meltdown around him. He ran a finger down her face. The look in his eyes alarmed her – it contained regret, and very little hope.
She propped up on her elbows. "What? Really, Jack, why did you do that? We haven't touched each other in nearly two years. Why now?"
"Because you needed it."
She made a frustrated sound and looked away from him. He pushed her back onto the rug again, in one swift movement had her hands pinned over her head. She struggled against him. "Fuck you, Jack. Let me go." Her earlier resolve seemed to have vanished. Confusion flooded her brain. But her body thrummed, recognizing and loving his power over her. "Okay. If you insist." He possessed her mouth once more, ran a hand down her breast, flicked her nipple while keeping her wrists still under his grasp. She shifted, wrapped a leg around his waist. His need pressed against her body and she arched into it, her world once again a swirl of dark emotion – a darkness she let herself own, gladly and willingly.
The hand slipped inside her shorts, reached her sex, pressed against it. Sara sighed. "You take orders very well," she whispered into his neck as her long-neglected body fielded its first true release since…well, since the last time she'd been with him. He pressed fingers high into her, making her bite down on a squeal of pleasure. "May I? Please?"
He stopped, still as a stone, lips hovering over hers. His tongue flicked out, touched her lips. "Yes." The one simple word, whispered deep in his throat, made her ears go quiet, shut out all sensation but his lips and fingers. Her whole body seemed to lift up and off the floor. Tears stung her eyes as her heart filled with a pure bright sensation and her hands and feet went numb. "That's it baby. Give it to me. All of it. " He kept up the monologue, anchoring her as his fingers stoked her G-spot over and over making her quiver, moan, want more.
"Give me your heart Sara, please," he nuzzled her neck. "I'll take care of it for you I promise." She gasped, groaned when he released her wrists and threaded his long fingers through hers. "I love you." He tugged her shorts down and off, released his cock and lunged up between her legs, entering her body and soul with one long thrust.
Wrapping both legs around his waist she held him still, looked in his eyes as he moved his hips, reachin
g up high. She tightened all her muscles. "Kiss me."
He did, using his tongue and cock to fill her, give her what she needed, until he tilted his hips, grunted and filled her, leaving them both gasping for breath and spent. She sighed, stretched beneath him, traced his lips with her tongue. "You'll take care of my heart, eh?" He groaned, slipped out of her and collapsed on the rug.
"I will. Although I guess you can call me the goddamned fifteen-second man, sorry. Jesus." He ran a shaking hand over his face. She grinned and went up on an elbow. "You know how to make a man pent up."
"I didn't do that. You did. You cannot tell me there isn't a line of women at your door willing to take your edge off." She stood, tugged her shorts back on and grabbed her wine. "Whatever, I'm kidding. I have something for you actually. In my room. Give me a sec." She strode down the back hallway, pulled the large, flat velvet box from the drawer and arranged herself on the bed. Unsure how exactly to present it, she sat up on her knees, box in front of her, hands folded and eyes cast down.
She heard him get a drink of water, then wander back. The gasp when she opened the box sounded serious. He took the few steps to her bed and shut it, fast, tossing it to the floor.
"No, Sara, you don't have to." He kissed her, hard. When he released he plucked the box from the floor, opened it and pulled the thin platinum choker from it, turning it in his hands. She swallowed hard.
"I thought, I mean... I wanted to make a statement you know, about how I feel."
"I know. I get it. I did the same thing about eight years ago, at a large sales meeting?" She looked away. "But this, while appreciated, is simply not necessary. I don't want you this way."
She stood, anger quickly replacing nervousness. "How exactly do you want me?"
"As an equal. I don't want there to be any confusion whatsoever about that."
"But... this isn't about equality, right? It's about trust. I'm trying to tell you Jack, I trust you. Trust you enough to wear this so the whole world knows." A whimper from upstairs made them both look up. Sara sighed as he kissed her nose.
"It's too much, too soon. Kinda like that first time I proposed, okay? We need to get our heads around all of this. You and me both." He made for the door now that the sounds materialized into a coherent cry for Uncle Jack.
"But…" she followed him out and stood at the steps, listening as he soothed, got her a drink of water and shut the door behind him. He took a seat on the bottom stair, tugged her down alongside him.
"You are not ready for that. Trust me. I wasn't ready for marriage then – you figured it out and saved us most likely an expensive divorce." She started to protest but he put a finger over her mouth. "I've done a shitload of soul searching on this. As hard as it is for me to admit, and as much as I love you, we still need time." She watched, incredulous, as the man, who'd begged her to marry him repeatedly, started for the front door after she'd offered him what she thought was something even deeper.
The door shut and she was alone. She sat, trying to process it, trying to will away the kneejerk reaction that resembled anger. He had a point. She turned his words over in her head; tried to find solace in some of it. Hope in others. She wanted nothing more than a life with him and was finally ready to admit it. She thought she'd done the right thing. But he'd…he'd rejected her.
She gasped and covered her mouth. It overtook her. Now, she knew how he felt all those time he'd asked her to marry him and she'd blown him off, casual and breezy.
The crystal vase made a very satisfying crash against the wall. The water and ruined flowers soaked the drywall, but didn't stop pounding in her head repeating the words "as much as I love you" over and over again.
Julie answered right away. "How did it go?" Sara could hear the girls fussing in the background.
"Not well."
"What? Hang on a sec. Evan! Can you please…thanks. Now, seriously Sara, what did he say?"
"He doesn't want it. He wants a partnership. Says I'm not ready for that step. Shit I don't know anymore. Maybe it isn't meant to be." The thought of that made her nearly choke on unhappiness.
Jack sat in his car, forehead pressed to his steering wheel for a solid five minutes, trying to catch his breath. He sat up, gripped the steering wheel and touched the phone icon, grinding out "Call Evan" clearly enough for the device to obey.
"Yo, what's up?" His friend's voice soothed him. Sounds of babbling in the background made him smile.
"Hey. I just needed somebody to tell me I did the right thing just now."
"Again with the PMS. Hang on a second." He could hear his friend talking to his wife, her sounds of agreement the double voices of their twins hollering for "Daddy" while he left the room.
"Sorry," he mumbled when Evan returned.
"Dude, I needed a break, no worries. I'm hiding in my man cave as we speak, holding a double scotch and fondling a cigar. Spill it."
"She tried to…she had a collar. I flipped out." He put his head back against the wheel, his brain spinning.
"You didn't, did you? I mean, that's a step you guys are definitely not ready for."
"I know but I have to ask you – why do you think so? It's what I want, ultimately, with or without the actual jewelry. Why did I tell her no? Jesus."
"Because, it's not right. Not yet. Not if you don't feel it. Although sometimes I wonder about you guys. You'll be fucking sixty years old before you both give in and acknowledge what everybody around you already does."
"Except for her father of course. And that damn kid who could have..." Evan cut him off.
"Stop it. You're doing the right thing Jack. Stay strong. Now, I gotta get back to my estrogen Rockettes before Julie runs screaming into the night."
"Thanks man. And tell Julie if she needs to, my door is always open."
"Yeah, as if she'd take your sorry ass after having my magnificence."
"Oh, well, I guess I'll let her tell you."
"Fuck you Gordon."
"Julie? Anytime. Talk soon."
Chapter Nineteen
Sara let the warm breeze still kicking up over Lake Michigan soothe her rattled psyche. The perfect quiet moment allowed her to reflect and hone in on why she still ached for Jack even though she still saw him nearly every day, talked to him most nights, and exchanged Katie regularly. She knew why – it was not enough.
The end of September rolled around and Blake hosted his usual family get together out at the cabin. Sara had never looked forward to it more. Her parents stayed at their own place, two houses down the beach, but met them for lunch and dinner every day. She'd nearly missed the whole thing thanks to a lawsuit that another brokerage had threatened her office with, but Jack had convinced her to get away. He'd said he'd even be up for a day or so himself.
Katie splashed in the cool water of the lake. Rob stood and watched, then kicked her obnoxious pink soccer ball up and down the beach with her, while Blake made their evening meal. Craig was due to arrive tonight and Sara could not sort out how she felt about that.
She'd stopped by Suzanne's bar once, hoping to clear the air, but the woman had been too busy to talk, or unwilling to engage with her, one or the other. Whatever hold she still had over Craig, or whatever feelings he still had for her, they would get past it. Craig deserved happiness, even if she herself could not manage to pin her own down with the man who held it in his hand.
A cold bottle pressed to her bare shoulder, making her jump. Craig smiled down at her and handed her one, dropping into the chair next to her with a groan. "Christ I am shattered."
"I'm sure. You thought real estate was stressful?"
He chuckled. "Yeah, I do love it though, I won't kid you."
"Uncle Craig!" Katie came running up and fell on him.
"Katie!" Sara tried to pull her off. "Don't get him all wet and sandy."
"I don't care," he declared, burying his nose in her hair. She sat up and filled him in on every aspect of her life in about ten minutes, talking a hundred miles a minute as usual. Sara
shut it out and sipped her beer, watching Rob kick the soccer ball around. Katie leapt up and joined him, ducking between his long legs to steal the ball and dribble it away, down the beach. Craig sighed and stretched out on the lounge chair.
"I heard you tried to talk to Suzanne."
She continued to ponder the lake. "Yes." She couldn't think of anything else to say. "Are you guys, um...?"
"No. I took her at her word. I've been working like mad, picking up extra shifts as the low man on the practice totem pole; not worth more than collapsing on the couch after. But…" He took a drink of his beer. "I would, if she'd let me."
"I'm sorry."
"Why? It's not your fault, it's mine. C'mon, Blake told me to bring you guys up for dinner." He hauled her to her feet, holding her hand all the way up the long steps from the beach.
Craig held her hand later, again, as they walked down the beach. The silence stretched between them but in a comfortable way. When they spoke, it was of innocuous things. His chest ached with longing. Finally he stopped, pulled her close. "I missed you so much," he ran a finger down her face. "Can I kiss you?"
She nodded, and without a word, their connection exploded around them, making them gasp and clutch at each other. He groaned and tugged her down to the sand, pulling the batik wrap she had over her bikini off and spreading it beneath them. His cock punched the back of his zipper at the taste of her lips, the feel of her skin against his. He ran his tongue down her neck, found her nipples, making her back arch.
She fumbled around and unzipped him, need making them both clumsy. He hummed in his throat at the feel of her hand on him, the sweet press of her mound against his hand. "Craig," she whispered. "Please, I need…I need…" She broke away, letting go of his cock. Sensing something wrong, he slowed, let his touch linger, tried to revive it for her. But she moved away from him.
"No. Stop. I can't. This is... wrong, I'm using you again and ruining your life in the process. Christ." She sat up, putting her elbows on her knees. "Go to her Craig. Tell her you love her. I know you do. You deserve happiness." He leaned back and watched her. The ache remained, but for someone else. Running a hand up her sleek bare leg, he sighed.